I was once asked about my worst memory, I didn’t utter a single word back then, I just slowly opened my silver necklace and showed them my life, the one that brought me to this nebulous life. I showed them a picture of my precious invaluable mother.
They got confused at first and asked me why was this my worst memory, I just replied with a low tone that came out as a weak soft whisper ” Because she’s dead ”
I was 15 years old when I was asked this question, and now I’m 20 years old.
I got emotional and wanted to cry back then, but I contained my tears. I didn’t allow them to fall from my pale green eyes, because I knew better than anyone, that crying doesn’t do anything, it just attracts more people who will feel pity for you. I didn’t and don’t want to be treated with compassion.
I felt pathetic, at the time I couldn’t do anything right without my dear mother. I felt like a helpless and lost bird, who’s flying without a direction to lead the long lonely way.
Years have passed since the atrocious day. Since my mother’s sudden and unexpected death. We weren’t ready.
It wasn’t planned.
So I just hid my emotions very well and buried them deep down in my cold heart that was once aching for the warmth. The love. The passion and affection that I still lack.
Now, I’m known as the Heartless girl in my neighborhood and college. I fight, I run, I swear when I have to and I don’t care for anything. I hurt who tries to hurt me.
An eye for an eye, right?
I mean, why should I care for anything when I have a father who is married to his work and no siblings to worry about nor friends to talk with?
My father devoted his self to his work after my mother’s death, he wanted to distract himself from her ghost that lived in his head for a long time. For seven years. I was 13 when I needed my father the most. I was 13 when I lost her beautiful soul. I was 13 when everything turned upside down.
I’ll never forget that day...
" Miss Caldwell, I’m afraid that I might have unfortunate news for you. ” My homeroom teacher countered after he made me stand outside of the classroom.
I looked at him with complete confusion mixed with a hint of fright. ” Yes? ” I replied, waiting for him to speak.
He looked through me, and I saw pity and sympathy reflecting in his dark brown eyes. I didn’t like the look on his face that day, I hated it actually. The teacher put his hand on my shoulder and sighed deeply. ” Your mother is fighting for her life at the moment. She might not make it, that’s what your father had told me through the phone, he told me to take you to the hospital. ”
Did I mishear him?
I wasn’t functioning properly when I heard the word mother. My mother. I just went numb, I stared at him and tried to search for a lie in his words. I found none.
" T-take me to her. ” I replied in a desperate tone that was hoping for a miracle.
I had to see her…
After the teacher dropped me off at the hospital, he drove back to school. I ran to her room without paying attention to the nurses and doctors who were telling me to wait.
I couldn’t wait.
As I saw father standing outside her room, looking pale and sad, I had the urge to cry but I didn’t. " Father ” I called to grab his attention. Seconds later, he snapped his head at me. His eyes were puffy from all the crying. ” Where is she? ” I asked in a cracked up voice that was filled with fear. ” What happened? ” I added.
The fear that she might...
" Jane was a victim of an irresponsible behavior, she was in the bank getting her salary. Everything was normal... until a bank robbery accrued. They were blinded by the money that they started shooting randomly at the people there. Your mother was there, she was the first victim. She was shot in her stomach. The doctors tried to save her but they said that she lost a big amount of blood and they said that they were sorry. They couldn’t save her Holly. Your mother is gone, Jane is gone forever from our lives. ” Father explained with tears spilling on his cheeks and short brown beard that needed to be shaved. He sat on a chair with his head between his palms.
I looked at his white shirt and saw blood on it. My eyes widened when I finally got what he was saying, I finally realized the calamity that we got forced into by fate.
" Please father... T-tell me th-hat you are lying, please tell me that this is not her blood. ” I pointed my finger at his shirt, he just shook his head.
My legs led me to her door room, I opened the door to see the angel sleeping on a white mattress. She looked too white, she looked dead. I stepped closer, then closer until I was able to touch her lifeless body. I shook her once... Nothing happened. I shook her once again, but nothing happened.
I felt like puking, but I had an empty stomach because I didn’t have lunch at school. I forgot my ache and I looked around me, then I saw her heart monitor. It was a straight red line that was saying: Beep.
" No ” I stepped back. ” This can’t be happening! mother, please wake up, I still hadn’t gotten your full love mother, I’m still 13. Please wake up, don’t leave us. ” I cried harder and harder with every second that passed, knowing that all this yelling and shouting was for no use at all.
As I was trying to deny the bitter truth, father stood behind me then he put his hand on my shoulder. He cleared his dry throat.” Holly dear, do you want to know what were her last words? ” Father asked in a tired voice. Already gave up.
I tuned myself then buried my head in his broad warm chest, he was taller than me and bigger. ” What? ” I asked feeling like closing my weary eyes.
" Love, Holly. Love ”