Chapter Thirty. XO.
Song for this chapter: Labrinth-Jealous.
Panic pulsed through my veins at the name reveal. It was like that moment when you’re watching your favourite TV show, and you know which couple are endgame and then suddenly one of them cheats on the other and everything is ruined and your heart just breaks and there’s nothing you can do other than to watch, painfully.
And you know nothing will ever be the same again, even if the other person forgives the other for cheating. They will never forget it.
No matter how hard they try, they will always be reminded that he once chose someone over you. And you’re never too sure if he will again, but it’s a risk you’re willing to take because he cruelly stole your heart and won’t give it back until you’re broke inside.
I masked my horror with a small smile, Grayson looking at me curiously but I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t.
This was Rachel.
The girl Grayson supposedly loves. She was everything I wasn’t. But why, why would he bring her over to my house. By the way she’s dressed, she’s probably tagging along with us. Maybe she’s Grayson’s cousin?
That’s a bit weird though, I don’t tell my male cousins I love them. But I guess each family is different.
″Hey, it’s so lovely to finally to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you″ Rachel greeted, her voice sweet and...genuine.
I smiled back at her even though I was trying my best not to yell out to Grayson and ask who she was. I could sense Grayson knew something was off with me when he wouldn’t stop trying to communicate with me by his emerald green eyes.
″Good things, I hope″ I giggled, eyeing Grayson. I actaully giggled, like Gabriela would. Now Grayson with definitely know something isn’t right with me, if he didn’t guess already. Either he knows I caught him out, or he is as clueless as he looks. Because right now he looks a mixture of confused and curious.
″Of course″ She answered, nudging Grayson with her elbow jokingly.
I kept the fake smile on my lips, trying hard not to cringe at her innocent actions that could mean so much more than any other person passing by would expect. I needed to keep my eyes on those two.
I watched every episode of Eye Candy, so I think my detective skills have risen since then. Cheaters was also a great help, binge watching TV shows really does have it benefits. So to whoever says binge watching TV shows and movies is a waste of time, suck my ass.
″Well, I guess we should be leaving now. Right Gray?″ I quirked a brow up at him, he seemed tense.
He furrowed his brows together and nodded his head, ″Right″ He complied.
Today wasn’t the day for me to be acting out. Today was Angie’s day, the day where her family and loved ones including I remembered her for the loving person she was. I don’t ever remember Angie with anything other than a bright smile on her face, she was always happy. It didn’t just seem like that, she was.
And she made everyone around her happy, to feel loved and be joyful and cozy. She also had the ability to make my taste buds abrupt with delight every time I delved into one of her delicious brownies.
I would miss her.
We all would.
She wasn’t someone to be forgotten, once you knew her she left a permanent stain in your heart that no amount of detergent could remove.
They made no sign of moving to the car, so I walked out in front of them and down my pavement. My hair on my hairs stood up from the chilly arm orbiting around me and blowing my hair back as I walked to the car, whispers heard from behind me coming from the mouths of Grayson and Rachel.
The sky was now all shades of Gray.No pun intended. I could tell by how how dark and heavy the clouds appeared that it would soon pour and I would inevitably get drenched by the rain. Just the thought made me shiver. I had to really debate if I was going to wear Grayson’s denim jacket but decided against it since it didn’t really seem fit for a funeral.
I hugged my arms, waiting for Gray and the goddess to catch up to us. They soon did, Rachel giving me a small smile which I returned even though I didn’t want to. But I was trying to be a better person, for Gray and for myself.
Rachel hadn’t done anything to me, other then possibly being in love with my boyfriend. I’m not going to hold anything against her...yet. But if I find out those two are seeing each other behind my back even though I know Gray wouldn’t do that to me. I’m about to fuck me up a bitch.
There was always doubt at the back of my mind, telling me that I wasn’t everything Grayson needed, that I was and never will be good enough for him. I wasn’t worthy enough of his love.
No matter how much Gray tries persuade me, It will always be nagging at the back of my head. No matter what he does or I do, it will always be there like a disease with no cure.
But I loved him. More than the world would know, more than he could possibly know and for that one reason is why I never gave up on myself, on us.
Just his smile alone was enough to reassure me that maybe after all I was worthy enough of his love.
But here’s Rachel, the girl who could possibly destroy the only love I had received from the boy with the dimples and glasses.
I think Miss.Corny decided to take a visit with me today. Yup, definitely.
Grayson clicked open the door of his car that still makes me blink uncontrollably when I see it pull up outside my neighborhood.
I smiled at Rachel who was waiting for me to step inside first, ″I don’t mind sitting in the back, you can sit in the front if you want″ I spoke, almost in a sigh but masked my voice with my fake smile etched across my face.
″Oh no, you have shotgun. I know you like to turn on the radio when you get into the car″She casually spoke like she was talking about what she had for dinner yesterday. Did she also know what age I was when I got my first period?
How much did this girl know about me?
″I’m sorry, I’m not a stalker or anything″ She laughed warmly,seeing the shocked expression on my face ″Gray just talks about you a lot″ She shrugged as if it were nothing.
I nodded my head slowly, biting my lip. Did he also tell her about me verbally abusing him for the the first week or two of knowing him? I’m sure he did. Since they both seemed so close.
″He likes you a lot, Libby″ She whispered to me, making sure Grayson couldn’t hear us since he was at the other side of car waiting patiently for us to get inside before he did. Manners is key. But I seriously wouldn’t have minded if he got in before us, it is nippy outside.
Rachel’s words didn’t seem like the type of words you would say to the girl who’s boyfriend is who your in love with secretly. Unless....she was an incredible actress and this was all a plan for me not to get suspicious.
Damn, I really need to stop overthinking things. It’s not healthy for my or anyone’s mind.
She got inside the back seat of Grayson’s car before I could reply to her. Grayson looking at me with eyes suggesting if I was ready to get inside, I nodded my head and got inside the car. Grayson followed suit and soon got inside himself, we all buckled our seat belts just as Grayson put the key into the ignition and began the car.
Grayson looked at me with crazy eyes when I leaned my head against the passenger side window, listening intently to the rain hitting harshly off the foggy windows. I wasn’t going to turn on the radio, I knew that’s why he was looking at me with wide eyes.
It was a little tradition for me to turn on the radio, but today it didn’t feel right. Not when we have company, it was something I always did when it was just me and Grayson in the car. And now where we headed to, listening to something like ‘Death of a bachelor’ by panic at the disco wasn’t really right. No matter how good of a song it is.
Maybe the piano version of ‘This is gospel’ would suit, but all in all the rain was enough to distract me. The rain was something that so many people looked down upon and dwelled over but to me it was anything but to be sad over.
To me it was so much more than water falling out of the clouds above us, it was a sign that people out there in the world are feeling the exact same way as you, that they are listening and looking out at the rain outside their windows the same time as you.
It was something I seen as a way to unite everyone together, after all me and Grayson did kiss in the rain.
The car ride was filled with nothing but eerie quietness, rain hitting off the windows and the windscreen wipers washing them away. Grayson nor Rachel and I spoke a word on our journey to Angie’s funeral.
When we reached our destination, I watched Grayson intently as he let out a shaky breath before unbuckling his seat belt and watching as cars and people dressed in all black made their way into the huge church in front of us.
It was a beautiful church, it looked like a castle but was made up of grey brick with beautifully designed multi-coloured stained glass windows placed around the church orderly. Looking neatly placed and selected and definitely well thought out.
″I’m going to head inside, i’ll save you two a seat″ Rachel announced quietly from behind. I smiled at her, thankful for leaving Gray and I alone for a bit.
He needed me to talk to him, to tell him everything was okay and I could tell Rachel knew that too, she looked at me sympathetically before getting out of the car and trying to close the car door behind her as quietly as possible.
I leaned over to Grayson who was staring blankly in front of him out of the window. I placed my now warm hands from the ac on his cheeks, making him turn his handsome face in my direction. His eyes were sad and dull, and he had bags under his eyes. Why hadn’t I noticed those before? Obviously I was being too conceited to notice when Gray needed me.
Damn it, Libby!
″Oh Gray″ I muttered sadly, looking into his sad eyes. ″I know nothing I say or do will instantly make you feel better. And I wish so badly I could take your pain away, but as much as I don’t want to admit it, I can’t. I wish I could tell you it gets easier with time, but I made a promise to you that I would never lie and saying that would be lying to you. Because it doesn’t get easier, for the first week you’re numb and you think it’s going to be okay, but then every day after that it gets harder and harder″.
His eyes were beginning to become glassy, my words not helping him. But I wasn’t quite yet finished my little speech.
″Until you find that person that makes the pain numb. Until when you look into that person’s eyes and see that you are the only person they see in a crowded room, that you know you can text them at time in the day or night and they will text you back within a heartbeat. Gray, you don’t understand that you’re that person for me and I want to be that person for you, just let me in″.
He sighed within my hands, nodding his head. Our foreheads were pressed against each other his minty breath fanning against my face. I didn’t mind, it was refreshing. Was that weird to say?
″Just breath, Gray. I can’t assure you the pain will go away, but once we have each other and you have me, we can numb the pain″ I comforted. running my thumb across his cheeks wiping away the stray tear that escaped his saddened eyes.
″So lets go out there together, hand in hand. And say our temporary goodbyes to Angie″.