Trusting Him (Journey to Love, #2)

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03. The Red Dress

Lily’s POV

“So, where do you want to go for your first night out?” I ask as I look through my closet, my mood slightly dampened by the fact that we somehow ran into Jules on campus. University was supposed to be the one safe place where I was sure that I wasn’t going to bump into him.

“I think Mark said that The Maze was really good.” Hope says from behind me, she is lying on my bed. Her answer confuses me since The Maze is not really a student friendly night out kind of a club, it’s more of place where you dance but there are more tables and corners to hide with someone. I know as it’s the thing I like most about it, but since she is already in love and shit, I wouldn’t think she would be hooking up with anyone tonight.

“You sure you want to there?” I ask, just to make sure. As this is her first night out, having just turned 18 she doesn’t know if she loves clubs or hates them. I am trying to keep quiet and let her choose everything for tonight, I mean tonight is about her and as long as I get enough alcohol in my body then I can enjoy myself anywhere.

“What you don’t like it there?” She asks and there is just something in her eyes that is making me think she is hiding something.

“What did you do?” I ask and cross my arms over my chest. Hope is just too nice and doesn’t know how to lie to save her life, I never hope she has to. You can just read her thoughts and feelings on her face, which is something that is very helpful right now.

“Nothing, well nothing that was wrong.” She shrugs and smiles, taking one of her hands from behind her back, which I now notice is holding my phone. I never even noticed that my phone wasn’t next to me, maybe she isn’t a good liar but she sure is sneaky.

“What did you do?” I ask more seriously this time, for the first regretting telling her my password. She’s probably got something in her head to do with Jules, I hate that I got jealous this morning when he fucking smiled at Hope and not at me. She is the last person I would have to worry that would hook up with him, I don’t know why I am even worrying about it.

I hate that it has been 3 weeks since I met him and there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t thought about him, I hate it. I don’t understand why he just won’t leave me alone, even though he is not texting me like a mad person I find myself waiting for his good morning and random messages. It’s hard pretending that I want nothing to do with him, I want so much more than I should and that scares the shit out of me.

“I told Jules where we would be tonight.” She admits but she doesn’t look guilty, no, the little bitch looks quite proud of herself. My stomach tightens as I think about seeing him tonight again, for the second time today. I hate to admit it but I missed him, somehow, I missed someone I had only ever met once.

“Why did you do that? You saw this morning that he’s not that into me.” I lie, knowing full well that I couldn’t be the judge of that as I was trying my hardest not to look at him. He was somehow even more handsome than I remember, my first thought was to jump him and kiss him, to take the prying eyes of the campus women off of him.

I don’t even have any kind of claim over him and I noticed every single woman that looked at him the wrong way, he did look like a wet dream in his workout clothes. There must be some kind of secret magic that guys use when they’ve just come from the gym, or maybe it was just him.

“This morning you didn’t even look him in the eyes and were being really rude to him. I don’t know much about relationships but you can’t be rude to him the whole time and expect him to somehow chase after you. You should have seen the way he looked at you Lily, the guy wants you, bad.” She stresses as she stares at me, for some reason she has made it her life’s mission to get me together with Jules.

She’s never met him before today but she was sure that he would be perfect for me, seeing her so happy with her guy is making me question my resolve. I have a reason to be like this, I know realistically that not all guys are like my ex but actually trusting one is harder than just knowing something.

Jules makes me feel like what I am used to is not going to be enough, he seems like the kind of guy who wants all or nothing. Problem is, I can’t give my everything and nothing with him sounds like hell. This is not the first I have had this dilemma, hence not replying to his messages properly, I want nothing more than to relax and enjoy this but I know myself, I am going to fall faster than I catch myself.

“I can’t trust him.” I answer honestly for the first time since I met him, I have only told Hope about him and I have always managed to quickly change the conversation. Then, I don’t have to listen to her tell me how I should give him a chance and how he is such a good guy.

“You never know until you actually try, right? It’s never going to be easy for you to trust someone, like it isn’t for many people, but you’re to change that for someone. Why not for Jules? Just spend some actual time with him and see where things go, he’s not asking you to spend your life with him.” She rolls her eyes as if it’s that simple. On the other hand, she knows something about trusting people after they have hurt you, I know she’s right.

I can’t and won’t spend the rest of my life just fucking, with no strings attached. It was fun for a little while to know what it felt like on the other side, I founds friends who didn’t judge me so I didn’t have that problem to deal with, but it gets repetitive after a while. Nights just blur together and so do people, and I hate myself for thinking that.

“I don’t really have the choice now, do I? He’s going to think that I invited him tonight.” I say with no actual venom to my words, I am kind of looking forward to seeing him again. I don’t have to fall in love with him to spend more time with him, I can give him a little more without losing myself.

“You can ignore him like you did morning, and watch him go home with someone else. You might not want to be his girlfriend but who would you rather he went home with, you or someone else?” She plays the classic jealousy card and I hate myself that it works, my blood boils at the thought of his hands being on someone else, some other girl feeling his magical kiss.

“I shouldn’t be jealous over him.” I mutter as I pull out my best dress, we are going to be in a full club and no matter what he is wearing, he is going to have everyone’s eyes on him. I just have to make sure that his eyes are glued on me.

“With that dress, you’ll have nothing to worry about.” She laughs as I pull on my red dress, matching my red thong but I’m going without a bra. The dress is tight enough for me to maybe get away with it, might as well do it now before they’re lost to gravity.

“That’s the plan.” I smile as I brush my already straightened hair, going for simple makeup, a subtle smoky eye and glossy nude lips. I would love to pair this whole look with red lipstick but I plan on kissing him and don’t want to end up looking crazy before we even get to the good part.

Throwing a couple of condoms in my bag, my lipstick and tangle teaser I am ready to go. Hope is wearing one of my white lace tops with a simple black pencil skirt, both of us grabbing our winter coats as it’s the middle of January and we can’t get away with a light jacket, you never know how long the line into the club is going to be.

“Tonight, is just going to be about getting you laid by Jules.” She laughs as we drink in the uber, neither of us want to wait for busses and topping off our buzz is easier to do when you’re in a car. The music playing in the front as I feel the alcohol warm me, a nice alcohol blanket that is going to help when we’re waiting outside.

“I’m sorry, we can just ignore them as I promised tonight would be your first time going out.” I reply, feeling guilty that a night meant for her has turned into a mission about getting me laid, not something I have had problems with in the past. He’ll never know how special he is, that I’m this much effort to make sure that he leaves with me.

“You’re not going to use me as an excuse.” She giggles as she takes another gulp of her drink, I might have to slow down just to make sure she is going to be alright. I make sure to check the battery on my phone as I text Mike which club we are going to, if everything goes to plan then he might have to come and pick her up.

“You might want to slow down on that vodka.” I warn her, even though I’m laughing when she shouts and waves at people out of the window. We have caught some traffic and she is taking every opportunity to greet people crossing and passing our stationary car. Her bottle full of a cocktail that is very much vodka and very little bit juice.

“I feel absolutely fine, I see why people love alcohol so much.” She smiles at me and alcohol does do wonders, this is the more relaxed I have seen her since I’ve met her.

“You’re not going to love it so much if you’re bent over the toilet and throwing it up.” I scold her, I’ve never been the mother on a night out but I feel like I have to look out for her. I take her bottle from her, to which she only pouts for a little while before she goes back to singing some new song on the radio.

The next hour some of the buzz wears off for me as we wait outside the club to get inside, however, she is somehow still holding onto that tipsy feeling. I can see that I am going to spend the whole night just laughing at the dumb shit she’s going to do, which is always a fun night out. Someone has to do the stupid shit in a group, normally it’s me so today I get to see the other side of things.

“Do you see Jules?” She shouts over the music and I have to act as if I haven’t been looking for him ever since we walked in. I have decided that I am at least going to fuck him, there is no way I am passing on the chance to sleep with someone that I have so much chemistry with. I am going to put all of it down to chemistry, I don’t want to think about the way my stomach flutters at the thought of him and this morning. I don’t hide when it comes to guys, I am also not mean to them but this morning the only option seemed that I have to push him away.

“He said that he would be wearing a black shirt and jeans, and near the bar.” I shout back as well even though I know that the sentence might be too long for her drunk mind to process. I feel nerves taking over my body as I know that I am going to see him again soon, I don’t want to feel butterflies as I look through the crowd to find him.

There is a small part of me that wants to prove a point by hooking up with someone else tonight, maybe not in front of him but nearly the same thing. I know it would be mean and he is such a nice guy and doesn’t deserve me being such a bitch. But, what he doesn’t know is that all this effort he is putting is not worth it, I am not going to be some amazing girlfriend for him that he needs.

“I see him.” Hope shouts and point beside me, somewhere behind me and my heart is beating out of my chest as I turn to look. I hate being all cliché but it felt like I could not see anyone but him, why does he have such control over me?

He is scanning the crowd as well but he has yet to see me, he standing with a group of guys that are all hot. Joe is by his side but he is laughing with some other guy, normally I would scan a group and chose who I would want to leave with but I can’t seem to look anywhere else but at Jules.

He somehow makes a simple black shirt and jeans look delicious, it seems to be the only word that accurately describes him. With his arms folded over his chest, his muscles bulging out everywhere, making it hard to decide where to look first. I am glad that he is yet to find me as I don’t want him to see these first couple of moments where I am staring at him.

I was a little nervous about we would talk about at the beginning, when normally I just walk up to people and say something. Hope took care of all of that when she ran ahead of me and grabbed Jules by the hand, making him jump before he relaxes when he realises who it was. I notice some women turn to stare at him when he smiles down at Hope, somehow, he looks like a model everywhere he goes.

Then his eyes meet mine and my whole body lights up, I see the moment he takes in my outfit. It is so worth the tight feeling of the dress squeezing me, the heels on my feet that are starting to get a little painful but I thought that I wouldn’t wearing them for long as we would be going back to his place quite soon.

I can’t believe that something as simple as the outfit he is wearing makes me so crazy that I want to rip the clothes off of him. I smile as he comes closer to me, finally feeling a little like my old confident self, I like it when I know how things are going to work out. I like having at least a little bit of control over the situation.

Hope just pushes him towards me and then turns around to go back to the group of guys he came with. I should be a little more worried about her than I currently am but as I stare up at Jules who is now standing right in front of me, I can only stare at him back. I love that look in his eyes way more than I should, I love that he makes me feel as though I am the only woman in the room. Even though we are a tightly packed club where the women are not wearing very much at all.

I don’t think there is very much point in us trying to talk at all, the music is getting louder and there is that extra ringing in my ears that might just be coming from all the blood rushing around my body right now. I like the fact that he looks very much in awe of me, it is doing amazing things to my ego but more dangerously I think I could get used to being looked at like this.

I can see him mouth ‘wow’ as he stares at my outfit and me one more time, I can’t help but smile at his cute expression, very glad that he wouldn’t be able to see me blush in the dark. I don’t have the tendency to blush but it seems to keep happening when I am around him, I am just going to say that it’s because I have never met a man more attractive than him. There is way you don’t feel a little out of your league when he looks at you, you would have to be extremely confident to not be a little flattered that he is interested in you.

I also hate that I still have those little moments where I doubt myself, some things I guess are ingrained in us for life. However, when he looks at me I seem to forget all of that even if it for a short period of time. It’s as if his whole presence is a drug to me, the way he makes me feel is better than any drug I have ever taken or seen on my friends, it would be very easy to get addicted to him.

He reached into his pocket to take out his phone, a large part of me deflates as the first thing that comes into my head is that another girl is messaging him, it’s pretty late and only a booty call would be texting him right now. Once again, I am surprised at how possessive I feel over his attention, I want it all on me.

I then feel my phone vibrate in my dress, I would normally put into my bra but since I am not wearing one today, there is straight skin contact. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that even the small vibrations are arousing against my bare skin, so close to my puckered nipples. I like the thought that Jules would be able to see them poke through the material of the dress.

Looking away from him was harder than I thought, I felt a little annoyed at whoever that messaged me but I have to squish the goofy smile from my face when I see that it was him that sent me a message. I am trying really hard not to dwell on the fact that he knew we couldn’t talk so he found a way.

[Jules] Do you want to go somewhere quieter?

[Me: I thought that dancing was foreplay? We’re at the perfect place for that.

[Jules] The foreplay I have in mind is a couple of levels above dancing. The night might end with me committing a crime with you in that dress.

[Me]I thought you were going to love the dress, you’ll love what I have on under it even more. Or, what is missing to be more exact.

I flirt through the messages, once again my body heating up from his words. There is a small part of me that is loving how intense his reaction to me is, that he would fight anyone that came near me in the wrong way. Even though he has been quite open with his want for me, I like being reassured that in the same way that I don’t want other looking at him, he is just as possessive over me.

His eyes heat up once again as he reads my last message, I wish he has realised that I am not wearing a bra. I would love to be able to see the images running through his head, does he think about my thong? Or does he think I’m not wearing any underwear at all? I feel as though his eyes would be able to burn through the dress, that I am standing naked in the middle of the dance floor, at least in his mind.

He takes a step towards me, closing the space between us to nothing, like all the bodies around us we are now pressed together the closest we can get without taking our clothes off. He links his fingers through mine, shocks travelling all through my body from where his skin is touching mine. Almost like he has been here hundreds of times before, he turns towards one of the staircases, that I know lead to some of the more private spaces and rentable rooms, he pushes me in front of him while he keeps his hands on my hips, just above my ass.

I thought he was leading me to one of the private rooms which are normally used for parties or karaoke on some nights but he surprises me yet again by turning the other way when we walk upstairs. I don’t have enough time to turn around and ask any questions because before long he has me pinned against the wall, once again and we both waste no time picking up where we left off last time.

My hands intertwine themselves into his hair, revelling in how soft it is before he leans down and gently rubs his lips against mine. I thought that this kiss was going to be like our first one, just fast and desperate but I am taken back when he gently slides his lips over mine. Almost as if he is trying to remember every single line of them, it takes me a couple of moments to follow his lead as I try to tell my own body to calm down. I was so wired up and excited that I was ready to just push my thong to the side and fuck him right here, not caring that there are probably cameras pointed at us right now or that security will ask us to leave if they saw us.

I close my eyes as I let my body relax a little bit, some of the tension and anticipation leaving me as I simply enjoy exploring him. I didn’t think that I would like being kissed like this, especially from him when I desperately want to fuck him, but once again he knows what is better before I do. Pressing me against the wall as he slowly kisses me, while he pushes his lower body into me, almost leaving a print of where his hard cock rubs against my stomach.

“You drive me crazy.” He says as he breaks the kiss, somehow leaving me breathless even though were not hard-core making out. His wild eyes staring into mine, I feel as though I am pinned by them and I would do anything he asks me to right now.

“I like that.” I admit as I reply back, I know it’s very selfish and wrong but I love that I can affect him in this way. I love that I can drive him crazy with a little kiss, it makes me wonder what else I could do with my mouth. Tasting a guy is somewhat like playing Russian roulette because you don’t know if it’s going to be safe or the worst decision of your life.

I find myself wondering what he tastes like, everywhere. I want to glide my tongue down his throat, biting and sucking his nipples on the way down as I feel his eyes follow my every move. I want to feel his breathing change as I close my lips over his tip, sucking him in tight for the first time. The fantasy flowing through my head seems almost stronger and more potent than any other time I had a guy’s dick in my mouth.

“You love how crazy you make you, how you have me wrapped around your finger.” He smirks as his hand once again glides down to my ass, grinding his cock into me. I am once more amazed by how open he is with his feelings; how does he know that I am not going to abuse that information?

“I don’t want you wrapped around my finger, I just love that I make you as crazy as you make me.” I confess even though I know that I shouldn’t have said anything, his honesty is making me question why it would be such a bad idea to let him in a little bit.

“You know, if I was a more insecure guy, I would have thought that you want nothing to do with me.” He admits and I can’t even act as though I am surprised, I haven’t been the nicest when it comes to him. I don’t know if it was some sort of test or defence mechanism but I also don’t care as he is here now, and has put a lot more effort into being with me than my last boyfriend, which is sad when you really think about it.

“I’m confused myself, but I don’t want to talk about it.” I confess but I don’t really want to elaborate as I know that he would ask why I’m confused or what I’m confused about. I only just spoke with Hope about this, so there is absolutely no way that I would be able to confide in him. And, Jules somehow always manages to get me to reveal something I didn’t think that I would. We are supposed to be fucking but yet here we are talking about our feelings.

“I could wait a little while longer while you figure shit out. What I can’t do, is wait another day to be inside you.” He groans as he leans into me further and trails his lips down my throat, the burning sensation following his lips the whole way.

“Maybe this time we would actually be able to get to that stage.” I smile as I think about how we got here last time but it has been nearly a month and we have yet to have sex. The anticipation building is not something we needed help with.

“I’ll make sure we end the night with me coming deep inside you.” He groans and stares at my lips, just before the security guard rounds the corner and sees us. Time to play the drunk couple, I guess.

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