Chapter Thirteen.I Just Want To Be Remembered.
Song for this chapter: M83-Wait. (This song goes SO well with this chapter,I highly recommended you listen to it while reading this chapter)
The school bell rang, indicating the end of school. Thank God. I haven’t seen Grayson since I seen him with the football team at lunch, which isn’t unusual since we have no classes together other than Biology and creative writing.
I spent most of my classes sitting with Becca, the three blondes and that dirty blonde. I actually didn’t notice just how many classes I had with them, and as much as I don’t want to admit it they aren’t actually all that bad. The three blondes are actually quite the comedians, Becca is caring and bubbly and as for the dirty blonde...well there’s not much to say about him.
I walked to my long, red locker, books in hand and seen Grayson perched against the wall, his hands in his pocket, one leg fixated on the wall. Funny how he seems to be waiting for me now and not at lunch break when he was too busy with the guys from the football team.
He smiled when he seen me walk closer to my locker but I rolled my eyes, sighed and brushed passed him not paying him any attention.
″Libby? what’s wrong?″ Grayson asked quietly as I quickly put away the books I had in my hand.
″Oh I don’t know, Grayson″ I replied, my voice laced with sarcasm. Slamming my locker shut, he slightly jumped at the loud slam’ his forehead was furrowed as he held a small frown on his face.
″Whatever it is-″, He went to touch my arm lightly, but I pulled my arm back.
″You know, Grayson. I hate when people forget about me. I get that people think I’m not important enough for them, or that they don’t want to be seen with me and that’s why they forget about me, but with you Grayson″.
″You made me feel important, you made me feel wanted and because of that it hurts more than ever before. Because you made me wait there like a fool, just so I could see you with them laughing and joking around. That’s fine by me, why do I care? but you are the one who told me to wait, it wasn’t my idea. I just want one thing, I just want to be remembered.″ Tears were starting to prick my eyes, Grayson stood there wordlessly listening intently to my every word, regret clear in his eyes.
″Am I asking for too much? I just want someone to remember who I am, to not see me as Hunter’s ‘ex’ or as the girl who slept with the whole school. Which is a lie, Why do people make up those lies? What do they get out of making someone feel so worthless? What did I ever do to them?Huh? I just want to be able to go to school without everyone snickering when I walk passed them and when I met you, you made that feel like that could happen. That I could be like everyone else, but then you forgot about me″
″You forgot about me Grayson″.
I was now sobbing, I never cried in front of people or at least tried my hardest not to. I try to put on this brave front, like nothing effects me. But it does, everything around me effects me. Slowly I’m crumbling, i’m melting away from the world trying to be somebody I’m not.
I stood there breathlessly,wiping the tears away with the sleeve of my over sized jumper,the loud rain was coming down in thuds as it hit off the ceiling windows in the hall. Grayson opened his mouth to say something but clamped it shut when no words came out. I diverted my eyes away from him, and shook my head. I would have expected something like this from Hunter not Grayson.
I walked away, leaving him stood there alone. He didn’t chase me, or call me. He let me go. A part of me was happy he let me go without stopping me because I just have no words left to say. It was like there was an empty void inside of me needing to get filled but was now temporarily broken.
And then there was a part of me hoping he would chase me, a part of me wanted everything to go back to how it normally was and just be happy and laugh on the roof of his car in the middle of the night until the sun rises. And then a part of me wanted to scream at him for humiliating me, and then a part of me is saying that it wasn’t his intention to humiliate me.
I think i’m bi-polar.
I don’t know what I want or how I feel or what I should feel. What’s considered the ‘norm’ during this day and age. Girl’s have to have big boobs and big asses for her to seem ‘acceptable’. What happened to just being yourself, being accepted for who you are. Whether you have blonde or pink hair, if you’re skinny or curvy, if you’re religious or an atheist, if you love reading books or going out to party. Or if you’re forgotten or remembered.
Why can’t we all just be seen as a whole and not have categories. We are all human beings who all want one thing and that’s to be remembered.
Walking out the main doors, the rain was just getting worse as the seconds ticked by. The sky was a dark concoction of greys, the clouds nearly black, the rain hitting off me like piercing swords. I didn’t have a umbrella nor a hoodie, so I guess I’ll have to walk like this.
I hugged my jumper tighter to my body if possible, it’s times like these I regret not wearing something warmer considering I only wear my bra under my jumper. My hair was now drenched, and all knotty. I mentally groaned at the thought of brushing it later.
Walking down the cold,wet pavement as different cars drove by almost splashing me a few times when they drove over puddles. The rain showed no signs of stopping anytime soon, the sky was only getting darker creating a grey light all over the town, the dark clouds hiding the bright sky. It sort of reminded me of myself, my bad persona hiding the bright girl I know is inside.
I could feel my mascara running down my face, as the harsh rain kept hitting off me. But I wasn’t bothered to wipe it away, my arms were wrapped around my body trying to create some type of warmth so I really don’t care if I look like a panda to everyone passing by.
You know that feeling you get when you feel you’re being watched? You can’t see anybody watching you, but you just...know.
Well that’s how I feel right now as I nearly reach the dark alleyway, a shortcut to my house. From the corner of my eye, I could see a car slowly driving beside me. I didn’t look at the car, which is probably a bad idea since if they kidnapped me I could of got their number plate and try send it to someone I know.
Just as I reached the isolated, dark alleyway, the car stopped abruptly. My instinct told me to run, as I heard the car door slam. I could hear the puddles splashing as the person ran in them to catch up to me.
And so I ran, I ran like I never had before. What do the call that, an adrenaline rush? I ran and ran like there was no tomorrow, I didn’t care if I looked crazy. I ran until I was no longer in the alleyway, I hid behind the alleyway wall that overlooked my neighborhood. I was getting some shelter from the rain by the old oak tree I was now hiding under.
I had my hands on my knees as I panted for air, I couldn’t hear anybody but I decided to wait a few minutes just to be safe.
″Libby?″ A familiar voice called out, they didn’t sound that far away. I knew exactly who that voice belonged to, it belonged to the one and only Grayson Smith.
I sighed as I un-hid myself from beside the wall, making myself visible to Grayson. There he stood, his hair drenched making it cover his forehead, I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from laughing.
You can’t laugh Libby, you’re supposed to be upset with him!
″Lib″ He breathed out, slowly walking closer to me but leaving enough distance between us to where it wouldn’t be awkward.
‘Lib’, now that I think of it I don’t think I’ve ever been called that before. There’s a first for everything.
″I shouldn’t have let you go″ He confessed, making me look up him, a frown on my face. The tears from earlier starting to prick my eyes yet again.
″I should have called you back and apologized profusely, and kept you in my arms until your tears vanished and made sure everything was perfect between us and also so I could explain myself″ He looked down at me, hope in his eyes waiting for me to give him any sort of sign that i’m willing to let him explain.
I gave him a slight nod as I looked into his emerald green eyes that I’ve grown attached to. Relief was clear in his eyes and I guess I was relieved too. Our....friendship is too good to throw away.
″Should we go somewhere else? I mean we could stay here, but it’s really cold″ His lips quivered, as the rain was cascading down upon us.
I nodded my head, my body shivering. I know Grayson would have given me his hoodie or something to try keep me warm, but considering he was only wearing a long sleeved shirt he was much colder than I was and going shirtless in the rain isn’t the best of ideas.
Even if I think it would be a good idea for my eyesight.