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Chapter 16

The thing is never believe a story told by someone who has toys in her rooms belonging to a child who is in school holidays.

The child who is a two year old quite genuine and has to be placed by the loft because it is such a wizard at getting places. He can reach the presents in the loft an only child which his mother has to hide from him. That the two year old is not the sort to be left out of scholarship him being such a genius made him so mad he had to be psychoanalyzed her poor kid.

He is my brother or was the thing is not my mum she younger than all the others she blew her cigarette lighter flushed it so just as all them ladies were thinking about doing it. The thing it made her face glow in certain lights and masked her light powder and one thought luminous beauty lay there like the Virgin Mary or something. That is when the man saw her good doctor being in the library had escaped and made for her. Both of them married not to each other. Both of them in love with their partners. So grown up that is what dad said. Grown up affair not some nonsense involving emotions. Women betrayed him in that way. They did not act grown up.

The lighter went into action again. Against the advice of her grandmother he went to her bed and there was this delicious moment almost as if she and he were virgins. The ecstasy was so great that mountains moved that day and night. Then he went home she followed him in her tea gowns and he leapt again and found it again. Until he imagined that he had been married to her and not to his wife. His wife was not asking questions and he did not understand what his marriage meant to her. His affairs were numerous and everyone knew they never lasted longer than the first month or two this one lasted until the period of two years when the husband came back and found her pregnant with his child. He a sergeant a corporal and he indeed mad with his fists.

“One is not enough there has to be more and more to even the numbness of drink and drugs.”

She came to stay with him but he sent her away. Then he asked why she walked so sullenly.

“I am pregnant.”

“Get rid of it.”

“It is too late to do such a thing I am well past that stage.”

“How many months are you gone is it mine?”

“Husband was away it is yours alright.”

Husbands are always away they have gone outside to the door and there is this skittle and even skirmish of designs he is thinking something quite untoward it is that the husband is always away. Where is the husband and the cat has got out of the bag and the litter is about to arrive?

“I want this baby more than our marriage.”

“I want to have this baby not my husband’s.”

“I will risk divorce to have this baby.”

“I am now in a trio.”

“I will risk everything to be a mother.”

“Risky that?”

So this is a moral debate can a group advise the mother please if the mother is having a baby not her husband’s can the group think that the mother or the wife is in the right and make the other woman’s life a misery?

“What misery do not you all know?”

The lighter went out again and he was maddened by her not delighted his wife was listening outside the door.

“That is my wife and I love her dearly she has the family heirlooms.”

“I am pregnant with your baby what do you intend on doing about it?”

“I will give you money and you can have it adopted.”

“How much money?”

“Plenty my wife is rich.”

“I have to go and have sex with her it is about right time.”

“I am not doing such a thing without reason I might come to love our baby.”

“I doubt it.” he said.

“In fact there is no room for a third?”

“Why was it not love between us?”

“There is no room for me not at this inn?”

“I was not dishonest with you was I?”

“No that is true you was all about love.“!

“Grown up love was it not?”

“I am still a child about you.” she sobbed.

“You will get over me.” he said and she began to laugh.

She threw a tantrum and taunted him. Taunting him to such an extent that his flimsy affection turned to hates and he avoided her like the plague. Plagues take the woman. He would mumble under his breath many women would have more pride. I am also broken into the polio epidemic and have a lot to do. He gave the job to mum my adopted mum who seems to be a kind woman with a level head. He must have misjudged her. Level yes headed no.

The thing is to be unwise twice every time and that is what he did. She gave birth my real mum did and I was born into this world a girl. Crying my eyes out for milk. She disliked me immediately. How unkind it is to hate a wee baby to such an extent she said wildly. She was driving herself mad her husband would not come home her lover had fled and she had other children to consider. The males must be educated with a proper family and father did not stay at home.

I think the rich like the poor to be mad so that they can control them like animals like they drove Sylvia Plath mad because they were a loving poet couple and then took the husband away the wife committed suicide then they did the same thing to the other wife who leapt with her children down from the window to their death.

The madness began to creek in. The madness which was wildness now became this shrill over achievements which amounted to not much of anybody’s time. She did not want to displease she asked for not much she did this and she did that, Nothing went to find River Joan Rivers to buy a sketch that she had done, She was a woman who knew where to find things. Joan Rivers is a artist. I am also one. I do not want to know about you. But that was not to the baby the baby at that moment wanted a feed and still she did not want to know about it.

Then she was allowed out with me and went on the motor cycle with some friend and dropped me outside the mountain sewer. I was in a casket so survived. The thinker behind this is blues or that or the other. There is not much a woman can say about that sort of behaviour but that it got to be the total sum of what she could do about me.

“This is crazy.” said the good doctor.

“Who do you think is chasing you round the bend?”

“What has happened to us?”

“This is crazy there was never us now leave me alone.”

“I am going crazy.”

“I got rid of that shroud to our love.”

“I got rid of it.”

“There is not much you want to understand between grown ups is there?”

“I am going to give you some pills.”

“Not pills why?”

“You are suffering depression.”

“It might be more than that. Somehow I set it off. Involvement with a patient might cost me my job but it is serious condition.”

“I am in a serious condition. A condition?”

“What is your conditions?”

“The human condition is to contaminate the world with our images.”

“The child is somewhere about.”

“Isn’t she with your mother?”

“No I threw her over board.”

I gave up looking after my kids they remind me of being unfaithful.

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