She looked so fragile.
She looked scared, delicate, different and it was all because of me wasn’t it? I knew Cherri was as innocent as innocent could get the first time I met her but now she carries herself differently and I feel like it has something to do with last night.
“Sugar talk to me please. We’ve been sitting in my room for about 10 minutes in silence and it’s killing me baby.”
It was around 2 in the afternoon and I woke up to her sitting on the edge of my bed crying . Both my parents and the were gang gone, just leaving us alone.I had tried to confront her, touch her, pull her closer to me but she fidgeted away and it slowly broke my heart. She hasn’t said or did anything in the past minutes and it was killing me softly.
“Cherri why the hell are you crying, huh?” For the first time ever I was growing impatient with her.
“Don’t you dare speak to me in that tone Jace.”
My eyebrows squeezed together as I scoffed at her.
“When did you ever become my mother Cherlyn. I know after what happened to you last night must be traumatic but you can calm it down a little.”
She quickly stood up from the bed in one swift movement.
“Oh my apologies Jace, I’m sorry for overreacting about possibly getting raped. Could you ever forgive me?”
Her sarcasm, which usually made me smile, was pissing me off and i’m sure it wasn’t because I had just woken up.
“You know I didn’t mean it like that but your getting under my skin crying and not letting me comfort you Cherri. Why in the hell are you pushing me away. I’m not Colby.”
I ran my fingers through my knotted hair as I stared at her biting on her bottom lip.
“No, your not like him Jace. Your funny and sweet and so caring but...” Her voice trailed off as she looked everywhere else but me.
“But what Cherri? What is it?”
Her eyes finally connected with mine as tears rapidly poured down her face.
“I’m scared of you Jace.”
I backed away from her as if she was some disease I was afraid of catching.
After all I had did for her, she was scared of me, out of all the people in the world she chooses me to be scared of.
“I beat up the guy who was harassing you, yet your scared of me?”
I cocked my head to the side and gave her a questioning look.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about Jace, i”
I cut her off, frustrated.
“Then what the hell is it huh? please enlighten me.”
“Dylan woke me up and dragged me here early in the morning. You had blacked out Jace. You was screaming and putting up a fight.”
She came closer to me and cupped my face with her tiny hands.
“I didn’t recognize who you was. It was like someone had taken over your body.”
I pulled my face away from her hands.
“I’m sorry I’m not the prince charming you had dreamed me up to be sugar.” I spat at her as I rose from my bed.
She shook her head and stepped back, letting me pass her to get to my closet.
“That isn’t what I meant Jace. It’s just I wish you had told me before I had witnessed it.”
She shifted leg to leg, clearly uncomfortable with the conversation.
Well. too bad babe.
“Maybe I didn’t want to tell you yet Cherri. Did you ever think how hard it might be for me to tell the girl I love that I have some loose screws?”
I threw a random hoodie over my chest.
She gasped and started smiling crazily.
I looked around the room confused until I realized what I had said.
I just told her I loved her.
“You love me?”
A smile stretched across her face and I swore I could hear angels sing.
Wait no, those are birds but you get what I mean. It was a priceless moment.
“Yea, I don’t think I’ll beat the shit out of a guy for just anybody baby.”
It was true that I had fallen in love with her in this short period of weeks we have spent together and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
Cherri had to mean something to me. I haven’t skipped school or visited my baby sister in the hospital.
(Mental note: Visit your sister asshole)
Cherri inched closer to me, one foot simply in front of the other til she stood centimeters from me.”
“I want to be able to say it back Jace but you have to realize where I’m coming from.”
I softly kissed her forehead and sighed.
“Don’t beat yourself up about it Cher. In all due time I guess.”
Even though my mind was raging with thoughts and questions pointed towards Cherri, I decided to not spoil the moment and just bring it up another time.
It upsets me that she had a problem with me having a problem even though she has problems of her own.
I know that was probably confusing but that’s the easiest way I could put it since I’m confused myself.
Was I suppose to be her knight in shining armor?
Did she picture me to be someone I’m not
Am I not good enough for her now”
Is that why she won’t say she loves me back?