Chapter Fifty four.Always and forever, Grayson.
Song for this chapter: Lord Huron- The night we met.
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. -Washington Irving.
If you were to ask me just over a year ago where exactly I saw myself today, I would have answered either in bed suffering from a bad case of a hangover, or getting ready for another party that night.
If you were to ask me three months ago where I seen myself today, I would answer in Grayson’s arms with no uncertainty hidden in my voice.
But no amount of time could have prepared me for this. No amount of words in the dictionary were enough to explain just how I was feeling at this moment in time. I was numb all over, my mind blank and my emotions hidden.
I was a shadow of the happy, full of life and love Libby Johnson that my friends knew by heart. I was now the girl they first met, the damaged girl who masked a fake smile on her face as she walked down the school corridor careful not to look in any guy’s directions.
A soft knock to my bedroom door took me out of my head wracking thoughts, ″Libby, are you dressed?″ A familiar voice called from behind the door.
I looked at myself in the mirror glazing at my black lace dress that ended just under my knees, it was my Mother’s from a few years back. ″Yeah″ I answered back solemnly, my voice hasn’t yet found its way back to me but my low voice was better than no voice as I had been told.
Slowly my wooden door began to open as a familiar, tired skinned face appeared. ″You look beautiful″ Blake complimented. I gave him a small smile in return not knowing exactly just how to answer as I fixated myself to turn and take in his appearance.
He wore a black suit and tie and a grim expression on his normally smiling face. ″You look great″ I complimented back lamely. I wanted to sound sincere but instead, my voice came off artificial and not at all genuine as I had hoped.
I didn’t hesitate to take his outstretched hand in mine as we walked out of my bedroom together. I let out a nervous breath as we paused at the top of the staircase, looking down there was my Mother, Gabriela, and Jackson clad in all black as they watched me with worried eyes as though I would break any second.
″You’re okay″ Blake whispered down into my ear, noticing my uneasiness ″I’ve got you″.
Those five words were what I was accustomed to hearing at least three times a night as I woke up screaming and gasping for breath as the nightmares of prom came back to haunt me. My voice may have been coming back, but the nightmares remained.
I gave him the only smile my broken soul could muster which I knew must have came off as fake but he didn’t speak about it as we began to walk down the stairs with his hand wrapped tightly around my waist.
″Oh hunny, you look beautiful″ Mom complimented.
″We know for sure Grayson will be looking down at you today″ Jackson winked trying to ease the saddened atmosphere in the room. The sly look on his face left as soon as it had appeared once he realized now was not the time for cocky remarks.
Mom hit on the back of the head with narrowed eyes as he apologized to me but I quickly waved it off thankful that at least one person had the courage to not act like a zombie. Grayson wouldn’t have wanted that.
But I just couldn’t help but act like that. Not when I knew Grayson should be here and none of us should be in this situation at all.
As soon as we got out of Blake’s car, I stared up at the dark sky, the sky swirling with all shades of grey like an ancient portrait done by Leonardo DiVinchi. Quite ironic how the sky was grey for Gray’s day.
″Libby″ Blake called as I quickly diverted my eyes away from the sky that seemed so entrancing. ″You ready to go?″.
I paused for a second evaluating my choices. I could say no and admire the sky for a while longer or I could comply and join along with everyone else as we said our last farewell to the first boy I loved-love.
″Yeah″ I breathed out as I watched people dressed in all black make their way into the already crowded graveyard. ″I’m ready″.
My words were anything but the truth.
I wasn’t ready and I don’t think I ever would be.
His hand soon found mine as we followed behind the mass of people heading in the same direction as us. ″My parents told me to inform you that Bethany had reserved a seat for you next to her and Clyde. Bella wants to sit with Gabriela″.
I couldn’t imagine the pain her little heart was in, she is so young and innocent and doesn’t deserve the pain she is going through. She shouldn’t be here today mourning the loss of her older brother who she looked up to and loved with all of her heart.
None of us should.
Not Bethany or Clyde or Blake or me. No one.
Grayson should be alive and be smiling as I know he would be, we shouldn’t be saying goodbye to him today but celebrating the beginning of our new chapter together as we began college and entered the long-dreaded adulthood.
As we reached the huge gathering of people around the six feet deep hole in the ground that sent my stomach plummeting, I didn’t have to look around for Bethany as I was already being pulled into her weak arms.
″Oh, Libby″ She croaked out making my dry eyes with the numbness suddenly dampen. ″Gray would have complimented on how amazing you look today if he were here. So I’ll do it on his part, you look amazing″.
If he were here.
″I’m so sorry″ I cried into her shoulders my tears betraying my and escaping against my wishes.
She pulled out of the hug wiping away her stray tears, ″Honey, you have nothing to be sorry for. He loved you very much and he made that very clear every day″ She clipped out a laugh, it was sad and not a bit of humor behind it. But it managed to lift up my spirits, even if only a little.
″He wouldn’t want you to be sorry, Libby″.
Blake soon squeezed my hand as I averted my eyes to his he told me with his eyes that he was going to sit down with my his parents alongside my Mother, Jackson, Bella, and Gabriela. There was no sign of Becca or the three blondes just yet.
They had texted me every hour since that night to make sure I was okay and to send their condolences over the loss of Grayson. They were behind the countless amount of cards and flowers that littered in my living room and I knew they were friends I would have and cherish for the rest of my life.
It wasn’t long before we were all seated down as the priest began the ceremony. People crying and sniffles were all that was to be heard besides the monotone voice of the priest. I had noticed earlier the sweep of blonde hair making their way into the crowd, fashionably late as always.
Bethany held my hand tightly as Clyde held hers and for one moment, I felt safe. That was something I hadn’t felt since seeing Grayson’s dazzling emerald green eyes close that night. Blake had been there for me and gave me the comfort and warmth I long needed and kept me safe from my nightmares. But I hadn’t felt secure, and that was something I learned only time would heal.
I looked up at the swirling sky as I felt a small raindrop hit off my bare cheek with no makeup. I hadn’t worn makeup today for the sole reason that I couldn’t bring myself to put it on. Grayson always said I didn’t need it even I felt most self-conscious, it was him. He was all I needed, no makeup could cover up my flaws as well as he did.
We stood up when the casket holding the person who had my heart was laid down in the ground. Bethany threw in the first rose with a frown on her quivering lips and Clyde’s protective arm wrapped around her waist as he soon followed suit.
He looked at me and beckoned for me to throw in the next rose, everyone had red roses held in their hands ready to put them in the ground. But I hadn’t, I had gone for a white rose to symbolize his innocence and pureness that he had shown to me.
I had thrown it in just as a tear had escaped my eye.
My breathing had caught in my throat at something small that had caught my eye just at the other side of the six-foot deep hole that I couldn’t bear to look down into.
There stood a beautiful robin, tilting its head at me with innocence and for the first time in what felt like years, I smiled.
Not a sad, artificial smile that even the most gullible of people could detect as fake but a real tooth showing smile that I knew Grayson wouldn’t be able to control himself but to smile back type of smile.
It was a sign that maybe everything would be okay. I felt as though my heart had been ripped out of my body and hit with a hammer more times than I could count. But I was still breathing and if that wasn’t a sign then I don’t know what is.
The robin moved its head as if almost in a nod and I smiled brightly and nodded back not caring how crazy or absurd I appeared to people who may be watching my encounter with a bird.
″Many people believe that robins are a sign that loved ones who have passed on are still around and watching over you even when you can’t feel their presence. They are always with you″.A familiar voice spoke from beside me.
I turned to look at the face of the voice to be met with a face I hadn’t seen in a while but was grateful to see at this moment. ″Rachel″ I breathed out pulling her into a hug, ″How are you?″.
″I should be asking you the same thing, I can’t possibly imagine how painful this must be-″ She cut off her words, her eyes flashing with regret, ″I’m sorry, I should learn to think before I speak″.
I waved her off knowing there were no bad intentions hidden in her words, ″You’re right″ I admitted to her, ″ it’s excruciatingly painful, but I’m taking it one day at a time″.
She gave me a small smile, placing a comforting arm on mine. ″He loved you″ She spoke softly, ″Very much″.
″I know″ I smiled back meeting her eyes just as Blake approached us and placed his hand in mine as he usually did to comfort me and keep my heart beating in a normal rhythm.
″You okay?″ He whispered softly, searching deeply in my eyes with his ocean blue’s.
I nodded and gave him a content smile which he widened his eyes to in response, ″You smiled?″ He questioned, shock laced in his words. ″And not in a fake way either″.
I nodded giving him another genuine smile and then diverted my attention to Rachel who was watching Blake and I’s encounter with a glint in her eyes that I couldn’t quite decipher. As if he hadn’t noticed her before, Blake hugged Rachel as she hugged him back just as tightly.
″It’s good to see you again″ He commented as they pulled apart from each other.
″You too, how long has it been now? Two years?″ She questioned.
He nodded at her question as I stood there like a fish out of water, ″How have you been?″
I knew then was my time to exit, quietly I took a step back to leave them to catch up as I tried to find Becca and the three blondes but I didn’t get very far before Blake caught a hold of my hand. I froze at his small action that caused a memory to play in my mind-multiple actually.
Flashbacks of Grayson pulling me back when I walked away just so he could whisper he loved me floated around in my head. ″Libby, are you okay?″ Blake asked with concern, his eyes wild.
I took in a sharp breath as I gave him a clipped nod, ″Yeah″ I breathed out, ″ I’m good, sorry. I’m going to find the girls, I’ll see you both soon″ I blurted out quickly as I whisked away not giving Blake the opportunity to refuse like I knew he would.
As I went on my search to find the girls I couldn’t help but notice how I couldn’t see one person crying anymore. Everyone was chatting animatedly with each other, not with a smile on their faces but with a straight face. It was as though Grayson himself had gone around to each person and told them not to cry.
I knew for one that he didn’t like people crying over him, especially not the people he loved most.
As I walked passed a mass of people wearing nothing but black I finally was met with the back of the three blondes heads and one brown haired girl. Making my presence known I tapped Becca on the back of her shoulder making her shiver.
She flipped around to face me with fright but soon composed herself when she realized it was only me. ″Sorry″ She apologized, ″You scared me″.
″How are you?″.
″Do you want to sit down?″.
″Do you want to talk?″.
They threw questions at me like confetti at a wedding making them all jumbled up in my mind with confusion. ″One at a time, girls″.
The all muttered out ‘sorry’s’ as if on cue with one another making them sound like Siri or some type of robot. ″But really, Libby. How are you?″ Kim asked, worry shown clear in her eyes.
I sighed at her question, I had heard that question too many times to count since that night.
″As one would be in this situation, I don’t know″ I answered truthfully with a casual shrug, ″But I’m taking it one day at a time″.
″Know that you have all of us if you ever need somebody to talk to, I heard Blake was staying in your house to keep you company″ Becca chimed in.
I nodded in knowing, ″Of course and thank you all for the flowers and cards″.
They waved me off as Stacey too murmured out ‘It’s no problem’ in between bites of her chocolate bar earning warning glares from her sisters. I wouldn’t have expected anything less from her, Grayson wouldn’t have either. She was a comfort eater, some people find comfort in other people through hugs, some people find comfort in talking and with Stacey it was food.
″And yes, he’s been my rock these past few days. I don’t know what I’d do without him, to be honest″.
They gave me sad smiles as they all hugged me one by one. The sky was still grey but was brighter if anything, people were slowly starting to make their way back to their cars and driving away.
″Libby″ A voice called from behind, it was once a voice that once lacked any type of emotion but now held many emotions I was amazed they didn’t spill out.
I turned around to be faced with the Grandmother of the boy I love wholeheartedly. ″I wanted to thank you″.
I furrowed my brows at her statement. I couldn’t possibly think of anything that she would have to thank me for.
″As you know, I was very close to my beloved Grayson″ She began as we walked side by side with each other passing by cherry blossoms. ″When Jennifer died, he lost all the life he had in him″.
I gulped at the mention of Jennifer, he was her first love. I remember how hard it was for him to tell me about her, but he did. ″But when he met you, that light and life slowly began to resurface″ She admitted as we came to an abrupt stop at a big cherry blossom tree.
″And he became the Grayson we all knew and loved. Because of you, he was happy again and I want to say how sorry I am for being rather rude when we had first met, as you see Libby, I don’t trust easily. Especially when it came with people associated with Grayson″.
″I didn’t want you to leave him and take that light away. I was scared you would hence the reason for me being cold towards you″.
It all made sense to me now, Grayson had always boasted to me about his love for his Grandmother and I was saddened by her reaction towards me, but now I had the missing puzzle piece and I knew now that her intentions were not bad, but to protect her Grandson.
″But I know now you are a good person, I’ve known for a long time. You were the highlight of the conversation when we talked, he loved you very much. I assume he had already given you the little diary entries he wrote about you″.
I looked at her in bewilderment at the mention of diary entries then the memory of him writing down in his notebook on our first encounter flashed in my mind. I had only caught him once writing in that notebook and I had wondered what he said about me but I hadn’t asked him about it. Diaries were usually personal but now I couldn’t help but crave to read them.
″He was going to give me them?″ I asked in surprise.
She tilted her head and looked at me with furrowed brows, ″Honey, he was giving you the white envelope on the day you two went to prom together. Did he forget to?″.
″Yes, yes he did. Do you know where I could find it?″ My voice was adamant, I needed anything. Anything at all to have another piece of Grayson and a diary entry even if just one was enough for me.
She pursed her lips in thought before letting a sigh escape her lips, ″I’m sorry″ A frowned played on her wrinkled lips. ″He didn’t tell me, I just know he was giving it to you″.
I let out a deflated sigh the hope of her knowing where the white envelope was flying away with the wind that was blowing my hair back.
″Thank you″ I commented, pulling Ruth in for a hug. She froze at my sudden movement but soon hugged me back and repeated my words.
I made my way back to Blake just as Rachel departed and got into her car, I gave her a small wave as she drove off. Blake wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to his side giving me the warmth I badly needed.
″Do you want to go back home?″ He asked as he looked down into my grey eyes.
″Yeah″ I answered back in a sigh, ″I just want to say goodbye to Bethany first″.
He nodded in understanding as he let me go, ″I’ll just be talking to my Parents if you need me″.
″I’ll be fine″.
″Libby″ A voice called, I don’t know if I was going insane or if everyone seemed to be calling me today.
I turned to be met with a sweet smile and sad eyes.
″Rose″ I breathed out as I pulled her into a hug.
″Libby sweetie, how are you?″.
I let out a breath at her question, ″As well as anyone could be considering the situation″.
She gave me a sad smile as she nodded in understanding, ″Please do come around for dinner, we all miss you″.
I mustered up a smile with at her words, ″I would love to″.
Saying our small goodbyes to each other we soon parted ways with one final hug.
I walked my way over towards Bethany where she stood talking to some people I didn’t recognize. ″Oh Libby!″ She beamed once she caught eye of me, ″This is Julie and her husband Kevin″ She introduced.
The couple standing in front of me were around the same age group as Bethany and Clyde, ″We’re childhood friends″ She explained. I formed an ‘o’ with my mouth in realization as Julie held her hand out for me to shake.
I shook it firmly without wasting another breath, ″It’s lovely to finally meet the face behind the countless amount of conversations″.
I smiled curtly at her, as I too shook Kevin’s hand as he gave me a sad but genuine smile. ″It’s wonderful to meet you, Libby″.
″You too, both of you″ I smile at the both of them.
″Are you on your way home Libby?″,Bethany asked in curiously.
I gave her a meek smile as I nodded my head, ″Yeah, I am. I was thinking of coming over to yours sometime. If that’s okay with you that is″.
Her eyes lit up at my small suggestion, ″Please do, we are having family over for dinner on Wednesday to celebrate Gray’s life if you would care to join us″.
″I would love to″.
″Oh, and don’t forget to make sure your Mother and siblings join along″. Sadness was hidden beneath her eyes but I could tell she was making an effort to not show it. But I saw it, as clear as day.
She hugged me one final time before whispering goodbye into my ear and kissing me on the cheek.
I would have stayed longer, but I couldn’t. I knew Grayson’s soul wasn’t orbiting around here, just his body. His soul was where his best moments were, in his home, Angie’s cafe and our secret place with the view of the Hollywood sign.
And I wasn’t ready yet to say goodbye to him, I never would be. Today was merely a see you soon. It was the end of a chapter and a beginning of another, the robin had proved that to me.
I watched in awe as I seen Gabriela hug Bella tightly who couldn’t control her crying, my heart reached out to her as Gabriela wiped away Bella’s tears before Clyde took Bella into his arms and My Mom took Gabriela into hers.
One month later...
The thought of the white envelope hadn’t left my mind since it was brought to my attention by Ruth. Blake had noticed something was on my mind, he made that clear by asking if I was okay about... fifty-four times every day.
Every day for the past month he made it a tradition to ask.
We were cooped up in my bedroom, me lying down on my bed staring up at the still mysteriously stained ceiling as Blake put away some things I had scattered on my floor. It was bugging him he insisted.
This past month had been a surprise in both a good and bad way. I had been visiting Bethany, Clyde, and Bella very frequently and spent most of my time sitting with Bethany as we reminisced about the good times spent with Grayson.
I had never stopped missing him and every day didn’t get easier like people had told me. If anything it got harder.
″Where do you want me to put this?″ He asked, I leaned up on my elbows to take a look at what he was holding up and was hidden from my view.
I stiffened at what was held in his hand. Grayson’s jacket from prom. ″Give it here″. My voice came out scratchy which I soon covered by coughing.
He threw it in my direction, it landed on my lap with precision. I took it in my hands ignoring the familiar waft of Grayson’s scent it provided as I hung it on my bed headboard so I could always have a piece of Grayson by my side, even as I slept.
″What’s this?″ I turned to look at Blake as he bent down to pick up something.
But not just something, something white and square.
A white envelope.
″It must have fallen out of his pocket″ He commented, turning it over with curious eyes. He handed it over to me not opening it like I had suspected him to do but instead he sat down at the end of my bed as I took it in my hands.
″It has your name wrote on it″.
And sure enough, when I looked down there was my first name, well nickname in handwriting-Grayson’s handwriting.
I opened the envelope not daring to waste another second, as far as I was aware it should have only contained one page, not two.
I took them out and placed them on the bed, Blake looked just as curious as I did at the reveal. ″This one first″ he spoke pointing to the paper with straight lines running across it.
I furrowed my brow in wonder at why he chose that one first. ″It has the number one on it″ He almost chuckled noticing my wondrous expression.
I nodded in realization, metaphorically flicking myself on the forehead at my stupidity. ″Do you want me to leave while you read them?″ Blake asked.
I shook my head and motioned for him to sit back down as he already made his move to leave, ″Stay″ I begged, ″Please″.
He complied with a small smile as he crossed his legs on the bed waiting for me to open the first letter. Slowly I reached for the letter and let out a nervous breath as I drew it closer to my body and opened the letter with closed eyes.
I counted to three in my head before opening my eyes again, Blake giving me an encouraging smile with a glint of worry in his eyes. ″You can do this″.
I gulped and let out a breath as I looked down at the note before my eyes.
I don’t know you yet and maybe I never will but I’m sitting here on my bed, pen in hand and I find myself writing about you. For some unknown reason, I find myself writing about you at 3:43am. Something about you just intrigues me to the point of no sleep, literally.
You may never read this, but I know there is something about you I need to figure out, I can tell you are not as bad as you let on. I know you are masking a smile on your face as you sit with your friends at lunch.
Are they really your friends, Libby?
And Libby if you are reading this it means that I have won. That you have won. I set myself out on a mission to find the real you and so if you are reading this, I have. And if you are reading this it means I am wholeheartedly, madly and deeply in love with you.
Insane for a guy to be saying thatt about a girl he doesn’t know yet, right?
But if this letter hasn’t been thrown in the trash and is in fact in your hands, it means I wasn’t too insane at all. In fact, if this does end up in your hands, it means I have won at life.
I have won at life as I have fallen in love with the girl who has kept me up 3 something in the morning without even knowing her favorite color yet. And I have won at life because she loves me back too.
Monday 23rd of August 2017: You walked into me, the first thing I noticed was your raven hair and pale skin. And then you spoke, I was expecting you to have a high pitched voice and apologize as any normal teenage girl would do. But you didn’t, instead, you cursed and it surprised me, to say the least. Your eyes were swirling grey like the sky today and I knew there was something hidden behind them, something I needed to figure out.
I could see you rolling your eyes as I got assigned to sit next to you, I was like a human with a contagious disease with no cure. You moved as far as you could away from me as I tried to create a conversation with you, you are quite stubborn Libby.
I caught you staring at me as I wrote in my notebook, no I wasn’t writing this. It would be quite impossible. I was writing points and little details about our encounter so I would never forget them and if I’m writing this-which I am. It means I haven’t forgotten.
Monday 23rd of September 2017: I could tell as each day passed you were breaking down that big wall you have created around yourself. No words spoken or actions done needed to tell me that, your smile alone did.
You did what most people were too weak to do, you got rid of the negative and brought in the positive. I’m proud of you.
Have I ever told you that you should smile more?
Monday 23rd of October 2017: The first time you kissed me was like wildfire, I didn’t know how to react or when it would stop. But the crazy thing was, I didn’t ever want you to stop even though I knew all along why you did kiss me in the first place.
The second time was all I needed. It was the answer to my unanswered questions, I have a small feeling you will be getting this letter after all. You kissed me with reassurance and burning desire and I knew then that I could never get enough of you, it had only been three short months but I was already mentioning your name at the dinner table.
My Mom will tell you that if you ask her to, but I forbid her not to, so ask Bella instead.
Monday 23rd of November 2017: I made a mistake. I could see it in your eyes. The hurt and sadness lingering beneath the grey I love.
I was about to say it.
But I didn’t.
But know that I do.
I love you, Libby Johnson.
I couldn’t say it to you yet, but writing about it was enough for me to get rid of the heavy weight off my shoulders, but not all of it.
I was scared of scaring you away for saying it so soon, but when I saw the sadness my stopped words brought to you, I should have known to say it then. I’m an idiot, but I think you know that by now.
Monday 23rd of December 2017: Libby Johnson, when I first met you I didn’t know what was in store for me, for you, for us. But then you whispered you loved me and it all fell into place.
You love me and I know now what the saying ‘I am the happiest man alive’ feels like.
Because you Libby Johnson made me the happiest man alive.
And I love you with every beat of my heart, I think I always have. And I know I always will.
Monday 23rd of January 2018: Your laugh, your smile, your soul. Even though you sound like a dying cat when you laugh, I can’t help but join in every time you do, because it is that terrible that is.
If I said that out loud you would call me a ‘doofus’ and whisper you hate me.
We both know you love me Lib, you love me dearly.
But never as much as I love you.
Monday 23rd of February 2018: I haven’t written about how thankful I was for you. I have admitted more than once my love towards you but I haven’t yet thanked you.
Thank you Libby, for the times you brought me out of the dark hole I was getting sucked into.
Thank you Libby, for the day I felt emotionally broken and didn’t know what to do, but you made me hot chocolate and pancakes and everything felt okay.
Thank you Libby, for loving me as much as I love you.
The last one is what I am grateful for most, just in case you couldn’t tell.
(I know you can)
Monday 23rd of March 2018: I should have told you, I remember the look of hurt and betrayal on your eyes when you seen me with Olivia, but if you are reading this you already know why I was with her so I won’t discuss it here.
But know that I was doing it to protect you.
I will always protect you, Lib.
Monday 23rd April 2018: I had wanted to ask you to prom myself but that never happened. I should have known that being with someone as amazing as you Libby that nothing ever goes according to plan. Living day by day was a motto I created for us, since I never know what to expect.
You amaze me every day, your witty remarks and sarcastic comments still make me laugh when I think back on them. But most of all your beauty still makes me feel weak at the knees even if your just wake-up and your hair looks like a birds nest, you are effortlessly beautiful.
Monday 23rd of May 2018: That night was one I will cherish for all of eternity. Waking up with you next to me was something that will never be taken from my memory, I wish to have many more mornings like those.
But I don’t really need to wish now, do I?
Okay okay, I’m sorry Lib. I know I am cocky, but only for you.
Monday 23rd of June 2018: This is the last entry, we had graduated two nights ago. The end of a chapter as you once said, but a beginning of a new one for the both of us.
Sometimes when I don’t feel good enough to be with someone as funny and creative as you. I stare into your ravishing grey eyes and all my bad thoughts fade away and I know then you love me as much as I love you.
You couldn’t fake that and neither could I.
My Mom can’t stop talking about you, she said you bring out the inner teenager in her and believe me I can agree with her on that one. She comes into my room now talking about how good your pancakes are or how we should all do something together.
She really loves you, too bad I love you more.
I’m at our secret place by myself, with something in my hands. Something you will refuse at first, but with my pleading, you will soon take. Keep your dirty mind at bay Lib, this isn’t sexual.
But this isn’t for me, it was destined for you. I think she knew that too. I know you are lost and wondering what I am talking about but letter 2 will answer the questions floating in your head right now.
Libby, I told you from the start I would succeed in my mission- And I have.
You love me.
And I love you.
I have won at life.
Always and forever, Grayson.
Everything fell into the place at the small goodbye in Grayson’s note. Always and Forever. I hadn’t known his feeling towards me were so strong so early on, if I had known I wouldn’t have been so scared to tell him I love him for the first time.
I love him, so much.
Always and Forever.
It was as if the black hole that had replaced my heart was fading away as I finished Grayson’s letter. I never had any doubt that Grayson didn’t love me, but I never knew just how much he did love me.
I took his love for granted, I was being wasteful of his love by not spending every waking second with him by my side.
I guess you really don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
He was a rare diamond I had the luck of finding and I had cherished that diamond until its very last reflect but now it was gone and all that was left was emptiness. Emptiness and the unknown of the world.
The tears that were pricking at my eyes ran down my cheeks as I finished the last sentence of the letter. Blake leaned close as a stray tear hit off the sheet of paper shaking in my hands, with his thumb he gently wiped away the tears that were blurring my vision.
″Thank you″ I whispered out through my tears.
″Here″ He said holding up the second letter as he motioned with his head for me to take it.
″You open it, please″ I begged, not feeling able to open it. It was as though I was paralyzed from the neck down and all I could do was sit and watch.
″Are you sure, Libby?″.
″Yes″ I clipped as I pulled my knees to my chest.
He let out an uneasy sigh as he opened the letter. His eyes scanned the page as I watched in anticipation.
″Libby″ He breathed out in disbelief sending worry rushing through my veins.
″What? What is it?″ I rushed.
He looked up from the note to meet my desperate eyes, ″I think you would want to look at this yourself″.
I shook my head, ″Please, just tell me″.
He shot up a questioning brow making sure I was 100% positive, I nodded in reassurance.
″He signed the rights to Angie’s cafe over to you″.
Dis-belief flashed through me, I was taken aback, to say the least and a small part of me thought he was joking with me but with the serious look his eyes held told me this wasn’t any joke. I took the note from his hands as I scanned the page myself in a rush.
Sure enough, there was my name, he had forged my signature. I wasn’t surprised he had. But what I was surprised at was that he did, in fact, sign the cafe over to me. My eyes couldn’t believe it, this was everything I had ever dreamed of.
Grayson knew that.
He knew that I wouldn’t ever accept this, it was far too much. I couldn’t possibly and that’s why he forged my signature and he did a damn good job of it too.
This time my tears weren’t sad but they were filled with joy and still disbelief. I hugged Blake tightly not knowing what else to do in this moment. But all I did know was that Grayson would forever be with me now, in the cafe, in my home, in his home.
He would never leave my side like he promised not to, signing the cafe over to me proved that.
Him loving me with every breath I took proved that.
Pulling apart from the hug, I just stared into Blake’s blue eyes as he smiled. I pulled my brows together as I searched deeply into his ocean blue eyes, he froze in his place his breathing hitched in his throat as I searched for the unknown.
″Funny″ I murmured, my voice low.
He seemed confused by my words, his forehead creased and eyebrows furrowed. ″What is funny?″.
″I don’t know″ I sighed, knowing my thoughts were idiotic. ″It’s just when I stare into your eyes it’s like I’m staring into Grayson’s. They don’t share the same color, but the same meaning‴.
″They are my natsukashii″.
″Natsukashii?″ He repeated as though the word was poison on his tongue.
″Yes″ I assured, ″I took Japanese class for a year, it’s the only thing I remember″.
″And what does it mean?″.
I looked up into his curious ocean eyes with my shy greys. ″It’s an adjective, it’s a word that represents something that brings someone suddenly back to joyous memories, not with a wistful longing for what’s gone, but an appreciation of the good times″ I explained.
He didn’t say anything after that as neither did I, but I couldn’t explain it. His eyes were showing me another life, a new chapter. One unwritten, waiting to be written.
″You’re eyes always did that for me″ He admitted after a while, surprising me, ″When you forgot who I was and I didn’t know who I was anymore when I looked into your eyes everything fell back into place and I no longer looked back on our childhood memories together with a frown. but with a smile″.
I was his.
And for some odd reason that I couldn’t explain, I couldn’t help but feel he was mine. When I looked into Grayson’s eyes I seen home, I seen adventure and love and everything I had dreamed of. He had given me all of my wildest dreams and losing him was the hardest thing I have ever done.
But Blake was my getaway.
I know now that he always has been.
But I wouldn’t be the person I am today, I wouldn’t be sane or happy or living if it weren’t for Grayson. He was my first love, my knight in shining armor, my savior and forever would be.
Grayson brought back that person in me who I thought was long dead, he had shown me how to love again, how to live again.
Grayson would always and forever hold that special place in my heart.
The only thought in my head now was that;
My life has changed forever all because I happened to smash into a boy named Grayson Smith.