Chapter Twenty Seven.Hideaway.
Song for this chapter:Mikky Ekko-Smile.
I was left standing outside my school completely alone, Grayson had drove off once I had assured him I was okay and I didn’t need him to guide me inside like a Mother would with her child on their first day of school. Letting out a few breaths, the air was so cold and crisp and every breath I let out was apparent like misty smoke.
I don’t know why I was so hesitant to just walk inside like I had every other normal school day. I guess it was just different today because for the first time I wouldn’t be walking in with Hunter, diverting my eyes away from everyone I crossed paths with and I wasn’t walking in with Grayson by my side as we were delved into conversation with one another and laughed about the most stupidest of things like one of his Dad jokes that were so bad that they were funny.
And I guess all of my anxiety and stress was just hitting me like a hammer at the thought of having to face Blake. It wasn’t the thought of him himself that was making me anxious. It was the taught of breaking down any change of hope he had left that I would know we were best friends for so long.
I didn’t want to do that him.
But I had to.
I couldn’t lie to him.
If it were one thing my Father taught me it was to never lie to someone, no matter how hard or bad it is. Always tell the truth, if you lie to them and they find out in the future it will only hurt you in the long run.
It isn’t worth it.
Squeezing on the strap of my backpack that was thrown over my left shoulder I let out a small sigh and made my way into the dept of hell. Or school, whatever.
Unlike a few months ago, people actually smiled at me as I walked passed them. I returned all of their smiles. Something so simple as a small smile can really swift your mood, it can make your bad day good. That’s all it took for my anxiety at a solid nine to drop to a six.
To know not everyone in the school has it out for you, or to know every guy isn’t scared to look me in the eyes is refreshing, uplifting. No words can describe it. But I knew I had Grayson to thank for that.
He was my brightness, my smile at the end of the darkened corridor, my love and most importantly, my freedom.
I made my way to my locker not yet bumping corners with Blake or Becca and the three blondes. It eased a bit of tension in me, I don’t think I was quite ready to face anyone just yet. I hadn’t had my whole speech for Blake planned in my mind.
Classes went by painfully slow, mostly because I was thinking of what to say to Blake the whole time. Miss.Chilly as Grayson calls her, called me out for daydreaming not once but twice. I’m surprised she didn’t kick me out. Her nickname was Miss.Chilly for a reason. She couldn’t contain her temper and anytime she yelled her face would go deep red and since she was so small it just made the whole class laugh more and resulted in her getting even madder.
I really don’t understand why someone would want to be a teacher.
Putting away all of my unneeded books into my locker, I almost jumped a mile at the sound of a deep voice coming from behind me. And it wasn’t Grayson and thankfully it wasn’t Hunter.
It was Blake.
″Have you been avoiding me, Libby?″He questioned with a quizzically look upon his face.
I closed my locker door shut slowly, my eyes looking down as I strung my backpack over my shoulders. ″Me? No″ I laughed, it was fake. Anyone would be dumb not to know that. ″Why would you think that?″ I nervously punched his shoulder, a fake but nervous smile playing on my lips.
His lips were pressed down in a weird frown, his eyebrows furrowed. He was on to me. I could tell by the way he was searching deeply into my eyes. It’s funny actually because that’s exactly what Gray does when he knows i’m lying or not okay. Am I just that easy to read?
″Well for one you completely ignored me in Maths class and two you completely ignored me this morning″ He held up two fingers, as he stated each reason. Shit.
″I-I didn’t see you″ I stuttered out, it was true. I didn’t see him because I had been day dreaming the whole time. I completely forgot I had maths class with him to begin with and this morning I mus have just walked by him not catching a glance at him because if I had of seen him I’m sure I would have ran for the hills.
″Are you okay?″ He asked, ″You’re acting weird ever since I tol-″ He stopped himself as I looked at him, guilty that I hadn’t remembered him like we both hoped, ″You don’t remember, do you?″.
His voice was sad, but mostly low and disappointed. His eyes now dropping. ″I’m sorry″ I said genuinely. I put my hand on his shoulder comfortingly, ″I wish I did remember, I really do. I want to remember but I can’t and I need to tell you why″ I looked all around the school corridors at the girls conversing to one another, or taking selfies with one another. ″But not here″.
He nodded his head agreeing with me, but his face still read confused. ″Then where?″ He asked, ″Break is over in three minutes″.
I thought about it for a minute before the perfect place popped into my head, somewhere only I know. ″Meet me under the oak tree at big break″ I said to him, before he could reply I quickly ran to my next class getting lost in the crowds of sweaty hormone induced teenagers. Has anyone not heard of a shower before? Seriously people!
I told him to meet me at the oak tree not because no one would be there. Believe me, hundreds would be. But if I meet him there and then bring him somewhere private then I can tell him everything I need to, in silence with just us.
It wasn’t too long before I was stood under the huge oak tree, the noise of lips smacking against each other, pages of a book being turned, birds chirping was very much usual here. I really didn’t understand how someone could actually concentrate on reading a book when there’s two people swapping saliva not even two inches away from you. But to each their own, I guess.
I pulled my jumper closer to my body, my teeth chattering as I waited for Blake to meet me. If he stands me up I will seriously hit him over the head with that girls book, can’t you just tell I’m not a very violent person?
I was here for five minutes, five very cold teeth chattering minutes. I was about to just turn around and walk to lunch when a strong hand touched my arm preventing me from moving.
″Didn’t think I would stand you up, did you?″ Blake smiled, crossing his arms. I narrowed my eyes into his.
″Actually I did″ I answered back truthfully, ″I thought you were busy doing a girl in a bathroom stall″ I shrugged through the coldness.
He chuckled and looked down as he laughed, his dirty blonde hair falling onto his forehead as he did, ″That’s where you’re wrong, Libby″.
″I save that for after practice″ He winked. I chuckled, faking a look of shock.
My mouth gaped open, my eyes open wide. I punched his shoulder, ″You’re such a dickhead″ I remarked.
He closed his lips and looked up, thinking. ″I deserve that one, but did you know I also have a dic-″.
I placed my hands on my ears blocking out his words, ″la la la″ I sung loudly, he chuckled at my actions. ″Really, Blake?″.
″Don’t lie, I know you want to know all about Brendan″ He smirked and winked at the same time, motioning towards his ‘boyhood’.
He can’t be serious. ″What type of guy names their ‘boyhood’?″ I asked in disbelief, ″And out of all names you named it Brendan? You named your dick after a boy band member?″.
He pointed his finger at me and made an ‘ah’ sound.″But not any boy band member, Libby. Panic at the Disco band member, who is now solo may I add. He continued on even after everyone left him, he’s superior. So now, do you get it?″ He asked.
I nodded my head reluctantly, disgust still on my face. But even though I wasn’t going to admit it to him, if you were going to name your manly bits anything Brendan would probably be the one to choose. I mean after all Brendan Urie is pretty great.
That has no second meaning, I am simply stating Brendan URIE in P!ATD is pretty great not Blake’s lil Brendan.
″If I say yes, will you shut up about it?″ I asked, he nodded his head with a crooked smile, ″Okay then, yes I get it″.
He clapped his hands together, ″Great!″ He stated enthusiastically, making me worry for his mental well being. ″So now, Libby. It is pretty cold out, I mean if you want to-″.
I shook my head, ″Oh no, I have somewhere else to go. This was only a place to pick so we knew where to meet up″ I shrugged and without completely thinking it over I took his hand in mine and made a run for the side of the school building with him trying to keep up with my pace behind me.
He stared up at school roof, soon looking at me strangely. ″Why did you bring us here?″ He asked.
I rolled my eyes, ″Patience is key, Blake″ I tapped his nose playfully before walking over to the rusty steel ladder attached to the school building leading up to the roof.
I started to climb up the ladder, my hands gripping tightly to the metal bars as I lifted up my right leg but stopped when I felt a tug on my leg making me turn around to face Blake who looked anxious with a nervous look on his face.
″What?″ I asked, quirking up a brow.
He looked all around, ″Do you really think this a good idea?″ He questioned, his teeth chattering. I don’t know what in the world he was thinking wearing a t-shirt to school on a day like this. He ought to be mad.
″I mean that is pretty high up″.
I narrowed my eyes, ″Awh, is Blakey boy scared of a little bit of height″ I pestered, my voice high and giddy. He huffed and rolled his eyes but a small smile was playing on his pale lips.
″No″ He scoffed, ″Just hurry up″.
I rolled my eyes once again, that boy really does drive you up a wall. Most of the time anyways, but I knew he meant well. I followed his command and quickly made my way up the rusty ladder. It was quite high up so he did have a point but it wasn’t anything to stress over. The worse damage you could do to yourself by falling off the rooftop is break a few bones or snap your neck and die.
Oh well, not my problem.
Reaching the top I clapped my hands together trying to warm up my now frozen hands. It’s moments like these where I really sympathise with Jack Dawson. There was enough room for two on that door!
Only realizing that Blake was no where to be seen, I put my two hands on the wall and looked down at Blake who was half way up the ladder. I laughed making him look up at me with a stern expression. Well someone is an angry pants today.
″Not funny Libby!″ He yelled out. His face returning back to nervousness when he realised just how high off the ground he really was.
″You know, Blake. I’m not trying to rush you or anything but we really don’t have all day. So you can either hurry your ass up or I won’t hesitate to shake that ladder your holding onto for dear life″ I threatened. I have to give it to me, I did actually sound genuine. Maybe I can be quite an actress after all.
He visibly gulped as he looked up at the roof once again and began to climb up the ladder as slow as a snail. Seriously, Gabriela would have been up here in a matter of seconds.
When he did finally reach the rooftop, he stood on the ground on all fours and I swear he was just going to kiss it. Guess he really doesn’t like heights.
″I am never doing that again″ He claimed, rubbing his fingers through his dirty blonde hair just like Gray does sometimes.
″Oh shut up″ I chuckled, ″You haven’t seen nothing yet, getting down is the harder part″.
His eyes widened, his whole face turning as pale as the foggy sky just above us that was littered with almost clear cumulus clouds.
He quickly composed himself, I guess because he doesn’t want a girl to know that a guy on the football team is terrified of something as simple as heights. It’s like some man code they all have, they can’t show their weaknesses to the person of the same and opposite sex. I don’t know why honestly, girls know everything about each other from their favourite movie up to their last period.
″What is this place?″ He asked, looking all around the rooftop I had actually decorated with a few cushions, blankets and a heater that plugs into the air conditioning for the school. This was my little hideaway that only I and janitor Walter knew about.
Besides me and Grayson’s place, this had the most beautiful sight of the stars at night time. I used to come here at night when I wanted to just get away from everything and everyone and it helped. It helped a lot, more than you would expect.
You would expect to be going to school to be stressful not peaceful, and believe me school itself was hell. But this place right here was anything but stressful, it was detoxifying.
″Oh nothing″ I waved his question off a smile on my face. ″Just my little hideaway″.
He smiled taking it all in, his eyes bright. He walked down to the where I had the blanket and cushions positioned. Right in the centre. It took me a while to find the perfect spot, an hour, twenty six minutes and thirty four minutes to be exact.
This spot right here was where all the stars reflected the brightest and it always was as far as the lead for the heater would reach. So it all worked out perfectly.
″This is more than a hideaway, Libby″ Blake mused, his voice in awe. ″Do you come up here often?″.
I thought about it and realised I haven’t. Not since I met Grayson. And I realised it was because I didn’t need to anymore, I used here to get away from things. But there wasn’t really anything I needed to get away from anymore. Grayson drained all the stress out of me as each day passed.
″Not anymore″ I answered, taking a seat down on the hand knitted blanket and switching on the heater instantly warming up my hands and placing them on my ice cold face.
He joined me seconds later, warming up his big hands too.
″I believe we came up here for a reason″ He stated, not looking at me but keeping his attention in front of him. Pine trees and greenery littered the school grounds. It was all in all an amazing view, close second to Hollywood.
″I believe we did″ I remarked, my voice now quieter.
We sat quietly warming ourselves up before I actually managed to fill him in with everything. I told him every little detail Jackson told me.
And I don’t know why I left out the part of knowing we had once loved each other.