Chapter Twenty Five.It's Time to Let It Go.
Song for this chapter: Imagine Dragons-Dream.
This was the moment. The moment where Grayson would lay it all out on the table. I would finally know his secret. I would finally know who this mysterious girl was. The wind was blowing my dark sleek hair behind me as I stared at the view in front of me. That was it though, I didn’t care about this mysterious girl anymore. I had Gray and who ever this girl was she didn’t matter because I had Grayson.
He was my person.
Whatever terrible thing this girl did to Gray, wouldn’t change my opinion of him. Nothing ever would. I mean unless he murdered someone but that was hypothetically speaking. The green lights of a go traffic light resembled Grayson’s emerald green eyes as we didn’t speak any words.
It was just us and the lights.
″Her name was Jennifer″ His raspy voice spoke lowly, ″Jennifer Green″.
And there it was, her name. I’m surprised I didn’t think of that one earlier I mean Jen is practically screaming Jennifer and plus I loved Jennifer Aniston.
″She was my girlfriend, up until a year and a half ago. We met in my old high school, Pineview Maple.″.
Pineview maple that school’s tuition is like fifty thousand a year. I should have expected he would have attended a prestigious school like that before exchanging over to our high school now which was average, nothing special about it. But that being said I wouldn’t be able to afford if it weren’t for my Dad paying for all of our tuition’s before he passed. He liked to be on top of things, that’s one of many things I adored about him.
I didn’t want to ask any questions, I knew it wasn’t best to. He needed time to process his words and I wasn’t going to press him on it. He took in unsteady breaths between his words as if each word that escaped his pink lips was like a stab to the heart.
″She was...amazing″ He emphasized, a small smile breaking onto his frowned lips. It was like a confidence blow hearing him speak so lovingly of this girl. He seemed like her loved her...a lot. His words or actions didn’t suggest that. It was the tone he used when speaking about her.
″She was shy, total opposite of you. She hid her face behind a book at any chance she got reading novels from Shakespeare up to Jane Austen but her favorite was Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. She had an appreciation for love triangle’s and expecting the unexpected. I guess she lived that one out″ He chuckled, but it wasn’t a wholehearted laugh it was sardonic, sarcastic.
His words confused me. I guess she lived that one out. Did Jennifer have a love triangle with Grayson and another guy?
I wasn’t left guessing for long, before Grayson spoke again.
″I was pulled to her like a magnet, she wasn’t like every other girl. That’s why you two are so different but so similar at the same time. You both are not like every other girl that turns a corner. Jenny was shy and a bookworm but you’re eccentric and deep. But yet you both didn’t claw yourselves at me, you both wanted nothing got to do with me″He confessed, this time with a small chuckle. This time it was genuine but was laced with sadness...regret.
″That’s why I guess I needed her, why I need you″ His palm found mine as he enlaced our fingers together making my heart swell.
″I eased myself to her slowly, she was stubborn. Like you. I asked her out on a date for the first time with a red rose and guess what she did?″ He laughed, his dimples showing.
I narrowed my eyes and pursed my lips thinking. ″She threw a copy of pride and prejudice straight at my head″ He answered before I could, Now that I think about it. I’m starting to like this Jennifer.
A girl who stood her ground, I think we’d be great friends.
″But I didn’t give up, you threw pride and prejudice at me by saying fuck off, but I didn’t give up that easily. I don’t give up on things worth saving″ He murmured lowly, his words making me blush. I really need to work on my manners.
″I would sit with her at lunch, try talk to her. But she would narrow her eyes at me every time. She thought I was just using her to get with her best friend, but that was far from the truth. It was her I wanted″ He confessed, a small smile playing his plump lips I wanted badly to kiss but I would save that for later.
Really thinking about it, I wasn’t jealous. I don’t know why, I know old me would have been throwing eggs at Gray by now for speaking of another girl so lovingly but that wasn’t how I was feeling. I knew by the way Gray was speaking of Jennifer, that whatever those two had was long gone but I could tell not all the love he had for her was gone. And for whatever unexplained reason, I wasn’t angry.
I could tell this girl brought Gray happiness at some point in his life and for that I was thankful.
″And so me and her best friend came up with a plan together to plan a date without her knowing. She would bring Jenny to a venue where she would think her and her best friend would be eating but in reality I would be there waiting for her and this time not with roses. Those poor roses last time got stomped on like a spider″.
I rolled my eyes and smiled, he’s such a hopeless romantic. But it was one of the many things I loved about him. Chivalry isn’t dead. Not yet. Not with Grayson still breathing and on this earth.
″When the day did come, let me tell you she wasn’t in the slightest bit happy about it. But when her best friend left without her, leaving us two alone she finally gave in once I persuaded her with brownies on me. It was Angie’s cafe. That was where we had our first of many dates″. The way his voice sounded brought a smile to not just my face but his too. He really loved her.
″Once we were dating for a few months she came out of her shell as each day passed, she would attend more Friday night parties, hang out with more girls, go to the mall every Saturday, made sure she had all the clothes those celebrities were all wearing, made sure her makeup was always perfect even though she didn’t need it″.
His voice was no longer happy and reminiscent, it was filled with sadness, regret,pain. His total presence changed in an instant. If you blinked at the wrong time you would have missed it.
″But with each of these things, she wasn’t becoming herself anymore. She lost who she was, she didn’t care for novels anymore or her best friend or me. We were just objects to her then″ He sighed sadly, his eyes looking down at our attached hands, his thumb making circles on my palm soothingly.
″Me and her best friend were out of her life as soon as we were in it″ He admitted sadly, ″But the three of us went to a party one Friday night, a way to say sorry she said. She drank so much, she couldn’t even walk straight. I was still her boyfriend and I loved her so much, I knew the old Jenny was in there somewhere and so I had to look after her″.
I dipped my brows, my heart reaching out to Grayson. The girl he loved abounded him. I couldn’t possibly imagining how painful that must be, to watch the person you love slowly forget about you as each day passes by. How badly you would miss their bright smiles and contagious laughs over the most stupidest of things. I didn’t ever want to imagine it, it was too painful to bare.
″I made sure to tell the guys I knew not to give her any more drinks and the girls she was spending a lot of time with then said they would look after her. But I had to leave, it was the worse decision of my life and I regret it every day. I said goodbye to her drunken state, kissed her forehead and then I left with her bestfriend to drop her home″.
His words were slow, he let out a breath between each. His hand tightening between mine but I didn’t mind. I was there for him and I always would be. He was my rock when I needed a pebble and now I want and need to return the favor.
″That was the last time I saw her, I remember it like it was yesterday. She had on a tight purple dress with black heels, her eyes filled with black stuff. Eyeliner I think you call it, and she had on a bold red lip. The old her would have scoffed at herself, but it wasn’t Jenny. I guess Jennifer died the day we were officially an item and she began to change″ His shoulders slouched, he let go of my now thumping hand as he lay down and rested his arm behind his head. I joined in and looked up at the stars.
The stars were so beautiful tonight, so bright and full of light. But I guess even the brightest of things are surrounded by darkness. I had thought once Grayson was always happy, always smiling but oh how wrong I was. He was filled with so much pain and desperation that I longed to get rid of.
My mind was curious, why was that the last time he seen Jennifer? Questions floated around in my head but I knew it was only a matter of time before I found out. There were no secrets tonight.
″The next day, there was no word from her. Not a call, a text or even a voice message. There was nothing. It was like she just disappeared out of the world and I guess she did. I didn’t worry too much, I thought maybe she was with her best friend battling a hangover. She hated me near her when she had one of those, it was gross she would say. But when her best friend called into me later that night distraught. I knew something wasn’t right″.
I took my hand in his to comfort him, thinking of the worse. Was Jennifer dead? She couldn’t be right? I mean it sounded like she was, but how? What happened to you Jennifer Green?
He let out a hard breath, running his free hand he took from behind his head through his brown locks. In any other situation his actions would be regarded as sexy and they were, but right now they only concerned me.
″It’s okay, Gray″ I murmured, turning on my side and leaning my head on his hard chest, ″If you’re not ready to tell me. I understand″.
I wanted to know, I really did. But the pain this was bringing him was not worth my nosiness. He sounded as if he needed time, and we had all of the time in the world at this moment. All the time he needed was his.
″No, Lib. I want to tell you″ He ushered reassuringly,″ I know you were holding yourself back from asking about her from the first moment I mistakenly nearly mentioned her name in front of you in many occasions more than one″.
I slightly laughed at that, even he knew just how nosy of a person I was. I couldn’t help it, it was like every conversation people had around me I needed to know about. So I guess this was more than nosiness, it was curiosity. Definitely when it was Grayson holding something back, I felt the need to know. But I knew asking questions wasn’t the way to go about it.
He needed to know he could trust me, and he could with all his heart. I wouldn’t hurt him. Hurting him would be hurting myself and I couldn’t do that to either of us. I loved him far too much.
″I asked her countless of times what was wrong, she collapsed into my arms. She was struggling to breath, I thought something bad happened to her not Jennifer. But then she whispered it out through her tears and I broke″ He choked out, his voice wavering. I could tell he was on the verge of tears and just then my heart broke for him.
And all I could do about was listen, I felt useless. I couldn’t imagine how he is possibly feeling.
″Jenny took her own life that night, I wanted to believe she was too intoxicated to know what she was doing but I know now that isn’t the truth. I didn’t want to believe that the girl I had fallen for was so broken inside that she couldn’t live another day. She was broken, Lib. And I didn’t know, I couldn’t tell that she was faking smiles and faking laughs each time we spent together″ He cried out, tears finally leaving his eyes.
The boy with me was now vulnerable, broken, hurt. I love him so much and when he was hurt I was too, seeing him like this broke me into a million pieces like I was a piece of glass getting smashed onto concrete flooring.
″She was hurting since the day I met her and I didn’t even know″ He broke out, his voice cracking. That was one of the most painful noises a human could hear. The noise of the person you loves voice breaking just when their about to cry.
It like your heart shatters at the sound of it and I swear just then mine did.
″Gray, it wasn’t your fault″ I soothed,″You couldn’t have possibly have known that, the people who are hurting the most hide it the best. There’s nothing you could have done to have saved her. You loved her and I think she needed that, you loved her in her most pained moments and by the sounds of it she was grateful for that but didn’t want to take it for granted and that’s why she pushed you and her best friend away″ I tried explaining.
I needed for him to know none of this was his fault, he couldn’t have known the girl he loved wouldn’t see another day. No one is to blame for this, depression is a mental illness that overcomes someones body and mind and sadly sometimes there is no cure.
But the best cure is laughter, real laughter. The type of laughter where tears start to stream down your face, you jaw begins to hurt and your stomach clenches. That’s the solution to everything, you just need to find the person who makes you do it.
Gray was that person for me.