“Miss Moritz, this is Agnes. She’s going to be completing the ultrasound today.” Doctor Watts exclaimed as the woman pulled in a large machine with a screen attached.
Jimmy walked in a second later and looked at the machine and then me.
“Should I go?”
I frowned and shook my head. I was scared, and tobias had run away. I needed a familiar face in this room. Someone to anchor myself on.
Doctor Watts left the room, and Agnes lifted my shirt up, she smiled at me knowingly and picked up a squeeze bottle of blue gel.
“Relax dear, it’ll only take a moment.”
I closed my eyes as she smeared the cool gel over my stomach. A few seconds later an unwelcome paddle pressed hard against the surface of my skin. Agnes continued to take pictures of my stomach for at least five minutes before handing me a towel and leaving the room.
Jimmy didn’t speak, he knew what was going on, either because he had put two and two together or he’d spoken to Tobias. He just watched me, with deeply concerned eyes. Doctor Watts returned and sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes were soft, he opened my file and looked at the notes.
“Agnes found an empty sac.” He paused before looking up. “Her diagnosis and mine is what is called a blighted ovum.”
I frowned, confused by his words.
“It’s where for one reason or another an implanted fertilized egg stops developing or never develops.”
My heart sunk. I was disappointed. “So I’m not pregnant?”
“No.” He murmured. “But your symptoms are related to this. I know this is probably a lot to take in.”
“You don’t say.” I replied, emotion stuck in my throat. “Can I go home.” I asked still unsure where home was.
“We need to discuss your options. You can either have an procedure to evacuate the products of miscarriage naturally, or wait until nature takes its course.”
Miscarriage? This was a miscarriage.
“So I was pregnant?” I whispered.
“Yes.” Doctor Watts said softly. “I’m very sorry Miss Moritz.”
I closed my eyes and bit my lip. “So am I.”
“If you like I can arrange the procedure for tomorrow morning?”I shook my head. “I want to go home. I want to wait.”
“Very well.” he replied. “I’ll arrange your discharge papers.”
By 4pm Jimmy and I were on the way back to the apartment. Surprisingly, despite the emotion of the day I was feeling slightly better than I had in over two weeks. The IV fluids had rehydrated my depleted body.
Once we were inside the apartment, jimmy set about making me a bed on the couch and putting on movies.
“I have to go do something. I’ll only be an hour. Will you be okay?”
I nodded and pointed to the tv. “I’ll probably watch a movie and crash out.”
“Alright. See you in a bit.”
Once Jimmy was gone I couldn’t relax. Tobias had left so abruptly, leaving so many questions unanswered. With so much else going on, I didn’t have space in my mind for endless thoughts of him. Not today.
I called an uber and had him take me to Tobias’ apartment.
It wasn’t until I was walking down the hallway towards Tobias front door that I second guessed myself and almost turned around. It had only been six hours since I’d seen him at the hospital. I wasn’t even sure he was home. All I knew was that I needed to see him, to explain what had happened. I still had my key to the apartment, but using it seemed wrong so I gingerly knocked on the door.
The door opened a minute or so later, and Tobias looked at me with fear in his eyes. He looked down at my stomach and swallowed hard.
“I’m not pregnant.” I choked out.
Relief washed over him, he relaxed.
“I was.” I whispered. “Apparently...it just never grew.”
Tobias’ face went white and he shook his head. “No.”
“I thought you should know.”
He stepped forward, his hand outstretched, reaching for mine. Desperate for his touch I slipped mine inside of his. His other hand grazed my cheek. “Baby.” He murmured.
A stray tear fell from my eyes. I wasn’t sure if I was upset about the baby that never was, or about Tobias… maybe it was a mixture of both.
“Don’t.” I replied stepping back from his touch. “Don’t pretend to care, I can’t handle it.”
I looked at the ground and questioned why I’d thought coming here was a good idea. I had the urge to turn on my heel and run as fast I could out of Tobias’ orbit, but something strong was pulling me back. Tobias hand touched my chin and lifted my head up, so that our eyes were aligned. In the corners of his icy blue eyes tears were beginning to form. I frowned, confused. He had dumped me, he had told me he didn’t love me. Why was he so heartbroken?
“I care.” He whispered. “Ruby. I care.”
His voice whilst quiet was full of raw emotion that filled me with belief. He wasn’t lying, he cared. But that didn’t change anything. We could be a one way relationship.
“But you don’t love me.” I said sadly.
“Ruby.” was all he could say, he couldn’t deny it and my heart broke all over again, except this time I was already emotionally spent. I shook my head and lifted my hands to my face, covering it before he could see just how broken I was.
“I shouldn’t have come here.” I managed to stammer through body shuddering sobs.
“Come in, let me make you a camomile tea.”
Tea? He wanted to make me tea? I was a mess at his door playing the part of a pathetic ex and he wanted to salve my pain with tea. My sorrow turned to anger and I jumped away from him again, standing further back in the corridor.
“I don’t want your pity Tobias.”
I just want you.
“Please. Come in. Let me explain.”
“I don’t want to hear your explanations. Coming here was a mistake.” I turned and forced myself to place one foot in front of the other until I made it to the elevator doors.
I looked back at Tobias, who stood there with conflict and hurt on his face. I stepped inside and pressed G for ground before waiting for the doors to close. They never closed. Tobias caught the closing doors before they sealed, using his foot to stop it, the doors opened.
“I need you to.let me explain.” His eyes were dark. He looked almost frightened. I held onto the wall of the elevator, it was all I could do not to launch myself at him. His smoky gaze filled me instantly with both love and a million and one questions.
“Fine.” I retorted, spurred on by curiosity as well as hope. Tobias held out his hand, and I took it. The warmth was instant and engulfing. It was a small physical gesture but after the last two weeks it meant a lot. We walked back down to Tobias’ still opened apartment door and walked inside.
The moment the door closed, it was like a lust switch flicked in my mind. Explanations could wait. I needed Tobias. He was my prescription, the medicine I needed to get better. I pulled on his hand, which stopped him and turned him to face me. I tip toed extending my legs so that I could kiss him on his soft lips. He let out a groan, part pain, part ecstasy.
“Ruby.” He hummed lowly before lifting me up off the ground. Our mouths clashed as he walked with me over to his couch. Our clothes were discarded around the room, which had seemingly become our trademark. He kissed my collarbone and breasts before kneeling before me. He stared at my stomach and swallowed hard before placing a tender kiss just below my belly button. I placed my hand on his head, entwining my fingers through his dark brown hair. He grabbed me by the hips, turning me until the coolness of the couch touched the backs of my legs. With a gentle push on was lying on it, electric from the cold fabric on my naked body. Tobias kissed my inner thighs, opening my legs and positioning himself between them. I lifted my head and looked down at him, only to be met with his intense gaze, and although his eyes were as icy as ever there was a fire burning in them.
“I’ve missed you.” He growled, placing his thumb on the nub at my center. I arched and let out a wail. His touch was so beautifully intense it was almost painful. “I’ve missed this.”
“Me too.” I said through gritted teeth, on the brink of losing it already.
Tobias swapped his thumb for his mouth, sending 1000 volts of charged lust through my entire body. I called out his name, or at least I tried to as I bit on to the side of a cushion. Tobias didn’t stop, instead he increased his rhythm whilst inserting a finger.
Two weeks starved of his touch had left me a ball of putty in his hands. I couldn’t hold on, not even if I tried, so I let go, crying out as my body shook uncontrollably.
“Baby.” He soothed, hovering over me. “I need you.”
“You have me Tobias.” I admitted. “You’ve always had me.”
Tobias nodded and entered me. He let out a soft groan and paused mid thrust. “I won’t last long.” He muttered, a dose of disappointment in his gruff voice.
“I don’t care.” I replied honestly. “Just make love to me Tobias. Please.”
He kissed me in reply, his lips still soft and moistened from my release. I could taste myself on him and it was a surprising turn on. Tobias wrapped his arms around me, holding me as closely as he could as he increased his speed and force. I felt the electrical current reawaken just as he began to tense, so I let go and together we floated away into the atmosphere, whilst managing to stay right here on the ground.
We lay there together, naked on the couch attempting to regain composure.
Five or so minutes later Tobias got up and gathered our clothes from the floor. He handed me my clothes before shoving his limbs into the leg holes of his jeans. I dressed quickly, but still felt naked when my clothes were on. There was so much unsaid, so much up in the air.
“How about that camomile tea?” Tobias offered.
I nodded before looking out the window of the penthouse. I’d missed the view from the apartment, the way it swept across Worthington, capturing all its beauty. Tobias walked into the kitchen and made the tea topless. He was walking back toward me with two cups when my phone beeped to alert me to a text. Tobias placed a cup beside me on the coffee table, before sitting down beside me. I pulled my phone from my pocket and unlocked it.
Just got back. You’re not here. You all good?
It was jimmy. I typed back a reply, assuring him I was fine before looking up at Tobias. He was watching me, intently, his eyes still alive with fire. He leaned in and pressed his soft lips against my forehead, cradling the back of my neck like I might break.
“I’m an idiot.”
Before either one of us could speak, Tobias phone beeped. He sighed and pulled his phone out. His face fell, his smile dissolved and he swallowed hard.
“Fuck.” He muttered under his breath.
“Nothing, it’s nothing.” He said placing his mug down on the table.
“Don’t shut me out. Please. Tell me whats going on, tell me so I can understand.”
“You don’t get it. If I tell you…” He stopped and shook his head.
“If you tell me what Tobias?” I cried out. “You already told me you don’t love me. I think I can probably handle anything else.”
The silence hung between us like stale air, it burned me. I felt foolish for falling prey to his charms once more. I felt suffocated by my own stupidity. I leapt up and stalked towards the door, regretting my decision to come here more than ever. My fingers clung to the cool metal of the door handle as Tobias called out.
“Don’t go.” He almost yelled, causing me to jump from shock.
“I love you ruby. I always have, I never stopped.” He spoke quickly, all of his words muddled into a short convoluted sentence that while hard to decipher meant so much to my tired broken heart.
“Then why?” I choked out. My words halted, I was too emotional to speak.
“Someone threatened to hurt you Ruby.” He exclaimed. “Unless I broke up with you.”
I shook my head, completely and utterly confused.
“I don’t understand.” I whispered.
“Three weeks ago I got an anonymous email. I’ll show you.” He offered. “Come.”
Tobias stood up and held out his hand, waiting for me to take it. Morbid curiosity pushed me over the edge and I stood up after placing my hand in his. We walked through his apartment and down the hallway to his study. He pushed opened the door and opened the lid of his laptop.
The screen booted up and he opened his emails, scrolling down through them until he came across one with no subject
Subject: No Subject
It’s me. The one messing with your head. Messing with your life. Because like hollow mass of a man you are, you keep rising to the top I have to step things up.
If you want that pretty little brunette of yours to live, you’ll do exactly what I say.
You will break things off. I’ll know if you don’t. I have eyes everywhere.
You have 24 hours to decide.
Directly below the email sat Tobias reply. You win, I’ll do it.
I let out a gasp and ran my fingers over the email. He’d broken things off because he was scared. I sat down on Tobias chair and stared at the chilling words.
“The police?” I managed to exclaim.
“They’re investigating. Ruby. they told me to play along. Just until they had a lead. The email was sent from a internet cafe, the email is rogue it was set up just for this. They have no leads.”
I frowned and looked up at Tobias. “And you were just going to stay away until this was over? What if I had moved on?”
Tobias’ breathing hitched he closed his eyes and gripped onto the chair. “I don’t want to think about that.”
“You’ve ruined me Tobias. As much as I tried to pretend I was okay. I wasn’t.”
“Same.” He whispered sadly. “Sending you away from work was the only way I could cope.”
I stood up and looked at him, he looked sad, his face mirrored how mine had been these past two weeks. I grazed his stubbly cheek with the palm of my hand. Before placing a chaste kiss on his lips.
“What do we do now?” I asked, nerves present in my voice. “With no leads… Surely we’re playing with fire.”
Tobias shrugged. “I had another option.” He exclaimed. “Safety protection. We could’ve left town for a while… we still could. I was hesitant, After all my father worked for… to walk away felt wrong… But I love you and I want to be with you, being without you feels worse than leaving behind work. I can arrange for us to go to a secure location together, until this all blows over.”
Tobias was ready to throw his entire life’s work away for me and it should have filled my ego and heart to the brim, but the only thing it did was fill me with dread.
“We can’t. You have big business deals going on at work, and I… We still want different things.” I placed my hand on my stomach. “Maybe some time apart isn’t a bad thing after all.”
“I don’t give a fuck about business deals. I only care about you… about us.” He placed his hand over mine as it rest against my stomach. “About what could have been.”
I looked up about what could have been. He meant the baby. Our baby… the one that had never grown. A solitary tear rolled down my cheeks.
“Don’t leave. Please.”
Tobias smiled and kissed me. His phone rudely interrupted the moment, and so we pulled apart. He took his phone from his pocket and and stared at the screen. He looked surprised and shocked. His jaw clenched and he turned the phone toward me.
You’re playing with fire. Maybe that’s how I’ll kill her… a slow torturous burn.
“Look what number it came from. Looks like someone slipped up.” he croaked.
I looked at the top of the screen and my throat ran dry while all the blood drained from my face.
The text was from Jimmy.