The sound of someone in my room woke me up from my sleep. Kelly was cleaning my room and there wasn’t a damn expression on her face that could have made me feel happy. The same old scowl on her face that she has been always giving me since last two years.
Sitting up, I looked at the time. It was ten in the morning already. I yawned loudly, irritating Kelly so her permanent scowl became bigger. She gave me glare. My shopping bag was on the floor and I was waiting for her to say something mean about it.
Every time I came in from shopping she would make sarcastic comments about me spending money on lavish things that were of no use to me. That or nag me about the fact that I didn’t earn a dime of the money I spent. Rather than throwing my bag, as usual, she picked it up and set it on the chair.
“Only one dress? I thought there was going to be twenty. Did the card declined, or they kicked you out of the shop?” There was my favorite Kelly.
“No, there just wasn’t anything costly enough in the shop besides this,” My smile irritated her just enough to make her clean faster. I could tell she wanted to get out of my room.
“What is this doing this here? I remember this was in the dustbin.” She said, picking up the two torn pieces of the wedding card. It was already ten. I was late.
“Yeah, it was a secret letter from my lover. I restored it to send him my love in it,” She knew it was a wedding invitation. She dropped it instantly like it was disease and rubbed her hands against her clothes. She glared at me and then picked up her cleaning stuff and walked out of my room.
As soon as she was out, I panicked. I had to be out of here soon if I wanted to reach the stadium before the game started. I had gotten a ticket yesterday as soon as I saw he was going, but I needed to reach the stadium early so I could catch him outside alone.
My routine tasks were done in a haste. Pulling my hair into a bun and keeping my makeup natural I dressed in the dress I bought yesterday.
What happened yesterday was done and forgotten. Every day was a new day and I left behind the happenings of that day. It had become a routine for me now. Sleeping on my pain and then the next day, moving on. It was the only way for me to survive.
“I’m going out, I won’t be back till the evening,” I yelled out before leaving the house, knowing well that Kelly didn’t care.
I drove in a haste to the stadium in hopes of catching Nathaniel alone. I didn’t want to face his fiancée, my sister. Within a good twenty minutes, I reached my destination. After giving my makeup some few last minute touches I got out of the car and waited.
Turning on my phone and Facebook, I typed in his name and looked at the posts. The latest one was from five minutes ago, informing everyone that he was here. The words “Out to enjoy my day with my loved ones” caught my attention, a new picture was posted with it. I zoned out all the others in the picture and concentrated on only him. Now I knew what he was wearing. The teal colored shirt he had on would be easy to find. But before that, I needed a drink. A drink not meant for drinking.
I opted for a big red frenzy shake and went on with my quest of finding him, possibly alone. I walked with my head low and my shoulders slouched, the opposite of what was ingrained in me. I walked so that an air of sadness and innocence wrapped around me. I looked all around sneakily until I saw him.
One look at him and I knew he was as handsome as he had looked online, like a model. He had the perfect face to grace the front page of a magazine, but sadly, he wasn’t alone. He was sitting there laughing his heart out with them. It got me worried, thinking that my plan would flop. If he kept sitting there and I couldn’t get him alone, then I would be doomed. I waited five minutes there, in the hopes he would get up, but nope. He showed not an inch inclination towards moving nor did any of them walk away. My plan was doomed. I sighed at the thought.
Though any other person in my position would have prayed to the almighty, I didn’t pray or beg God.
We were at war with each other. There wasn’t any way that I would beg him for something. He wrote the pages of my life,taking out his anger and revenge on me.
Looking once again at Nathaniel, I decided to give up my plan and go forward with plan B, which was costly as hell though it wasn’t the problem but it was time consuming. The problem was my inability to get a damn appointment. I would get it even if I have to beg for it. With a sigh, I walked away from there.
The drink in my hand was of no use to me anymore. I moved forward in hopes of finding a dustbin, but couldn’t. I halted and looked around for one, only to realize that there was one just behind where I had been hiding. I turned abruptly and collided with someone, my drink squished and stained the other person’s clothes.
As I looked up in order to apologize I found blue eyes staring into my green ones. Relief and happiness surged inside of me when he looked at me, smiling. He was the dream that I wanted to steal and make my own.
“I’m really sorry about this,” The words came out,a hint of pain that I had inside of me knowing that he wasn’t mine right now.
“It’s alright,” His voice raspy and manly, just like someone whom I know.
“It isn’t. I’m really sorry about this. I was just going to throw this and my mind was busy finding the dustbin. I’m really sorry about that.” He turned and looked behind at the dustbin before taking the cup from my hand and dumping it in.
“The fault was mine. I just came out of nowhere. I was not looking.”
“Neither was I, I’m really sorry about what I did,” I replied, my tone polite and a bit on the sad side, like I wanted it to be. I had to play the damsel in distress to get his attention. Then I could make my path into his life.
“Hey, It’s fine. See, it’s just a t-shirt with a big stain and it will dry out eventually,” he said with a frown.
“Yeah, it will, but the stain might not go away, and knowing I might have ruined a hundred dollar shirt is really not going to make me feel any better for the rest of the day,” I replied ruefully.
“How do you know it’s-”
“I bought the same one for my husband, that is why. It’s a shame that he never wore it,” or more like never opened it up or looked at it.
I still remember giving it to him on our first Christmas, only to have derogatory words flung my way and all the decorations ruined and left in nothingness. While the world around me celebrated that day I wept alone in the darkness in the remnants of Christmas. I never tried again. I learned my lesson that day and months later I learned so much more.
Scratching the surface of the past had me falling into the pit of the misery I suffered from every time. I could feel the pain and agony trying to come out, crowding my heart like vines. It was trying to take me back to the hell that I suffered in special moments. My body went rigid and the man with blue eyes was forgotten. All I saw was the black.
“Hey!” Nathaniel’s hand over my shoulder pulled me back from my pain. I looked at him and the vines retreated back to where they came from.
I could see the concern in his eyes. Concern that he didn’t need to have for a stranger, maybe that made him special.
“It’s his loss. Don’t worry about this one. I will buy a new one.” He smiled,the ruined part of the shirt held in his hand.
“Then let me pay for it, please, I insist.” I could see in his eyes that he was going to deny. “Please,” my voice heavy with sorrow and innocence. “It will make my day at least a better one.” His mouth turned into a smile a pity one and the cloud of denial left away. He nodded and I smiled.
I opened up my purse to give it to him while he took his own out. Taking out a crispy hundred dollar crispy bill that I had withdrawn the previous day. As he opened his wallet I knew it was the time. I got the perfect opportunity and one that would keep me out of the eye of suspicion. His business card flashed and the hundred dollar bill hung in between me and him.
“You are the famous Nathaniel Dupont?” I asked. “The psychologist?” I asked, making it sound surprised but still keeping my voice low.
“Yeah, the one that steals every rich man’s money for an hour.” He joked. “But how did you know?” Pointing towards his card in the wallet on display.
“Oh yeah,” he took the bill and stashed it inside, smiling at me.
“It’s also that I have been trying to get an appointment with you but it seems you are a busy man,” I informed him with a tone of sadness.
“Yeah, that it is,” his expression no longer happy. I just gave him a saddened smile before closing my purse and turning around. “Why would you need to book an appointment with me. You seem to be happy,” he said to my back.
“The people who look happy as I am are the most broken one,” I said while turning and looking at him. His blue eyes assessed me.“They hide under a facade of being fine and happy but on the inside they are dying. They are growing numb and becoming hollow until what is left is a shell of who we are and nothing more. Just a hollow shell for the world to laugh at and push into an asylum.” My voice thick with sadness and grief.
What I said came from my heart. It came from what I had suffered. I had pushed myself to be a victim for so many years that while I tried to push myself out of it, I thought that losing myself to the wildness of crazy, give up on being proper won’t be the end for me. I just wanted to push out to the point of not caring at all. I have survived the worst and I wanted to survive what was coming. This time by being a survivor not a victim. A lone tear escaped my eye and I wiped it away. Putting on a brave facade I smiled at him.
“It was nice meeting you. Have a nice day, or what is left of it, and once again sorry about your shirt.” I was just on the edge of turning around and leaving when he asked me to stop. Taking out a card out of his wallet he scribbled a number on the back before holding it out for me.
“I don’t do this usually, basically I have never done this before. Here is my number, my personal one. I want you to call me tomorrow afternoon and maybe we could work something out.” I had what I had come for. “I hope your husband won’t mind anything at an odd hour,” he added.
“He is not there to care or mind,” I said. It was somewhat true. He gave me a sympathetic smile.
“You never told me your name,” he said.
“Evelyn,” I gave him a name, just a name.
“It was nice meeting you, Evelyn,” his eyes stared into mine.
“Same, Nathaniel. Hope you have a good day.” My voice so calm but at the same time painel. I turned around and walked away.
Even though I had gotten what I came for, I didn’t feel happy. The scratch over the painful memories might have fully healed but it has left its shadow behind. I needed something to cheer me up, something to uplift my mood. I went to the food court this time to have something that could wash away the after-effects of the sour memories.
I opted for an ice cream and chocolate doughnut. I devoured my food to the last bits. I didn’t care about the weight, I just didn’t. I wasn’t fat or thin, just normal. I had too much time on my hands to burn these calories off soI enjoyed the food. I was just leaving when I heard her.
“Serilda,” she called. I looked up and saw her standing in front of me, looking at me in the same way that she always does. Her perfect lips coated in the perfect shade of red, hair prim, not a strand out of place.
I was just like her but now so different. Her brown eyes mirrored mine, the only difference was hers were full of shock and happiness and mine with malice and hatred.
“Amelia,” as that name rolled out of my tongue her smile flattered.