Zachary Udolf Sullivan
I love you
I jerked up from my sleep and sat on the couch rubbing my face using my hands. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead as I shuddered in my place. Her voice still fresh on mind never allows me to sleep. All I ever wanted is to sleep, and that is to once and for all. Three months, eight days and five hours have passed since she has gone. She betrayed me. All those promises were just lies. Just plain lies. She promised me that she would always be there with me, forever but still, she broke her own promise and left me forever and ever. I inhaled deeply, as I got up from my office couch and walked to the glass window.
The clock read half-past five in the morning. I looked back at my table to find my table all messy and a stack of important papers gathered in files. A sigh escaped my mouth as I shoved my hands into my pant pockets and stared at the trees which were black against the sky, the time of dawn, the sun was about to rise as I watched the birds already flying searching for their food. Traffic seemed less and only a few people who came out for what looked like jogging were visible down my office building.
I have been working late in the night wanting to finish all of my works which have remained pending for three months.
As I turned around to go back to the table, I felt the world rotating before my eyes as I stumbled on my own feet feeling dizzy. All of a sudden I felt my head hurting as if somebody was hammering on my head. All of this happening to me because of my lack of sleep. How will I sleep? How can I sleep when she betrayed me. Even though she betrayed me, she keeps on lingering in my mind every single time when I close my eyes. She shows up before me when I am sleeping when I am thinking when I wandering here and there when I am eating, just everywhere. She is with me even though she isn’t near me.
I still remember when the cops got her body out from the car from underwater. I felt like killing myself. Why did I let her go?
It was all my fault.
She broke my heart and my soul into pieces. My hands trembled when the cops told me to remove the shroud from her face. Her face was ruined from the accident. I couldn’t ever find the courage to look at her when the stupid cops declared her dead. Her father was screaming and fighting with the cops yelling at them that his daughter can’t leave him. Her mother was on the ground senseless with the medical team assisting her. Her friend Kiara and her brother Jace where crying their eyes out while me, I just stood there with my back facing her body. She was indeed wearing my shirt and my pants. It was undoubtedly her. But still, my heart screamed to me that she isn’t the one that I was crying and breaking. She can’t be...
Four people died that day. The truck driver whose truck hit my Juliette’s car, the taxi driver, a lady in a black car and my Juli...
I still can’t believe that she left me. I thought finally we were together and we were finally going to start our new life, together but then this had to happen. I refuse to believe that the body they found is of Juliette’s. Even though it was wearing my clothes that she wore when she left me, even though her hair, her height everything matched Juliette’s physique, still I refused to believe it was Juliette. But the way others behaved seeing that body made me believe it to be her forcibly.
But then I didn’t have the courage to face her death for which I shut down myself from the world and when the pain didn’t fade away I started drinking alcohol to the limit where I would tumble down and sleep at the same spot but it was only because of Max, Kristian and Willie I am standing here once again before the world. A facade of a mask on my face masking every emotion and feeling away from everyone. Earlier the facade that I had made started to break when she entered my life, but with her, the happiness and all the joys I had felt those days are just gone.
“Why did you leave me?” I mumbled as I crouched down on the floor holding my throbbing head. Earlier, I had taken sleeping pills to let myself sleep for some time but even those meds didn’t work as she evaded my dreams in my sleep causing me to forcibly wake up. Now, the pills seems to be getting on to me as I felt dizzy and nauseous all of a sudden. Crawling back to the couch, I got hold of the water jug from the coffee table and splashed the water on my face.
Nothing is working...
Inhaling deeply and exhaling out, I leaned against the couch and closed my eyes for some minutes when didn’t even realize when I fell asleep on my sitting position.
A sigh left my mouth when I felt something cold against my cheek.
Is someone calling me?
But who is it?
Going against my will of falling asleep once again, I tried to open my eyes and when I did, I watched as two black orbs looked down at me worriedly. A woman with raven black hair and with pale complexion looked down at me with her hand on my cheek as she patted softly trying to gain my consciousness.
“Are you alright? Should I call the doc?” she asked and I furrowed my eyebrows when I realized her hand still on my cheek. I got hold of her hand and removed it from my cheek before letting her go. As I shifted on my position and tried to get up, my feets wobbled and I tumbled down but a pair of hands supported me by getting hold of my arm in the process to stop me from landing on the floor. The same woman got hold of my arm protectively trying to help me stand but then anger surfaced me for being touched by another woman other than my Juliette, I jerked her hands away and glared at her.
“I am fine,” I gritted out and she smiled surrendering her hands in the air.
“Why were you sleeping there? I mean are you alrig-” I cut her off before she could complete “Who are you and what are you doing here?” I asked as I took in her appearance.
She was wearing a purple blouse with a cream-colored pencil skirt matched with beige colored heels. Her dress was formal and I saw files and a tab on the table which I assumed to be hers.
“Oh, I am Cristina Dimir. I am your personal assistant,” she said and I raised an eyebrow at her.
“I mean I was Mr. Kristian’s assistant but now when you are joining back I am appointed by Ms. Cosmina as your new PA,” she said which made me look down at my feet.
Indeed, Kristian played a big role in my absence. He took care of mine as well as his business when I was lost trying to find myself.
“Then where were you from this past ten days?” I asked as I remembered not seeing her around in the office from the last ten days since I’ve joined back.
“Oh, I was on a holiday,” she said smiling at me showing me her dimples which reminded me of Juliette. My eyes remained fixated on her dimples until she cleared her throat which got me out of my state.
“Get me a cup of black coffee and Mr. Pachia’s file,” I said as I stood up from my place but the sudden impact of me standing made me feel dizzy once again, and I held my head groaning.
“Sir are you al-” before she could reach out and touch me, I held a finger before her stopping her from coming forward.
“Do what I have asked you to do,” I ordered her in a strict commanding tone.
She blinked her eyes several times before she nodded bobbing her head from side to side as she turned around and picking up her files and tab and walked out of the room but not before glancing my way.
I sighed as I picked my suit up from the couch and wore it buttoning it up as I walked to the table and looked at the clock which read a quarter past nine in the morning. Judging from the time, I concluded my employees must have already reached the office and I should also get back into my work before Juliette evades my blank mind. Raking a hand through my hair, I concentrated further on my work but failed miserably because I couldn’t just forget Juliette just because I didn’t want to remember her.
She was my life, my soul, my everything. I could still feel her presence beside me, she was in my breath.
I took my phone out and opened the gallery where I clicked on her picture. The picture of her that I had taken forcibly in the day when our whole family was out on a picnic. I remember joking with her that I was taking the picture because she told me to cradle up happy memories and be happy with the family but for me being with her was the only happiest thing that ever happened to me. I pulled her to me and clicked a photo of her and me. She was looking at me while I looked at the phone camera. If I had known that the picture I was taking with her would be the only picture which I would have with her then I would’ve never...
“Your coffee sir,” my trains of thoughts were interrupted by none other than Ms. Dimir. She placed the cup of coffee down on my table and kept Mr. Pachia’s file before me all the while a smile plastered on her face which irked me.
Why are other people so happy?
Am I the only one whose happiness has been pulled away in this world?
“Any other work sir?” she asked and I nodded my head no. She nodded her head and turned around to leave but stopped when I called for her “Ms. Dimir,” she stopped and turned around smiling at me “Yes Sir?” she asked as she pulled the tab close to her chest “Next time when you come in don’t forget to knock!” I said nonchalantly and pointed her my finger towards the door asking her to leave.
She looked back at the door and then at me. Her smile faded away as she nodded once again absentmindedly and she walked out of my room.
“Everyone seems so happy, Juliette” I looked back at Juliette’s picture on my phone as I talked to her.
“But except me,” I completed as I felt my eyes stinging and tears streaked down my cheeks uncontrollably. I kissed her picture and kept the phone aside as I wiped my face using my handkerchief and lifted up the hot cup of coffee to my lips to drink but couldn’t. My appetite was long lost. Nothing seemed to extinguish the fire of my burning soul, nor did anything soothe my pain of being left alone to deal with the world by Juliette.
“My only wish is that please come back to me, my Juliette” tears continued streaming down my face as I thought about her, again and again, cursing myself for letting her go alone that day.