01. Dancing is Foreplay
“You have got to dance with me.” I hear a gruff voice say behind me, all too close for someone who I have never met. But, then again, I have never really liked following rules or being safe. I don’t need to know who is behind me because I can feel him press his whole body against mine, I can feel his strong abs and that delicious package against my lower back. There is no way I am going to turn down the chance of ‘dancing’ with him.
“I have to? I always thought that it was my choice.” I reply while sipping my beer, not turning around to look at him. I can somehow by his voice tell that he is going to be worth it, or it just be my imagination that is making him drool worthy. It has been a long week since I had sex, it has been a hard week, and not in the good way.
“I know you want to dance with me, why waste time on irrelevant bullshit and small talk?” He asks and the more he says, the more I am liking the guy, he certainly has balls. I like a guy who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go and get it, I am not into those guys who play games with you and make you wonder if they ever even liked you in the first place. Been there and have the scars.
“If we’re going to cut the small talk, we should be honest in the meantime. Do you really want to dance with me or do something else?” I ask while pushing my ass back into him, not so subtly hinting at what the something else is. Something about him is making my heart race, my hormones fire as if he is inside me, when he is barely touching me. The sex between us is going to be fucking phenomenal.
“Dancing is one of my favourite foreplays.” He whispers in my ear, even though no one is paying attention to us. His deep voice washing over me, for the first time ever I am attracted to just his voice, something weird is happening to my body that I don’t understand. I’m not too sure that I want to anyway.
“I’m more into simple foreplay.” I reply and smile as I can feel him gently chuckle behind me, I also like a guy who gets my humour. It has yet to happen but I have nothing against being friends with the guys I’ve fucked, I just don’t want to be in a relationship or get into a habit of fucking the same person.
“A girl after my own heart.” He laughs behind me and the words are like ice on my back, I know he means them as a joke but I don’t want to be anywhere near his heart. That’s definitely not the part of him that I want, the thought somewhat sends me into a panic.
“I’m not after your heart, babe.” I reply honestly as I do not want there to be any kind of misunderstanding about what this is. I am going to fuck him to bring in the New Year, the best way to celebrate honestly.
“Vous l’avez déjà, mon coeur.” He whispers again, something in French that I don’t understand. I wanted to fuck him before but it seems everything new that comes out of his mouth is better than the last. There is no way not to melt when French is being whispered to you from a fucking hot guy, at a dark party where you’re tipsy.
“What does that mean?” I ask, curious to know what he said but more to know how he replied to my statement. Many men nowadays want simple and open relationships, all sex and no commitment. However, in my experience, as soon as the woman is making the rules and placing the boundaries there is suddenly a problem.
They like to be the ones to break it off when they get bored or see something they don’t like. So, when a woman, like me, knows that she doesn’t want anything more than sex, it throws them for a loop and you suddenly become something they can’t have. It drives them crazy that you’re not falling by their feet and begging to be their girlfriend. Give them a little mystery and they’ll be chasing you for months.
I really hope he isn’t like that.
“Consider it one of my secrets.” He answers, dodging my question completely, something that I would do. I’m really intrigued by this guy, he can hold his own and he seems to understand my way of flirting. Also, how he isn’t turned off by how forward I am, I want to fuck him and I am not going to hide it.
I can come across quite cold as I don’t open up to just anyone, but it’s for a very simple reason. I was hurt before and don’t want anyone to have that power over me again. For that same reason I know myself, I know that deep down I am a romantic and I need to place many barriers between my heart and the people I fuck. If I learn too much about someone, their dreams and insecurities, it’s hard for me to then leave.
The less that I know, the better.
“I like secrets.” I reply, finishing the beer in my hands. This conversation has been the most interesting one I have had with a guy in a long time. If I wasn’t burning up and dying to suck his cock, I could stay here with my back to him and flirt all night. I have always been more into action than words, words are lies.
“Should I even ask your name then?” He asks and I’m relieved to hear there is still that teasing tone in his voice, he is not being offended by the fact that I am only interested in his dick. I don’t want to get my hopes up but I have a feeling that something good is going to come out of meeting him. Maybe, I can finally stay friends with him after we’ve fucked.
“I would like to know who’s name I’m going to be moaning tonight.” I reply as I reach forward and drop my bottle onto the table, finally turning around to face him. My curiosity becoming too large, I needed to see what the guy looked like because in my head he was perfect.
I was wrong.
As I am now looking at him, the image in my head was nowhere near the level of hot that he is. I thought that he would be hot but the man in front of me, is hands down the most good-looking man I have ever seen in my life. He has that model look, with the strong jawline and the beginning of a beard growing. It’s a little dark so I can’t exactly tell the colour of his eyes but they look like green to me, coupled with his dark brown hair, he is a man you’ll never forget.
For the first time ever, I am rendered speechless by the fact that he is so handsome. You see models on Instagram all the time and you see good looking guys in real life, but there is just something extra about him that makes me want to rip my own damn clothes off right now and lay down on the nearest table, letting him do whatever the fuck he wants to me.
“You’re going to be screaming Jules.” He replies, snapping me out of my daze, well partly. I still feel like I am staring at him like a damn idiot. I guess there is such a thing as someone being too good looking, because looking at Jules I feel as though I am going to say the wrong thing. I never care about what someone might think of what I’m saying.
“Screaming huh? You’re confident in your skills.” I note as I take a step closer to him, pressing my boobs against his rock-hard chest, which is not the only thing that is hard but I’m going to get there in a little bit. I’m not going to feel around now, I’ll save that little surprise for when he takes off his jeans and I can see his cock clearly.
“You’re telling me you’re not confident in your skills? I never pegged you for the modest type.” He says and depending on which way I take that statement, this might be the first time he has fucked up.
“So, I seem cocky and arrogant?” I ask, knowing that I am going to enjoy watching him try to figure out a way to answer the question without further insulting me. I’m not actually insulted because many times confidence is confused with arrogance and being a bitch, mainly in women.
“No, I just thought that since we’re cutting the bullshit talk, you would understand that I am not exaggerating about my ‘skills’. Just stating a fact that I am going to be the fuck you have ever had.” He states and he has somehow managed to talk himself out of that hole. Jules is a very smooth talker so I am going to have to watch out for that slippery tongue of his.
“That’s a pretty bold statement. I have had some amazing sex.” I smirk as his hands go to my hips, loop through my jeans and pull me even closer so there is nothing between us. I like this teasing that is going on between us, it’s weird that I’m not censoring my thoughts at all and I only know his name. I’m genuinely enjoying talking to him.
“I’m a pretty bold guy.” He raises his eyebrows at me and I don’t think either of us is moving on purpose but our faces are gradually getting closer and closer. “I don’t doubt that you’ve had amazing sex and so have I, but don’t pretend that you don’t feel that extra fire between us.” He continues and by this point there is almost nothing separating our lips.
“I think we can agree on that extra fire.” I concede because I have yet to kiss him or do anything other than talk to him, and I can feel how wet my panties are. How there is nothing else on my brain than getting him somewhere and naked, fast. And, I don’t think it has anything to do with the fact that I haven’t had sex in a week, there is some kind of desperation that I have never felt before. Desperate, that’s how I feel right now, desperate for a kiss, touch, anything as long as it comes from him.
“What name will be on my lips tonight?” He asks just as we’re about to kiss, my clothes burning on my skin as if someone has double the temperature in the room, and there is an open door behind me.
“Lily.” I whisper before my eyes start closing, a part of me wanting this moment before the kiss to go on forever. And, the other part of me just wants to push him into the nearest bathroom and have him bend me over some sink, roughly fucking me for hours.
“I’ve always loves lilies.” He smiles and I think he damn well knows what he is doing. My patience is running thin, or it’s non-existent anymore. For the first time in years I make the first move, my fingers lace through his thick hair and bring his face down just those last couple of inches.
An explosion would be a very mild way to describe what it felt like as soon as my lips touched his. There was a very brief moment where I froze, almost savouring the softness of his lips against mine, something I haven’t done in a very long time. There is a little voice in my back of my head that is screaming at me to get away, this is only going to end in disaster.
The noise from the party just fades away, there is just my heart beating in my ears. I feel blood rushing everywhere, almost like I could feel it with every single pump of my heart. Something takes over me as in a split second our lips are moving almost violently against each other. There is no use for slow, my needs are controlling my body, something other than my brain that’s for sure.
I don’t know if my nails are scratching his head, or leaving imprints on his lower back where my other hand is pushing him further into me. There is no possible way for us to get any closer but I want to feel every single fucking inch of his skin pressed against mine. I can feel his belt digging into my stomach, how uncomfortable is it to be pushing my breasts against his chest like this, but I don’t care.
Neither of us case, as his hand moves from my jeans to ass, squeezing and moulding the flesh as if he was massaging me. The kind of massage he would give me after a good rough fucking, coupled with spanking. I moan as the image floats through my head, him pushing deeper into me, fucking me so hard that it almost borders on pain but I keep pushing back into him, craving that next thrust and slap against my oversensitive skin.
I have always had a very vivid imagination but I have never come close to climaxing with just a simple kiss. But, this is like no kiss I have ever know, his lips sucking and biting. It’s messy the way our teeth would meet, he would bite a little too hard here and there, then soothe it with a suck. I can feel my lips throbbing, swelling with his punishing kiss but I just crave more.
His hand on my ass, so close to where I wish he could be but nowhere near it. I wish that we were naked right now so he could slide his hand a little further down, run his fingers through my drenched core, spreading my juices as he goes. My hips wind and grind back into his hand, even though he is nowhere near my pussy, even an inch in the right direction feels like it could save my life.
I don’t know how long the kiss lasted for, I don’t even know how many drunk people bumped into us. I just know that we ended up pressed against some wall, my leg going up and around his hips. I can hear whistling from somewhere but I never thought that it would be directed to us, I was so lost in Jules that nothing would have been able to tear me away from him.
He was somehow more coherent in this whole thing because a second after I heard some of the whistling, he pulls away from me. I have to stop myself from leaning forward and following him like a little puppy. I keep my eyes closed as I catch my breath, forcing my body to cool down a little bit, it’s almost embarrassing how my body has reacted to his with just one kiss.
“As much as I would love to fuck you right here against this wall, I’m not the sharing type and right now we have quite the audience.” He whispers as I start to hear people shouting all sorts of things at us. Everyone is beyond drunk and looking to get laid, we just nearly provided them a live show.
“I’m sorry.” I find myself whispering, a reflex I gained with my ex. He would have told me off for doing this in public, it was alright to hold hands and a light kiss here and there. He would have died of embarrassment if I had attacked him like this, he always said that sex was only allowed for behind closed doors and on a bed.
“Don’t apologise for that, that was the best kiss of my life. I just think we can take this somewhere a little more private.” He suggests as he continues to use his body to shield mine, looking around and glaring at everything making lewd comments about me. Of course, he is being praised while guys are shouting at me to suck his cock.
“I think I need some fresh air.” I say stronger this time, my mood suddenly gone with all the shouting and old insecurities coming back. I push him away and turn to walk out into the garden. There is no snow but it is freezing outside, I didn’t really think this through but I just can’t gather the courage to walk inside right now.
I don’t hear Jules behind me and I really didn’t think that he would follow me out here, I took sex off the table so he has no reason to follow him. For a second I let myself wallow in the fact that I am outside in the cold alone, life sure does have some fucked up ironies. I don’t regret the choices I made to get here, but sometimes I wish that I had someone to keep me warm.
My thoughts drift to my friend Hope who has the exact opposite problem, she is in love with three guys while I am fighting with my thoughts for one. I shouldn’t even be thinking about anyone, when everything has finished I am normally good at not spending any time thinking about the person. There is just no point in reminiscing or thinking about something that would and never could happen; at least that’s what I keep telling myself and sometimes I even believe myself.
She has also been through some shit in her life yet here she is and she is willing to give love a chance. Sometimes I get so angry at myself for letting him have this kind of control over me, over my future. But, every time that I try to do something more, even thinking about letting someone close makes me go into a panic and do something stupid. He has somehow broken me, and I hate that.
I hate that so many other people have been through what I have, but they somehow find a way to be happy and shit go. It has been three years and I am still holding onto the pain, I don’t want it but it seems to follow me like my damn shadow. I guess in a way it is my shadow, casting everything in darkness and making it all a murky grey shade.
“You’re going to freeze out here.” I hear just when a warm coat is thrown over my shoulders. Jules came back with my coat and is wearing his as well, we are the only ones in the garden as everyone is inside preparing to bring in the New Year, bring on 2017.
“Thank you.” I reply sincerely while trying not to read too much into this, he is just being a decent human being making sure I don’t freeze. However, I can’t stop the little flutter in my stomach when I look up at him and find him smiling at me, like a genuine smile without anything sexual or hidden behind it.
“Couldn’t have you freeze out here, who am I going to kiss at midnight?” He jokes as he pokes my side, making me laugh. The insecure part of me is thinking that he is just bored inside and couldn’t find someone else to kiss, but there is the hopeful side which is trying to believe that he genuinely likes me.
“I’m sure that it wouldn’t have been hard to find someone to kiss.” I reply and look away from him, I can’t let him see that I am only pushing him away because he is getting too close. It’s an overused and cliché tactic but people hardly ever fight when you push them away.
“But I want to kiss you.” He replies smoothly once again, pushing his gloved hand inside one of my own. My coat is warming me up significantly but as I thought I would be inside the house the whole night, it’s not thick enough to help if I’m outside for a long time.
That is my excuse for when I lean against his side, taking some of his natural warmth. I’m allowed to have one night where I can pretend I’m not broken, right? There are just moments like this when it’s very hard for me to keep that guard up, I’m tired of being cold and strong.
I know that it is not who I am or want to be, but in order to protect myself I know I have to do this. I have amazing friends, and starting university has meant that I have made even more, it’s a lot easier getting close to them but anything romantic and I freeze. I don’t even know why I am thinking about all of this right now, I am at a party and I am supposed to be drunk off my mind and pulling Jules into some empty bedroom or bathroom to fuck.
“You’re quite persistent, aren’t you? I am not in the mood to fuck right now.” I break the silence. I ruin everything, there he was being sweet and almost romantic, for someone who I have known for an hour. Yet I keep opening my mouth and sounding like a slut.
“I’m not only here because I want to fuck you, I like talking to you.” He continues, not at all sounding phased by my statements. It seems that nothing I say can surprise him, or at least he is very good at hiding his true thoughts.
“I like talking to you too.” I admit quietly, even though I should probably keep my mouth shut. What’s the harm though? The chance of me seeing him or speaking to him after tonight is very small, add in the fact that I go back to university next week and I have no idea who he knows to be at this party.
“That’s good to know, sometimes I think that you would rather be doing anything than talking to me.” He explains and once again I am taken back by how honest he is. I wish I was that brave to just show people my insecurities and be vulnerable.
“Being a bitch comes with being a woman.” I reply because it seems the first word that comes to anyone’s lips when a woman speaks up is ‘bitch’. I have come to like that word, a couple of years ago it was a big insult but I have accepted it. I am a bitch, and I’m not going to apologise to anyone about it.
“I think that’s probably a compliment, I have never met a female dog that I didn’t love.” He jokes beside me and even though it’s really cringe, I find myself gently laughing at his stupid joke.
“You think you’re funny, huh?” I ask with a smile on my face, looking up at him. He is quite a bit taller than me but I like that. I feel surrounded my him when I’m leaning against him, when his arm is around my shoulders.
“I got you laughing, didn’t I?” He asks and I am liking his confidence more and more. He was right before when he said that there was no point in hiding your confidence in something if you know you’re good at it.
“You want a medal for that?” I banter, loving the carefree chat between us.
“A kiss would be nice.” He replies, that smooth tongue coming back with a punch. In this moment I feel very special, there is just something to be said about a guy doing a little bit of chasing, even if it is for another kiss.
“You’ll have to wait for midnight.” I tease him, watching him roll his eyes a little. Knowing full well that is he leaned down right now and stole a kiss, I would do nothing to stop him. I almost wish that he would spend the whole night just stealing nothing more than kisses. Ironically behind us, I can hear the countdown start from the house.
He gets that extremely hot smirk on his face as he mouths the seconds. Seven, his face moves down closer to me. Six, I am mesmerised by his dark lashes fanning out over his cheekbones. Five, my hand makes it onto his neck, my favourite spot. Four, he brings our bodies together. Three, our breaths are mixing and it feels like time is going in slow motion. Two, his lips gently brush against mine. One, cheering and shouting can be heard from inside the house, fireworks from the houses around us.
The only fireworks I was focused on were the ones when his lips settled over mine once again. This kiss slower and more erotic than our first, his lips are gently moving over mine. Warming me up with a swipe of his tongue, seeking entrance into my mouth. Our tongues and lips speak in the most amazing language, gliding over each other as once again everything else fades away.