She was dressed to kill with a white suit to die for whenever she put it on she was the one who wasted them all. She was so like a movie queen that she thrilled them all when she walked with her high heels down the pavements which were rocky on her days off. She was sheer beauty heavenly creature and when her future saw her he did not recognise her until she spoke to him.
“Where have you been all my life?”
“Oh indoors in your house.” She said to his back as he was dealing with a patient.
“Come out with me.”
“I am in your house you fool I work for you.”
“I am the maid.”
“I am now with a baseline because I got tuition and education.”
“Beats me how you did it when I last saw you it was a bit of a scrap you were in.”
“I know that is when mum said she would send me to school to learn French.”
“My mum you mean?”
“Oh since then she has adopted me.”
That would mean I will not be inheriting all? He thought his wasted good looks and all that he ever did and was would have been half a wasted.
But she looked so fetching in that suit.
The courting sessions did not last a while it never does in some cases the man is in and out in a second or a day but this time it went for some time and there was this scandal.
When his mother noticed how the maid was behaving she realised something had happened.
The maid had began to put on airs she is putting on airs because she got some of my clothes she is putting airs she has become quite the lady. I wish I had not adopted her. I notice these things we have a son what will happen to us if she has him too? I go peep into the bedroom just as I have suspected he is in bed with her. The maid is on and he is on and they are sweethearts or lovers and that would mean nothing of me my line would be dead and buried I don’t want that to be the end of me. I want something better than that.
A maid for my son my life’s work unworthy as that and all for a maid for my son my daughter in law my former servant a girl whom I had beaten and done for when. I was kind I was more than kind did not I give her a day off did not I educate her give her clothes made her the enjoyments in the little saloon when she learnt to suss out who and what a lady does? I a woman of kind heart and now done for I am done for.
I became this kindly creature for her to have become my son’s woman.
She does not now want to work she is reading constantly said trying to catch up because I adopted her she said she now a thing wanting to read and write and better herself maybe become a teacher or something. I am the same as everyone else she says it constantly she is not the same as everyone else. It is the worst nightmare I did it as a kind payment so that if something bad happened she would never be homeless but she asked for more from us.
Why she wants to go to college and read and write she is at that night school becoming quite the scholar she is learning French and what is the reason for it all?
God is kindness itself she looks gawky and awkward has not been out for awhile they say unkindly she does not the sun because she never seen the sun in the day light because she busy in the house doing the work and being worthy of her hire.
Look she is within our midst she will take my husband from me and have my house and make off with my chattels and me be outside the door making endless laundries. We will never be ahead with things that she a woman of such a past living within our door and making my dooms we will be undone.
Look husband do not go near that witch she will bewitch you too and come between us. I must not be made a fool sat down and die in the dotage without a man everyone pitying me. Of course we did adopt her but she is not ours she is not going to be our child.
She has the evil eye the devil in her and it is our sense to throw her outside and never see her again her protector having got what he wanted has disowned her. She is now without a name a whore. She has no name nothing to be anything do not pity such a girl she is not one of us she has no thing not even family and she has nothing of our blood.
“She is Ill bred and nothing with nobody to own to.”
“Man is you listening to me?”
He has gone to sleep.
Do you hear anything to nod yes for one and nod two for no? He does not stir. Anywhere near that and you will be dismissed from my bed from my life from ever knowing me. Never own poor relations they are the devil never own poor relations they cannot do one good. Look they are a miracle if they don’t need you to the ground like dough.
“Where is that bread?” he said nicely to his wife.
“She is fucking our son and then she will do the bread.”
“Tell her to hurry because I am hungry.”
“Ring the bell then?”
“I shan’t you are in charge of this house I did not marry you for nothing.”
“Mahmud you are not sober have you been at the sherry again”?
“No the chocolates.”
“Behaving like a man on heat go and call them from the bed.”
“I will do nothing of the sort.”
“We must done and be shot of her.”
“No way near that do you understand not even near the front door not even if they are murdering each other it is none of our concerns now concentrate on work and make us rich.” Ati had a gang of women who came twice a week to play cards and she never lost.
“My chicks must not go near their hedges they are not into making off with the barrens.”
“Look husband what have you done today”?
“Government secret.” He had a pleasing afternoon with his new mistress since his wife would not do now he was making his last come back with someone much less talkative.
“I thought she has been out and it must be something in the air. Her footsteps heavy but she is my niece. She has been walking floating recently now she is a washed out bitch. Is there any news that has happened?”
“I do not work in the post office.”
“I know you don’t they won’t have you because can’t read.”
“How much did you get in increases?”
“Please please I must see.”
“It is because of her you are doing it for her?”
“I can sense it you too are in love with her.”
“She has taken over this household and made my dining bad.”
“It is a pillar of tears.”
“There is not much of this around?”
Then the door shuts and the women are all playing cards and cards more parties than anyone else. They have the best party nights and they spend it swell. No lessons learnt because the party is free for anyone with money and position and posts are filled. If only she too would get a wife for her son like herself what else would he be doing with a common maid? Look she was running the show the whole thing in that house and she husband only not the governor but a popular one at that.
So the son despite her objections has a simple ceremony and they wed. That it is the real legal thing and he does not care they marry in the secrecy of their love. It comes about one day when Zeks is having a tirade of abuse to her and she tells the world that she is married and now a lady.
The mother is told immediately. Ati gone mad crazy with the fears before was nothing to what she became now.
“I married the maid.”
She is laughing and crying at the same time.
“You are too kind I have been taken took I am undone.”
“It will kill his dad.”
“I married the maid.”
“It will kill his father.”
“His forefathers will not only be ashamed of him but they will never forgive me. I am to blame I am to be blamed.”
My only son now a laughing stock a stock character out of the blue ten to one there is nothing in it but what a fool.
“My friends we must persuade him to see reason.”
“My real dad married a maid and I became a maid into perpetuity because dad became this laughing stock because he did not could not reasonably suspected of marriage to a maid made him a potion of love stronger than anything and when her breathe smell he said bewitched no more.”
“She was seen at the graveyard doing love potions the filthy maid that is pardon the expression.” Said the gardener.
“Why didn’t you tell me son?”
“Because I am a good man?”
“Of course you are what else? We must get her out of this house. Our home now no longer safe my life in danger.”
“Yes madam your life is in certain danger.”
“My good man you are so much more kindly than my husband.”
“What a sorry situation it is my lady.”
“It is indeed.”
“My dear I am thinking that our son should be disinherited in order that he should be taught a lesson.”
“My dear is it not a bit rash?”
“Look you don’t have to live with your friends sniggering about it all the time.”
“I have you to do that for me.”
“Ok what will happen when the death happens to you and there is all this estate and then what will I be doing with that maid as my heirloom as the piece who will give me everything for ever more? I will die too.”
“Yes my dear.”
“Do you mean that you will change your will?”
She is sheer happiness now.
They had gone to Nicosia to live in a small apartment and he worked from there but the maid and he had no money to pay the rent because the allowance had been stopped.
His mother disinherited him disowned him he became a laughing stock they went hungry because he could not live on nothing.
When they migrated to England the situation got worse because his doctor qualification not recognised in England. So now he was not only married but his qualifications not recognised in a country which gave him his qualifications in the first place.
The thing was in the 1950’s that sort of sorry stuff goes on and went on because the maid was all the time not eating her breath begins to smell. She went out to work in order to support her husband and he studied for his exams. He had to that been the only way forward.
The years went on and after some time he went off her. It had been a grand passion and when one day he woke up he did not like her as if he had nothing in common with her. She had somehow swelled up and she had somehow lost her bloom.
He did not know her pregnant at the time and hot foot there had been a divorce or something pending just to get the inheritance and then it made it for real. The husband divorced her for real because he tricked her he tricked her before God that is the truth he tricked her into signing the last thing in this world was her revenge in her soul for him.
When a mother cannot breastfeed her child due to no milk coming from her breasts and then the rejection of what it was because she did not want that screaming brat. She wished them both dead.
Not to kill her child she goes to Zeks. She seeks her out and Zeks had moved several times but she is determined her hunger leads her on and eventually she does find her. She goes without warning her that she was coming. She goes into that small shelter when her rent money is due soon.
The landlord had said and hinted many manly things and she is nowhere to finding the solution.
The thing was the baby girl was born and could not be unborn could she?
“Zeks you cannot have children?”
She is rehearsing in her head some words and there is too little time to speak the truth. What truth there was she did not know anymore she had to give the child a home a home where it was safe and there is nothing the matter with the child as the doctor said it needed warmth and food?
She knocks on the door and then there is someone else comes.
“Who do you want?”
“Zeks I want Zeks.”
“Zeks come here what have you done?”
“I will pay you to do it Zeks.”
“But you are no longer working I heard.”
“I know I will soon have employment.”
“I do not think so.” Said Zeks.
“Adopt her then Zeks. She is yours. I do not exist anymore I will never be the same woman I was before.”
Surprised by this Zeks asks the question.
“You will not come for her?”
“No I can’t.”
She had consumption.
But she knew that Zeks would not have handled the baby if she had known so she said nothing.
“I will.” Said Zeks.
But she did not know about the consumption and she did not know how near they had been to death.
“Who was that?”
“Look our new baby?”
“I did not know she had given you that.”
“Yes she has.”
“Do you know whose baby it is?”
“No it is never that.”
“Yes we are saved.”
So the maid must have died did not she?
By then and the middle classes do not accept a marriage broken when the child was not I? I think the judge would have made some income for me but instead he annulled the marriage. What went wrong was mother was pregnant without realising it. She had signed the divorce papers and did not realise the divorce was for real.
The husband now free did not believe when Zeks came with the baby that it was his because he beamed did not sleep with you. So he being a busy man left the scene.
The maid he did not want to think about.
He remembered her very well and he did not think of her kindly.
That was it she was pregnant that was it because of that she madden him by her bad breath. She had put on some weight and he thought the worse that she had become a whore. She did not tell him where she worked what she did of course she had gone back to being a maid one does not need much language skills to be a maid.
He remembered the small room he had been given after he had known such huge rooms.
She had got pregnant by someone else and he had to get away.
The small room was obscene with the thinking behind his head and he could not love her anymore love had died and she was never going to get him back again.
He a great doctor in the making he a grand man was not fooled she is folly he had to take off. What mattered she disgusted him now. What did it matter before now mattered more and more? She this fiend and was carrying on behind his back what did it make him be? He could not leave it alone he could never let it go that he had made a fool of himself for that fool that little minx whom his mother had adopted made much of given clothes to and she had looked like a lady now she looked like she had no more to give to anyone and it was not his fault because he treated her right where did she go and what did she do it with?
“I am innocent.” She kept on insisting.
The thing was a woman heavily pregnant is someone quite vulnerable and the one thing on his mind was how to end the washed out relationship. Divorce meant just that divorce meant just that.
I will make a sacrifice to be rid of this maid and that means they took me in exchange. I a baby the daughter of a maid for perpetuity would be a maid. One maid for the other that is what has happened because life is one of madness dad had gone berserk.
The maid thought as she had the potion in her hand what matters I love him and can make him a wife just as well as that thing. So she has the potion positioned while he drinks and he looks at her and love happens which is delusionary and permanent.
But love is not just about potions is it? It is about the reality behind the situation mother was a maid adopted by this rich wife of a rich man and she got involved with the husband now disowned by him. She had to work and work all her life.
When she is young her social lack of skills are thought as humorous but as she lives longer and longer she takes it into her head she is a lady. Lads follow her about she is joked about laughed at even she said spat at.
“You a maid.”
But he her hero thought she was smarter than most and he loved her for a while.
He arms her and within a second it is over they are lovers. Love potions happen actually. Yes this potion is so strong.
The maids potions had not worked and increases not at all but she had been the one all loving and because the potion was strong that meant the exchange had to happen dad was now the oldest joke in the land.
“Why mother I lived within this house I am family too? You adopted me. I am now intent on marrying into the family as too young for being adoptee.”
“Not my only son you fool I would have given you money for exchange for him. I will give you money for him. All that I have nothing less would I leave you nothing now because you took my only child and made him into a servant.”
“I am not a servant I am someone as well you gave me education adopted me I have papers to prove it all.”
One maid is as good as another.”
“You are all interchangeable.”
“I can get several of you for the price of a donkey.”
“I had to work hard mother to become educated and cultured.”
“Nothing doing still without any real family your father died and your mother is somewhere.”
“It is not my fault.”
“It never is whenever you break something it is not your fault.”
“Mother we are in love.”
“How many women have you loved and you are still in your early twenties.”
“No way no way. This time it is for real. I promise I won’t fool around I will behave.”
“Look I am now dressed in good clothes?”
“With my money my son did not deserve such an end.”
“The end is near for humanity when such marriages are made.”
“Give us your blessing it is all I ask for?”
“No way no way we are not that sort?” said Ati the grandmother who now had to undo the spell because the spell so powerful she had to cast me out.
The mother’s rage is such that the two young people talk of migrating to England.
The maid’s life became hell.
That Ati had such evil manners nobody knew the maid became so thin she was known as having rickets. She had bruising all round her and that Ati did pinch her a lot because every time she saw her she went for her.
“Mum I am home well hello dear what is it mum upsetting you?”
“I was teaching some table manners to the maid as she is now going to sit as the head of the household.”
The thing was she was beating the maid but he did not say anything at all.
She answers in her gutturals and the mother screams.
“Mother I am home.” He said again pretending not to notice.
“But the grandmother did not recognise her son’s child it was too late.”
“I will do anything you ask if you do that spell for me?” said Ati to Gold because Gold would know what to do. Her first cousin and only friend in the circumstances that Gold did know such things made her wiser than she was now.
“To counterattack such a disaster?”
“All my friends are now laughing at me I am a laughing stock. I am going to die Gold I am going to die.”
“My replacement a maid.”
“The maid will dine on being a lady has everything I now own.”
“Don’t tempt me there are most things you might lose your son?”
“I have already lost him.”
“But it might rebound?”
“Spell upon spell what to make the whirling cauldron when the ghost in the machine is the only way forward that we who do not work and earn must now pay the price with magic.”
“Black or white?”
“They might have issue which he will never own to.”
“What will become of some darted brat is not my concern it is my son I am his mother.”
“I will never live it down.”
“Her stock is mean and she has done menial work not worthy of the society we live in. She does not know French and does not laugh like us. I can see through her and there is not much there. Oh my God.”
“What?” asked Gold highly entertained?
“Well if she is faithless then I will do it?”
“If she is what?”
“To my son?”
“Why should she be unfaithful to him?”
She is banging her head on the door in such a way as she might hurt herself. She is placed somewhere where she can’t do such a foolish thing. She hits the maid again. The maid is under surveillance and she does and does become faithless she goes outside and says she will marry someone who will treat her right. She has begun to sell the heirlooms and has taken to bird watching. Having ascertained the maid not the thing they did the counter spell. I do not know what it is but the thing worked.
The maid is bad.
The filthy maid who was always over worked sex slave because she a maid a serving wrench she went with but how does one have servants one may trust the maid her which she trained and brought up betraying her confidences in such a manner and making off with her only son? How do we undo the spell what may I do a mother can’t forgive herself when she has done badly in such a manner? I will do anything you say Gold. Just help me to break the curse there might be children by her the maid. They will be legal heirs to my husband’s money.
So the story goes that Gold who had killed eight of her own children now had the enjoyment of doing something as rotten.
Ati kept on speaking her mind.
“She is from some stock so bad. She is from a bad seed. You would not understand where she comes from. Her seed is from some murderers clans. It will bring a curse round the house and make us sterile and banned from ourselves.”
Gold gave her something which would pull the son towards Cyprus but pull the maid away from Cyprus.
“Will this work?”
“Place it on her bed.”
“But they are sleeping together?”
“Place it when she is in there alone.”
She gave her to put into the pillow and the maid had to lie on it when he and she lay together they had to make do without loving they could not sleep in the same bed ever again. There the maid took it on her to make it her own.
The maid did a counter spell.
The next thing they know the son and the maid have left Cyprus together and he and she now married.
“Order order.” Said the judge because the case for some reason had created an interest in the community because it was more than a case it was about the class system should an educated man marry a maid in the first place?
That the whole class abuse came to light because of this is a certainly the maids position was already filled because he had got himself involved with a woman now he owned he called the new wife.
They had the same things in common and he did not feel ashamed of this one on this one was the right one.
The maid had been given the spell which she then gave back to the son and which he gave down to me.
With her divorce money she buys a night club she bought the night club and did the shows and did it best. She buys the night club which is where mummy when fourteen had been taken. Her boy friend took her into that when she fourteen and mummy had the best of times in the night club playing stripteases.
That is what Zeks would do.
But no she drinks herself to death.
Then because the maid she could not look after baby she leaves baby to be looked after by the striptease artist who is good with children and former friend.
The night club was a low class joint mostly the girl’s hookers.
Baby in the locker as the show must go on.
Lipstick never leave that around she says they put the grit into that and no lips with to kiss with. I mean when in love to a millionaire just asking for the very thing one has the diffidence goes and no morals at all?
Girls love to strip and party.
“Why the only moral is to get to the post that is wedded bliss.”
“Gordon said so.”
“Stocks and traders no longer at the door we are demanding late payments.”
“Maids an especially we love Gordon to regale us with his pornographic descriptions of what to do afterwards.
“The industry does not take kindly for not paid bills?”
That club put daddy to college when his marriage ended he took the clubs good name with him. The divorce was annulled the baby forgot and love died.
Mummy pregnant at that time I do not know if daddy aware but he said not his.
“No gamblers bills most hasty one has to pay for some reason not the wine merchant any deal and food?
Abdul came by just to see what to do about the situation he having a sense of fairness said it is a pity is it not how men are fooled?
“How did he get fooled?”
“Or done as the saying go?”
“Zeks you must do your duty adopt the kid it might prove useful.”
“Over worked or something but we know how to use the situation.”
“Forget that one does what one can they have not seen a girl like me before so we give him the once over.” Maid now rolling in tears and down on her virtue.
“Forgive me father for I am about to sin.”
“Go away and sin no more.”
“But I want to everyone does it so well.”
“While the Americans do it again.”
“It is the worst thing that could happen she has turned out to be a whore.”
The streamline is what to do with the babies as they come out of the joints? You see all those women having the beasts inside them they must have given birth to this sad society.
“No not us.”
“No need to be ruin.”
“My mother has ruined me so I care to be rude. I am an abused child so that is what the matter with me is.”
“Let us caste her off into the oceans so that she might learn a bit of respect.”
“I am the caste of a man who did not exist I exist because of many males. My mother was a whore do you hear me?”
Does anyone hear what I am saying what I am beseeching where is the land what did I do wrong what has happened to me why is this me when my hands are shaken when my mind has left me what is the idea behind this why did they do such a rotten thing to me?
“I thought your ma was an honest hard working cook?”
He does not know anything about me said he did not want to know about me he does not have any curiosity about what I am. He does not love me.
“Get your facts right the reason is that I am adopted the reason is that I am not well the reason is that.”
“I am so rude.”
“You did not get on in life?”
“That is the sure possibility. I did not create the right sort of stories the right sort of art work the editors did not find me genteel enough the writing society did not know where to place me and me now this shit. Do you hear me.”?
“Now you are this shit?”
“That is right and now I am indoors and still everyone says I am outside shit.”
“But I am indoors shit now shit in the indoor lavatory.”
“The privy as it is known?”
“Where is the logic in that?”
“Which is the privy?!”
“Do not say prim and proper words.”
“You are your own worst enemy.”
“Makeup let me expand on this difficult problem what to do without the things in life which matter?”
I was thinking of family security and all that but somehow that did not seem to have occurred to anybody at all.
No the opposite they think I am surrounded and well sheltered even when outside in the elements he is protecting his woman. She needs to be cherished and made much of because she is in a delicate situation.
“Thank you for that.”
“Second childhood all round.”
When night owls just begging for a difference. A club night unaffordable but within that night they spent not much fiver each and the play went on. The girls did it work most of them got married to the men as they had the best blackmails with.
The girls in my class married rich blokes.
“The blockhead blotched the whole deal.”
I mean not harming anyone are we? We do not exist on blackmail? Of course we are into sure deals. We have dealt that many blows. We can afford to be not kind. We into this blackmailing girl gang?
I am not a girl guide.
“My family disown us.”
Not girl guides we are not girl guides we are guided by the things which matter material things.
When mummy was fourteen the strips clubs her own now. Abdul her man who sold her again and again for money somehow her pimp. Mum said when he told her she a worn out woman of nothing to make him gain and was a pain she released him.
Human nature is never good kindliness not rewarded there is nothing to say because we now all the devils.
“Your breathe smells.” That is when she died.
Inside the jails of sing it is never the butchers who die. It is them with pretty ideals about the prettiness left behind. Himself and all shagging his wife now shagging him and he hangs himself, his woman walks in high heels like a film star and plays strip poker with the maids indoors.
That is what maids they play strip poker with the woman in the house. There is a huge outcry that is what maids do they play strip poker with the wives destroy a man’s position that is why she is so evil.
The maids stripped off show off their assets and that is how the wife plays because she can walk on the cat walk like a star starring in their private hell.
Her husband owns the banks so they cannot say anything about that the maids come and leave but one or two have stayed because nowhere else to go. No family or friends they are cooped up like she indoors because the husband jealous of her wiles when she out of doors. Does not stop her from having affairs of the heart she is less of a siren but still singing her tunes.
Must have been after the good doctor must not she?
The poker game is gainfully employed the maids are stripped to the last stitch. So what meant as a bad advice the poker game went too long and the gainfully employment which the maids thought they had was no longer so because now they were doing the things mostly their parents warned them off.
Like it or not that is what maids have to do.
The maids can never be married to anyone else because she has developed affection for these creatures low cast as they are the house which should be spotless is covered in dust. Because she says she is lonely and does not see that the children should be fed and the maids should be doing work more worthy of their hire. Do as you please I am busy she says to her husband.
It is like window dressing this is what they do to wedding dresses. Window shop them the bride does not fit the size unless she is a dummy. But we live in hope.
The woman is very beautiful; slim and wonderful and on high heels why she could charm the birds off their tree.
“Corset should do the trick.”
“Risky as you have a heart complaint.”
“I do have a heart but this is a real emergency.”
Now my man has fallen for someone of the same status and him and her living a lie all the time. Who the hell should we believe in this world of menace and manacled truth? When there is nothing the matter with this world is there? To cheat a maid out of her birth right because of some potions made by a woman who would turn to stone and would toss the children into their graves. What matter is the fool who said the child could begot because nothing more worthy than her son?
“My son my only son.”
“To hell with your son.”
“Dear daddy did not pretend to know he did not know.”
“Did not know you had a daddy.”
“Did not know it myself sir.”
“Where is your dad?”
“He is everyman.”
Take note, we in this world are terrible, what we are doing in this hide and seek whole. We are the destitute who live by wits. I am now the bank manager. The manager has been off sick since I entertained him with his filthy images of what he did to a girl. He had the indecency to marry. In Cyprus
If we leave the house someone takes our bricks.
When dad so spoilt he left me destitute with a woman who would mutilate her own self and her children for a joke because she does not want to work.
I leave washing on the line they come back the next day worn and shabby. This is the shabbiest town of all time because we borrow to steal. The country is run by the Brits should have left the Greeks to slaughter us instead we are bit by bit done for. The smells of someone else made his manners well pleasant he liked to think them the good beings who did and did and bled to save humanity.
“He was too good for this world. He put a view not adhered to we are not good here we were never good now we are almost as bad as anti man.”
“I threw the baby out with the bath water.”
“Shame on you.” Called the Brits because they have a sense of humour.
“He had the crown not true where is his wife got too?”
“She is not here.“?
“Let us enjoy some more. Should we tell her?”
“No it might spoil the fun.”
“Come let us go?”
“No I must see it to the end.”
“When she dead we can go ...”
“I will live till she dies do you hear me son if you know I will deny you my mother’s milk.”
“I don’t need mother’s milk what I need is her.”
“We dislike this mannerism?”
“Son what you all done?” she was outside while they making love the mother was outside while he held her tight their sex life had gone down so much since they told of their love as if by sharing out to the world that world saw fit to tarnish it and abuse it. The maid had the sores to prove it the black marks and all that.
“We did it best when we all together not before now we are all alone.”
“But we are all here?”
“No someone is missing.“?
“Baby is gone.”
“Who is missing?”
“My boy is missing sir.”
“Tell you to do it right take the boy in hand.”
“She is a girl not her son.”
We must have our independence.
They were discussing something important when and how they would manage without the British rule.
But who will manage us? If the Brits go and leave us with ourselves we might starve to death.
“It will never happen.”
Money is money. We are sure to find out the weakness in the snob industry. Having outsmarted themselves the Brits left.
The Turks left with things to do.
“We do not give in easily but we think you can all govern yourselves as we taught you skills.”
“Nobody taught us anything at all but to dress and screw.”
“That is right.”
He is still the most discreet man on earth? Planet earth does not move without his say so.
“I was determined on doing it right this time?”
“Yes of course.”
“He had to do things properly in the end.”
“Unluckily I could not take the knife to him.”
“I would have hacked him to pieces.”
“Brits will stay to see the transformations through.”
We went on them whirling roads and he repeated the same things that he wanted his wife he wanted her back and she indoors having the maids go naked. That is how maids behave. Naked and more so that is when lover died and he went to hell berserk.
They all tried to reason with him. The manager’s wife had a crush on him and she did not mince matters that are how maids behave.
But the thing is or was he now this older guy who did not have the wits about him.
His wits his wife took.
Anyway having sorted out maids situation in most detail we remained on friendly discourse as he now said he had to go back to his engaged wife who came looking sane. Calmly taking him back with open arms and there he went in the safety of the due causes.
“Maids were trying to do some housework as the master of the house they would all be sacked if he had to come back to dust.”
The thing is when a maid does not dust the house the whole thing goes mad.
Anyway to think myself silly or funny or not much? I did not know what to make of it? Then having the stitching done immaculately did my humour back. The maid did the best stitching because Zeks said she had more experience. The maid had gone to learn that craft how dare her. I said no more any more of this. No more of this anymore?
So having the news brought over that on his wedding day his girl had been done in. He came drunk to tell her that he loved his wife. As he did not know what else to say. So there he is in the same room saying, ‘I love me wife I love me wife.’
“Is he sober?”
I do not think so. We were not having a row no I always said he did not have a good bedside manner. I asked him always he did not have the right bedside manner. He said he had the bedside lamp he had the right bedroom manners. It was I who did not.
I dismissed this from my thought he said he never did anything nasty except when he did not have the sex. Sexy he said he a man who loved sex. I said he a man who loved sex so why he not staying and chatting me up without his friends? He said they came to do things under the table and with her?
Not under the table? With their legs then? Not true then why they come with you to work and study you? His hair he said not into being shaved. Okay then go to a hairdresser and have the perms. He said he did that for me and him not into perms. I said he needed a flat tyre. But that day was the last straw. So he sadly said he loved his wife. Yes his clothes wedded bliss I could not say much on that day had a narrow escape from dying so he coming and sharing his good news made me artistic.
“You see when a man marries a woman of family he is married but when he marries a maid it is not marriage it is annulled.”
I mean I got up next day from the bed and said I am going to be a painter otherwise I will go mad.
I remember what it means to be that man. He comes and says why so violent towards me why did you just try to hack off the arm? Your own arm when I am holding you? Well I must go because have to fuck the wife our sex session is now on. I am just leaving you what has happened to you look so unwell?
He asks concern written on his face he just said something he does not understand what he just said to me does him? Why so sensitive no because he is a man who thinks I don’t feel.
This botched life this botched love affair because did not know who my parents were.
This pains this very essence of painful recollection why did it become so much clearer as I got older?
Blotted? Why is the medication not working? The schizophrenia you got what has happened to you now your white cells are not well too? Well I will try to do something I have to go because the wife is waiting for me. It is our anniversary. I have to do the right thing. The first wife that is because he has been much married one or two into this development psychology of a man who does everything for the good of humanity.
The maid always waiting but he never got there he always away. Seeing patients but then he went to this house he now called a home which fed him more than anything the maid could cook.
No need do you like living here in this poor area the whole house is less than a room what is the matter don’t you want to come and wear a bikini and let me paint you? Why what does he want is that your parent your father.
“My parents no longer in love.”
I smell that he is within you it is him is it not? He a man of course he is a man he is your father preventing me from dating you. What is your problem? Why not come out with me? Well what is happening is it better for you to stay within this circle?
“I can’t hobnob with a guy like you because that would mean I a maid would be like my mother.”
“Your mother is Zeks is she not?”
I grow quiet I don’t answer.
“Alms to the poor.”
“What is the matter don’t you love me anymore? I have to go because the wife is waiting for me.” The wife is always there waiting outside the door she loves me you don’t she loves me show love me love. Did you just throw the television at my head?
“No it was my father Fiddle.”
“You are laughing at me you are laughing at me?”
“It narrowly missed me by an inch.”
“You laughing at me I can strangle you I can strangle you is it okay to do such a thing won’t be murder will it?”
“Oh you hit me you devil woman.”
“You hurt me.”
“We have cooked your goose.”
“He destroyed me made me sit with a tart and eat beans is that the right thing to do to me?”
“This is where you belong with the family.”
Mother Zeks wants me dead.
He has gassed the entire world with his beans. Farting around doing the rounds with his beans and farts. Please place a handkerchief with cologne the smell is dreadful.
Like Psychos motel not cleaned properly. No it is worse than that several thousand women have used the toilet and none of them have bleached it. It is delicacy gone crazy all them husbands not minding where their wives are? Well it is with him okay she will come back so she is working? Yes made a dash today. Yell hell.
“Excuse does this mean we are through?”
“Your breathe smells of course we are through.”
“So if he shags them princesses he gets a unique post?”
“Marriage annulled because there is no marriage your honour I was conned look at her she a servant girl.”
“From a post so demeaning think of my status.”
“Would he get round Robin?”
“Would he be able to go with Cliff Richard on his bus?”
“Sir Cliff and sir this other bloke?”
“The two sirs.”
“Like the two RS.”
“Well it might bring the fans from their exam halls.”
“No they will wait until it is not term time.”
“I feel hopeless.“!
The slave trade we all belong to nowadays is when the lover or the partner or the maid gets raped in a way knocking on the chair and hitting her head and falling down in a psychic manner and not hearing the call when the man calls.
He is in charge as he yells and yells and yanks her out and out. The pimps who made it the new direction of the torments when to abysses is to make it. The wavelengths of making a babe is to ensure you are all better off then you started it. The man who has the brains has the magnetic and can melt down a babe. You move spoons so we hit at the babe when we want to plunder, In that way the spoon is moving as the girl and the same thing pops into the mouth. Magnetic spooning the thing is food the thing is ensuring the babe is paid.
“I go to banks and they pay me?”
“Yes he sure does.”
“He always gets paid.”
“Sure he does.”
“He is never not paid he is always paid his fees.”
“Partnered chic to chic?”
“They laugh at me.”
“Look it is movement of the spoons so why not a babe?”
“They don’t give you money?”
“No they just laugh out loud.”
“We are magnetic?”
“Attractions like electricity?”
“We make it electrics.”
“So if a movement is about electricity then I can make her electric.”
“I can move her limbs I can melt her down.”
“I am hypnotic?”
“It is because it is.”
“I am magnet.”
“She is the sure field.”
“I am wavelengths and field working.”
“It is mines the new minefield.”
“I get paid.”
“So he has the money in the pocket so he can dance away?”
“He is the one who has a butler.”
“He is electronic.”
“He has the gifts.”
“Yes psychotic psychic who can let loose.”
“He has never had a letdown.”
“He is like a psychic electrifying mystic.”
“He is mesmerising.”
“He has studied his craft.”
“How to do away with the rules and get paid for the damnations in hiding.”
“He has done a lot of work.”
“Worthy of the new Mesmerising.”
“So we can improve the lot of mankind.”
“We like to wear our shirts without the coal irons.”
“Women are not nice to me.”
“I am not a girl.”
“I want to dress as man do.”
“Pocket money from an old woman is not nice.”
“He is so nice he can be cute.”
“He is smelly.”
“He is cuddly.”
“He beats women up and has their entails.”
“Daddy was a snob too.”
“It was one of those things.”
“Yes he is a disease waiting to happen.”
“You can’t prove me a hypnotised victim because this is hypnotic you are trying to hypnotise me?”
“Hate is transmitted through time and now I am a hater.”
“Yes it is very difficult to prove this idea?”
“Yes the teleporting of the skills which murder are not that easy he can hurt as much if not more than other thing when he hits it hurts because there is no evidence there is no mark and he is always smiling.”
“We should have killed you at birth.”
“Women dislike me.”
“Yes women do not find me as attractive as I do them?”
“Once a woman is mine they are distraught.”
“Yes dad said so women do become distraught after he marries them.”
“They want to give me things.”
“Like what daddy?”
“It is their love for me.”
“Yes it has to be their love.”
“I am the best lover ever.”
“Ask anyone of them aunts they all know me so well.”
“Ask anyone of them hags I am a perfect match.”
“No more being critical about me bottom.”
“You knew I had been an abused child?”
“Baby you are no longer a child.”
“No way are you coming in not when you are in this filthy mood.”
“I have not been right in the head since you become like you are now.”
“A maid’s daughter is not the right match for someone as elegant as he is.”
“It is no use seeing you are it??”
“A maid is the worst match possible for the aristocracy.”
“You do not like to see your old boy the man that made you smile the lover boy which took you by the hand and showed you all the joys of the joys of heavenly bliss you destroy me my dear you destroy me.”
“I want my daddy.”
Yes always profiteering. He has made more money from his mates than anyone else. I do not know how but the thing he said he said in a wise manner is was that he walks into banks.
They give him the cash he walks out. He takes the cash into his brief case he walks out and that is that. The sorry situation is sorted. He has the goods inside his brief case and then he buries the evidence. Evidently he a well kept man?
“So why do the banks give him money”?
Yes he parties years on this.
His sisters manage his business and they all are wives who are widows. One of the men has changed sex so he does not interfere with the way they are earning their living. He had the marriage to a woman who pleased him. His wife walked out on him because he did not succeed with me?
History repeats and repeats itself.
He had smugly danced wasted time and she grew impatient with his goodness. He a fondly married man, She disliked to think herself not done. She waited for her reward and what did she get a man dancing. He knocked on his own head him so smug. A psych, man unable to connect with the fuse.
She did not even hate me. She did not feel anything for me. You did not even feel for a man like me? So if one feels the connections happen did not happen.
The connector did not connect we did not have the right frights. The fright mare had to happen elsewhere. That she also woman wife happiness. I bring joys into wives. Bang. Happiness is that she on drugs and no longer alert so easy happiness.
There easy happiness. My mother lost both her legs she had nothing wrong with her legs. But she lost her legs. Both of them before she died. She died because she grew concerned at my behaviour. Thinking it anti social unlike her? When she stayed in the window dragging males into the bath.
The bath always ready. Her in the nude her husband almost certainly late. He shy he shy her husband a shy man. He a polio man. His mother lost both of her legs there was nothing wrong with her legs.
But she lost them anyway. She saw him doing something wrong because she went along to surprise him and took to saying the same words over and over again. My son who wanted the land I went and took it from them who had it.
She repeated this over and over. Forever she did not gag herself.
I call it spooning the movement of the flesh as it tears the film which told me I can do this a woman being made to sex without her consent and she is robbed of herself. But braves the things by gaining weight and strength otherwise dead.
The thing to do is not to let her thin but to grow in weight if weight gain she can fight back. The weak and the strong so it is the weak are thin. Look at the pair the Carpenters? Look what happened there? Similar is it not?
So we must be strong otherwise death. Slow weight gain otherwise likely death. So slowly strength coming back and fighting mad.
The thing must be gradual weight gain and then bang.
He won’t be able to hurt her in total and this would bring the battle to equaliser. It is her life or the weight. If she gains weight it hurts less. The hurt is less. He dislikes hurting fat. If fat he can’t harm as much. The weight put less on her and she can’t fight she will be drowned in pain. Fatty tissues prevent the hurts.
Then she went off the idea and went away divorced him and now he embittered and losing his half fortune has made him want to sleep well again.
He looking like a fool? Does he look like a fool? He has their child to prove he not the fool. He a man who goes to the bank and he never forfeits the right sums. 70,000 for a land which I could have had for nothing and now this I took off the leg of your mum enslaved you. So you can all think about it.
“Mum made him does it she wanted a bigger set.”
“Where has love gone?”
“Romeo it is over to you now?”
“I do not understand why you so sarcastic about me loving you?”
“I am stood outside the door having a look at you sitting silently by the window I look all night by the street looking at you sat there so.”
“You are so still doing move at all?”
“She does not move as if stone.”
“She has nothing any movement not much as if comatose.”
“Her sister has just put pins inside her arm she did not feel it.”
“She did not even cry out.”
It is so painful it is such a pain where is this taking us you and me if you are into something else than it is that is it not? Why do not say something? I will give you two million to sleep with me. You driven me to such a degree what must I do or say.
“WHY is there not much left don’t you love me anymore.”
Why is it I do not matter anymore? Sleepwalking as if you are sleepwalking what is the matter with you it is not me is it? Is it someone else? Do you love that father did he touch you up? Does he touch you up in that little room is that is what is happening between you all? What is happening what is happening to us to me? Incredible I want to know what is happening.
Zombies walking. I am a zombie. I walk like a zombie. I can’t take myself out of the zombie waltz. Walk like an old woman.
When my man asked me such a question what happens in your family I MEAN what did I answer? The thing is he did not understand me at all.
When I am with him I do not understand as well. It seems natural when not with him but we are almost always busy so what does happen when a woman has lost most of her IQ? I spent most of the time failing exams. The thing is I had not got a good hand at writing because my hand always gets tired out the teacher could not read my hand and would ask me to write it again. When I lost the will and the energy and would not write anything proper but became this dullness.
I already said. Not that way she did not write it in detail, could not write at all. What she means is you did not write the summary of what you are going to put down and what happens in theory adding the conclusions and then to say where the ideas come from.
Well what in the world did it mean? I do not know where the ideas come from maybe observation? Plain flashes of insights as I walk down the street without a observatory someone says something I say something in the blank spaciousness then the sky clears adding to this the trees move so I become stimulated the cars pass by. There is another view and then another it builds into this hectic scenic beings involving into spiritual content.
The film comes clear? Of course nothing like this happens does it? Living like a psychic is like living with a disease he told me so. He has this busy lifestyle but what matters to me is that he is stable. He is stable compared to me? Yes he wants the same image the same things. In my world the best I can explain it is poetry.
Wages of sins are maids who get dumped for being stupid.
We may live on how many rooms one has how to court a spouse what to wear on the anniversary when not to make love what are they the legislators of? No they say when Maud went and run and the little being who loved went on the run he went tom- tom. Well that is nice. And afterwards we will discuss how many lines you did not cross out as lazy and how many worked and how it made you fear to go down as a loser in literature as you all are not looking well.
Maid lost on all counts.
“We have someone who has written a book on what the poet is saying which means you will not lose sleep trying to make sense of him.”
“And if anyone else has an idea of what he is saying sees me in the pub I will buy the first round and we can then share smog.”
“Practise makes perfect.”
“Society has run down a pole or two since Keats?”
“Oh he a romantic his girl did not have sex with him as he consumptive.”
“He died before he did.”
“Yes so she had the good man married when she let go of Keats which took her three years to do. Her husband not jealous and it took their household to heights.”
“The maid could not remarry.”
“No because she no longer a maid.”
She could not go anywhere at all not even to sunny Italy?
“Money there is no money.”
“What is the meaning of having money?”
“One can go on a holiday.”
“Sadly Miss has come too late and is going again so we may pause.”
“Yes baby sitter not well here.”
“Husband going to work. Sorry.”
“Does her husband know it is a serious literary class?”
“Yes but he earns more than I do.”
“Just so true.”
“Is that what Maud means?”
“Is that what having no English means?”
“They do not have money in Maud.”
“How do they live?”
“How does she live?”
“In the mind in the imagination.”
“Imagination is a bad master but a good servant?”
“Who said that?”
“Yes so true.”
“The one of them woman who made some success of her writing.”
“How many Maud’s in this poem?”
“I do not.”
“Well why not?”
“He did not like his own food.”
“So everyone agreed.”
“What he did was entering the room and finds a spot to lean on and look wicked. He had leant on the maid.”
“Everyone meant well to her.”
“Mrs All knew very well.”
Some kind lady said, “look know your place?”
“She sent him away from society.”
“A woman high in society but she worse thing that did happen to humanity it stopped dead,”
“Then massive great again became popular.”
“Everyone wrote about a maid who was not there anymore.”
“After only one thing.”
They also see this other space other time and they live and breathe in that manner when they lose that space and time they lose poetic justice which is their soul. It has nothing to do with logic or mathematics science is like a goal. Somehow it has behaved well as second philosophy or philistinism? Nothing is like that it is fluid it is not even solid there is nothing concrete maid died. It seems to be fluff it appears to be nothing then it is all that matters. Nuisance.
The world which is mine is not like nothing he said it is like the world but a mirror image of flashes of hallucination beings more alive sometimes then I am. It is like energy as if they projecting into my consciousness and drowning out reality.
The beings whom I ask like they are the very friends whom called by the Medium. What is the reality of this is the truth sometimes I make huge discoveries sometimes it is not good it is worn out with the spirit and the hell is the come down is hell.
Whom no one but me seeks and seems to live in.
“It is the custom of our country.”
A song in space comes clear music with drums comes into being a dancer speaks some words the words come clarified then a building has the right shape the shapes become something a person who is saying somehow the worst the words come alive.
And we all die because of the worst words.
And they are saying the very meaning of meaning. I can’t explain this but the man is important or the woman is important a link then the man who is behind me is driven berserk he does not understand at all.
Then I am standing in a solo position most upset, He has no idea what is the idea why I am saying so much did not answer the question. Slept on it then it makes clearer sense and we begin again. He shouts do see a doctor. I am well?
The thinking behind is when a brother in law is sure to make a pass at one when a cousin has the ability to melt one down without a arm when the whole family are into some sort of games and wife swapping the good went mad. I forgive you he would say just drop your family they are weird.
“But I can’t drop them like that.”
Weird they are weirder than normal? Yes your grandmother lived in a box then she was sent to this superior cemetery when she became a guru then the other auntie was supposed to have had ten children turned up with one or two. The mistakes are varied all the women are madly beautiful they are all mating with me. Him they are all after me. Has he money of course he has a mint.
“Zeks are so much nice to me.”
Explain yourself to me? I did not could not explain them the thing was too large too big it involved the Mafia it involved the army.
“What is the meaning of this trash?”
“I am trying to write what to do with it all when you do abuse.”
Me in a mad house. Life is mad? I am not life so I am not mad. You are madder than all of them? Who? I am not that woman in the river bathing with them generals me respectably mad. I am too good for the river. Look the war worn genetic madness? Well there is no such thing I am not fluff. I am fluffy. Look the beings in hell will take you. Into care- No into the whore house- Is it fun that way? Of course- I am not going to give in I am barracking me inside so they will not reach me. I am not going to be impurities and all that? I hate insects.
I was rescued by a mad woman who could not feed her own children and had been replaced by the wet nurse because the wet nurse died. The thing is always almost remarkable we in this little ship she driving along in her white dress a frilly night gown as if her hair flying as if her madness not on. She had been mad because she had not been sane, jealous minds akin to insane?
Her husband was and was the most sought after male he a male design catalogues of evil in his keeping he had them all? Well he could not stay in and listen to woman telling this and that it made him feel miserable. Hemmed inside like stitched up as if there with fairy on the top.
“Cream on top.”
He just had to go and become this other man? She did not understand this she did not want to know the reason he left her almost against his own wishes. He in the papers having this and that. Sent her spiralling to violence. She lost control. Meant it to hurt. He battered and bruised and he into hells why him?
She detested him and she hated him and he had her against her wishes and he loved her one minute then swiped her next? Look we have the perfect nest? Who is next? In that paper who is she? Look I do not know her at all? Of course them saucepans do not stand still?
She had been mad because she so thin she could not think she did not have a brain through lack of food.
“I am going to rescue you from them.”
I do not know what happiness means? Well are they happy? We do not know yet census said if one got love then it means happiness? Flying saucers flying are the very thing.
I hid in the little cabin and placed a circle to make her not shut the door so would not be locked in. When she told me she would set the ship’s on fires. My doll would have not been adequate. The cubicle so tiny lucky me tiny too?
Oh yes some hidden as she driving the boat and the blasts all round shooting stars why it so alight. It went illuminations. It was like the world on fire. The sea was this blazing fire. She placed a blanket on my hidden form and the journey took off.
I was about to die too?
The journeys long longer still. It went just went it went. I am not screaming I can’t hear I can’t hear I will never hear anything again. Drop it honey now off this little canoe this useless shell of a make believe?
“I am dropped into the ocean and there is not much to see?”
“I am on a raft.”
“What has happened?”
“I do not know how I got here.”
“The ship has just blasted off the course of the journey. She drove straight home.”
“Her husband must have been having his tea that always upset her.”
Well I just explained myself?
“It was mummy?”
“Mummy has just run into the chateau and has got killed. She included.”
“The thing is mum was a bit different I wonder if it was her own self her own true being”?
“No the mummy in the house is not that this other mummy was sad thin angular and of course mad.”
“She did not have her right doll?”
“She killed that doll because daddy gave her it when she did not want it and she said him going outside and having it out with another woman meant this doll had to go.”
“So she tied a knot into it.”
“Ending blood ties with it.”
“Cutting the cord as she meant to.“?
“She hated me to for being his?”
“But that meant it was a mistake them being together?”
“Yes it had been a mistake he is so peculiar always wanting just needs want more as if I am a magical wand to take his cares away.”
“Mummy wants out?”
“Mummy was outwitted because of me because she knew she pregnant and daddy made her do that because of feeding me?
“But there is no way out we are poor.”
“What this means is now?”
“I murdered mummy.”
“Yes that is why I am in penitence.”
Not allowed in the pantry. No more cakes?
“She is not penitent.”
“She said nothing will forgive her own truth that she had become a whore.”
“But mum still wearing white?”
“No worn out cow.”
“She has got madder than anyone could be?”
“Yes her so mad she got madder than ever.”
“She went leapt onto the boat and set fire to it. In that way she did what she could to save the chateau. The countess was a disappointment to us all.
“As the boat less expensive.”
“She always saved them things.”
“Mummy was a lady.”
“I being in the ship as this was my usual hiding place meant she had made a mistake.”
“But where is the baby?”
“How do I know maybe burning as well do I have to think about everything?”
“Look the baby is in the boat take the damn thing?”
“No it is not mine.”
“Well meant advice is no good.”
“Well who did you take to?”
“I am not doing any more jobs.”
“I am exhausted.”
In a culture of polygamist parents and no parental control. The parents say we are all of that and more they did not state plain as plain I am your grand ma or mother they were all my ma’s and pa’s so this meant I could treat them with respect and kindness.
This I had to do in order to be able to do the things I enjoyed and that meant observing the nature of the parents in a orderly fashionable manner and to study what parents meant when they said this and that.
My mother went madder she sent the chateau on fires. But I think this is all a dream a nightmare because the countess’s face is my own and the feelings of failure are so like my own that I weep in sympathy. Sent our living accommodations on fire? Yes she said it made sense to her after the way he behaved. Well what did it matter one or two chateaus. I mean not much if you are outside within the fire? But when not with the fire? What did it mean?
“We are now homeless?”
“I meant no harm it is my own chateau.”
“He will vouch for that?”
“Oh not me?”
“Sorry there is not enough money to keep it up?”
“I daresay due to the family history?”
Familiar history. I keep the house well it does not mean enough. They had to separate? Yes he disliked her meanness in bed and saying he a smelly pervert. He leapt to any bed any bed? Well not you. Gay right? Look sister is there anything the matter with you?
“Nothing at all.”
“Normal that is okay is it not?”
“No sorry but we are now homeless?”
“Look he went to somebody else’s bed slept in her mansion.”
“Is her mansion still standing?”
“I believe so.”
“So due to my chateau not standing up to it all I burnt it down.”
“Well why not your bra or something burn?”
“It did not take the point.”
“What she hurts.”
“She hit me on the head is she round the bend?”
“Round the bend me?”
“Sorry Mr I do not does round the bed.”
“I never said such a thing sorry Mrs what kind of a fool do you think I am I WOULD never want to come to bed with you?”
“Being a maid means just that everyone wants to come to bed with me.”
“Mummy takes the necklace off and gives it to me?”
“Why of course honey. Here.”
“I placed it in the handkerchief baby might need the nappy might cause nappy rash.”
“Mummy I have to go to the toilet.”
“No way baby is it that way Mr”?
“Yes sure it is.”
“Sister now you an outlaw.”
“All this is criminal behaviour.”
“It is an outlaw country.”
But mummy is somewhere sheltered and faring well as her friends stand by her while I am in her hands the hands of a murderer. Serial murderers as if she is the taker of my soul waltzing towards the death and the penalty is penance the panacea of fond fools she calls her house. A home which she gives over to victims before taking them on the first holocaust without any mercy.
Mummy gave me her necklace. The necklace which Ataturk gave Nan because she a wonderful warrior. He got the necklace from Cairo when he went to get well. Found it because the surrounding area was badly made. He knew what he had seen because the stone so famous it took his breath away.
This stone can turn clock round make timeless the bad seeds? It took him by surprise. Why nobody nearby he took it. The man came over you did what? Okay payment in need? Yes sir. I only went to the kitchens.
“When dad gave the necklace to mum grandma called the police and the insurance company and said the maid had taken the beastly thing and mum now had a criminal record.”
It would do fine it would do fine. He rushed out laughing like a man again. His humour quite restored. The thing is worth millions but what is worse it is a sort of a code and can make what is bad the permanent. He took his breath aside the shame of it all. It beat the buttons on the smartest shirt and the woman wearing a bracelet as he wore the buttons.
They on a date and the men left the scene. When he with a woman he with her only. No other man around them? No other man at all his for the night for the right times forever. If he wants to be with her. Then when said so go they must go home or be homeless.
It took him by surprise how angry he had been. No women had cheated him yet and this was the beast that let loose in him the demons. He knew the history of that jewel he knew it very well. It took him aside the whispers the whispers thin whispers. He pushed his double aside. The horse whisperers would not get him.
He knew when he in the right. He drank his thirsts with aside as an aside. The whispers the horse whispers. Banging on his bed. They banging on his beds in his little mansion without his consent and he the head of that house and they banging on beds he had made now it is his whore doing it with the man without his consent.
“I just wanted to give her something for the wedding night.”
He gave her the necklace knowing how unlucky it was. It pleased him to think she did not yet know how unlucky that necklace was. It doomed lovers to contemptible acts and made their waves the bad. It melted the hides and it took over the worries of the world. It was the best bad luck charms ever invented. The necklace kills love. The necklace brings pain the necklace is just a spirit bad spirit when worn it takes over the soul...
He added the addendums and it made him smile more.
May it bring pestilence to her and her own?
Her total lack of anything but escape made her the very thing she was imprisoned she was not free anymore she did not have the money to make even a phone call she was a prisoner she could never leave that place at all.
Food on the table meant she had to go to the other house and be fed. When she needed a bath she went to the other house when she needed anything phone or coffee television it was at this other house. Her own house only had the old lamp which took too much work on her tired hand.
She went to sleep there in the bed she had always had. The place was cramp but she said it was her own home. A prisoner in this small house which was knocked half dead. She a prisoner which made sense to have her placed so.
Someone I now know said your mother never gave you a necklace she in fact a whore she never gave you any such thing as a necklace. She cost your father’s death. She gave you into prostitution in order to clarify her own position. She so hated your father she did not only dislike his very being but when you stood up to his politics even policies adding to her own shame she did not only disfigure you but harmed you and placed you in a shit so she could make it quits.
“When she is ready you have my permission Zeks to marry her I am so fond of you so it is only fair. You know how we are close but then she can look after you as you age. After all that you have done for her placing her from hell into the shelter so we could be safe. Our safety is the main concern so we are now into this good safety we love your good common sense.”
But in my childhood mind I did not think mum was bad it was only that daddy was perfect. In fact for me the only sanity was in her eyes. But doubts crept in what had really happened and did it make sense anymore? The flashlights the flashbacks the lightening insights why does one remember at all?
The insane remarks the very things which do not can’t make any order or sense the bigger the ordeal the less likely it could have happened?
I now had the necklace. I had the very necklace which mum wore she gave me her necklace. Why she unwell? I went back to see nobody let me in. Mummy had behaved not well. She they were sharing out.
Mummy had become a whore at last.
“Who’s that baby?”
“Who is that baby in there?”
“Who is that baby mummy?”
“It is not daddy’s it is not daddy’s baby it is not our baby?”
“Who is that baby where is that baby?”
“It never is dad’s baby.”
“I am dad’s baby.”
Well the baby not seeing that. I crept up and took it away. The baby not making a sound. Nasty thing always crying now silent as a lamb. Wood. I check to see if it had turned to wood. It was sleeping. I was sleeping come on I am doing the nappies in my sleep so why does everyone laughing at me?
I am now outside from the prison I can come in and out no problem.
“My mummy put in a prison for a crime she did not do. She did not steal grandma’s necklace.”
It is a very dark night I do not know where we are. I did not know what to do. It does not do okay I do not know what to do with this? I did not drive a van. I thought the prisoner would do? Yes the one with the cool attitude so took him outside and told him after unlocking his door. The one outside in the shed. So he Okays? Yes him cool. So told him exactly where to take me and he stood still.
“Mummy where are you? And what you doing?”
“He needed clothes and some money?”
She sent him away with the things needed.
“Where do I get those things?”
“I know I will give you all you need all you need to do is drive the van?”
“Sex is never enough to live on.”
“What else can I give you?”
“My mummy would never sell me would she? Not for revenge not for that.
“Where is the catch?”
“They are raping me mum so hurry.”
“Your mum in there being raped?”
“By the guards?”
“Just wait a while.”
“He brings her over too.”
“What happened to the guards?”
“They are now harmless.”
“Mum is you okay?”
“Silence is golden.”
“Mum now had another husband. He the bastard always on her and her very enjoying it.”
“Mummy where is daddy?”
“I will show you if you are not careful.”
“Mum what is the meaning of this?”
“He pleasantly occupied let him.”
“Mum has got beastly.”
“If you do not like it fuck it off.”
“I never want to hear that again.”
“Well it is the best I can do.”
“Beasts are not the best,”
“We are all beasts.”
“I will not be a beast.”
“I am going to kill him.”
“I am going to do him in.”
“I’ve made a mistake get out of the van.”
I get off immediately,
They came back on the understanding I remain silent. I get in against my conscience. The rats and all that not my thing.
“I remain silent.”
As long as we are aristocratic and carry ourselves well and mend the manners of the grammars and the distinctive sluttish eyeliner and then come and read you the riot acts which means he is still thinking about you.
What is the matter with me I am not enough for this guy? As we know you are common and you dish wash. We do not like to see you doing such a low paid job but it does not occur to me or to him that it is any of our fault we sent you to school to do the educations and what did you do? They failed me because handwriting not good enough
I am arthritic. Does no one understand my hands are lame? It is over there is too much common sense she swims into the room and sits down. Her hours are precious and she is thinking about her pain her painful endurance what to ask what to say to this girl who has taken over them. What is the matter with doing nothing about it? But she can’t leave it alone she has to stir fry the situation to see if there is anything in the undergrowth. What is the meaning of this is the meaning of this when the girl is older than her by dozens of years look a waitress. She is a waiting wrench the wickedness of such things what to make of her what to make of his taste and sense and where in the world did she land herself in this situation comedy.
Her stomach torments her she is pregnant with twins. No most definitely not her husband’s. Twin towers.
“Stomach bothering you?”
“I had my womb taken from me some years back when I was in my thirties.”
She is now in her thirties and what she doing laying it is tempting to make her say something else. I asked not to be naughty. Nought and crosses it is amused by me. I am so flattered I can be like flat packed. I am in a lemon position there is no oil to do the salad straight. I am flat packed and ready to be dismantled and mantled she swore it is the truth.
“Would John do you?”
“We are just friends he had a boulder fall on me I am most not amused I do not think he is very reliable,”
“Surely it was an accident between friends what is a ton of a boulder?”
“Well if you put it like that if it had happened to you if your husband had done that would you stay with him?”
She is startled by the comparison.
“There is no comparison.”
“Precisely. He lives in Parliament with his stockings.”
“Yes he is a gentleman would never go near a boulder?”
“He does not sculpt?”
“No his blood pressure is such he falls down flat.”
“Every time he bangs his head on the ceiling.”
“We are thinking of moving house to this place.”
“You have been married five years.”
“Still on honeymoon.” She laughs.
“Poor not poor?”
“How elegant she is I think.”
“I meant to tell you it is strictest confidence the daughter is suffering from depression and I have to nurse her.”
“Yes to make her better?”
“Yes to make her better.”
“How wealthy is she?”
She does not reply.
“She is young and I need to care for her.”
“Seems to be like you?”
“Nothing to do with me she is my daughter flesh of my flesh.”
“Heiress is she?” She jumps.
“Not true at all.” She had been in deep thought. I think of the description of her mother she had said as she had walked away the small figure of the mum as she lies on the pillow. For some reason the pillow on the mothers face. No surely not and I grimace there is spite in this. I want to leave the spite there is too much spite in this discussion.
I leave the discourse I went out it is as if the feeling is not nice in this room there is too much of healthy bank balance and it meant not nice things happening to people with the money wallet.
Because we have the money behind us we can and may do as we please. So we do what the boss asks.
I go out and about. Remembering. I meant to reason with this aspect of the selfless money. Art is money for some people like marriage and children are money. This is what it is. The common facts are these it is not nice but this is what it is.
“We did not order this.”
“We would never have ordered this.”
“Not us at all.”
“Who? The ordeal. To place us with this order?”
“Who asked for your opinions?”
“My father murdered my mum.”
Psychology will not mend that will it? There is no amount of psychiatry which will take away the pain is there?
“I do not have any.”
“She has changed since he went?”
“She has grown fatter.”
“Leave her alone what about us?”
“Sweets hearts and coronets.”
“Give me nothing else.”
Mum wanted to murder dad too. One of them succeeds where the other failed.
“I need petrol to run.”
“Fists off the fucked up thing.”
“Just a dirty maid who is now a whore.”
“Mother comes back.”
“Loath you already loath your daddy too so stop potting me about.”
“Kill the bitch.”
“Kill the child then the bitch won’t notice the time of day.”
“Talks too much.”
“Mates know about her.”
“What shall we do?”
“Her dad is a man a doctor.”
“No not my daddy because he needs it for his patience.”
“He will cure the world of its problems.”
Money talks in this way? Of course they all say when we have the money what is the point if we do not get take what we want? It is all about money and buying so if we have the money we do not deny ourselves anything at all. We have the best life because we have the means to be able to. In a way if the boss says drop dead that is what we do.
“Well he now stands in honourable defeat?”
“No his wife has to pay for all he has done?”
“Why the shit?”
“Well he did not like to ask her so he left. Through the window.”
“The man is never sorry.”
“He dead so he can’t answer the question.”
“My daddy is not dead.”
“Sorry kid why he not here then?”
“He has to work for a living which you don’t.”
“She dislikes the lot of us.”
“It must be your mean face smile at the girl.”
“Look leaves her alone.”
“Drunk again honey why not lies down.”
“Why did he say you can pay for the bills mummy me too young to pay the bills?”
“I am a whore.”
“No you are not mummy.”
“I am now honey.”
“There is no arguing with that?” he said.
“No but the thing is I left my profession in order to live well and it did not last a year.”
“I was an honest maid.”
“I’ve been robbed.”
“Damn another manager out through the window?”
“Does he have a wife to pay his bills too?”
“No he did not marry.”
“His mother coming round to do so.”
“She can’t be over the age of fornications?”
“Well what can we do with her?”
“I want me food.”
“No I want tooth.”
I mean it is no arguing with the boss is there? Mr Language is right in any doubts what language means? It is what works for us all. I mean nobody asks anyone’s opinions are there? I mean it is no bother them have it got right.
Respects we do make ourselves respects. I mean nobody respects me at all as I have no job prospects and not likely to due to lacking in the social graces. Social graces when one is due to asking for the due days out and having the right attitudes to money and social sense well behaviours. All I wanted to do was be like all the other women in town.
Mummy said to the man.
I have been out of work many years but my fan clubs is many I am always asked for a party and friends all round the globe who are known as globetrotters with the trotters, I do not remember being so far out.
The thing is they are all in the pornography nudes. The library book is so erotic it makes erotica away. I meant no harm could it be he is thinking about something else. I mean the book is about not erotica? No matter we do forgive you your sins. I meant to sin when? I was only asking why I have that much library fine.
“I am also this child’s mother and she is mine- mine- mine I will not see her rot like I have done.”
“Oh to think.”
“Ring ding it.”
“Look the graduates walking away two by two?”
“No I have increased into three.”
“It is Ouch.”
“No we do not have the right boss?”
“No he has a Ford Astra.”
“We now behind the library fees we not mortgaged the cat?”
“Yes he can be taken and made demonstrated on.”
“Leave my child alone you fool.”
“The school children in the library can now understand how a cat looks in a bookish place the long trousers and a hat is optional.”
That is a good housekeeping in keeping with Country life.
The boss asks the libraries not to serve anyone not on Google? Okay we now have the best goggled library on earth all of the libraries now goggled and we are the most goggled of them all.
The husband is optional.
He is the silent one behind her educations.
And another thing she is getting married engaged that is happy face is getting married she is very happy unfortunately her patients are not. Happy face is getting married of course she is engaged has the thinning to do to make her wear the wedding dress. So happy face grumpy she did not like to diet and this went on and on. The woman patient who happy face was looking on had run the water too long and flooded the beds. Happy face was reprimanded they knew she had the wedding to look forward to but-
The patients have all fled.
Mother Zeks said happy face which she called the nurse nursing her was in charge of mum when mum off wheeled narrowly killing herself due to her depression after her amputation. I did not say a word. I saved mother she yelled yanked my hand and said I would suffer for her living. In fact I agree I had to suffer for giving not leaving her to die. It was such a good summer’s day when the blessings of the good sky should have meant the end of winter but for us it was the beginning of our dismay. The bliss of living she did not like me she said and me saving her life meant me had to servant be. I remarked but mum looks blank. Happily happy face nowhere near as she had been trying on her wedding clothes without her clothes.
“Maid I will make you into a maid.”
“Yes with me dear child so we can plan the death of society and honest people in peculiar for the good always die young. The vicar died on us too he visitations had then came out and drove out. He just died. He a charming young vicar but he should not have been here.”
“He should not have come I told him so.”
“Young and so good he ever so nice man.”
“He should not have come?”
“I was not in the mood for him.”
“They are not like us.”
“Not like us not like we are natives are bores.”
“Not people like us.”
“Yes too sensitive they are and the moment one looks at them they die if one is not in a good mood.”
“I went to grammar school my mum also mad but I got things done.”
“Scrounging on society on social benefits and depriving my Linda of her life.”
“Linda never was on benefits.”
“No she always been in work.”
“Sheer principled she had been.”
“I told her not to go to that Deptford there the cancers not seen to.”
“My Linda hard worker and never got ill.”
“No health and safety you see.”
I could see she had issues with me being on benefits.
“They think it is waste and expensive.”
“Butchers there you know. My Linda butchered by them mucks.”
“Your mother does not like me?”
“Oh I do not know.”
“Never have you minded.”
“Well it is in the garden Rose well it is not easy?”
“Well they have transported the figs into that garden I do not know what it means but them that knows this are perfectly entitled to the knowledge,”
“The vicar did not travel well?”
“My being in a bad mood upset him and he died.”
“Well he over tired himself.”
“The good die young,”
“That is what Maureen said she must have been bad because she over eighty.”
“She had the perfect respect for the seniors in society.”
“Yes she nodded to their musical ability.” Flooded the living room with dusty things and the sofas had more germs and dust than any other place. There was this shatter proof of cobwebs that meant the house was a death trap. Her son would have died in such haste. She did not like leaving her son the house.
“Yes he would never have made it if it was not my cleaner’s ability. I mean the doctors just think he has bloody poisons. But he sleeping when he sat just caught me. I mean he never did that before and he angry. Yes I sensed somewhere there was a something reacting like a reactor. I found the dust so much dust,” and not well. She spent her savings she said making her well her dear Linda. She spent so much of herself making her daughter well?
No herself no trouble since the day she born. She had been such a special child just like her sister. Who was moving the social scale down and up not like her darling Linda who had not got any.
Maureen gave her car to that odd jobs man and her daughter she called this other. That their dogs were chewing the furniture sent her over to make sure that their furniture not chewed upon Linda my poor dear child dying so young.
The one with the good education and ability had this not much lager to thank for her loving disposition. She always loves. Then her eyes glazed.
The stirrings of this and that the talk lasts a few minutes longer than usual and there is concern and concentration in her eye than she lets out a yawn and one has to be obliging her with another tea. The last thing is she is on the prowl. The discussion is lost what did we have to say to each other?
Nothing and more nothings.
She moved in next door to find out what to do about it all. Who had the lost childhood? I think she had a bit of haze around it. Who got the degree and happily things moved along. She lived side by side with the lost years just like me I said to her when she smiled briefly and I could sense I said something wrong given myself away.
“My boy friend and I have since separated and me moving in with a girl.”
“Into the council?”
“Well I do not... Think darling?”
“Yes we are council proper.”
“Yes those shows are the very things.”
“Kiss kisses us lesbians.” Said his wife.
“Yes sorry did not clean the bins not much into nappies.”
“They are so fond of one another.”
“Yes.” said Maureen.
“Yes the sheer volume of kissing is very bad.”
“Yes what does the husband or boy friend thinks about it?”
“I do not mind at all I have got myself a flat.”
“Is Molly the dog happy?”
“Yes she has taken an interest in your bag?”
“No Molly not that.”
“Molly might starve if she looks inside my bag.”
“We are not cruel.”
“I mean Molly?”
“She is on heat?”
“Yes she can become pregnant,”
“Nobody discusses literature anymore because there are the closed intellectuals only and they do not put anybody unless they are lesbians bisexual or in the right age bracket which is over seventy or under thirty. The rest can do what they please the rest of the world not into that sort of normality.”
“Harry Porter an exception.”
“I am measuring the pond to see what they have in there.” said she Maureen taking the picture which sent somehow not jingles inside my head.
Happy face? She had to marry her into trousseau and all that. Thinks more of her clothes than of the nursing position we will miss you. Oh I let it go my work but I am going to be married. I will visit you all the time. Write to you all letters and speak to you through the post and bring back candy from the nuptials. She did not mean it.
But then something bad begins to happen the hospital is like cursed. She had been the woman in her care had gone psycho. She had senile dementia but she flooded the entire bed ward.
She would get up at a certain time and begin to wash her breasts her skin and all her body. Until dripping with the very sins.
She washed every night. The spell!
The ward became flooded.
The spells which come to torment me and them who are the tormenters the smiling faces hide sins too deep too deep to even ask to dare to say the very beings torments the souls in indestructible urges.
She was being a medium for someone else. Who was talking through her.? St Mary’s Paddington when Mum lost her leg she had to be in the same ward with her. She watched every night as this happened she said not her job to see to anything she did not interfere with anything bad.
But Happy face had not been round as she had to be married so the patient in her care was washing and leaving the tap open all night, Then one day she started to do this during the day too. The old woman opening and shutting the tap.
“The marriage is off.”
“Why?” asked this me.
Happy Face bursts into tears.
“How insensitive you are to the finer feelings of the nursing staff we work so hard too.”
I did not comment and I am not going to say a word. I do not have any comment about idiotic woman who train in order to get married. No use in their training might as well go to modelling school when they can learn deportments and being inane.
The whole ward did not want to know.
I made that up she told me several decades late. I made the whole scene up. Do you care to believe that an odd woman who does not look like anything could do such a thing? No one will look twice at these bony hands these talons. Do you think any of you would have noted me standing behind the scene at the death party? When she died?
The woman was doing my bed up in a similar manner that is when I noticed what she had on her mind. Now in her eighties she did not hurry. She put wood on my single bed and she had that grace in her sty. I went along with her.
Noting every movement her movements were very naturalistic like me burying a kitten or something? Yes in such a manner sleep walking tightly. Tightly In a shoe box like compartments. Yes she did not say it but licked her lip. She looked like somehow a doll gone out of fashion. Her lip now moving in silence in some murmur in some sort of chin in some sort of spectre. She looked like ghosts and ghouls. Ghosts have invaded my room?
“Now no need to be alone.”
“They can all come and keep you company.”
She just stood very military precise and calm. This other woman who was this other woman her face did not say. The body did not flow. In her there was no indecision. There was nothing but this going along forwards as if soldiers marching along. There was not much else but this going along forward no stopping her no stopping it.
“Linda would have liked it.” Linda was her daughter. The nurse who did not get married. Some time has now passed the lady is now dead and this is her grieving ma.
“Did you just say Linda would have liked it?”
Her hair came apiece. She drew out her teeth. Her false teeth came undone. She clicked them back into place. My neighbour is falling apart.
“Now do not interrupt.”
I did as I was told. Otherwise the bed would have been over and I would have had to sleep on the floor. It has happened before.
She nodded in approval. Good girl. You always do as you are told.
She had set the bomb the time bomb she did not even say a word about what she was doing not much did escape her every child she had made did as she told them to do.
She did not even say a word. The single plank okay she did not say it right. I always measure things right. She said I am good at measurements. The plank she had us buy came from a DIY shop and I had paid 25 pounds for that plank? Yes it has to be strong to hold you in my dear.
Her movements like mourning a child a dream or some such things.
“Why what is here?”
“I believe now it is okay?”
“Yes I should be able to sleep like a baby now.”
“Yes. So you should be after taking all this precious care.”
I worshipped her wanted to recreate her many images so she can be my carte de blanch. I meant no harm in making take my pills she did not have any of her own. She did not live with me she was me. I am Marilyn looking at you? Bony fish paste and into her declining years blinded by the past when me had the perfections. I KILLED her.
I had her killed no smothered her with a pillow. Straighten the room and made sure the right doctors took note, Doctors always in need of money and this would make them plenty.
“Section you anyway.”
“I have been robbed of my freedoms.”
“Drugs on them white pills.”
“Nightmares we are having the nightmares.”
“I am a frail odd woman.”
“She makes the armed forces stand still.”
“I am not showing me bottom.”
I knew them doctors would love the adverts; this is Hollywood when one can sell anything. This brand name was death. I meant it glossy death. This is my own death this is meant to be me? I am human humour me talk to me about the women who lived like Cleopatra and the other shows
When I touched her she was mine my own. I never would have harmed her but she wanted to leave me. She did not want to be with me she said she was taking time to read. She had to use her brains she said so.
“Females are beginning to look like dolls with the new makeup they are into. I wonder with their little frilly things what else they do.”
“Well according to the pop scene they scream and shout a lot.”
“In a rhythmic manner?”
“Yes they can group dance extremely well.”
“Makes me sick it does.”
“Well here am I with them calories to consider and those bitches on heat with nothing to worry about but how to sound melodious when they are on heat.”
Did anyone say a word but that I was the kindly neighbour with the nursing skills who would do?
Did you all think me unfeeling in her beauty when she in bed and me stood there making certain she dead? On the ground floor within my gaze I could have touched her like a cherry. Did you think me strange standing there and not hearing her weep? Do not make a doe out of this lady she is smarter than she looks.
Throughout this then I think they have seen what a disaster mummy is but still she is out looking after us. It is contempt for us the poor. It is a conspiracy.
So mummy who always watches this odd woman doing the taps is making small talks about it and being told she is responsible for ignoring it. Yes. So our future is futile. Because mummy said she did not believe in anything but being served. So bloody heck the future is futility itself. She was about to be discharged from the hospital.
“My real mummy could not marry into the same presidential family as she disinherited can’t use the name has to find another name has constantly said I am going to repeat what I think about you in full detail. You are spiteful mean and inconsiderate vain and boring.”
This when we are able to sit on the bus stop. Otherwise in her own semi detached house she is fully alert with the tea and always making me an olive oiled vine leaf which I swear is the very best vine leaf dolma I ever have tasted.
She said she always makes it one full galloon. A bottle of it. Knowing how much I like it.
I had to stop when she started to put one and a half bottles of the oil.
“I think it might be.”
No my real mummy is not a psychopath she is a disappointed presidents wife. Otherwise she is not simple or silly she is seriously educated well read and has the perfect Adams family. One of her daughters is a porn star marrying into the royal family the other is in parliament. A slight climb down after she had been the mother of them royals.
“My mummy now dead.”
Me had been adopted from her as she when she saw me had got insane. I totally disapproved of her murdering me dad but she said I had no right as I had not got the vote yet. It was a political assassination and that is not murder it is a takeover bid. I did not understand this at all.
“Because you have no head inside that head no brain.”
“She might have told me before.”
“I had just enrolled to school and if I had known would not have bothered.”
“Look this bloody psychopath is left itself in total care of our future and the doctors said they had to be congratulated on doing a good job?”
“Well it is a very damn good job?”
“The doctors overall opinion?”
“Very good thing to have happened.”
“Damn it, it has to be social services in it too?”
“I did not have the psychologist at that time.”
“Anything else that you all require?”
“Well we could ask the parking attendant if they will not fine us to such an extent.”
“Has the sister called?”
“Does not need to she has got the powers and the land deeds and can almost sell these things she won’t be around for years.”
“Bear it in our minds.”
“Write it into your brains too?”
“There is nothing but good will for the criminals in England. The criminal only has to do the crime for the crime to be forgiven and forgotten especially in another country they come over here to become well and decent and bisexual. That makes for this perfection in their eyes.”
“In the eyes of whom?”
And it is due care and attention required. Fucking heck the doctors insane. A moron of an Indian did my bottom up in fact in the very lift. I thought his wife’s bottom less impressive and told the doctor to try it. On his wife yes it might make him more alert. I think they had a slapper’s party as the Indian very red. Sorry wrong one.
We are left in this woman’s charge when she allows that old woman to wet the bloody ward every night? And you know she is not even blamed she is not even asked ring the ward bell she is not even asked to do anything but stay in her bed and get well.
“Happiness is this it brings?”
It is what it are to be us. Foreign and poor. The day the nurses said she must be stopped then the odd woman attacked Happy Face. Hurts her in a way almost breaks her wrist. She grabs her wrists says evil brought you into this world evil is out.
The old woman then does not remember a thing about it.
When we had the green cinema when it worked so well when we did not ask when Fatma is going to be raped. When we did not make soap out of the designs of the good women who want it all. Good women do not exist we must all see how the other woman has fallen because we want to feel this vacuous satisfaction that is what it is to be bad and it is us good woman who do no bad who do the right things. That is self righteous with the father doing bad with the PA all the time, Bad thing is in the morning one is upset mind’s not focused there is not much inside me but badness trying to come out trying to say something self. Self and more self I am right self this today I am right. The man has already left for the good of humanity to the PA he has other agendas on his side of the moon he has not enough energy to feel the mood swings which I am prone to. The green Cinema is when they go outside and see it in the open imagine you are crying because all the main characters have committed suicide and someone comes and asks if you need another coke,
I am at my most depressed in the morning it has not got anything to do with being down it is a part of me that is wild. I can’t get back to my body for some reason. My body does not seem enjoyable or even reliable so I get into such a bad temper.
“They want to kill me?”
“It will be a good burial. All your fans will be there to see you go.”
“Well that is not a good thing to do to me.”
“Should not have gone out.”
“Should have been a man like your brother he has no problems.”
“He has not?”
“He is an animal in bed I see him through the keyhole.”
No into this kitchen hand, well it is over work that does it. Her brother her half brother now a lorry driving with a bed a little kitchen a little bed a television to watch himself with his one eye. The other one he lost when he a teenager went for a pint and got smashed out some youths took him for a jerk and he and they went out. So he lost his eye in that fight making his mother not like him as she into attractive sons and he did not look attractive anymore.
No he an embarrassment. Everyone did not could not understand why he in a fight in the first place. Her other son who is smart and a good boy never gets into any fights. It came as a shock why his wife died in such a crazy manner. A university graduate of literature he wed her for her nice manners.
When she came out screaming at her not understanding how she was a part of the family. The son did not understand as well. No they did both not understand it at all.
His wife narrowly died while escaping from him during their after honeymoon. But that is easy on the eyes and he and she shouting outright his mother was always rounding and driving her mad with it. It was not much to worry about was it?
Their hushed browns and we did not do so well not well at all when a boy who had been the finest boy. Mother wanted to be an actor so she ended in pornography. The thing was she did look good in them films she did it best when she on the dinner date having the chat about how to do the whole thing when sometimes they went to practise.
We do not think that is how it should end at all we love. He going to heaven would make me sick. No son will say that. He a twit no son do not answer me back. Daddy come home daddy come back. I want to die as he did. No son behaves. Your ma now a porno star I cannot bring up such as you are genetically it could end badly.
“I am not going to be bad.”
“Look child she is your mother you two have the same genes.”
“I am sorry for it dad.”
“Be nice to everyone now that is a good girl no more fights.”
When he acting the part of a rapist actor when he went on the pavement he would be hurt hit and punched in the head to such an extent he had to move to Germany.
Could not find a restaurant to feed him with so he always this hungry bears with a sourly head. He is my man now washing your feet I am my dear this is the last time that I will do that. Okay it tickles. He did not like to cook as he set the place on fire. While shaving his head he had to do something to look more like a beast?
“My wedding this time it must work.”
I had forgotten her likeness and did not know her my mum.
She had the hen night and it went well the leftover food there was none. How could anyone consume so much food? The thing was the babies must have slept right through it all how they dare do such a thing the baby left on the door of the floor someone like me or dad would have stepped on poor Z.
I think it was not real?
I made that up. Where did they go then?
I think I heard boys murmuring if we get him. If we get him he is what we have to be behaving well and charming. Not us are it? Nerd he is always acting the parts we were made for. Well he is expert at it? Expert he does not know what to do with it. I know them men they are not kindly disposed to such a word. Producers producing trash.
She also slept with her father in law she did and all.
“Poor lad he had a great escape.”
“Her breathe smelt so bad because of the garlic she ate.”
They would nod and wink all the time they had the itch or something.
What they hiding from me?
Say it then? It is not the same the way he does it is better; she is in another blockbuster let us killing her. “The last film.” She said.
On her second marriage another baby had arrived and was left with the Zeks.
She looks like wood.
Kicking you for thinking that she is very nice well and better than her she came with problems. I have her from birth unlike that one. She pointed towards me. I am kicking you for liking his movies. I am not into movies I am going to go and become a jet. Look who is here? God now we are done for? Should you all be here?
“He has died of a heart attack did not know he had one?”
“Your father has died?”
“He raped ma.”
“Grandpa like them young.”
“He fell from his step ladder.”
“I heard he died in bed.”
“Step ladder. The things one says must not say not in front of her she repeats.”
“These are all Turkish themes.”
What she does not remember? What they had on but thinks it might not be in the social norms. What did they wear something like this? He would show a photograph the startled likeness his parents would say but not him? Of course he now older.
He made the green cinema a child safe place which is not true? He brought the screen out into the open but was anywhere safe even home is not safe there is not much a child can do when it is upon herself to pretend that nothing bad had happened.
Mother said I must not argue in front of him because he is incorrigible would think it normal thing to do. He would think it would not be perfect if they separated because if they did not and they are found out what he would say to the entire town bears not thinking about. Scandalous no he does not feel as we and he is despicable.
“Gordon said a maid is a maid into forever.”
How did Gordon know about ma?
How could such things happen to normal decent people like me? It is a big film industry most of them his mum’s friends. Big money that is how it work shares.
So he would walk from set to set as if in the thrills of childhood. He loved the industry it took him into warm feelings. It made him happier than anyone else. He looked young, father was busy unshackling himself. He died trying to do just that. Not one penny of mine will go towards your throat now not like the others not married. You not a wife tell me an experiment and I will pay you.
“I want nothing.”
“Then tell me the experiment and you will receive nothing.”