Ever since I was born, I was just not a common girl but believe me, I wasn’t and I am not an abnormal girl as well…. Or I doubt, was it that I wanted to be named as normal even though I was not…? I could still recall my memory, how my beloved father used to say to me how was it my first moment of seeing the lights of this world when my mom gave the birth to me.
‘Jina! You were a really angelic baby girl who was with a scary birthmark’
When my mom passed away just after giving the life to me, my dad was my only savior and my hero. Until I grew up to elementary school, he used to check my birthmark once a week. I could still remember the scary look of his face, at every time he looked at it. I always thought that he knew something more than me, but I was not that much curious to dig… It maybe I was just a small kid who loved to play just like others but not to explore…
‘Jina! You should never take off your clothes in front of anyone. And, you must wear full clothes without revealing your belly and your chest ever’
His words were still repeating in my ears though I am a college student right now. From the day, I got used to those instructions of my beloved father, without a second thought, I used to follow them because I was scared to look at his scary face when he checked my birthmark every time when I was a little kid.
“Jina!!!!!!!!! You are getting late honey” I heard his gentle voice.
“I am coming dad”
I ran towards the down floor knowing my beloved dad was waiting for me to have the breakfast with me. Just before I sat opposite to him, I noticed the depressed look in his old eyes which were tend towards me.
“Dad! What’s wrong?” I asked taking the bottle of jam with a slice of bread in my hand.
“Jina! Don’t you have any clothes to wear? Are you out of your pocket money? Should I buy you some tops and jeans?”
I was not surprised, instead of that I threw a smile at him winking my playful eye to him and continue to have my breakfast. I knew my clothes were so old fashioned. My trouser was not even a pair of jean or denim, it was just ash colour cotton hanging old trouser and my T shirt was a brown colour baggy long one which was hanging down to my thighs.
“Dad! This is good enough for me. You know, I am not interested in fashion” I said while eating the second slice of bread in my plate... I loved strawberry jam so much. How much I ate it I never got tired of it…
“Jina! This is not the way how twenty years old, college girl should wear” I heard he was mumbling but I continued to eat my jam chopped slices of bread eagerly.
“Dad! I think I am getting late. I need to go” pressing the last piece of bread in to my mouth hurriedly with a quick smile, I leaned forward to him and kissed his old cheek with a smile. I heard he sighed then.
“Bye Dad! See you at night” I said while running towards the door thinking that he would return home tonight after his work.
“Jina!” I stopped at the door step.
“Today is my night shift honey” he said with a blank face.
“Oh! I forgot it. Ok then…See you tomorrow Dad!”
I flew away from house at the next minute and ran towards the bus stop. If I miss this bus, then I would be punished for late arrival at the college again. I was not a clumsy college student but because of my lack of punctuality I caught for punishments mostly.
A sudden circular pain in my belly! ‘What is this?’ I thought faintly waiting for the next bus to catch. Lightly I touched my stomach and my fingers touched my birthmark unknowingly. A tune of light sensation, just felt through my body.
‘What is happening?’
I asked from myself wondering in my thoughts. This was not the first time I experienced that kind of un-comfort. For last few days, time to time I was sensing something in my lower abdomen which was like a little pain but when I touched the area from my fingers I sensed the same tune of desired circular sensation through my body.
Seconds were passing and it was gone…
‘What the hell was happening in me?’
Finding the last corner seat of the bus was my first goal of everyday. I used to lose my hair always but it was not for girly fashion because I had things to hide from others. The baggy clothes I wore which my dad was often depressed about were in fact not my fault… it was because I have born like that…. In my body, I had secrets…The secrets which myself and only my dad knew from my birth…Instead of tend to fashions, I used to protect my body without letting others to see them for not labeling as ‘abnormal’ or ‘weird’ ever...
I often think about myself lonely. Am I really an unusual or strange creature? Mostly the love interest which every girl feels at our age was not in my buckle list ever. Or was it because no any boys have made interest over me? No……...That can’t be… I am not an ugly girl after all… I am beautiful in my own way, I believe it… But thinking of those I am not sure what it was…
Shame to say even though I am twenty old years college student, I didn’t have a permanent friend so far. When I change the classes by period to period, the next person of me became my friend for the particular class…But actually it was not the friendship but taking the advantages from me, because I was one of best student in my every class. People wanted to get along with me when they needed to concentrate over studies or borrowing my notes, other than that, there were no one for me in the entire school.
I cannot deny, sometimes I felt the loneliness so badly which I couldn’t identify exactly what it was and that was the time I used to get afraid of myself severely, because my fingers used to run through my birthmark without considering wherever I was. That was one of a reason I used to occupy myself reading books and studying all the time. Like other girls, I was not used to go out with guys at my age but just living alone in my room or in a library all the day… Now I knew, it was because I didn’t have any interest for guys attracting as the opposite sexual party… Am I weird?
Studying in the college was not a difficult thing to me ever. From my elementary school, I was a bright student. When I was growing up year by year, it was proven. But I was not a student who participated for extracurricular activities. Especially, I used to deny going among the people and associating them because I had things to hide from the society.
A sudden pain again was felt in my lower abdomen and I hurriedly touched my tummy. This time the pain was bit unusual than before. I noticed it severely. The passenger who was next to me was an old woman who was staring at me blankly noticing my change.
“Are you alright?” she asked curiously with her strange old face.
I just remembered something…Just remembered that it’s possible to happen these days. I recalled doctor Mrs. Dean’s words suddenly. I hurriedly stood up from the seat and pressed the bell of the bus few times. I have travelled half of the way to college but the pain was growing to the point my mind has already identified that I must go back to home.
I got down and walked towards the passenger crossing holding my tummy.
‘Jina! It has been ten years. At any moment, it would start again. Be in alert’ I memorized Mrs. Dean’s words by heart.
One day, when I was a little girl who knew nothing, I remembered how my father bought Dr. Dean to our house and asked me to listen to her. And for one or two weeks, I was away from home and stayed at Doctor’s house at that time. I was bleeding from my vagina and it was so painful to me. I could faintly remember how doctor made me practiced to use sanitary pads on those days.
‘Jina! You are an adult now. You must take care of you. Do not let strangers to get closer to you, especially males’
I remember how I nodded my head to Dr. Dean who was one of my father’s old friends. Actually, she was one of friends of my deceased mother. When my father was away from home for days, he used to hand over me to Dr. Dean’s house. She was so nice to me from the start.
Strangely, it was the first and last time I had my menses in the entire life of twenty years. I was so excited back then and waited all the time because it was a new thing to me. But it didn’t happen after that. I had so many checkups under the supervision of Dr. Dean when I passed the age of fifteen, five years back but there was nothing wrong in my system but still I didn’t have my menses as other girls do.
But instead of having my menses, there was a huge change in me. It was my birthmark. My birthmark was not just a small black dot or just a tiny scar under my navel. It was like one of a large country in the world map. I used to measure it while standing in front of my mirror and that was the most curious and happening thing I used to get to know… It was growing…...
My mark, when I was a little child, it was just a small scar which was light brown. The shape of it was just a small circle. But after my menses happened at the age of ten, I found it was slowly growing and keep changing the colour.
Right now, I am twenty years old and it has grown up to the size of approximately an average egg and it was in shape of Asia continent in the world map and by now it’s not the light brown, but the dark Merun colour. I have not gone for any checkups for last three years for not having my menses because when I was growing up, I was so embarrassed to show my birthmark to anyone because it was weird even to my eyes.
But strangely, so far, I didn’t have any impact of touching it…But always when I was alone, my baby finger used to run to it unknowingly and that was the only impact and embarrassment I have found out with my mark.
But, these days, this pain, this un-comfort was so extraordinary to me…Especially today...at this moment….
While holding my tummy, waiting at the passenger crossing, I sensed my baby finger was running through my birthmark which was just before my groin and below my navel over my T-shirt. Even with the pain in my tummy, I felt a tiny sensation more than before through my underbelly when my pinky was pressing there which was the first time of my life I felt, I swear.
I waited till the colour of traffic lights got changed but my tummy was aching and the pain was growing when my entire body was shivering bit by bit. I noticed few people who were in the waiting list of the crossing were staring at me strangely. The sun was too cruel for me. I was sweating heavily.
‘If someone would hold an umbrella to me!!!’
I wished while bending half when it was aching a lot.
Oh God! I just became aware of what I was doing. They were looking at my pinky which was running over my T-shirt in my groin area while I was holding my stomach with other fingers. With the shame, turning away from them, I took away my hand from my body and caught the pole of the traffic lights with much of difficulties.
Then………. I sensed a shelter to my head suddenly with a scent of gent’s perfume next to me. My eyes tend towards the person behind me holding an umbrella for both of us.
Even with my pain, I could see the handsome angelic face of him. His eye brows were so black and neat. The face was like an angel, pale tall but handsome. His lips were like someone has crafted…Even though I am girl, I didn’t have such a beautiful out appearance. The outfit was a jet black open coat, white shirt with black trousers which was highlighting his handsome tall figure.
I said staring at those angelic eyes and he nodded his head without a smile. I crossed the road noticing the shelter over my head was his umbrella. Time to time passing grateful smiles; I walked to the bus stop weakly while holding my waist.
‘Will it be so painful since it is my first time after ten years?’
I forgot him with my pain… I got in to the bus to go home as soon as quickly. Holding my tummy, I tried to walked through the passengers but the bus was fully crowded. I was not that much tall girl who was able to hold the top pole of the bus. It was like I was being squeezed by the passengers just standing in the mid line of the small private bus.
The man next to me was a middle age man and for my secret eye, I could notice that he was staring at me so eagerly. When the travelling was hard like this, it was a great chance for perverts who were waiting for a chance to abuse young girls. Even before finishing that thought, I felt he was trying to touch my hand which was on my belly. I stared at him frowning to him but as usual he didn’t care. Making me scared a lot and sweating with the pain, his fingers were started to run through my groin area where I was so confused and helpless for what to do…
It’s a shame, but I was not a courageous girl who shouts at people in public. Even I was hurt and anger, I didn’t have that much courage to shout at perverts or wrong doers. I always curse my personality and today was the same. Like a fish out of water, I was trying to move here and there when the pervert’s fingers were touching my birthmark unknowingly over my clothes. I was sure, my face was like about to cry…. I hit his hand and hurriedly covered my mark from my hands where my fingers touched it tightly.
‘Please…. please…...someone would help me… please….’
I wished and wished…when the counted tears were bursting out from my eyes. Though I didn’t feel anything through the touch of the pervert in my birthmark as I felt with my own touch at the crossing, I was overly exhausted mentally with the abuse and physically with the pain.
“Excuse me!!! Please Excuse me”
I heard a male voice at once. Rising my head, I looked through the pervert noticing he was offing from me and caught those angelic eyes were in front of me again. I just looked at him curiously.
“You don’t look so well”
I heard he said to me with blankly expressions while noticing my hand in my tummy and heavy sweats in my face. My eyes were getting blur bit by bit while looking at him. It was like that I was not able to bear the growing pain in my abdomen further.
I faintly remembered the safe hands wrapped around my waist when my head fell over to the chest of the person who was just in front of me...
‘Can’t we have each other in our arms? Can’t we live just like every couple does? Can’t we love each other?’
The features of the face which was before me was not clear to me. I could notice that there was someone next to me in my bed room but it was not perfectly visible to me.
‘Why don’t you answer me? I also want to feel my life just like other girls. I also want to live and feel the warmth of my guy…. Can’t I do that? Why don’t you answer me?’
I asked again from the same person but he was silent. Neither I could see the emotions of his face nor hear a word from him. My hands caught his broad arms when my patience was losing severely.
‘Answer me……. now’
I shouted while crying…I cried helplessly…. I cried hugging the person next to me……. I cried blotting my tears in to his chest………
My consciousness was losing now……I was exhausted……And I was tired totally……… My eyes were closing and my perception was releasing from me bit by bit….
I opened my eyes………The white ceiling was there………top of my eyes…. The ceiling fan has switched on and just noticed that I was on a bed… I turned my head side…. I was on my own bed……... I touched my head and my body…. Just realized that it was the same dream………. It was the same dream I used to see time to time……. ‘Oh shit!’
I weakly sat on my bed…. Even my blanket was neatly covered my body………I tried to find my memories………...What happened?
’Oh! I was in the bus!
That was the first thing I remembered. I knew I was about to faint in the bus…. And there was a person next to me… He was the same person who held the umbrella to me at the crossing… And he was the one who rescued me from the pervert… I was hundred percent sure that he was the one who held me when I fainted….
Now I am in my bed……...In my own bed… under my blanket…. Feeling the cool air of the ceiling fan of my room………
‘What is going on?’
The pain I had in the bus……...it was no more there… I touched my stomach……and tried to feel the pain but nothing was there…...
I jumped out from the bed…...and walked to the bathroom hurriedly. I wanted to check something…… Has it happened? Has it happened after 10 years?
‘No………it has not………’
I walked back to my room and sat on my bed with bit of sorrow... Tried to remember what happened to me…. But everything was blank……. I put on my bag again and thought to go to college…. I was totally confused but there was no one for me to speak things…. Everything has to be buried within me.
I stopped my feet at the door step with the familiar female voice. Aunty Clare was hurriedly coming to me. Her fatty body was swindling when her feet were running fast. She was our neighbor.
“Are you alright?” she stopped at me and asked. I just sensed that she knew something.
“I am alright now. Thank you” I said politely.
“I was so scared to see you in that condition”
“In which condition?” I was totally curious specially seeing her weird expressions.
“You don’t remember?”
“Oh really! It’s really strange” she said trying to dig something in my face.
“I was bit unwell while going to school and I remember I fainted in the bus. After that I don’t have any clue” I said expecting further explanation from her.
“Jina! You were carried to home. He was like an angel. Seem to be he was just in your age...But I have never seen such a handsome face ever”
“I was carried?”
“Yes…You know, at this time every day I am in my little garden serving to my baby plants…. It happened to me to see you in such a condition today. Didn’t you lock the house before you leave? I thought your dad is in home that’s why I didn’t interfere”
I was wondering now. I was totally in a strange mind and weird thoughts. Numerous questions were running in my head.
“Can you tell me what time it was?” Sensing some point where I can find the rest of the confusion I asked.
“It was around eight o’clock. I must be sure. Because I came to my garden when my wall clock rings exactly at eight. But I wonder how he knew your address if he was someone you don’t know…” My face must have been emotionless at that point. Because that can’t be……… That never can’t be……
“Thanks. Maybe I have instructed him the details” I said trying to be calm.
“I need to go now Aunty. At least I can catch up the next lesson of I go now” I said trying to smile again.
“Ahh Yes… You better go”
“Do not let my Dad to know because I am alright already. He would get worried so much” I said finally noticing her acceptance.
I walked to the bus stop for the second time of the day. Luckily, I could catch a bus immediately. Sitting in the corner of last seat I let my thoughts to split.
‘It was around eight o’clock. I must be sure.’
I was sure that I got in to the bus to return home around 7.55 am because I got down from the bus when I was sick around 7.45 am because that was the last bus I always catch to go to school and there cannot be any mistakes in time predictions because it was my daily running.
However, from the spot where I got in to the bus and to get down near my house, at least it would take 20 minutes even the bus travelled its maximum speed. But returning to home, within 5 minutes….!!! No, that can’t be possible ever………... May be sometimes, Aunty Clare has gotten wrong………...hasn’t she?
And who was that person? Is he the same guy helped me? He must be……. The out appearance of him which was explained by Mrs. Clare resembled him so much…. If he has bought me home, then why didn’t he wait till I get my consciousness? And more than everything, how he would know the address of my house? How a stranger would know where I live? I am so sure that I don’t know him…
Importantly, what happened to my body? What about the pain which was crushing me? I thought my menses would happen today with the huge pain I felt… but nothing!!!!!!! What’s happening?
Believe me! I was totally out of my mind right then… I was never in a confusion like that even when I found about my story of the birthmark… This was like a mystery………. Things happening with a stranger without my concern and I’m here, just wondering like a stupid…. Is this really me?
I got down from the bus… The college premises were so quiet and calm…I ran through the corridors and entered to my class.
“Excuse me” I said looking at Mr. James who was the teacher of the science class.
“Jina! You are so late. Do you have any excuse?” He was nice to me ever because I was the student who gets best marks for his subject.
“I am sorry, I was little sick today” I said noticing the eyes of the students eagerly.
“Go and sit” I heard Mr. James’s voice. It was a relief it settled without questions more.
I always preferred last seat. Not only in the bus, even in the classroom, I always wanted to sit in the last corner seat. It gave me a peace in my mind learning while looking at the entire class. But seem to be, my seat has stolen by someone today who was covering the face totally from a book…
“Jina!” I stopped my feet with Mr. James’s rough voice again just before I found my seat in the last row.
“I would recommend you to lend a hand to our new student”
“Huh!” I gasped and my eyes tend towards Mr. James.
“Zen! She will assist you” I heard the sound of pulling back a chair behind. Passing my gaze from Mr. James, I caught the image of the person who was there in my stolen regular seat already.
‘Holy God!!!!!!!!!!!’ I heard my unexpressed words were screaming within me.
“Thank you, sir,”
It was the same voice and it was the same out appearance. It was the face I was searching everywhere while travelling to college. Only the difference was this guy wore spectacles and had a cool hair style. Now I noticed, his clothes were too dissimilar to the clothes which worn by the person who appeared in the morning. Apart from that, for my surprise, there was no any change.
“Jina!!!” Falling in to the ordinary world, I heard Mr. James’ words again. Maybe I was staring at the new guy so long than it should have been while wondering in my own thoughts and memories.
“Huh!!!” I turned towards Mr. James and noticed all the students were laughing at me. They must have thought that I have glued to the handsome face of this guy.
“Take your seat and turn your books now” With a shy and embarrassed expressions, I sat next to the new guy hiding my embarrassed face from him. Stupid me!
The class was going on as usual. Instead of noticing that my fellow girls were looking at the new guy time to time and frowning to me at the same time, there was nothing extraordinary during the time. As observed, he was a silent person just like me. Throughout the class both of us were just staring at our books and at Mr. James but never at each other.
At the end of the class, I hurriedly collected my books and put them in to my bag and hang it over my neck and shoulder letting it fell through my body. For the next class, I needed to move to another location where I just noticed the gaze of the Stranger next to me first time today. I turned towards him.
“Sorry If I bother you. Can you please show me where the Art room is?”
He said with a polite manner. My eyes glued to him again. Maybe I have seen someone so similar to him. May be my memory has gotten wrong because I was extremely sick at that time. Those angelic eyes whom I met at the road must be someone else.
“Excuse me” I cursed to my thoughts once again embarrassing in front of him.
“Ahh! Yes… It’s the same class for me. Let’s go”
I said leading the way embarrassingly. I knew he was following me behind. Wasn’t I too much? I should have welcomed him and be friendly to him without being a jerk-ass to a new student showing my big head, even though that was not my intention. I stopped my feet and waited till he caught my steps.
“What is your name? Sorry, I didn’t pay attention when Mr. James introduced you at that time” I said with a pretended smile.
“I am Zen… Zen Leander” he said with a light smile in his lips. Wow!!!!!!! He has got a beautiful smile… It was my first thought when I saw his smile at first.
“I am Jina… Jina Michel” I shook my hand towards him. With his smiling eyes, he caught my hand softly. His hands were warm. I looked at his eyes through his spectacles. They were smiling with me but that smile was not unfamiliar to me for some reason…
“Please lead the way” I nodded my head and walked towards our next class with an unknown familiar feeling with him but in silence.
Somehow it was so familiar to my ears. I have heard my name from numerous people so far but this sounded so familiar to me…The way he called my name! I turned towards back and noticed he was stepping to me. Calmly I sat on the bus stop waiting for him to catch me.
“Are you too going the same way?” He sat next to me throwing a smile to me and nodding his head. His navy blue plain shirt with the neat pair of black trousers has given a massive handsome look.
“I want to ask something from you” I said bit turning towards him noticing his eyes through his spectacles.
“Anything” he smiled again.
“Have we met before?” I tried to dig his expressions to the point the answer would be ‘yes’ from his mouth. He remained few seconds in silence.
“I think, even though we don’t concentrate exactly, we meet hundreds of people per day” he said with his calm eyes.
“Maybe you are true”
“It must have been a misunderstanding of me” I said looking away from him in a defeated manner.
“Have you met someone like me before?”
When I thought of giving up the thought of my mysterious rescuer, I heard he asked like such. I looked at him. My inner thoughts were telling me that truly it was him but my brain was asking me not to be stupid anymore.
“No, I don’t think so. That cannot be. Just forget it” I smiled.
“Today is my first day in this town.”
“Mmmm… I see”
I murmured knowing that my brain was correct this time. A person who just arrived to the town never knows the area to drop someone home….
We got in to the bus and found an empty seat. Hurriedly I ran and caught the entire seat noticing other passengers were frowning to me for my childish behaviors. Zen sat next to me and smiled. He must have thought that I am really weird…
“I will pay”
I bought two tickets for both of us. Without a reason, I was extremely happy at the moment. I have never travelled with someone else next to me and I didn’t have anyone to chat like others do. I was happy maybe I have found a friend…. Wait a minute!!!!!! A friend!!!!!! How come? Am I crazy? It was only few hours I met him… And I am thinking him as a friend? I must be insane! Who knows, maybe, he too doesn’t want to have a friend like me… Who wants to have a friend who is with a messy out appearance? Specially a young handsome boy!
“Are you silent like this always?”
That only I came to my senses that we have travelled more than five bus stops already without single word.
“I used to be in this way. Sorry” I said with a light smile.
“Jina has no friends, right?” I stared.
“Do you want to be a friend of mine?” he asked with his nice smile looking at me. I was overly pleased with his words but my feminine pride was bit bigger than my need.
“I will think about it” I said with pretended tough face.
“Huh!!” he must have been surprised to hear such ignorance words from a girl like me. Then he smiled thinking that I was kidding. I remained looking at his nice smile. It was refreshing me unknowingly.
“By the way, how do you know that I have no friends?” I asked. Though I was not that much curious, I just felt like asking such. I was able to see his waved face for a second.
“I guessed. You were alone in the entire day” he said with calm expressions and threw a smile to me. I was satisfied and didn’t want to dig anymore.
“You have a unique necklace” Noticing the crystal pearl thin neck-chain which was hanging around his neck, I said with a smile. His eyes caught his own necklace and he touched it.
“Is it? Thanks” he said shortly.
“Yes, it’s really beautiful. The crystal pendent is something rare. I have not seen it anywhere”
He smiled to me with his eyes while looking at my smiling face. I just observed something new to me this time. While he was smiling to me, his thumb of right hand was rubbing with his index finger time to time. I felt that it happens automatically without his knowledge even. A cool smile came to my lips. I suddenly remembered my habit of touching the birthmark. Seem to be everyone has a unique habit…
Few seconds I stared at his necklace which made me think that it must be so expensive. Maybe he was a guy from a rich family.
“I am going to get down here” Just noticed that we have got closer to the bus stop where I needed to get down.
“Is it…” he said looking at me who was hanging the bag over the neck and shoulders.
“See you tomorrow” I said while getting up
“Mmm… Take care” I waved my hand to my new friend.
Sometimes what we really want is not what we really feel…It may be something which covers our true necessity over what we really want to have… So far for my twenty years old life, I wanted to be alone and live a peaceful life without any disturbance from others. My world was my dad and my studies only. Apart from that I didn’t want anything…. That’s how I felt so far and I wanted believe that I was happy thinking that I was living the life what I really wanted as I felt….
Today, my deliberations about what I really want, have shaken a little… When he spread the hand of friendship, that time the happiness, I felt was so strange to me…. If I have ever wanted to have a lonely life, then why did I really want to become friends with him? Hence………I conclude that what I really want was not what I have really felt so far and it was something which covered my anxiety about the real necessity without letting me to hurt my heart for not having them…. May be, it would be like something the peels of an onion…. Have I started to peel the onion after twenty years of life…? Then do I need to understand that peeling onion is related for sure shedding tears as well….?
I prepared instant noodles for me remembering my dad would not come home tonight. I was so lazy for cooking and truly I didn’t have an interest for cooking experiments though I loved to eat various things… My poor dad! So far, he was my favorite cook… I only knew how to make a two-minute noodles packet perfectly… What a shame!!!
Swallowing my noodles while watching the TV a bit, I was feeling sleepy in the couch. Knowing tomorrow is the weekend; I have stayed a bit longer night today.
‘Already eleven o’clock?’
Just thinking of washing the dishes tomorrow I climbed up the stairs sleepy and entered to my room. Lying in the bed with my pijamas my eyes tend towards the ceiling. The open window was letting the cool night breeze to catch me… Refreshing!
Even though I walked to the bed with the thought of sleeping, my memories were running through the incidents happened throughout the day, one by one. More than anything, the stranger who appeared and rescued me was so mysterious to me.
My hand rolled down to my stomach unknowingly. I recalled how much of a pain I was, when I got down from the bus today.
I knelt down in the mid of the bed and looked through the mirror in front of me. Lowering my pijama trouser a bit, I stared at my birthmark while letting my baby finger to touch it. My finger was moving softly on my mark and it was the moment I started feeling the same sensation bit by bit, throughout my body just like I felt it at the crossing in the morning.
My eyes threw towards the mirror to my reflection there. I just noticed my own half-closed eyes through it. The feeling I was sensing was something new to me but it was something which attracted my attention at the moment. My mind recalled the angelic eyes at the next second… Curiously I wanted to see him again.
’When can I see you again?’
I thought to myself while feeling the sensation through my body.
The window of my room got closed and again opened speedily shattering my thoughts and my eyes caught something moving next to it suddenly. I got down from the bed and walked towards the window with a shivering heart. Even though I was scared with the illusion I just saw, I wanted to check it badly, if not I knew that I would scared to death thinking about it there in after.
Wind was bit strong and the sky was dark and blank and no stars. It was like in any moment the rain was going to pour. Leaning to the window frame I threw my glance towards here and there and then towards the ground. Though it was cutting dark, my eyes were able to capture an image who was standing and staring at me in my garden under the light of garden bulb.
I bent bit more towards the outside of the window. My eyes recognized his image. For a moment, I lost somewhere where only I wanted to meet him and talked to him. That was the only thing I wanted at that moment.
I ran………I ran hurriedly……...I even didn’t know I could run with that speed…. I couldn’t remember whether I flew or climbed down the stairs… I may have forgotten that it was closer to mid night…. I may have forgotten that I am girl and it’s dangerous to go out at this time, specially meet a stranger man… More than anything, I may have forgotten that I was in my night pijamas and alone at home….
Opening the door, I jumped to the garden where my eyes caught him for the third time today. He turned towards me when I stepped out from the door.
“Excuse me” I murmured while looking at his angelic eyes.
“Are you alright?” I heard his male voice like in a dream.
The small, small rain drops were pouring and we were getting wet bit by bit. I knew it was not good, I knew it was totally bad, but he was my rescuer and I was stupid enough to invite him to house.
“It’s Ok Jina. I love rain” making me the utmost curious and surprised, he called my name. Now, I never let him leave like this…I am someone who can die with the curious if I get any…
“Please come in. Let’s have a coffee”
I said signaling from my hand to come in to the house. Surprisingly he followed me. With a shivering mind, I closed the door. In someone’s point of view this would be the most foolish and dangerous thing one could ever do when no one at home and especially in a mid-night. He came in and sat in our small dining table. Pouring some coffee to him I sat in front of him.
“I have few things to ask. Can I?” I said looking at him. He nodded his head. His total black outfit was catching my attention more than I expected. He has changed his hair style and it was different from the morning but handsome crazily.
“Was it you who helped me at the bus?” I threw a gaze at him and waited.
“Why don’t you ask all the questions at once and then I will answer” I felt strange. Even his attitude was different.
“Alright…Was it you who helped me and was it you who kept me on my bed when I was sick and fainted? How do you know my name and my residence? And at this time, what are you doing here? And, what is your name?”
I noticed that he was just glancing at me. His glare was gentle and he was staring at me as whom I knew from long, long ago. Even though we were strangers, I was not able to feel that feel even for a second.
I heard the opening sound of the garden gate before he answered. I jumped up from the chair at once and ran towards the main door while he was surprisingly looking at me. Through the door hole I could recognize that it was my dad…
If ever dad would get to know that I was with a stranger in our house especially at this time, I was not able to even imagine what would be his reaction. He would kill him first and then kill me secondly…. I ran towards my guest and caught his hand. It was so cold………... May be, because he has drenched bit in the rain.
“Come with me… Hurry up” I dragged his arm with me and ran towards the upstairs. I had no idea what I was doing but I couldn’t be caught… Never…
Dragging him to my room, I closed the door and locked it. I never lock my door usually even I was grown up…I just reminded it…. I hurriedly unlocked it thinking dad would find strange if he comes here… With strange expressions, he was staring at me.
“Jina!” He was next to me, just like me leaning to the wall behind the door.
“Shhhh!!!” I kept my finger in my own lips signaling him to be in silence․