I was in my seat, snapped awake by the sound of the captain announcing our arrival time- 3 hours. I felt like I had been ran over by a freight train, my body aching- especially in my collar bone area. I looked over, seeing my brother on his laptop, doing nothing out of the ordinary. When I stirred, he looked at me with furrowed eyes.
“Did it happen?” He whispered, looking at me from my face, down to my chest then back up. I rubbed my eyes, yawning. Maybe it did, maybe it was a dream... A dream inside a dream. I reached up to where I was aching at, feeling the indentations of his teeth on my body. I looked up at Alin and nodded, knowing he needed the warning. I normally get very sleepy or cranky after that happens. I turned my body facing the window again, staring out blankly. The view was mostly clouds. Under us would probably still be water from the ocean.
Alin closed his laptop, placing it back in the bag before placing a blanket over my body. I felt his hand gently rub in small circles over my fragile figure.
“You get to sleep, okay? I’ll wake you up when the ground comes into view again.” He said, very calmly. I closed my eyes, relishing the contact. It comforted every fiber of my being. All I remember is grumbling about the giant container before I was out yet again.
When I awoke, I was looking right out the window. The city was in view- I could see the cluster of buildings which would be our new home for the next 4 years. I was nervous- though we explained to the university my illness, they still chose to place me in a dorm with a stranger. I had requested multiple times to be with my brother, yet no avail. I guess that is what happens when you stall towards the end to request a dorm.
I would have requested a dorm as soon as I knew about what a ‘dorm’ even was, yet no one told me. To everyone’s knowledge, I wasn’t even going to go to the university. But I had too. I mean, there are online schools in which I could learn, yet I didn’t want too. My parents didn’t argue much, for they could not hire college professors to come to me as with elementary and highschool years, and they knew of my distaste for electronics. So, I decided to go on this new adventure. I wanted to further my education. It was all I really had in life.
I was excited all the way on the landing. I was practically giggling when that feeling happened in my stomach yet again, as we landed quickly on the ground. What was once fear was nothing but happiness. I was very excited to go out, to actually see things. Not just the inside of my house, or the fake places I am taken too with Nsokohir in my dreams. Some place real. I followed my brother’s lead, going to collect our bags. I had managed to fit the clothes and items I wanted all into one bag, yet my brother had two large ones. I laughed as he had a sign on his suitcase which read ‘HEAVY’.
Now, the plan was to catch a taxi and be brought to the dorm rooms. After we place our bags inside our different rooms, we then will leave to the store to buy items. I was ready, that energy drained from me was back, from the mix of the nap and the new adrenalin. I was practically shaking with excitement.
It was so weird being in the back of that cab, a perfect stranger in charge of making sure we made it safely to our destination- and paying him for it! I was just shocked, yet my brother (who held all of the money, for my parents didn’t trust me) paid the man and collected our bags. Like, it was average. I stood, staring up at the large, tall buildings that would be our new home. I carried my bag behind me, aiding my brother with one as we walked into a building named ′mayflower’. I was surprised by the amount of people lingering around. There was a large group, probably around 14-20 people, gathered around a television set. The sound was on high, filling my ears with someone screaming at us.
I jumped slightly when they all hooted and hollered. I bet they were watching a sport! I was staring that way, mindlessly following my brother when I felt something large crash into me. I thought I had walked into a wall but when I looked up and saw this big, tall man. I was shocked. I don’t believe I ever met someone with muscles as large as his! His arm was the size of my thigh, maybe even both combined!
“Watch it, I’m walking here you lil’ ass bitch.” He said curtly, making sure to crash painfully into my shoulder as he walked past me. I furrowed my brows, disliking that type of disrespect. I watched him walk with a sway, his words repeating and repeating in my head, again and again, my peering view turned into glaring. I saw a flash of white and bam!
The bully fell flat on his face, his pants down to his ankles. The men who were watching the game turn abruptly, before starting a round of hearty laughter. I giggled as Alin grabbed my hand and dragged me with him.
“Leigh, you know better.” He whispered sternly, sounding as a father in most books. I was still giggling, keeping that up as we made our way into the records office. Sure, I knew better than to taunt them like that, but he didn’t. People also couldn’t associate me with this. Just a simple, ‘accident’. It was a very funny accident. The hearty laughter still echoing through the building told me I wasn’t alone on this.
With the signage of some paperwork from my brother, and myself turning those in signed by my father and my doctor, we received our room keys. Because of my illness, I was not allowed to sign anything. Because I could “sign something irresponsibly”, or some official jazz like that.
I followed my brother until we reached the elevator. I never used them- they horrified me. I tend to avoid all small enclosed spaces. It made it easy for Nsokohir to scare me, hurt me... Who wants to be easy?
“What floor am I on?” I asked, holding the door for him as he positioned his suitcases inside. He was struggling greatly, both weighed near 50 pounds, then his bag slung around his shoulder affecting his balance- he was a mess.
“Your room 310. That’s on the third floor.” He said, his breath shorter for the struggle. “Meet me back outfront in 20 minutes, okay?” He asked, pushing the elevator button. I nodded my head, smiling. I walked to the stairs, looking up them. I could see pretty high up with the repeating staircase. They always were like art to me.
I was just about to lift my suitcase and start the trek when someone stopped me. Their hand was on the bag before mine. I turned, expecting it to be Nsokohir, planning some kind of either kindness from being full, or torment. But it wasn’t. It was a human boy, smiling at me. He was taller and more muscular than myself (though that wasn’t saying much).
“Where you heading?” He asked, lifting my bag as if it was nothing. I was still staring at him confused, and slightly dazed. He was a very attractive man, I had to admit. His short dirty blonde hair ruffled just right on his head, his blue eyes gazing down at me, a smile playing on his soft pink lips..
’Stop drooling!’ I heard the sharp crack of Nsokohir’s voice in my head, bringing me to reality. I could tell from the sound of it, he didn’t take kind to my thoughts on this helpful stranger.
“Uhh.. R-room 310...” I stuttered, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Without my pardon, or without a word, this kind gentleman lifted my suitcase and started the trek up the four flights of stairs (Strange buildings like these seem to start on the ‘G’ floor, then move onto 1). I was out of breath by the top of the stairs. My heart was beating fast, refusing this sudden athletic attempt I made.
We walked right into a little lounge area, like the one downstairs but smaller. There was only one guy sitting there, yet he was reading a book, ignoring the blank television before him. The man with my bag lead me right to my door, which was down the main hallway, one turn to the right and it stood at the left. He set my bag down as we reached the door with the letters ‘310’ written on them. I was still looking at him strangely. Why did this attractive man help me?
“I’m Terrance, the assistant dorm advisor around here. If you need anything, I’m on the second floor, room 243. ” He had such a nice smile, bright and white, only slightly off perfect. He held his hand out to me, requesting what I knew was a handshake. I stared for a moment, before finally placing my hand in his own. My hand was small compared to his bear claws.
“It was nice meeting you...?” He was asking a question. But what is the real question. What is he asking? It only took me a minute before I jumped slightly, feeling embarrassed.
“I’m Leigh. Leigh Thorne. ” I stated as he released my hand. He looked at me silently for a second, his eyes full of thought. It even looked painful. Maybe it wasn’t a very common action for his brain to do.
“So you’re Leigh... Well, if you do need anything, anything at all- give me a ring. ” He handed me a piece of paper which had numbers scrawled down on them. I would have to ask my brother if this was a sign of affection or something.
“Thanks.” I said with a smile, reaching into my slacks, pulling out my key. I unlocked the door, walking inside. One side of the small room had a bed pushed against the window, fully made and neat. The desk positioned next to it was not so neat, covered with textbooks and papers. On my left was a bed, stripped naked, a desk of its own right next to it, yet not even a lamp remained. Between the desk and the other bed was an armour, a large one at that. I dragged my bag in, setting it beside the stripped bed. I assumed this would be mine.
When the first “signs ” of my illness started, I had to abandon my large room with my twin and take up a smaller room in the attic, which before was only for storage. It had no windows, the only light from the bulb above. It is where I spent most of my time. Not that I wasn’t allowed to leave, I just enjoyed the solitude. I was only requested to be there when I was having my “episodes” so my mother wouldn’t see me harm myself.
They didn’t know I would do no such thing. They didn’t know that I hold onto life tight, refusing to give up even in the worst of times. I even celebrated each and every morning I woke. I would never attempt to end my life. Nsokohir doesn’t want me to die. He wouldn’t let me die. If I were to die, his search would begin again for a child being neglected such as I was. A child left without supervision, their parents far too busy and prestigious to care for a mistake like the illness created in people. People who could afford to lock up their children if the situation was right. Just like me. Now I am put on a suicide watch, diagnosed with acute clinical depression. I wasn’t sad though, they didn’t seem to understand. As well with schizophrenia, Severe Bipolar disorder, and many others I hardly care for remembering. I just know each morning, and every night, I must go to the dorm clinic to receive these medications that they say will keep back the thoughts and the episodes. Little did they know...
Little did they know.
That’s why I was here. To study medicine. Not helping people, such as those doctors, my doctors. No- I honestly have a great distaste for people. I was studying just how and why stuff like this happens. Plus ways to fix it. I knew it never would apply to me, for my problem wasn’t mental. But I studied for those who truly deserve the same diagnoses as I had received. If they experienced even an ounce of what I do, and it is mental, they deserve proper treatments.
I was just about to leave my room when in walked a man, carrying a book within his arm. I took a step back, his appearance having frightened me.
“Whoa, whoa, didn’t mean to scare you buddy.” He said with a smile. He seemed friendly enough. He set his possessions on the desk that was full and returned his attention to me. “My name is Ethan. You must be Leigh, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He stuck his hand out, as the other man had before. I took it and gently shook it, less hesitant this time. Meeting new people would require this relative action, best to get used to it.
The stranger was shorter than me, by a good 2 inches, even as I was slouched over. He was near the same size as I, in appreciation of weight and muscle tone. He wasn’t pale though, his skin was a dark olive color, his hair an unnatural light blonde.
“Sorry to be insensitive but you got some really cool eyes... Is that.. Is that purple I see?” He was staring right into my eyes with his hazel ones. I thought that he was really interesting though, exotic even. He was so different from most people back home. I mean, I expected it, growing up in a rich province normally thins the gene pool.
“T-thanks... I’ll talk to you later, Ethan, I have to meet up with my...With my brother..” I wasn’t very good at ending conversations... Or starting... Or continuing... I wasn’t good at conversing at all. He seemed to understand and went to his desk, shuffling paper, a silent wave as a parting. I walked out and downstairs, looking for my brother. I didn’t see him, but I did see that nice guy from before, Terrance was it?
He was standing at this table filled with miniature figures in it, dressed in sportswear. Terrance and another were grabbing handles at the sides of the table that twisted and turned the figures on the inside, causing them to hit ball in a uniform action.
“Sorry to interrupt, Terrance, but have you seen my brother?” I asked softly, standing besides him. His opponent twisted one very quick and the hard white ball in the middle shot out of the box and straight towards my head.
My eyes instinctively closed tight, as I expected the piercing pain in my face, yet I felt nothing. All I heard was a gasp from beside me. When I opened my eyes, I had the ball in my hand. I had stopped it in its track, stopped it from hitting me- yet I knew it wasn’t because of me. It was because Nsokohir hated when I had bruises on my face. It ‘damaged the goods,’ so to speak.
I nonchalantly put the ball back in the middle, noticing the guys on either end just staring at me. I wasn’t sure how to react, so I was thankful when Terrance grinned and let out a laugh.
“He’s good, he’s got instincts like a cat!” Terrance said, patting my back hardy. I coughed slightly then smiled, nodding at him. “What does your brother look like?” He asked, taking a break while his friend whined softly, not wanting to end their game so quick. Apparently he was losing and needed to redeems himself.
“Well, he looks like me.. but not...?” I said, pushing my brows together. It was hard describing him. He was my identical twin, yet not. Most people didn’t understand, they just assumed we both looked exactly the same. Otherwise we were not ‘identical’.
“Oh! Yeah, he went out that way.” He smiled at me, before returning to his game with the other guy, taking him off guard with his sudden twist, the ball flying right towards the unknown opponents goals. They laughed as I walked outside, headed towards the way he pointed. As I took a step outside, I felt an arm around my shoulder.
“Hey...” I looked up at him, trying to take his emotions so I could prepared for what he was here for. It could range from flirtatious banter, to serious conversations, to abusive actions.
“Well well well, look at our little college student here.” He said, his voice full of amusement. The tone in his voice sounded playful, which was a good sign. He was leading me towards the fountain, where I saw my brother focused on his phone. It had saddened me the first time I saw him droned out like that, to all of the beauty around him, because whatever was on his device was more important than precious nature dwindling around us.
“Yes... Now I get to purchase things I will need for the school year..” I spoke softly to him, as if he was my friend and not a demon inside of me. One whom technically ruined my life. Though in all honesty, he was my only friend, outside my brother. He’s saved me more times than I could count. He’s always been there for me. Even when sometimes he’s the fault of my tears.
“Well, that sounds nice.... I just want to warn you. If you decide to act upon your... animal instincts, with that boy, I will not hesitate to tear him limb from limb and hang him up on that flagpole...” He whispered into my ear, sending shivers down my body. I nodded my head in response as his hand found my behind, groping it possessively. “Now, meet your brother...” With that, he was gone. I ran as fast as I could to my brother, wishing to not be alone at this time. When he appeared in public it was typically with a warning, when eyes weren’t following me. Not that I had much experience in public.
“Hey, ready to go?” He smiled at me calmly, placing his device back into his pocket. He ignored all of the feelings I obviously shown on my face. I was more of an ‘open book’ type person. I followed him back into a cab, not a word uttered as we left to purchase needed things.
It took about 2 hours of shopping before we were finally heading back to the dorms. He had convinced me to get a computer, though I was unwilling and argued for a large amount of the time. But there wasn’t very much I could do about it. He had his mind set on ‘connecting me to his world’. I perfectly liked my world before.
“See, wasn’t too bad, was it?” He asked in the taxi, bags covering our laps and filling the trunk behind us. I just nodded my head, unwilling to answer in front of the eavesdropping stranger driving us. Though in reality, he probably didn’t care at all what we said. Background noise if anything. “Now, when we get back I’ll need to run and put these bags in my room but then I’ll come back, so I can talk to your roommate about you.” He said, seriously, just staring at me. I nodded my head very slightly, staring out the window. Talk to him? Ethan? About what?
I dreaded the conversation as I opened my door and walked in, breathless still from climbing the stairs. Terrance hadn’t been there to help me this time, so I trudged my way up tiredly with all those bags. I honestly was hoping that Ethan wasn’t there, but to my horror he was. He sat at his desk, that book he previously had in his arms open before him. He turned around and smiled at me as I walked in.
“Hello Leigh, have fun?” He asked softly, turning his body to match his head. My face was flush, I was embarrassed by my brothers need to speak with him. I had ignored his question completely. I dropped the bags on and ground and fell into the bed.
“My brother is coming to speak with you.” I blurted out, shaking my head. My skin stuck to the plastic covering, enough encouragement to force me finally to get up, much quicker than my burning lungs wanted. I went to work making the bed, so it would be more comfortable. I had gotten some nice brown color blankets, though when I opened them up, there was a purple streak running down the left side of it. I sighed, what was his deal with turning me purple? I suppose it was a kind of, ‘marking’ of sorts. Ethan contemplated my words in silent eternal discussion while I mentally questioned and criticized a person who easily hear my thoughts.
“Well, that’s good, because I did need to talk to him too.” He shrugged his shoulders and turned back to reading, as if this was not an anxiety-inducing statement. I managed to get a majority of my items away before there was a light knock on our door. I opened it up, meeting toe to toe with Alin.
“Hey Leigh.” He walked around me, walking straight for Ethan. Ethan turned around, meeting his gaze to Alin’s.
“Hello, you must be Leigh’s brother.” He stood to shake his hand, which Alin obliged happily. Not a single hesitation in their strong grips. They started small talk for a moment before my brother’s voice turned dead serious.
“There are few things I must warn you and inform you about Leigh that isn’t on his records. You might want to take notes.” He sat himself on my bed, which after I placed myself next to him as well. Alin was normally my speaker, for he knew how to talk about the illness without leaking the information of possession. No one believes that. Toying nervously with my hands, I awaited the words to leave his mouth.
“Yes, yes, I also have a few questions.” Ethan turned his chair around, sitting in it so he was facing us. I was just staring at him, he seemed so calm and collective. We’ll see how long that lasts once my symptoms happen. That’s how it typically appears to be. Mental illness is accepted until you shown a sign of them.
“Now, a few things to ignore. If you see him staring at something, or you hear him talking to himself, Ignore that. If you see him bleeding, scratches and cuts on his body, also ignore that, he knows how to disinfect them and once the episode is done, he’ll get to work on it himself. Another things to ignore is when he passes out. Just place him back in bed and he’ll be fine.” Alin said with such calmness even I was shocked. Normally speaking of this would set anyone off to other emotions. Yet both Ethan and Alin were calm and collective. Not a single hint of shock or horror crossed Ethan’s face.
“Alright, and I should remind him about pills before breakfast and before bed?” He said, scrawling things down on the notepad he had on his lap. He was just calmly talking about it, not freaked out or scared at all about what he was saying.
“Yes, and actually make sure he takes the pills. He’s very good at pretending.” My brother gave me a sideways glance. I scowled at him, he knew they didn’t do anything but make it worse for me. They made me sleep, and when I slept I was in his world. In that world, he can do anything. His actions had no consequences to my human body.
“Also, he isn’t socially on the same level as us, so please do introduce him to people who will be understanding and friendly with him.” I smacked Alin on the chest, growling slightly. That wasn’t even nice! I was embarrassed. I laid myself down on my bed behind Alin, my arm covering my eyes. This wasn’t like Alin, he was almost a different person. The second we walked in, his attitude towards me turned just like my other siblings: judgemental and oppressive. Neglectful on my basic emotional respect.
“Here is my phone number if you or he needs anything, and here’s money for you to hold onto. He isn’t allowed to hold it. So if he needs anything or he breaks anything of yours, use this. I have more if it runs out.” I hardly paid attention to his words anymore, I just let myself drift into my subconscious. When he left, I hardly noticed. When the door locked and I was left alone with Ethan, I hardly noticed. But I did notice when someone was sitting my bed. My eyes flung open, thinking it was Nsokohir, yet it was just Ethan. I rolled over so that there was more room on his part. He laid himself down next to me.
“Now, tell me what you think it is?” He asked softly, laying on his side so he was looking at me. His hazel eyes remaining on my face. I looked at him, yawning. I suddenly felt tired, yet the large numbers of my new alarm clock said ‘4:30’.
“A demon is possessing me as he has for about 10 years and nobody understands that.” I mumbled, closing my eyes yet again. I was waiting for him to laugh, or for him to be shocked of how ‘crazy’ I was. Maybe even just walk away. He just stayed quiet, looking at me.
“Well, that always is a possibility..” He whispered, his hand gently moving to my forehead. I froze, my body tensing up as his hand moved to the white streak in my hair. “I mean, this is weird.. and your eyes... even though you two are identical twins..” He mumbled. I opened my eyes, looking at his face. He was even thinking of it as a possibility! This was new. It took evidence before my brother believed me, yet this stranger was kindly speaking to me as if what many doctors has described as ‘hallucinations’ was real.
“Y-Yeah...” I sat up, looking down at him. His face, with a weaker jaw line yet a big smile, was looking calmly at me. I swallowed and looked away, my heart fluttering in chest. I knew Nsokohir wouldn’t like my reaction, but this was the first time someone welcomed me with friendship like this, even considering my story as reality.
He sat up next to me and rubbed my back gently. His hand sent my nerves on edge, causing shivers to travel down my spine. The only person to touch me in comfort like that was Nsokohir. My breath was stuck in my throat, I decided to evacuate the situation. I got myself off that bed as quick as I could. He turned his feet to touch the ground as he watched me.
“Listen, I don’t knock any theory. If you ever do need help, just ask me and I’ll try my best to help you.” He said so calmly, my heart rate increased even more. I nodded my head, sitting back down before I passed out. He got up, returning to his position of reading the book at the desk.
I laid myself back down on the bed, closing my eyes again. It was then that I felt a cold breeze come through the room. I looked over and watched as Ethan got up to close the window, yet it was already closed. He looked confused before shrugging it off and returning to his studious position.
I sighed heavily, just waiting for him to arrive. When he did, he was a lot closer to me then I assumed he would me. His eyes were getting darker by the moment. His breath was more rigid, his jaw clenched tight.
“I don’t like this, human.” He growled through bared teeth, right into my ear. I turned my body to get a better look at him, he was laying down, his body pushed closed to my body. I felt my heart pick up, my breath starting to speed up... Why did he always have this reaction to me?
“It’s as if you are a prepubescent boy!” He said in frustration, his hands going above his head in frustration. I felt slightly more confident, and even let myself smile. I grazed my eyes over his body- it was very attractive. My mind was just set on leveling the attractiveness of people today, wasn’t it?
“Who’s fault is that?” I said softly to him, a slight hint of humor in my voice. I remembered that we weren’t alone. I normally had problems vocalizing loud when I was this close to his body, to his face, a place where his hands could reach out very gingerly and caress my eager and will-
I needed to control myself more. I looked over his body, seeing Ethan turn and look at me curiously. I looked back at Nsokohir, ignoring him. He knew he was supposed to ignore me, just as my brother advised. He shrugged me off before he placed headphones on his ears.
Nsokohir followed my eyes and he looked back at me, his grin growing on his face, his eyes lightening up. He reached out, his hand making contact with my already reddening face. He brought it close to his own, touching our foreheads together. My breath hardly came out at all, my body beginning to shake. This little touch could do this to me. Make me almost beg for more. It didn’t help that he knew my every thought.
“If only I could take you now..” He whispered, his thumb tracing my lips, his eyes enhancing my own. I let out a soft moan, feeling my insides on fire. I wanted more. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted him to finally kiss me. My first kiss... My lips begged for it, for that connection.
“P-Please...” I begged softly, the word escaping my lips before I could stop them.
“If only... If I took you now... we’d be in trouble....” His words hardly made it through my thick skull, but I thought he was meaning Ethan. I’m sure he could find a way to get Ethan away from the room. He shook his head lightly, dismissing my idea. It wasn’t that.. Then what was it?
“When we have sex... It will make it so you can never get me out of your body..” He whispered, his mouth turning into a devious smile. I was staring from his mouth to his eyes. “But, there’s a pest in you keeping it from happening... So for now... You’re safe..” He whispered, moving his face to slowly kiss my ear, down to my neck, leaving hickies all over my neck. My body was shivering with his kisses. I pushed my body against his own, wanting the contact, wanting-needing more. He just continued teasing my neck, licking over the sore spots. His teeth graced one are in particular that made my hips buckle, letting out another weak moan. I couldn’t even soak in what he said.. something about pests and sex...
“Now.... You’re going to keep that little virgin self of yours just how it is.. Or I will do unimaginable things to your body and the body of your lover.” His voice became deeper, darker, his eyes turning almost black. The need to feel fear traveled all over my body, yet I couldn’t comply. I just wanted him close to me, I wanted to feel the pleasure.. But I couldn’t. Soon enough his presence was gone and I was left alone in my bed, my heart beating rapidly, my breath coming out in shallow breaths...
Why did he always do this to me?