Still Alive

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Chapter 6

Alexandra

My eyes flew open as I looked around. A groan traveled the room, the machines beeping along. The room was empty. My prescence the only one here. I sighed closing my eyes. A click echoed in the room. I opened one eye to see my brother walking in. His head hung making his hair look messier. I frowned opening my mouth, but nothing came out.

Tears stained his pale cheeks. I cleared my throat causing his attention to turn to me. He rushed to my side taking my hand in his. A sob tumbled over his lips. What happened? Why was I here? Why was he crying? I looked down at my wrists; bandages were wrapped around my arms. I growled letting my head fall back into the pillows.

"Fuck, Alex." He sniffled, squeezing my hand. I frowned returning the gesture. What is going on?

"What happened?" I whispered. I knew that if I spoke any louder, my voice would break.

"I came to visit you. I went into your room, and you-" He covered his mouth with the other hand. Jesus, what did I do?

"You overdosed! You slit your wrists. You were covered in blood. What the hall happened to talking to me?" He stressed. A nurse came in to check my vitals. I couldn't bring myself to look at Daniel. I had no idea what to say to him. He was busy with his own life. He couldn't always be there for me: and I came to accept that.

The doctor walked in with a small smile. I don't think they really know what to say to a person who's attempted suicide. I bit my lip looking down at my lap. I really just wanted to go home.

"How are you feeling?" Her brown eyes searched my face. For what? For a sign of another attempt?

"I'm fine." I whispered. I wasn't even sure she had heard my response. I had no energy. Hospitals made me queasy, but I found myself here once in a while.

"Okay. You're most likely going to get transferred to a psych facility." She nodded sadly. They thought it was hard to put us there? No, it was hard being stuck in there. Those places were depressing and never helped.

"No!" I was quick to object. I couldn't go back. "I just want to go home." My teeth ground in anger. I was being totally dramatic, but I didn't really care. I couldn't bare being around people like me.

"Alex-" Daniel started. I turned, giving him a hard glare. My mind was definitely made up.

"No, I want to go home!" I swung my legs over the edge of the bed. The doctor scurried over to me placing her hands on my shoulders. I ripped the IV's out of my arms and pushed her away.

There was no getting me to stay put. Why couldn't they just understand that those hospitals made everything worse? They're just wasting their time and mine. I wasn't one to comply.

"You need to lay back." The doctor panicked.

"I'll lay back, but I want to leave." I breathed out. She nodded her head and quietly left the room. Daniel walked out; leaving me alone. Tears formed in my eyes. I'm difficult.

What is wrong with me? Why am I acting like this? I'm a monster. Tears rushed down my cheeks.

I was finally able to go home. The car ride home was tense and thick with silence. I hated it. I knew he hated me. He always had. Daniel made that pretty clear when we were younger. The silence was suffocating.

What was i supposed to say to him? I embarrassed him. Daniel was probably gonna head back to college tomorrow. Maybe even tonight. I could feel the disappointment radiating off of him.

"I know what you're thinking. Daniel spoke up. I gave him a confused glance before he smiled. "I'm not going back to college. Not for a while. I can't leave you alone. I'm not mad at you. Disappointed? Yes, but not mad."

I looked out the window once again. I pressed the button to roll down the window. The wind brushed my hair out of my face. I closed my eyes resting my head on the head rest. As the car parked in the drive way I jumped out. I walked into the house and rushed up to my room. I slammed the door shut striding over to my closet.

I heard a knock on the front door. I frowned looking at my door. Fast, heavy foot steps rushed up the stairs. Probably Daniel. I shrugged it off and changed my shirt for a black long sleeve. My clothes reeked of hospital. I pulled my jeans down just as a wolf whistle echoed in my small room.

I gasped: jumping around. Ashton stood there with a smirk on his face. His arms crossed over his chest. I rushed over to him and pushed his back.

"Get out!" I slammed the door shut. His chuckle vibrated through the door. My cheeks were dusted with a rosy pink. I jumped into a pair of black sweats and grunted lowly. I've never let a boy see me in any undergarments.

I swung the door open peaking my head out. Ashton leaned on the wall. His thumb was furiously prodding at the screen. As soon as he felt me he looked up. I scolded him and made my way over to my bed. Ashton hot on my trail.

"What is your problem? Have you ever heard of knocking?" If this were a cartoon, you would be able to see the clouds of anger rolling out of my nose. Ashton was such a perve.

"Nope." He grinned. I huffed pulling my knees into my chest. I have never felt so violated in my life.

"How are you feeling?" Ashton took a seat across from me. My eyes rolled up to meet his. Concern glazed over his eyes. Did he really care?

"Fine." He didn't need an entire explanation. Ashton let out a sigh and ran his hand over the blanket. My door swung open smacking against the wall behind it. Theo and Melanie rushed over to me. Melanie's hand smacked against my arm. I jumped away from her.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Mel shrieked. I hated when they interrogated. It was the last thing I needed. I just wanted to be alone. Take a nap. Sometimes they made me feel bad for my actions.

"Nothing." I pouted. Melanie sighed. They tackled me into a giant bear hug. I laughed as they threw themselves on to the floor.

"Why didn't you call us?" Theo scowled. "Call us. At least one of us." I rolled my eyes, but nodded nonetheless.

"Anyways, how was school?" I diverted the attention. My eyes met Ashton's. His eyes scanned my face. I felt a small shiver run down my spine.

"Boring, as always." Theo's upper lip pulled in to a snarl. I rose my eye brows at him.

"How was your, erm, weekend?" I turned to Melanie then to Ashton. Melanie smiled widely. Theo had a smirk drawn on to his lips. Ashton was smirking at me.

"Great." They sighed happily. My eyes widened as I looked between the pair. I hadn't even known Theo was with his fling. I now realized we haven't seen much of him. He was distant.

"Okay, Theo, you first." I turned towards him. The goofy grin on his face was enough to make my heart swell. I watched as he grasped his bottom lip in between his teeth. What's with him?

"Well, me and this girl have been talking for a long time. I didn't say anything, because I wanted to make sure it was for real. It went well." He breathed happily. "We didn't do anything, yet! She's not ready, and surprisingly, I'm not either. I really like her." He panicked.

A wave of jealousy tightened my chest. Both of them were taken. Now that leaves me. Damn it.

"You kept secrets." Melanie and I spoke in unison. As we grew up, we all promised to never keep a secret between us. Just like Theo, I had my fair share.

"I know, I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure she was going to stay before announcing it to the whole world." He gave me an apologetic smile. Seeing him happy made me forgive him. He deserved never ending happiness. Theo had always made sure we were nothing less than happy. Now it was our turn to return the favor.

"I"m happy for you." I sent him a genuine smile. Then I turned to Melanie waiting for her to explain. She squealed excitedly.

"The date went fantastic. When he was walking me to the door he asked me out. So, we're official." She hugged herself. I was definitely going to be alone. They would be too consumed in their relationship I'd get left out.

"Don't worry, Al, we won't forget about you." Theo jumped on me. I forced a smile for their sake. My life was a sad story.

"Alright guys, I'm tired." I stretched. I really just wanted to be left alone. Mel was the first to hug me goodbye. Theo kissed my forehead and logged back on to his phone. Ashton frowned at me.

"Are you? Really?" He cocked his head to the side. I nodded, the words stuck in my throat.

"Goodnight." His lips pressed to my cheek. I blushed: watching him walk away. I slid under the duvet and closed my eyes. Where the hell was my happiness?

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