Tear In My Heart

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XX. I Love You

Frustration coursed through my veins as I hit backspace on my phone for the fifteenth time. I let out a groan of frustration as I tossed my phone away from me and threw myself back on the bed. I’d been working on my final story for three hours and I’m still exactly where I started: with a blinking cursor and a story waiting to be written. I groaned. I needed to get this story done by the end of next week and I don’t even have an idea of how to-

“Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve been going at it for a while now?” Madison asked from his comfy position in his chair next to his bed, his focus on the notebook he’d been scribbling in just as long as I’d been fruitlessly writing.

“I can’t get this stupid-not-stupid story done and it’s my ticket to possibly getting a scholarship to the school of my dreams and I can’t get an inspiration or even a good idea out of this stupid little brain-” I was cut off by Madison throwing a pillow at me. “Hey!” I pouted as I removed the pillow from my face as Madison plopped down on his bed beside me. “What was that for?”

“You complain too much,” he playfully grinned. “Give yourself some time and I bet you’ll write the best story the world has ever known.” I rolled my eyes at his sappiness and playfully punched him on the shoulder, causing him to playfully wince.

“No need to beat a man while he’s already beaten,” he joked causing me to narrow my eyes at him.

“Not funny.”

“Not funny,” he sobered up, just as something in his notebook caught my eye.

“What’s this?” I asked as I quickly snatched his notebook from his lap.

“Noah, don’t-” he started, but was interrupted by me standing up and opening the book just to see a beautifully drawn picture of me frustratedly typing on my phone while I sat on his bed.

“Mads this is-”

“Crap. Complete and utter crap,” he said as he fruitlessly tried to grab for his notebook, but I kept it out of his reach.

“It’s beautiful,” I corrected as I found myself flipping through his notebook, discovering various drawings of me when I wasn’t paying attention over the three days I’d been with Madison. Me doing my homework that Connor dropped off for me from school, me fixing his broken front door handle, this morning when I was making breakfast. “Madison, you’re amazing at this stuff. How come you never told me you could draw?”

“It’s just a hobby,” Madison bashfully stated. “It relaxes me when my mind is in shambles.” I smiled and kissed his forehead.

“Well your talent is definitely not one to be ashamed of. One day, you need to teach me how you-” I was cut off by a knock at the door and based on the knock pattern, I knew it was Connor coming to deliver my homework.

I quickly bounced up and hurried to the door and as soon as I opened it, his arms were around me in a hug. “Hey, Con,” I chuckled as I hugged him back.

“Hey Noah,” he said as he stepped back. “Hey Madison,” he greeted as he waved to Madison which Madison returned with a smile.

“Sup, Connor?”

“Nothing much,” he said as he walked in and I closed the door behind him. “Noah, my man, you’re going to be so lost in math. I mean, I was there and I’m still confused.”

“I think I’ll survive,” I chuckled as I took my backpack from him which held my work.

“There’s a rumor that the reason you aren’t at school is because you got in trouble for drinking or something like that, but don’t worry I put a stop to it.”

“And how did you do that, pray tell?” I asked, knowing that Connor would blow it way out of proportion.

“I told them that you didn’t get in trouble for drinking, but you got in trouble for beating down a guy. Right hooks for days. Now the whole student body may or may not think you’re in juvie...maybe.”

That revolation caused Madison to choke on the orange juice he was drinking in the kitchen, causing me to laugh. “Relax, Mads. It’s fine.” He gave me the finger which I gladly returned.

“Oh, look at the two lovebirds,” Connor dreamily stated, causing me to punch him and he laughed. “Alright, I gotta bounce. You gonna be at practice today?”

I turned and looked at Madison who was cleaning up his orange juice mess in the kitchen then turned back to Connor and shrugged. “I don’t know,” I quietly said so that only Connor could hear. “I just don’t want to leave him alone.” Connor knew Madison had gotten beaten up, I mean anyone could tell just by looking at him, but he didn’t know by whom or why and I was planning on keeping it that way. It’s not my story to tell anyway.

“I understand, man,” Connor nodded. “Look after your boyfriend. I’ve got the boys.”

I offered him a grin and I hugged him. “Thanks, Con. You’re the best.”

He offered me a wink. “I know,” he said before he turned to Madison. “Bye, Madison. See you later.”

“Later,” Madison waved as Connor walked out the door, locking the door behind himself. I threw my bag on the couch and walked over to Madison, wrapping my arms around him and holding him close.

“How are you feeling?” I softly asked. We’d been avoiding talking about his physical condition too much over the past three days other than when I applied his medicines.

“I’ve had better days,” he chuckled as he wrapped his muscular, tattooed arms around me and rested his forehead on mine. “Thank you, Noah.”

“Don’t mention it,” I smiled.

We held the comfortable silence for a few moments, enjoying each other’s presence and the feeling of one another’s skin against our own. “You need to go to practice,” he suddenly said.

“Nope,” I instantly said, shaking my head. “Don’t wanna, not gonna. I need to be here with you in case-”

“Noah, you love soccer-”

“No, Madison, I love you, and I’m not going to put you in danger again, especially not with your father literally working across the street.”

“Noah, you’ll be across the street too. I can practically see the soccer fields from here. I’ll be fine for a couple of hours. Just have fun for a little bit.”

I shook my head again. “I have the most fun with you,” I admitted as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Watching movies. Discovering hidden talents. Just being with you is more than enough fun. Plus, I’d have to go by my Nona’s house to grab my uniform and I’m not in the mood to deal with her right now-”

“Could you at least consider it? For me?” Madison asked, using his signature look that he knew I couldn’t refuse, especially when he looked like a kicked puppy.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Fine. I’ll consider it. Happy now?”

“Very,” he smiled before he cupped my cheeks and quickly kissed me, a smile decorating his face even when we pulled apart.

“What?” I asked and he shook his head.

“You’re just...you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”


“I’m serious. All my life I’ve never had anyone as committed to me as you. No one who loves me as much as you. No one I’ve ever loved as much as you. You’ve fought for me and loved me and you’re willing to beat up the world if it meant my happiness and I really really love you for all of it.” By now tears were filling his eyes, but the smile on his face absolved the worry that was growing in my chest. “So yeah, Noah. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I want you to stay in my life forever. One day we’ll travel the world, see whatever you want, live where ever you want. We’ll have kids and a big fat wedding that’s gay as all hell. We’ll grow old together and reminisce on memories like this and that’ll just make me love you even more. I don’t care that I got the crap beat out of me. If it’s for you, I’d do it again. And again. And forever.” By the end he was breathing heavily and happy tears were streaming down his godly face.

I smiled as I wiped his tears from his cheeks as tears of my own began blurring my vision. “You’re the best thing that’s happened to me too, Madison Williams. I love you so, so, so much that it hurts. But I’d go through all the pain in the world for you.” He smiled and held me tighter. “And as for the whole kids thing, I think I already have some unique name choices.”

He chuckled before his lips were on mine. I laughed against his lips as he lifted me up on the counter and kissed me deeper. His hands slid beneath my shirt and ran themselves up and down my spine, causing a shiver to run up my back. I needed to stop this soon before I wouldn’t be able to control myself. “Madison...” I trailed as he pulled my body closer to his and started kissing down my neck.

“You know what?” He muttered into my neck. “Even the best artist couldn’t capture the beauty that is you. Wouldn’t do you justice.”

I chuckled. “Don’t flatter me.”

Madison effortlessly took my shirt off and looked up at me. “Sorry, it’s in the job description.” Before I knew it, his lips were on mine as he picked me up and was carrying me back to the bed room, using his foot the close the bedroom door behind us. He roughly threw me down on the bed before his lips were all over me once more.

“Madison, you’re trending on some mighty thin ice,” I warned as he began kissing down my chest.

He looked up at me through his thick curtain of lashes, a new mischievous glint sparkling in his eyes. ”Lo so (I know).”

The way he looked at me and the feather soft way his lips moved over me caused my mind to fill with white noise and my fingers to wrap around the sheets for dear life. “Noah, I want to try something with you...” Madison cryptically stated and I had to keep myself from jumping on him. I knew what he wanted. I wanted it too. So unbelievably bad, but I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to ruin the experience for him or mess up somehow. He deserved better than that.

“I don’t want to disappoint you,” I softly said. “I don’t know what to do. I’m not ready.”

Madison merely gave me a smile then moved his body so that his face was right above mine. “It’s okay, il mio amore (my love), I’ll wait as long as you want to. I don’t want you to feel pressured. Plus, I want to moment to be just right.”

“I can’t think of any better moment other than right after the two lovers declare their undying love for each other.”

Madison chuckled as he took my hand before kissing the back of it. “I want it to be just right for you.”

I couldn’t help the smile that grew on my face before I kissed him again. I smiled a lot when I was around him. “Plus, we could still try other things,” he muttered into my lips.

“You’ve got some balls for an injured person, you know that?” I joked.

“You have no idea,” he chuckled.

Then his lips found my body again.

And I sucked in a sharp breath and fisted the sheets as his mouth got me just right.

That was the first time my mind was truly blown.

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