Trusting Him (Journey to Love, #2)

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04. Right Now

Jules’s POV

Falling through the door of apartment laughing is partly how I hoped the night would go. Although a part of me did wish that we would fall in because the door opened behind her, while I was pressing her against it as we seem to have some sort of tradition to do everything against a wall or a door.

I have to admit that a part of me though that she was messing with me when she sent that message earlier on in the night, I didn’t know what to expect when I walked into that club. It turns out that for some reason she is not going to fight what is happening between us, at least not fully. I can still feel her resisting me and she’s definitely not opening herself up but even the small parts she is letting me see are good enough, for now.

“You do have a way with people.” I laugh as I follow her into my apartment, the adrenaline from being kicked out from the club still rushing through my veins. I have no idea how she managed to charm that security guy but we left the club with all of our stuff and she somehow also got his number, which I of course threw in the bin outside the club.

“Well, I did get us a free ride home.” She laughs along with me and I love it when she just relaxes, I can always tell when there are a million things going through her mind. There were some rare moments on New Year’s when she would relax and just speak with me, like after that somewhat magical kiss that we shared at the countdown. I guess we have a couple more things in common than I first thought, but I’m sure she will deny it all if I said something out loud.

I wish that she would just be herself with me, I want her to be honest with me and not only when it comes to sex. She doesn’t have any problems speaking her mind when it comes to sex, which is going to come in very handy in the next half an hour or more but sometimes that’s not enough.

I really meant it that I can’t go much longer without being inside her, it has been nearly a month and every single day has been me dreaming of touching her, taking her and feeling her in every way possible. Even though I want to every single part of her, the need to have her is overwhelming any other thought that has run through my mind.

“You actually going to spend the night or leave before I wake up?” I ask jokingly, needing to know her answer but at the same time I need to try and play it cool, hoping that she wouldn’t feel trapped by my questions and desires.

“It all depends on how good you are in bed.” She replies with that mischievous smile in her eyes, I see that she is also going to try and keep this as fun as possible. I don’t know why she is so afraid to show any kind of emotion, but I know it’s going to be a long and slow road until she opens up to me.

That’s fine as right now I’m not exactly in the mood to talk, I have waited too long for this moment to come. I am trying to look at things in a more positive light which means that the fact she is here with me is a step forward, I am just not going to let her make this into a one night stand. The irony of our reversed roles is not lost on me, nobody ever said that love was easy or predictable.

Reading her or understanding her reasons right now is the last thing on my mind, I might as well take a page out of her book and enjoy the moment, it has been hard enough fighting her every step of the way. The fact that she is here right now with me is enough of a win, the moment has been building up for weeks now, pure instinct taking over my body.

“I don’t need a bed to make you feel good.” I say into her neck, entranced with the scent of her subtle perfume, I know that she has done everything in her power to look like my every fantasy come to life. I wish that there was some sort of way that guys could go through the process like women do but we don’t have heels or tight dresses and makeup, although I am very lucky that she has gone to all this effort for me.

It would be a lie if I said that she doesn’t look fucking stunning with her tight red dress and everything else paired together, I know that she doesn’t need it all to be gorgeous but it certainly isn’t hurting me right now. I have no idea how long it must have taken her to get ready for tonight, and I am not even going to entertain the thought that this is not for me, I am going to try and turn off the voices in my head that never stop talking.

I somehow always manage to overthink everything, never really staying in the moment to appreciate everything but I just feel everything all at once. There is never a single emotion ruling me or running through my head, it’s always a mixture of a million thoughts that almost never make any sense.

Being drunk makes it even worse, because then I am saying everything out loud, all my thoughts jumbled up into one drunk person that makes no sense. I have noticed a change in me when I am around Lily that my focus is mostly on her, when I am away from her my thoughts are with her. I have no idea what a professional would say about my building obsession with her but it wouldn’t make a difference what anyone else says, degree or not degree.

My hands busy themselves on her dress, as amazing as it looks like on her it’s turning out to be a little complicated to take off. I wish that she was wearing something a little easier to take off, while it looks amazing it’s not really practical right now. And, the last thing I want to be thinking about when I am trying to get us naked is different strategies of taking off a deceivingly simple dress.

“Why is this shit so complicated?” I groan as I manage to barely move the straps down her arms, I have made no progress on actually revealing more of her skin. It’s maddening how the more I struggle and get annoyed, the less my hands seem to be following orders. They’re shaking against her skin, and I have no idea if it is the adrenaline or my nerves. There is just something about how beautiful she is that makes me feel as though this is my first time with a woman.

“It teases you when it’s on, but then it’s also a tease when you try to take it off.” I didn’t expect her to have an answer as I was mostly complaining, but seeing her carefree and teasing me somehow makes her even more beautiful. I love how she is not getting annoyed at my delay in taking her dress off.

“It’s a tease alright.” I reply as I look down at her, straightening up and taking a moment to appreciate the view, it’s amazing what a couple of extra inches can add when you are looking down her dress. I think she might have the right idea that I have been focused on rushing this and just getting inside her, but the teasing has been working for us these last couple of weeks. A couple more moments are not going to faze us, compared to the last couple of weeks.

“You don’t like being teased?” She asks and I see some sort of idea come into her head, I don’t know how I can read her emotions so easily when it’s normally hard but I am going to credit the alcohol in both of our systems. The right amount when we’re alert but just more relaxed, I also can’t wait to find out what makes her angry or moody, horny.

“Maybe, I’ll like you teasing me.” I reply as I press my body against hers, trailing my hand behind her so I can grab a handful of her tight ass. She presses her body against me, I’m not sure if this game we’re playing is going to send me to heaven or hell. In the same way, I guess I have no idea if being with her is going to be the best thing to ever happen to me or one of those massive mistakes you wish you can take back.

I thought she was rubbing her body against me, also craving any sort of friction I can get right now but I realise she has something else on her mind as she pushes me away, breaking any contact our bodies had. She walks around me into the living room, I am glad that I didn’t leave the place looking like a dump and that my flatmate is currently out of the country. I am fascinated with what she is going to do next, I hate to admit that I have mostly been the conventional sex in bed kind of guy.

“You chose the right girl to play this game.” She throws over her shoulder as she leans back against one of the sofas, we have rules for this kind of thing in the house but there is no way I am stopping Lily right now.

“Mind telling me the rules?” I ask as I take a step towards her, stopping when I see her lift a finger at me. She is smiling at me and I have to keep my mouth shut so I don’t say anything that will make her freeze, she is finally relaxing with me and she looks damn beautiful right now.

“Sit back, and enjoy the show.” She replies and she pats the seat behind her, making it pretty clear that she is the one in control here. I have no idea what she is going to do, but as I take a seat in the sofa, I know that for once I am not panicking that I don’t have any control over the moment. Handing over some of the control over to her doesn’t leave me in a panic, if my straining dick is anything to go by.

I don’t know what I was expecting for her to do next but I thought she would at least be on the sofa with me, I am once again wrong as she stands up from where she was leaning and walks to stand in front of me. There must be some music running through her head as she starts moving her hips in a slow and seductive manner, I might not be able to hear what she is but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t just become my favourite song. I might as well not even be in the room as she starts to trail her hands along her body, her eyes are closed and her legs slightly spread. If I thought she was hot before, there is no way I would be able to touch her right now.

My throat dries up as I watch her, she is not staring at me or even letting me know this is all for me but at the same time I don’t feel like I am imposing on her moment. We are both wrapped in this bubble we have created for each other. I watch her as she continues to move to the silent music, her black lace matching set of underwear might not be the most complicated thing but I know that I am going to remember this moment forever.

Right here, right now, is the first time I am seeing her naked. It might seem like a very vain thing to remember and keep in mind, but I believe that sometimes you know when something special is happening at that exact moment. My brain might be short circuiting currently but it’s as if time is sped up but standing still at the same time.

I never knew that moving slowly and to music I cannot even hear could be so sexy. I always knew some of things I would be looking for in a partner and even though I know that she is not going to like the way my thoughts are heading, I have always been a sucker for the future. She may think that this is going to be a one-time thing between us, that she is just going to be able to move on quickly from what we have, I am just going to have to work extra hard to convince her otherwise.

She may not know exactly what she is doing to me, that she is growing these thoughts and feelings inside of me that go way beyond the here and now, beyond just having sex with her. As far as bullying goes, that was something I never thought I would be teased about. I have always been different to most of the guys I knew around me, even though my cock is rock hard inside my jeans right now, I am also thinking about how beautiful Lily is standing in front of me right now. I cannot seem to turn that part of my brain off.

Her eyes remain closed as she continues to move, her humming now the only loud sound in the room, except my heavy breathing. I sure hope as hell that this whole thing is leading where I think it is, although she is running the show, something that I am weirdly enjoying, I don’t know when would be the right time for me to break her little bubble. I need to touch her somehow.

“I want you to touch yourself.” She speaks, breaking the serenity she created in the room. Her gaze meeting mine for the first time since she started her little dance, this little show that is just for me. I love how bold she is, even more that I love how confident she is in her choices and decisions. She knows what she wants and she makes sure she gets exactly that.

I realise that I probably look like a love-sick fool in front of her, not knowing where to look on her body because I want to see everything at the same time. I feel overwhelmed as if I have gone back in time and I am 16 again seeing a woman again for the first time, I didn’t make an idiot of myself that time but I guess everything has a way of catching up with you.

“You like watching men stroke themselves?” I ask, surprised at how husky my voice sounds, even to my own ears. I have never been very much into dirty talk, only with the right girl as many don’t like it. It seems that everything I had been missing with previous girlfriends is standing right in front of me. No one else before has outright asked me to jack off in front of them, but it’s always been something I’ve wanted to do, watching someone come is an underrated form of foreplay.

“I want to see how hard I make you.” She replies with a smile on her lips, she knows exactly how hard she is making me. It’s kind of hard to miss the tent my cock is pitching in my pants. Without taking my eyes off of her, I unbutton and unzip my jeans, careful not to get anything stuck anywhere as that is the last thing I need right now.

My hands are shaking, which is something I hope she doesn’t notice but the way her eyes are glued to my crotch that’s very unlikely. However, with the adrenaline running through my veins I don’t how much more of her teasing I can before I blow way too soon. Some guys might like to make themselves seem big by holding back a long time, but trust me they’re not enjoying themselves by holding back the inevitable. They’re most likely not even in the moment because they’re trying really hard not to blow.

“Every time I think about you, I’m ready to burst.” I confess, hoping that the alcohol in both of our systems will be partly to blame for my big mouth in the morning. I haven’t been with anyone since my last girlfriend which was a couple of weeks before I met Lily so it’s safe to say that she’s been the star of each solo session.

“Talk dirty to me.” She whispers, the smile no longer on her lips but the same heat I feel coursing through my blood is burning behind her green eyes. She is like the devil tempting me, showing me exactly what I want but also can’t have. At least not in the way I need her.

“I don’t know whether I want to watch you drop to your knees and take me deep inside your mouth, or watch you spread those pretty pussy lips for me as I stroke my hard cock and watch you come for me.” I don’t know how at the moment I can even string together full sentences but my senses are going into overload thinking all about the scenes in my head combined with her standing right in front of me.

“We could have both.” She replies while her eyes are trained, gently sucking in her bottom lip into her mouth. I can no longer stay still while she is so perfect in front of me. “You going to show me that pretty pussy?” I ask as I notice every single little twitch of her hands that are now slowly drifting down her body.

“I’m going to take your hard cock into my mouth as I play with my pussy.” She replies, just before she drops to her knees right at my feet. She even somehow manages to make it look smooth and elegant, without wobbling or leaning against me for support, I get the feeling that I am way out of my league with her.

I swallow any word that I was going to try and get past my dry throat as her hands quickly work on my jeans. Undoing them in just a couple of moments, and before I know it, I can feel her little hands cupping me through my boxers. Her hands still slightly cold, making me squirm in the sofa, not all due to her cold hands on my burning flesh. “Looks like we’re going to have a lot of fun tonight.” She murmurs as she strokes me, squeezing me just right that I have to breathe through the need to come in my underwear like a teenager.

It might have been words trying to make it out of my mouth but it’s just sounds that reach my ears, it seems I am unable to communicate for shit right now. Anything more than groans and grunts is too hard when she her fingers are now wrapped around my bare flesh. Her eyes meet mine, holding me hostage as I fight the urge to look at where both of her hands are holding me, slowly moving up and down in an almost caress.

“You just might have the prettiest cock I have ever seen.” She hums as she leans down to press a small kiss to the head, my hips lifting up involuntarily to get that much closer to heaven. There is nothing I could say to her onslaught of seduction, her words turning me on unlike anything I have ever felt before.

“You even taste nice.” She continues to tease me as she slowly glides her tongue over and around the head of my cock, never giving me more than what she wants in the moment. She is the one setting the tempo and I am just along for the ride, somehow, she is taking me to a state where I would sell everything I own right now just to be another inch inside her mouth.

“You’re going to be the death of me.” I think I manage to say as she gently sucks the head into her mouth, I don’t know how she is holding onto her control like this when I just want to rip every single piece of clothing from her body, even though she is not wearing much. I feel like I am just going to burst out of my skin if I’m not inside her and thrusting in some way, all feelings and worries just pushed to the side as I am in the moment and the only thing I can feel is her warmth and the fire burning in her eyes.

No more words are said between us as her movements grow bolder, thank fuck for that. I don’t know how much more of the teasing and foreplay I could take. I’m all for fooling around before the big act but I have never felt like I could die if I didn’t inside the woman I was with. Lily is teaching me that what I thought before was good, with her it’s going to blow everything I know out of this world.

As she settles into a rhythm of giving me little pieces of hope and heaven, she counters that movement by pulling back and going back into just simple, small strokes. Just enough to drive me out of my fucking mind. She might act like we have all the time in the world but even with these little teasing touches, I feel like I am going to blow all over her. I don’t know if I am cursing or even saying anything as she suddenly takes the head into her mouth.

The warmth that surrounds my whole body is a shock I should have expected but she kept me on the edge for so long that now I am seconds away from blowing with just the tip inside her mouth. “Fuck.” I manage to groan as she swirls her tongue while at the same time her hands are holding me tighter now, pumping my cock in time with her mouth.

I should be saying something witty or sexy to make her just as horny as I am, but I seem unable to utter a single word as her head starts to bop up and down on my length. “I don’t want to blow inside your mouth.” I manage to warn her as she looks up at me, the image of her mouth being stretched wide by my cock with her green eyes staring at mine will forever be seared into my brain. She might be willing to place this into a completely different category to me but there is just no way I am giving her up without a fight, even when I have to fight her.

“That all depends on how good you are at recovering.” She smirks at me, she seems to have her wits about her while her hand and mouth have completely taken those away from me. I have never felt anything like I am right at this moment, and I’m not talking practically being in love with Lily. I have never felt as if my body is in change instead of my brain, my hands are tangled in her hair and my hips are moving even when I don’t remember thinking. I have been boiled down to just pure animalistic instinct with her on her knees in front of me.

“I think that something has been neglected, I think we should change that.” I say just moments before I lift her up. Spinning us around so she is the one sitting down on the couch with her legs spread slightly but it’s my turn to smirk at the surprised expression on her face. She might act like she loves being in control but that’s something else I am going to challenger her on.

“You another one of those guys who has to be in control?” She asks with her brows raised, trying to group me into box that she seems to know well. I might not have a psychology degree but her tactics are so easy to see through and I’m not going to follow her script.

“I think we both enjoy being in control.” I reply, trying to turn the tables back on her. She doesn’t need to know about my control issues this soon as anything too deep beneath the surface right now is sure to scare her off.

“I don’t like giving up control, even with sex.” She whispers and I don’t know if she meant to admit that, it doesn’t matter that I could guess this little fact. She’s trusted me that little bit more before and any progress with her is better than nothing. I can see that we both have wounds we like to hide, and I’m going to have to be careful with hers and pray she does the same for me.

“I’ve got you.” Is all I say before I trail my hands up her legs, feeling the goose bumps beneath my fingers and relishing in the fact that I have this effect on her body, and what a body she has. I’m a firm believer that nobody is perfect but as I stare at her, I find it hard to find anything wrong with her.

Nothing more is said between us as I place a trail of kisses up her legs, although a part of me wants to tease like she did me, I don’t have the patience and I need to taste her, now. A sense of male pride flows through my body as I see her panties are wet with just her sucking my cock and I have barely touched her.

I push her panties to the side, no time for me to take them off her, as I notice her face flushing in an adorable shade of pink as I take a couple of moments to just look at her and not rush into this. I know it might seem stupid but I want to be able to remember the first time I see her like this. When you do something a lot of times, the memories seem to blur together but I want to keep this one vivid. It would be so easy to just get to the good part, it’s taking real control for me to stop and take in the moment.

Even though I did not mean my pause to mean I am teasing her, she begins to move restlessly beneath me and I can feel her becoming even more slick underneath my fingers. “You’re so wet for me.” I groan as I trail my finger along her wet slit, using her own moisture to flick her clit. I do that very gently, loving the way her hips rise and her breathing becomes more erratic with every passing movement.

Her hips are grinding on my fingers, trying to control me from where she is, but I’m the one in control now. I don’t have the patience for games, I have no idea how I have managed to last this long but the only thing on my mind right now is seeing her come apart at my hands. I slip two fingers inside her, at her own urging, I love to take my time and make sure the woman I’m with is ready for me fully but yet she is somehow tight around my fingers but her inner walls are grasping onto my fingers as she grinds, and pushes herself back against me.

“I need you inside me.” She groans, her voice low with need. As I feel her walls squeeze my fingers, her hands trying to find something to grab onto as she cannot reach me kneeling between her thighs. As my pants are still gathered around my ankles, I keep flicking her clit with my tongue while I try and take out a condom out of my pocket. I would love nothing more than to feel her bare but maybe now is not the best time to have that talk.

“I don’t know how long I’m going to last.” I groan as I lean back to roll the condom down my length, hissing as even my own hands are too much for my sensitive flesh. Lily is biting her lip as she stares at my cock, her eyes hooded and her hands trailing down her body gently as if she isn’t even thinking about it.

“I just need you inside me, I’m so close.” She moans while licking her lips, everything that she does sending me into overdrive. I stare down at her puffy and wet pussy lips, nothing much going through my head as the blood is anywhere but up there. Stroking her lower lips with the head of my cock, I spread some of her moisture around, not that she is lacking but her hiss of pleasure is enough of an incentive.

Slowly slipping inside her I hold my breath, I know that I am slightly above average in length and I’m quite wide, at least from what I’ve been told so I want to make sure that she is properly ready and I’m not going to hurt her. I have a small inkling that my girl here like a little bit of pain along with her pleasure, as I can feel her tightness around me but her legs around my hips are urging me deeper and harder.

I don’t know how I didn’t pass out from the lack of oxygen as I slip fully inside her, suddenly breathing in as we both moan at the same time. The pounding in my ears too much to really hear anything but I can feel her body shudder as I pull out nearly completely to thrust back harder than before. Her hands reach up to my arms which are resting right beside her magical heaving boobs, her nails digging into my shoulders and biceps, surprising me with the wave of pleasure that comes with the bite of pain.

Building up a rhythm as I thrust inside her, wishing that we at least made it to the bed so I could grab onto her hips instead of having to balance over her on the sofa. But the feel of her hot channel surrounding me is worth the fatigue running through my arms and as her moans grow louder, I’m no longer the one fucking her. She is lifting her hips and pushing back against me, her hips rolling almost as if she is dancing.

“Fuck.” I groan as she reaches down to rub her clit, her moans no longer making any sense as we are both not speaking coherently. Her eyes have fallen closed while I cannot seem to take mine off of her face, body and everything. I’m unable to voice my thoughts about how incredible being here with her is as the next thing I know her pussy is contracting the fuck around my sensitive cock as she rides out her orgasm while screaming my name.

It doesn’t take me long to follow in her lead as her spasms flow from her body into mine, as one of my most powerful orgasms wrecks my body. The energy is spent from my body as also the alcohol has long since worn off, now coupled with the adrenaline I just want to cuddle in bed with her and go to sleep. But, I know that I have to get us both cleaned up and make sure she keeps her word about staying the night.

Man, getting this girl is hard work.

“I think you might have just fucked me into another planet.” She says out of the blue, surprising me with her honesty. I would have thought she would play down what just happened between us as she likes to keep things close to her chest, I’m glad that at least she isn’t in full denial about the fire between us.

“So, I take it you’re staying the night because I passed your test?” I joke, as I hope that this actually wasn’t a test. It might have been the best orgasm of my life but I have yet to take full control of her body and there are just so many more things I want to do with her, and to her.

“You’re going to have to carry me to bed.” She says with her eyes starting to close once again, this time with exhaustion. A sense of peace surrounds her and she isn’t alert enough to keep her walls in place. I might not know much about the woman who is currently in my arms but there is no denying that I am going to make her mine, completely.

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