The next day, we pack our things to head home and it’s honestly depressing. I’ve had the most relaxing time here with Ronan and now I must go back to the real world. As I’m packing away my new clothes, I can see now how many sugar babies choose not to work. Once you get used to this lifestyle, it’s hard to continue with the routine 9 to 5 job. I enjoy my job, I really do, but to be able to just lounge around and reap the rewards is lovely. Why work hard when you can hardly work? Well, because your sugar daddy can dump you at any moment, that’s why.
It’s truly the only reason I go to work during this arrangement. I vowed not to depend solely on Ronan and I’m keeping that promise to myself. In the end, this isn’t permanent. It’s never meant to be. Maybe for some, but one day, I see myself with a family and a better job. Being a sugar baby just doesn’t play into that. I care for Ronan, but with his lifestyle, he can’t give me a future.
Sadness washes over me as I think about it, but I don’t want to ruin the day with a sour attitude. I want to just soak it all in before going back home.
“Babe, are you ready?”
Ronan comes in and gathers our bags on the bed. Taking a deep breath, I turn to him and sigh.
“Do we have to go home? I don’t want to.” I put on a fake pout and he kisses my pouting lips.
“No, we don’t have to go, however, the only factor taking us back is your job.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“You can always quit.” He shrugs and I give him a look.
“You know I can’t.”
Ronan wraps his arms around me, pulling my body against him. I strain my neck a bit to look up at him while he’s smiling down at me.
“I know your job is important to you. I understand, but this lifestyle is meant to provide financial security to those participating. I give you more than enough to live on.”
“But for how long? This could be over in a week or month. None of this is a concrete thing. One day, you’re going to want something new. Someone fresh and shining and you’re going to cut ties. Or maybe I’ll get tired of having the title of a sugar baby. Maybe one day I’ll meet someone who gives me love instead of money. There are just too many factors at play that prevent me from feeling secure enough to quit my job and just rely on something that isn’t concrete. I’m not that type of girl to just depend on a man because he wines and dines me. I’m sorry. ”
Ronan’s facial expression changes from calm and playful to mildly agitated. He isn’t used to girls telling him how it’s going to be and that’s fine, but he knew from the start that I wasn’t like most of this lifestyle.
“As you wish. I’m sorry for pushing the subject. I just thought you would trust me by now to take care of you.” Ronan says, letting me go, almost pushing me.
“Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t. It’s not like this is a real relationship. Essentially, it’s just intimate business transactions. You should know that better than anyone.”
Ronan doesn’t reply anymore. He simply walks off to get the rest of his things. I frown softly knowing that I’ve irritated him about this whole job thing, but he knew where I stood on the subject before this whole arrangement started so I don’t know why he’s pissed. I want to talk to him about it, but I’ve already said what I have to say. I just hope whatever we have isn’t going to be jeopardized by something so small.
We don’t talk much on the ride home and I’m actually glad. I wouldn’t want to fake that I’m okay with how unreasonable Ronan was earlier. He should know that I’m bothered by how easily he brushed me off when it came down to something we didn’t agree on. However, I’ve expected it for some time now. In the beginning, he was just so unusually understanding, too understanding. It always takes a little time for someone’s true colors to come out. I just hope I’ve seen the most of his colors. I’d hate for him to turn out to be more like John.
After a long ride of silence and irritation, we head back to Ronan’s place even though what I really want is just to go home. When things have settled a bit, Ronan offers to cook dinner, but I don’t want to stay. He isn’t making me feel like he did days ago and I’m not the type of girl to stick around, feeling uncomfortable.
“You know, I think I’m going to go home. I need to check on my place and get ready for work tomorrow. I’m exhausted.”
Ronan gives me a look before nodding his head.
“Sure. When will I see you?”
“I’ll let you know. I’m sure my schedule will be a little hectic for a few days. I’m sure I’m going to be working doubles so I’ll let you know.” For some reason, my heart begins beating a little harder as if I’m going to get in trouble for this.
“Sure. Well, drive safely, Malina. I’ll be in touch.”
I nod, walking over to him slowly. When he’s in front of me, I give him a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth, but he doesn’t return it which bothers me more. Quickly, I gather my things and head out without Ronan at the door to say goodbye. As I’m driving home, I feel uneasy. It’s the kind of feeling that lets you know something is going to change. A change that I’ve been expecting all of long. I’m prepared for whatever tomorrow brings whether it hurts my feelings or not.
Glad to actually get home, I dump all my bags on the floor and immediately run myself a hot bubble bath with a glass of cheap wine. With candles lit, I sink down into the water, I grab my phone and turn on a little music. I’ve never been so happy to be alone before, but this weekend has been a lot. Most of it was fun, but the ending sucked a little. Maybe, I’m just not cut out for this life, but hell, I knew that from the beginning. I only tried this because Ronan convinced me that I was all of these wonderful things and maybe, just maybe, I liked the attention, but now it just doesn’t seem that great.
Glad I didn’t quick my damn job.
I spend an hour or so soaking in the water before my fingers and toes begin to prune and when I get out, I feel more relaxed and less worried about whatever Ronan has going on. Just being by myself has helped me gain some of my common sense back. Ronan is a sugar daddy, not my boyfriend and not my husband. He’s just a guy who gave me money in exchange for my company and sex even though he never admitted it. Without him, I’m still a girl that guys drool over and want to take him. He didn’t’ add or take away from my worth. I’m so mad that I let myself forget that even for a weekend.
With a half bottle of wine in my system and my old attitude back, I slide into bed and just as I’m about to go to sleep, I get an email notification. Opening it up, I’m not surprised to see that the credit card Ronan gave me has been canceled. Thankfully, I was smart enough to keep all the cash he gave me so I can put into my account. It’s not like I’m struggling, but I’m not crazy. I’m going to keep the damn money. I’m glad I got something out of it all besides pure irritation.
Fucking asshole. Good riddance.