Tear In My Heart

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XXVI. Inspirations

“Come on, babe we’re almost there,” Madison said as he helped me up the final few stairs at the end of the hall that led to his apartment. My legs were still weak and my lungs were burning. My head was spinning and I was holding on to Madison for dear life.

Sometimes being stubborn and demanding to do things on your own isn’t the smartest choice.

My right hand grabbed onto Madison’s shoulder tighter and put a bit more of my weight on him. Almost there. Almost there...

When we finally made it to the door, Madison wasted no time opening the door and leading me toward his couch. “I’m so proud of you Noah,” he softly said as he continued leading me, my eyebrows knitting together as we passed the couch.

“Where are we going? Babe, I’m tired and I need to rest.”

“I know,” Madison said as he began leading me toward the bathroom. “But all those nurses got to touch all over you, so it’s only fair that as your boyfriend I get the same privilege.”

I rolled my eyes though a smile decorated my face. “Why do you have a way of making a bath sound so dirty?”

He laughed as we entered the bathroom. “It’s only that way if you want it to be.” He led me to the tub and gently set me on the edge before he turned the knob so that warm water filled the porcelain tub. “I missed having this,” he softly said as he gently tugged my shirt over my head. “Privacy. I hated having eyes on us all the time. I like it when it’s just you and me.”

I cupped his face in my hands. “I like it too. A lot, actually.” He smiled up at me before he made a move toward my pants, his eyes asking me the silent question. I instantly nodded, trusting him completely, and before I knew it, I was completely bare before him but I didn’t feel weird. If anything I felt safe. Madison knew my boundaries and I knew his and he wouldn’t try anything unless I gave him my permission. But that didn’t stop his eyes from slowly looking me up and down. “Excuse me, my eyes are up here,” I joked causing his eyes to meet mine again.

“You’re beautiful,” he earnestly said as he cupped my cheek. ”Really beautiful.” I found myself biting my lower lip in a failed attempt to hide my widening smile. “Don’t do that,” he lowly said as he used his thumb to free my lip from my teeth’s grasp. “It makes me want to kiss you too badly and that’s dangerous, especially in the position you’re in.”

His words prompted a blush to stain my cheeks as I broke eye contact. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him smile before he kissed my temple and hurriedly turned off the water. He grabbed me and slowly helped me into the tub, the warm water soothing my beaten, aching muscles. I let out a sigh and relaxed.

Madison grabbed my towel and slowly started bathing me, his slow, calculating hands feeling amazing across my body. “One day we’re going to get out of here. Away from my homophobic dad and your less homophobic Nona,” Madison mused as he ran the towel over my bruised back. “You’re going to get into your dream college in New York and I’ll live in a trailer in the parking lot waiting to snatch you up between classes.” His words caused me to chuckle, the simple action slightly hurting my ribs. “After we both get finished with school we’re going to find a place somehow somewhere then we’ll take over the world, you with your writing and me with my coding.”

“Oh are we?”

“Yep, and one day when we’re ready, we’ll have a big gay wedding, super gay. We’ll invite RuPaul and Brendon Urie and all the gay icons, and sing Queen songs, it’ll be great. Then once we’re settled down, we’ll adapt a couple of kids, I vote for one boy and one girl but we’ll decide when we get there, then grow old together and meet our grandchildren, maybe even our great grandchildren. Then...well, I guess we’ll figure that out too.”

“Sounds like you’ve thought about this an awful lot, Madison.”

“Can you blame me? I mean, once you’ve found the love of your life, it’s natural to want to plan out the perfect future, isn’t it?”

My heart fluttered at being called the love of his life. “Yes, I guess you can say it is.”

Madison offered me a small grin before he continued bathing me, the room filled with a relaxed silence. I couldn’t help the relaxed sigh that pushed past my lips once he started massaging shampoo into my scalp. “Is that good?” He softly asked and I merely hummed in response, words failing to form and come out of my mouth. He continued until he decided that I was clean enough before he drained the tub and helped me out then he grabbed my towel and started drying me off going from the bottom up.

“You know I’m not completely helpless, right?”

“I know,” he said as he wrapped the towel around my legs. “I just like pampering you. Plus, this is payback for that night you did the same for me, though I probably would’ve done this regardless.” He took his index finger and gently ran it up the outside of my leg, up my thighs and hips all the way up until he was gripping the back of my neck. “Yeah, I definitely would’ve done this regardless.”

I felt the corners of my mouth turn up before I said, “Thank you.”

He ran his thumb across my jaw as a response and held me for a few more moments before he finished drying my body, and I couldn’t help the slight shivers that moved through me as he touched me. It was pure ecstasy.

Once he was satisfied, he led me back to his room where I slid on a pair of boxers with nothing else before I was led to his bed as he grabbed some medicine for me. “I know this is that last thing that you want to do, but we’re going to start your breathing exercises, okay?” This caused me to let out a groan of annoyance. “I know, I know, but this is going to help you, alright?”

“Fine,” I mumbled.

“Good,” he said as he got some pain cream and rubbed it in his hand before he started applying it to the bruises on my torso. “Now repeat after me.” We ran through all of the breathing exercises Emma had given us and by the end not only were my ribs aching, but I was covered in medicine and felt gross.

“Are we done now?” I begged as he closed the cap to the medicine.

“Yep,” he said, causing me to let out a sigh of relief. “Now it’s my turn to bathe. I’ll be right back, don’t strain yourself too much while I’m gone.”

As soon as he left, I grabbed my phone and opened my project that I had to turn in to Mr. Hill in less than two weeks, and my final story was still where it had been almost a month ago: blank.

I went through an endless cycle of typing and deleting and frustrated sighs and curses then typing and more deleting and sighing and cursing and so on until I felt like I was about to pull my hair out.

“Whatcha writing about?” Madison innocently asked as he wrapped his massive arms around me, unaware of how frustrated I was. He’d just walked out of the shower and his hair was still wet. The district smell of soap and shampoo clinged to him, the combo oddly relaxing and familiar.

“I don’t know,” I whined. “I’ve been working on this stupid portfolio piece for what feels like forever and this has to be the piece that sets me apart from everyone else and I always end up with a blank page. I don’t know, I just wanna- ugh!” I groaned, anger pumping through me due to my own incompetence. I hated it.

Madison gently chuckled as he held me tighter. “Why don’t you write a love story but, like, make it super gay. But don’t make them being gay the focus of the story, like how They Both Die At the End or What If It’s Us had super gay characters but their sexual orientation wasn’t the focus, you know? Or do. Heck I don’t know. But all I’m saying is that you should write a story that all the closeted or confused or whatever people can relate to and feel comforted in. Does that even make sense? I don’t know what I’m talking about,” he concluded as he shook his head. But that was a lie. He knew exactly what he was talking about.

I smiled before I placed a gentle kiss on his lips. “You’re a genius,” I said before inspiration hit me like a truck and my fingers frantically started typing.

The multi colored lights were flashing all around me as a song with a bass so deep my insides rattled surrounded me. I didn’t quite know where I was or even what my name was, but I did know one thing: the man dancing in front of me was the man of my dreams...

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