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Chapter 5

In Turkish language most people who do honest work are not worthy to be called human. We agree that most people are charlatans and spit but we do that too. We are all charlatans and we spit into our own faces because if we were honest we would not be spitting into charlatans faces because we are one of those people who do no honest work.

They prefer people who do not do rough work with their rough hands and minds as they are beyond such descriptions. They are like the ones here then? No here we all love to work we work without wear or tear we work all the time unless we are at work that is.

“No that is discriminating against the working class.”

“Never mind them they work wherever it is the aristocracy I am meaning.”

“But they work too?”

“In jobs they care for if one is in a job one loves it is half the workload.”


“Well imagine that.”

“Time flies there is no boredom there is nothing but good sense and the effort is seemingly effortless.”

“I hate my job too.”


Work related stress and backaches now disappointingly no more.

“We are now drowning in sedatives.”

“Depression has increased due to factors.”

“What factors?”

“Well having an affair can cause immense fatigue.”


“Exertions and all that.”

Can’t seem to add up straight. In fact the dodge is very dodgy in fact if we were honest we knew the sums and the reckoning because we can mentally add any number even the odd numbers because if we could not we would be classed as not dependable on the IQ. The first test of a IQ in Turkey is when that child can do arithmetic.

“That child has been adding and sub-zeroing adding and multiplying he is made. A great man working in the trade whatever he has the head for figures I am so relieved.” The tears of relief are real.

“Now don’t take on so we are very happy too.”

“Yes he can become someone educated won’t know where his shoes costs at all.”

“What a relief he does not take after the poets in the family?”

“What I think no well it is not good there were layabouts they did nothing but harm us.”

“Well what a relief.”

“Yes but he has to find school books?”

“We can give you some of our own child’s arithmetic books? The answers are at the back of the exercise book.”

“What good is that for me?”

“To memorise the numbers.”

“Oh will you?”

“Yes he can copy the multiplication table and adding and taking out the boy won’t mind.”

“That is so good of you we have learnt our ways are the best.”

“How is he doing in University?”

“He is now in the army he is doing well.”

“What a good thing he did all them adding.”

“He will soon have a house?”

“Oh we bought him what we could.”

“Now he is in need of a wife?”

“Too young still.”

“Besime there is a good offer of marriage just stay where you are I got a photo of him.”

“But he is too thin?”

“Don’t be thick there he has the right credentials from good family you come over for tea and we can sort of make you meet with him?”

“Auntie I don’t have a dress?”

“Why? Don’t they pay you at the toilets?”

“Well I give it to the brothers.”

“Well never mind.”

“I want to be agreeable they won’t take turns.”

“Over what?”

“The washing up. What do you think?”

“Are you sleeping with them?”

“Not now there is somebody coming over she looks like a tart too.”

“I have misgivings about this match?”

“I am listening I can concentrate on two things at the same time.”

“After all that the love birds have mated and married and Besime is pregnant.”

“What a good courtship what a good marriage.”

“Indeed the captain has made rapturous things happen he has caused road blocks so that they could be together.”

“No that was not the cause some idiot burst a pipe or something.”

“The road sweepers have made it all handy?”

“Not true someone offered them money to mend the road and clean it hence the burst pipes.”

“Well we are all now shattered we can go to sleep.”

“No Besime has gone into labour.”

“But they only been married four hours.”

“His hands were too quick.”

“No I tremble it is not mine Besime it is not my child the thing is when we went to bed together it was three months ago and this looks like a nine month child.”

“How can you say that you are telling an untruth the thing is we went to bed together 7 month ago.”

“No honey I was in the armed forces in Europe.”

“There is no such thing.”

“Labour exchange?”

“How do you mean?”

“Look I went to the Brussels then.”

“Well it could have been me I was there too.”

“We will do a blood test when you are through. I will get to the bottom of this.”

“He is in denial poor Besime had to be put down.”

“The family honour could not stand the strain.”

“The poor mother and her shame.”

“Yes the brothers too had not hung up their heads too.”

“Well what has happened to the poor captain?”

“He went away to some place remote.”

“What has happened to the baby?”

“In the arms of the orphans.”

“What has happened to us all?”

“We don’t eat enough bread and salt and we pay with our blood that is what has happened to us.”

“But we party and we party then we pay with our own?”

“Blood what is the point of Besime when earning her bread and then not being able to live a life after that? She gives and we take when they take we break?”

“It is tradition when a whore is found out then we must shatter her.”

“But we live through whores?”

“That is what we do.”

“Then when we find out and the world knows we are moral as hell?”

“Amoral we are.”

“Yes we are such swine’s as makes us laugh and cry and shattered lives mean nothing to our mean mouths as long as we belong in the clan.”

“We must eat somehow?”

“Yes we eat somehow?”

“Goats cheese is very good with a glass of wine.”

“Goat cheese is that when the Satanist was?”

“You shalt not do adultery.”

“Our lives today would be less fun and games if we did not forget about all that.”

We hung the washing in the line we hung it to dry and dry and dry and we hung it in a straight line we hung our washing on the line we hung it to dry and dry again all in a straight row in the neighbourhood of closed windows and woman who look like adored dolls. As they skimpily dressed in furs and frustrations look on as the taxi driver turns out to be not her father but husband and she has to call on her friend who has something to say to her. While the taxi driver is saying that to pay for such a tart he has made two daughters whores in order to have that.

Oh to have that doll what a doll she looks such a doll and skipping round as if she knew him too and adding to the gore there is something pert and petit about her mouth. Her blonde hair such a thing only expensive stylist would make and do with.

“I at fifteen knew nothing about her the taxi driver just brought us to find his wife.”

“I thought this is not his wife and he felt it.”

“Not me wife why how could you?”

“Not your bloody wife this is your mistress.”

The driver laughed.

I left father to mirror my thoughts as he smashed the man’s mirrors and only did not smash the flat because he got scared and had to leave the place. The men followed us as we drove on that lonely stretch of fucking desert road as we road with this lady who had a white suit on and mother held her hand tried to pass me over to her.

Did not want to go and would never leave me fellows to go with someone who had a massive body guard on tow. She looked so surprised, startled. Not that popular and she did not dare to stay long because I looked at her so in rage. She swore she did not know why I misbehaved in such a manner. The body guard had stopped the car as she got out and he stood glaring on the stretched road in the dusty road.

Her white suit getting very annoyed with the dust and the ill manners of the children in the car.

“Leave us alone we will pay if you like your fare.”

“I don’t need that amount look how much does it cost the quarter of this fare?”

We all looked at each other unable to figure out how much and we left very bemused our heads in shakes and starts. I did not know what it cost that amount practically useless I was.

“She does not have maths my God without maths she is useless to us.”

“Why the other girl has maths.”

“She has?”

“Look get up B.”

“I too have maths.” Said Z.

“No not her.”

“My God what is wrong with these people?”

“I daresay we will never agree it is hell to be away when the parents are mad.”

“We are your parents.”

“What is father doing now?”

“He is smashing some apartment up?”

“Why is that legal?”

“We might be arrested?”

“Well if he is smashing a apartment up then we can be caught and we could all go to prison.”

“My God driver let us go. See you later there is almost a ...”

“But wait...”

“We have a boat to catch.”

“Well good bye.”


“Why say that we can be arrested what is your father doing to us?”

“I don’t know he did not want to say anything in case it upset you.”

“Well why tell me now?”

“Well it is that you were talking and we might miss the ferry boat we might have to buy another ticket more expensive to buy it near the ferry boat.”

“Look come on we are driving too slow.”

“My God I thought he said it was a long way?”

“No just a stretch of road.”

“Bloody awful what taxi drivers would do to get more fare.”

“Mother the ferry boat is here.”

“My God we will be stranded.”

“Well bloody wait for me will you.”

“We are leaving you behind do you think?”

“My God hope not.”

“There made it right on time.”

“Well how quick you are.”

“Yes is not that nice all them netball did the trick.”

“You did sports at school?”

“I did a bit of PE.”

“How interesting you never told us any of this.”

“Well I got stuck on the net and someone had to talk me down it.”

“Well how interesting who did that to us?”

There are the minor royals who do the workloads?

“Of course not they are never seen?”

I see them all the time the minor royals they make this world a better beastly place. You see all them illegitimate children of the queens and the kings where did they go to? They became minor royals the most famous one is of course the foreign something with the hair even the primal example of the temple in the dark box in the number ten and the minster for the damn NHHS why did he not take the sack? Minor royals that is who they are? Of course that is what they say if one takes a look of who made them programme they are there having a nice reminiscent of where they came from.

When they die they are remembered forever.

That is another sign of who they are.

Even when they adopt the classic lifestyle of bliss and charity work they are always there too? Yes they have done more for charity than anybody.

“I think it had been Agatha Christie. She had been researching a book and I was a experiment. I did nothing to cause this. Mistress Christie thought, and most of the teaching staff who adorned the place agreed that I was the subject. What we would not give to be one of her subjects? Why I thought she could not write without a subject? She said things about the verb and the subject.

She thought I was a good subject for a novel I did not know she wrote famous detective novels then.”

“Why ever she chose you?”

“I was a foreign girl.”

“Why she never told us?”

“I got banged on the thigh with this metal round thing which caused me to be blue and purple.”

“Why did they do that?”

“Pauline just did that we were 13 and she just did that.”


“She just rushed over and banged my thigh with this heavy metal thing and then the teacher just said did it hurt?”

I looked at her in surprise of course it hurt. Then the teacher went away and started to talk to other people and then no one said another word. I jumped about barely able to walk then went and someone put something cold on the damn leg.

Then I don’t know what happened I think it was a small room or something. I just lay there for a couple of sessions and then went home. I don’t know I felt such a rage or something nobody came to pick me up nobody said another word. Nobody discussed this and Pauline just did nothing but get credits at school. I just wanted to smash her face in.

A couple of months later another teacher said if it had been true I would have had a broken leg. I felt lost or some such thing. Then I thought them teachers sure damn up to something and without another do I thought it involved some means or money.

I took everything they said on board they did not make much sense their discussions involved history or something. They only said things that mattered to themselves. Their prattle or some such thing made no sense to any of us but then we thought all the groups which we went into that there was no sense in them- because they were adults.

That explained everything to us. All that them being adults they had difficult things to do and making sense of being adults meant they did not know us children.

Females not lesbians are now to be treated for diseases. The reality is when a female is only interested in a man she is to be treated for the incurable diseases. That is what we will do, the reality is to bed everyone including men. To think otherwise is to be a disaster area. Look is not that better?

This is complex logic.

More logical than you might think.

The think tank who made this logic possible is the newly elected women who are governing this world to their heart. Yes their hearts is in the right place. Look what on earth is this about? Amazons governing the world. A female revolutionary idealism which says the men must stay at home and do the laundering and the women who are women must go about doing the actual work in that manner we have the perfect society. Women earn more money from their marriages than anywhere else so of course they are going to be in bed as this will increase their revenue. The perfectly good idea what else do you all need or want? Can I be mummy? No that will make you bake cakes and that is definitely off the menu. You all revolting people.

“Inoculation time.”

“Injection time?”

“Yes time.”

“Good time.”

“Sheer idiot she has become.”

“I am very obedient.”

“That is a good show.”

“I am the people.”

“Power to the people.”

“To the right people.”

“Yes people like us.”

This made us think complete logic because most of us had them parents at home too. This in complete sense we made ourselves sensible to every teachers’ plight and made ourselves at their disposal to figure out ways of getting rid of them.

On the other hand they have not done enough for education.

No teaching staff stayed longer than a year it made sense to us that was what they could afford on their salary to spare the time to be near such as us.

Only a paedophile believed in that so what had happened was this, I was hid in the wardrobe had to pee and they saw me. No not pee had to do the other thing you know shit. They were inside the house and it had not been twenty hours as I had thought the time had been less than that because it was twilight.

Then they turned round, they just turned round. They turned round as if they were called, as if they had been called to turn round. I was still shitting. In the middle of the room, I was shitting in the middle of the room. Then as I shit grandmother shoot them one by one as I shat my grandmother shot and killed ten men.

“Then she had blood all over her brown dress?”

“She had a wardrobe she said of identical brown dresses in case of such an emergency as this.”

“How many grand ma?”

“I can’t say my dear I hope you never know.”

“You see when men like them call it is only natural one shoots to kill.”

“I think..”

“I am going to take my clothes off. Don’t look there is the brown dress I wrapped it up. Put it in the river bed and make sure it is off.”

“The dress is in the river grandma? Grand ma where did you hide? Grandma where are you grandma?”

“Oh there you are.”

“Not me.”

“Oh auntie.”

“Oh not me get away from me.”

“Stop screaming. Fool where grand?”

“Look arrest that kid.”

“I done nothing wrong.”

“What is wrong with you all?”

“You will be taken into custody and made an example of?”

“Yes and only fools such as you all believe in what you are all saying?”

“Take her away make her into a public disgrace.”

“I am going to be shoot?”

“I never been shoot before will I look the thing in this dress you can’t make a decent exit.”

“You will be hanged?”


“I am not going to be hung at all.”

“It is not very nice tell us what happened?”

“I told you can’t remember.”

“It is just like hung parliament?”

“Look where is the adults in this family?”

“That is a good question.”

“Is it kid that you are a evil monster?”

“I can’t be certain of that I have been told that true I can be monstrous as well as very hectic.”

“Look get the kid out of here. Get the kid out of here it is like talking to a moron.”

“Is that so I am told not true.”

“Look get her out of here and make her sign something anything.”

“Look buster I can’t read and write yet.”

“Well let us teach you?”

“Look I am not going to be taught that.”


“It is not legal you are not a qualified teacher.”

“I make qualifications.”

“You are not qualified to teach young children. I am still in the infants.”

“Tell her stories.”

“You are not going to tell me war stories are you?”

“Look what happened then? In when they marched to the Cannakkale and then went to the Samson and then they went to the other side?”

“You heard that before?”

“I want to hear it again?”

“Her trial will be tomorrow.”

“Thank Allah.”

“Hi rude sod.”

“Look kid where is the ..”

“Not a mark on her.”

“Look I can’t think up any more of the Turkish history do you know any other stories? The kid needs to think of other things because her trail tomorrow.”

“Well I must say there is Snow White you can tell her?”

“Well no it has a beastly step mum.”

“It might frighten her further.”

“Well Sleeping Beauty.”

“Said does not like that one.”

“Well how about teaching her arithmetic?”

“No way. I will not learn maths on my death bed. I am supposed to go into death’s door happy just like a goat or sheep or something.”

“She has a point. Food she must have some food?”

“Okay what is on the menu?”

“Well what does it take to scare her?”

“Milk I want some milk”?

“Look I can’t keep up with her demands.”

“Well try.”

“Nice clean clothes I want clean clothes tomorrow the court must make a good impression.”

“And my hair is looking matted.”

“Any curlers.”

“No I don’t like them… They take me too long.”

“Now how about shutting up.”

“No the judge said not a mark on her.”

“You all wicked men.”

“I am never going to marry because I dislike men now.”

“Well sorry we did not make a good impression on you?”

“I did not say that you did not make an impression on me what I said was it was not a good impression.”

“Not a mark on her.”

“I will do something to her when the trail is over then we can make marks on her to all we like?”

“Marks and Sparks?”

“When did you make such a impression on her?”

“You got the disease.”

“Look we can’t make her into something else?”

“Like what?”

“Never mind?”

The court case is now open and we are all here.

“I must say all the neighbours are here too? When did you hear about this?”

“The proceedings will commence...”

“The trial is this. This subject has brutally murdered all ten members of a group of highly reputable people of fine families who are the back bone of this economy.”

“She shoot first her grandparents then these members of the people of our country. We call for the highest penalty.”

“I do not plead guilty.”

“You know that could make this hearing longer?”

“Yes your honour.”

“The plea is accepted.”

“Yes indeed.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing your honour.”

We have lost our souls in order to party like any other hedonist we forgotten where we all began.

“I begot you all.”

“Sin no more.”

“End of your life what are you harassing us for?”

“There is nothing left but to say some more words.”

“No no way.”

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