Will you remember me
Will you remember the way that I was
Will you remember me
Will you remember the way that you felt when your next to me
This was probably the worst morning of my life and I can’t sum up the words to even tell you why.
Oh wait maybe it had something to do with my mother screaming me out of my sleep about how I should have washed the dishes last night.
Or it could have been the absence of my father this entire week and my mother screaming my ear off about it at breakfast.
No no, it was definitely how my brother seemed to lose Warts and my mom freaking out about it which she so happened to do directly in my ear.
You could say that my mom was the problem I guess but that was nowhere near why I was having the worst morning of my life.
“Cherlyn, are you going to stay in your room all day or actually come out and be useful.”
I rolled my eyes as I stuffed my bag with a few more items for Lily to play with.
I didn’t plan on telling Jace that I was going to the hospital because I didn’t want him to intervene with my plans.
I didn’t want him to try to stop me from making this decison that was already made.
“Cherri I can’t let you do this darling, What about your parents, what about your life?”
“Mrs. Hindrix, It wasn’t until I met your son that my life truly began, I can’t let his life end with his little sister being taken away from him.”
“Sweetheart, I won’t allow this.”
“Well I’m sorry Mrs. Hindrix but I already signed the papers.”
“Mom I’m going to the hospital.” I yelled as I carefully placed the three written letters on my desk.
One to Mom, One to dad, and One that specifically was written for Josh and Warts.
I know that what I was doing wasn’t going to stop the cancer that Lily had but it was going to get her healthier so they could rid of the cancer in her.
I clenched my chest as my heart banged against my rib cage, almost like a cry for help but it was too late.
There was no turning back now.
All my life I would dishevel away from human contact and all it took was a little hurt to my heart for me to renew myself and plump back to life.
I want someone else to feel that satisfaction too, I want Lily to feel that satisfaction. I wasn’t about to give up on her when it seemed like everyone else was doing just that.
My phone rang and Jace’s name popped up on the screen
Decline, just like the other 35 times today.
I’ve been battling my mind all day but I decided to be selfish and not communicate with him.
I feel like I would blab it all and he would try to stop me and the sad part is that he can’t.
I already signed away my end with a swipe of my wrist and with a heart above the letter “I” in my name.
Josh ran in my room with Warts safely in his hands.
“Cherri, can I please go with you to the hospital so mom can get off me and Wart’s back.”
I threw my satchel over my shoulder and kissed his forehead.
“I’m sure you and Warts will be fine Josh, you’ll always be fine.”
He wiped the kiss off his forehead and cocked his head to the side.
“Why are you being so weird, you never kiss my forehead.”
I shrugged my shoulders as I fought back the tears that I dared to fall.
“It’s because I love you josh, I might not always act like it but I love ya buttface.”
I bent down and kissed Warts on his slimy head, having to push down last night’s dinner from coming up my throat.
“Uhm alright, I think you need to consult in a doctor Cherri.” Josh said as he backed out of the room tightly holding Warts.
I shook my head and fanned away at my eyes as I walked down the stairs with the bags in my hand and satchel carefully placed over my shoulder.
My dad stumbled into the kitchen with his tie hanging loosely around his neck and his briefcase in his hand.
My mom face suddenly flushed red and I hurriedly rushed to her side.
“Mom please, not right now.”
She stared me in the face as tears fell from her swollen eyes.
My dad came over and grabbed her with one arm and grabbed me with the other.
“I thank god everyday for the two beautiful women he placed in my life and the job that keeps food on the table for them.”
He kissed my mother forehead and I lost it.
All the tears I’ve been holding back spilled at that very moment and my emotions poured out of me all at once.
“I love you guys so much.”
I pulled away and wiped my tears away with the end of my sweater.
“I will always love you guys and I’m so sorry for how distance I was after all these years but you’ll find out soon and once you do, don’t be mad.”
I hugged my parents for the last time and backed away.
“Cherri what are you talking about?”
My dad ran his hands through his hair while my mom silently cried.
“I’m so sorry” I whispered as I walked down towards the door, careful to not look back.
I could hear my dad call after me as I walked out and closed the door.
As promised, Mrs. Hindrix was pulled up in her driveway in the drivers seat.
I opened the passenger door and slide in beside her, not making eye contact.
“I feel so evil taking away someone’s else miracle for my own.”
I could hear her vocie crack and I knew that the waterworks were coming soon.
“Mrs. Hindrix please know that I’m doing this in the best interest of your family, I only want to give Lily a chance in life, a chance that I know is to late for me to have.”
I placed my hands over hers and I could feel the aging hands tremble.
“It’s going to be okay.” I assured her.
She brought my hands up to her lips and kissed them.
“God bless your loving soul Cherri Johnson. May god bless your soul.”
The drive to the hospital was short but with the battle I had going on in my head, it seemed much more longer.
“So how does it feel Cherri?”
I wish I could back and tell him straight up how I felt.
Which was shitty.
I felt absolutely shitty for letting some boy destroy my life for years and years.
I felt shitty for excluding my family and bringing pain within our four wall abode.
And finally, I felt shitty for letting Jace off the hook so easy.
Yes I owe him for helping me break that exterior and letting people back in but I also owe it to him for almost bringing it back.
He went behind my back and betrayed my trust so what did I do?
I forgave him.
I had every right to but that doesn’t meant I forgot.
I will never forget and I plan to make sure he doesn’t either.
Mrs. Hindrix had already ascended up to Lily’s room and left me and my thoughts bouncing around in the lobby.
So this is it Cherri. Your life ends today.
A smile crawled it’s way on my face as I stared at my weak reflection in the display window of the hospital gift shop.
“Every thing is going to be alright.” I whispered to myself. “Everything is going to be alright.”
I felt weak to my stomach as I sat in the chair beside Lily’s bed.
My old sweater had been traded in for a hospital gown and my golden locks had been cut.
“Why they cut your hair Cherri, it was so pretty.”
I pinched her cheeks while she giggled.
“I know and some little girl out there is going to look beautiful with it.”
The door opened and a doctor who I never met before walks in.
“You ready Miss Johnson?”
I shook my head as they wheeled in a bed for me to get in.
“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”
I climbed in the bed and stared up at the ceiling.
“Cherri What’s going on. I scared.”
I reached my hand out to her and she grabbed it.
“It’s going to be okay Lily. Your going to go to sleep for a while a dream sweet sweet dreams. Then your going to wake up and feel so much better.” Tears pricked at the corner of my eyes seeing how frighten she was.
“Your going to feel better than you ever have before you hear?”
She shook her head at me and smiled.
“Don’t let go of my hand ok. We’re doing this together love.”
Her little fingers squeezed mine as the doctor and nurse rolled our beds down the hall.
My breathing became unregulated but I made sure to soothe Lily by rubbing small circles on her hand and never letting go.
Not once did I let her hand go.