In my room, I watch as Ronan kicks off his shoes and flops down on my bed as if he’s been here a million times. I’m glad to know that I’m the only one nervous as hell right now. I’ve never had a man like Ronan in my room let alone my bed. Does he expect to have sex with me? I know he says that it’s my choice but, he’s a guy. Just because he’s an older guy doesn’t mean he doesn’t think about sex. He’s a sugar daddy so I know he thinks about it. It’s nice of him to act like he doesn’t though.
“So come tell me about what happened?” He pats the area next to him and I crawl onto the bed, snuggling in his arm. I take a deep breath and I feel like this is the first time I’ve relaxed all day.
“Well, when I got home, her bags were sitting by the door and when I asked what was going on, she just started mouthing off these ridiculous reasons. We went back and forth and I told her to get the hell out. She’s spent all this time making it seem like she has my best interest in mind when actually she just wanted to control me. For some reason, she thinks that she’s protecting me from being in abusive relationships when she knows good and dang well that I can handle myself.”
“How does she know that?”
“Because when she was in an abusive relationship, I went to her house and knock the shit out of her boyfriend with my bat.”
Ronan begins chuckling and it shakes my body. I look up at him and he’s still laughing.
“Oh, you don’t think I can take care of myself?” I ask, giving him a little smirk.
“I believe you. I just can’t imagine someone so tiny, swinging a bat. I’m sure that thing is bigger than you.”
“I can handle big things just fine, thank you very much.”
I don’t realize what I’m implying until Ronan raises an eyebrow at me. Clearly, my tone suggests that I’m not talking about a bat. Feeling a little embarrassed, I bite down on my lip and look away. Instead of messing with me about it, Ronan decides to stay on topic.
“Well, it seems like you were the better friend. She didn’t deserve a friend like you.”
“Thank you. I’m kind of glad I finally have the whole place to myself. I can decorate the way I want to now. I don’t have to share a bathroom or the living room tv. The only thing I’m going to miss is the fact that she always made me lunch before work. Now I have to do it myself.” I laugh and Ronan shakes his head.
“Seems like you’re used to being spoiled.”
“A little. My parents used to spoil me until I dropped out of college.”
“What were you going for?”
“Nursing. It didn’t take long before I realized school wasn’t for me. I hated it. When I told my parents, they cut me off cold turkey. Thankfully, I had managed to save some money to get this place and had enough cushion to help me out while job searching. That’s when I got the job at the bar.”
“I’m sure your parents were just disappointed.”
“Yeah, well they’ve always been that way. Never satisfied with anything I do. I could’ve stayed in school but, it was too much pressure. The work was easy, it was my parents that were hard on me. I graduated high school top of my class. I was prom queen, homecoming runner-up, class president and a member of the honor society. None of it was good enough. When I got to college, I had a nervous breakdown. I haven’t talked to them since.”
“When I tried to tell them that I was stressed out, they didn’t understand. I was losing weight, having constant migraines, trouble sleeping. Then one day it all took its toll and I completely lost it. I had a massive anxiety attack and had to be taken to the hospital. Instead of my parents seeing that they were the problem, they assumed I was having some psychotic break. So they had me sent to the psych ward for a week. I wasn’t crazy, I was just tired. My dad tried to understand me but, my mother controls the reigns.”
I look up and see Ronan with a conflicted expression on his face.
“I’m sorry they did that to you, sweetheart. No one deserves that sort of pressure.”
“Yeah, so now I’m just taking care of myself the best I can. I hate my job sometimes but, to me, it’s my freedom. I’m standing on my own without them.”
“And you’re doing a great job. You’re a very poised woman who works in a not so poised establishment. That’s one of the first things I notice about you. You looked too proper to work in a bar.”
I laugh softly, shaking my head.
“I guess the prom queen look doesn’t fade.”
“Not at all.” He kisses my forehead softly and I sigh.
“Thank you for listening to me. And thanks for coming over. I guess I just needed to vent.”
“No problem. I wasn’t busy at all and I was thinking about you.”
Jokingly, I wiggle my eyebrows at him.
“And what were you thinking about?”
I don’t know why but, the expression Ronan gives me is all I need to know. I was completely right. He has been thinking about sex with me. It doesn’t shock or scare me but, it makes me a little nervous. Maybe, I wouldn’t be so nervous if I put some intimacy on the table. I’ve made out with him and survived. I’m sure I could do it again right now. The agreement is pretty much sealed so why not?
Sitting up, I slowly place my hands on Ronan’s shoulders as I swing my leg over his, straddling him. When I’m sitting on him, I look right into his eyes, locking my fingers behind his neck. The prickly feeling of his hair tickles my fingers. His eyes dive into mine and I look away briefly before returning the gaze. Being so controlled as a teen, I didn’t get a lot of my sexual experiences until I got to college and none of them were that great. Since then, I’ve only been on a few dates and had sex less than a hand full of times. So to have a mature guy like Ronan wanting me like this is intimidating, yet exhilarating but, I think he should know that I’m not some sexual lioness.
Before I can speak, Ronan reaches up and lays his hands on my hips. I immediately become turned on by the gesture. God, had it really been that long? A simple touch from him sends me into overdrive.
“Ronan.” I mumble.
“I know you may be used to experienced girls being your sugar babies but, I’m not like that. I’ve only had a sex a few times so...”
“I only expect you to be you, Malina. I’m not with those other girls anymore. I’m with you. I want you just the way you are with whatever experience you have or don’t have.”
Dang, he hit the nail on the head. That’s exactly what I needed to hear to comfort me in this situation. I feel a lot better knowing that he doesn’t expect me to be more or less than any other sugar baby he’s had in the past, though, I do wonder what they were like. Pushing that out of my head, I just decide to take the plunge. I’m a grown woman with a sexual appetite of a lioness. Hear me roar!! Okay, no, Lina. Just kiss the man.
Leaning in, I press my lips against his and it’s like my lady bits go into some frenzy. I hold back a moan as Ronan’s hand slide off my hips before moving to my butt. When he squeezes, his cause me to grind against him and the bulge in his sweatpants becomes very noticeable. Holy Moly this man is blessed. I don’t know where he’s planning on sticking that thing but, it isn’t in me...okay, I’m lying.
I almost giggle against his mouth but, I hold it in as his tongue finds mine, deepening the kiss. Slowly, I move my hips, grinding against him, feeling his hardness press up against my lady bits and this time, I do moan. As we’re making out, my hands fall to the hem of his shirt. I pull it over his head, throwing it to the floor before sliding my hands down his hard chest. When Ronan goes to pull my shirt up, he stops and his lips move from mine.
“Wait, how far are we going with this?”
I look up and down and all around before biting my lip.
“I don’t know but, I know I don’t want to stop right here.”
“Thank God because I’ve been dying to see this sexy little body all day.”
When he pulls my shirt off and tosses it aside, revealing my naked body, his eyes glisten with hunger. We may not cross the finish line tonight but, we’ll get damn close.