08. Movie Scene
“You make me feel as though I’m living in a movie.” I somehow voice out loud just as we’re finishing our burgers and we were just talking about how we can’t even walk back to the car.
There must be something in the air today because I’m making a lot of these mistakes around him today. I’ve never been around someone who just makes you want to be more. There is no other way to explain it other than that Jules makes me want to be romantic and in love. Some people just have that effect on others, instantly putting them at ease and I have felt it with him since the first night I met him.
Now when you’ve been hurt before you learn to trust your instincts, especially since some of your mistakes have been because you chose to ignore your gut feeling.
The movie thing is probably the corniest shit that could have come out of my mouth but in that moment, I felt it. It was as if time itself had frozen as I looked up from stuffing my face with fries to see him doing the same. Something that should have put me off, something that has nothing to do with romance but all I could see looking at him was happiness reflected in his eyes.
From such a young age, as soon as we’re born almost, we learn to read behavioural cues from those around us, mainly how we feel looking at them. Babies don’t understand a word coming out of our mouths and yet if you look closely enough, you will see them change and adapt as the situation changes and the people do as well.
Same with those abused, they notice more than the words someone is saying or even their actions. You learn to be extra careful and be able to read people so you can plan ahead.
Jules had nothing but happiness in his eyes when he looks at me, and that is something so foreign to me. The glow and warmth that I feel inside just from his gaze alone, knowing for sure and without a single doubt that he is right where he wants to be and that is with me. When you’re not used to being someone first choice or anyone’s favourite person, when you do find someone who can’t seem to spend enough time with you, it does something to you.
It’s the weirdest but also the most amazing feeling in the world, knowing that this amazing guy in front of me is more than happy to be just right here with me. It’s not even that surprising anymore that I feel the same, it doesn’t scare me as much that I find myself thinking about him every single day or that any time I spend with him feels precious and always feels like it’s ending too soon.
I don’t know when this shift in me started or how long it’s going to last, considering I just spent nearly a whole week hiding from the guy I like and my best friend. Some habits are just tough to break but for the first time in a long time, I have the urge to break them and to challenge the comfortable bubble that I have put myself in.
My comment might have been the corniest shit ever to come out of my mouth but when I see the little smile pull on the side of his lips and the way his eyes seem to sparkle that much brighter, I can’t help the bright hot flush that comes over my face. I can’t even remember the last time that I felt myself blushing or if at all ever.
“Seems as though tough old Lily is turning into a bit of a romantic.” He teases me and even though he is addressing the weight of my words, I appreciate that he is taking the easier way out and downplaying it with humour. He knows that my own words have freaked me out and he doesn’t want to add to that. I don’t know if this guy could get any more perfect.
“They say you become the person you end up with, I must be spending too much time around you.” I quip back and he laughs quietly, knowing that I mean nothing bad with my words. Jules knows that he is a romantic guy, something that you don’t see often or even more that he is so open with his feelings but it’s one of the things I find sexiest about him. He is confident and self-assured, him being a romantic guy might be against what society teaches us strong men are but he doesn’t care, it’s who he is and he’s not changing for anyone.
“I’m going to take that as a compliment, I thought women wanted a guy to be romantic and in touch with their feelings.” He pretends to be confused, I bet he never thought that actually being what women want would land him with the woman who’s never had that and doesn’t know what to do with a man like him. Oh, the irony of the whole situation.
“Of course, they do, but men rarely ever actually start of being romantic and thoughtful. Women normally have to go through blood, sweat and tears before there is even a small change in their men.” I explain and it’s a little funny how it really does seem that whatever men do will never be good enough.
Of course, the whole male species has a lot to make up for when you look at history and even present-day men but not all of them are to blame. I don’t know who his parents are or what he might have been through, what kind of previous girlfriends he has had but they have obviously shaped the kind of man that any woman would be lucky to have as theirs and would fight everyone else to have him.
I surprise myself when in my head I fit into the latter category, I have never really wanted to fight for someone but if there was another woman who was trying to take Jules away from me then I would do everything in my power to keep him interested in me and only me. These kinds of jealous thoughts are also something that I am used to but at the same time, the last time I acted on these feelings was with the wrong guy and he just used them to manipulate them into feeding his ego even more.
Jules doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to play mind games and use manipulation in a relationship. The scariest thing is that however jealous and possessive I am feeling over Jules, we are not official and he isn’t my boyfriend. Not that the poor guy hasn’t been trying but I never felt quite ready before.
I think one time he told me that he would wait for me and that he would make sure that I am sure about him and us before we became a couple, that he would never give up on me and he hasn’t broken his word yet. That is a miracle in itself.
When you’re feeling vulnerable and all you know is to push others away from you, having someone who just holds onto you even that much tighter is indescribable and irreplaceable. It’s the most stupid time to be having an epiphany, right in the middle of eating way too much food in a simple burger joint but I can’t look at Jules and not see him as my boyfriend.
Labels aren’t important to everyone, not all of them are important to me but this one seems to be sticking out in my head. I want to have the label of being his girlfriend and him being my boyfriend, it’s a label we maybe throw around too much presently, something that doesn’t last very long but I want this thing with Jules and I to last.
“I would like to think that no blood, sweat or tears have gone into making me the least bit thoughtful. I do realise why it’s so hard for men to open up or truly understand their own feelings and those of others but I had a great example with my parents. I guess you really do copy whatever it is that you see at home.” He shrugs and I don’t think he realises but there is something bothering me. While a couple of moments ago his eyes were lit up and sparkling, there is something duller in them now.
The overwhelming urge to know what’s bothering him and how I can make him feel better overtakes me. It also makes me feel more than a little helpless as it seems like he always knows just the right thing to say and always realises what could be bothering me. Now at the first sign that there is something weighing heavily on him and I have no idea what it could be or how to make it better.
I always said that if I were to form future relationships after the disaster with my ex that I would never make the same mistakes, my own and his. I never wanted to be the selfish one in the relationship and yet here I am, with the most thoughtful guy I’ve ever met and it seems like all of the we have spent together has just been all about me and very little to do with him and the things he loves.
I may know the kind of person he is but I don’t know many of the normal everyday things that I feel like I should. I have no idea if he has been holding back on purpose or if I have been selfish and wanted all of the attention on myself and my own problems but I don’t like it one bit. It’s time that I found out more about Jules and spoilt him a little bit for a change.
While we finish the rest of the food Jules becomes a little quieter and as if he is somewhere far away. I take that time to quickly text Joe asking him for a couple of hints of where to take Jules or what to do that would make him happy. It might be cheating a little bit but I will always have more time in the future to figure out the things that Joe doesn’t know.
“You’re not paying for the meal, this is my treat and anyway it’s cheap as fuck so don’t argue with me.” I give him my best glare, telling him I mean business and he raises his hands in surrender, muttering under his breath something about stubborn women and that his treat wouldn’t be something cheap.
I mean don’t get me wrong I love the thought of a guy treating his girl on dates and such but I see many girls have become too complacent and expect guys to dish out all their money on them. I don’t know about them but earning your own money isn’t easy and we all have bills and shit we need to cover so why not pay for the food or night once in a while. I don’t know what kinds of dreams and plans he has for his money of if he is saving for something big so while I am not well off, I can cover some cheap food once in a while because I don’t think he’s obligated to work just to feed me.
“That’s the second time you’ve paid for our food, I’m supposed to be the guy in this relationship.” He moans again when we walk outside into the freezing air. I wrap my winter coat tighter around me as I turn to glare at him but he somehow looks sexy and hot even wrapped up in god knows how many layers and suddenly I hate winter. I don’t like the reality that right now if I wanted to touch or see his bare skin I would have to spend 5 minutes undressing him because of all the layers we are both wearing.
“I don’t need you to pay for everything for me to know you’re the man in this relationship.” I reach up to gently peck his lips and even though we’re both freezing with the harsh wind whipping around us, the smallest touch of his lips against mine is enough to bring up my body temperature a couple of degrees. It has been way too long since I have felt him inside me or the heat of his body. It’s not the same when it’s me bringing myself to orgasm.
“Well, what other way is there for me to prove my manliness?” He asks with that damn sexy little smirk pulling on the corner of his lips. I might have been doing a good job of hiding it until now but I am burning up for him and I want to drag him some place where I can lick him from head to toe.
“There are a couple of ways but sadly none of them can be done right here in the open. I think some of them might scar those little children over there and give those teenagers a free show.” I whisper as I brave the cold and wrap my arms around his neck. See what I’m willing to do for this guy?
“I think it falls into our responsible hands not to traumatise those children, don’t you think?” he whispers as he leans further down, pressing another small and all too short kiss on my frozen lips.
“I would like to use your hands for something else.” I whisper back and I see his normally hazel eyes turn greener, clearly letting me know exactly what’s on his mind. I mean for a couple who is this attracted to each other, we like to torture ourselves and wait until the sexual tension between us is atomic before tearing each other’s clothes off.
I don’t get a warning sign before Jules is lifting me over his shoulder in a fireman’s hold and I think he is walking back towards the parking garage where he parked the car. Now, of course, I’m not the best at direction right now while being upside down but I do have the best view of his tight ass. I sure hope he gets there fast before too much blood rushes to my head. I have no idea how it’s happening but instead of my head all of my blood is rushing somewhere else with this show from him.
Who knew that Jules had this caveman Neanderthal inside of him?