Standing on the traditional Grecian balcony of my hotel room, I was thoroughly enjoying the view that greeted me. The hotel which would be my home for the week had a homey atmosphere. Its architecture was that of a traditional white-washed cave style building featuring bright blue doors framed by fuchsia flowers. My room was a modest one, it had a queen size bed and a picture of the Island adorn the wall above the bed. Two lamps placed on each of the bedside tables and a small attached wardrobe.
I landed from New York about three hours ago, I tried calling Jemi but since it got directed to her voicemail I left her a message letting her know that I have reached and called my grandpa instead. His voice seemed so apprehensive and worried, he didn’t think it was a good idea for me to travel alone all the way to Greece, he is so protective of me like I said I grew up very sheltered. I am also very close to him.
He is a very jolly person, always the life of the party, he is one of those grandparents who won’t shy away from telling others with pride,“that’s my granddaughter right there” which can be embarrassing sometimes, he never misses a chance to show how proud he was of me, about my achievements whether big or small. He is so adorable with his white gal way beard and emerald green eyes that never misses to sparkle even when things are troubling, I have the same eyes as his, emerald green, and the same chocolate brown hair as my mother, just thinking about him and hearing his voice was making me miss him so much.
Maybe once I get back to New York I’ll go visit him in one of my free weekends. Since Jemi and I started the law firm, we had been super busy, it’s a miracle that I’m able to have this whole week off. But then again I worked like a horse so that I could have completely free days for the preparation of my wedding. Richard wanted to marry before my birthday which was 19th July next month, I sighed bitterly thinking of that.
I didn’t tell grandpa all the details about my dreadful episode with Richard, but just the upper layer that we broke off the engagement and it was a mutual decision.
A lie I know but I don’t want to worry him.
And thank goodness he didn’t press for further information, he just told me like always he is always there for me and that I’ll eventually find the right one for me. He is romantic, its been 30 years now since grandma died but he never remarried, I used to tease him that he needs to date and maybe settling down with someone to end the journey of life together, but he always says.
“Nothing can replace Lucy, Ell (my grandma’s name was Lucy), besides I’m too old for this and I have you I’m not going to die alone”, that is what he always says. But yes I know old or not his heart belonged to my grandma and that is how he intends to keep it. I envy that sometimes, that kind of love, wishing that I would too be loved like that by someone.
I really thought it was Richard but I guess I was wrong. Wrong in the most painful and humiliating way. How is it that I didn’t even get a hint of what he was planning on doing. Was his mind always occupied with ideas to tell me that he no longer want to be with me, that six years of us together, being engaged for a year was something he cannot be part of anymore?
Did I mean so little to him that expanding his business, feeding his ambitions was more important than me? Was I just a standby for him? That if things doesn’t work out the way he planned I was there to fill that void for him. His girlfriend that always put up with his mood swings, his coldness, his mother who thinks I am nothing but someone from over the bridge that desperately wanted to be in the elite social circle.
It was traumatic most times and I felt emotionally drained but I just didn’t want to give up on that idea of us.
Now that he is completely gone from my life. I just keep asking this question over and over in my head, will I hurt him the way he hurt me?
The answer is always No and it just made me realized although so painful that Richard never truly loved me the way I loved him.
I wiped the hurtful tears with the tips of my fingers that is beginning to flow down my cheeks.
Tears of sorrow acknowledging the fact that I gave the six years of my life to someone who had so little regard for me. I meant so little to him that the absence of me in his life wouldn’t make any difference. While I stand here drowning myself in sorrow and heartache, he is busy preparing in building a life with another.
I clutch my left chest and then rubbed it slowly with my palm trying to sooth that pain that is numbing my whole body. Closing my eyes I began to breathe in and breathe out slowly just to calm myself.
Letting go of that last slow breathe I focused my attention towards the view before me.
Breathtaking was just an understatement, to describe the view from my room. Since it was evening and the sun was setting the vast and rich Mediterranean ocean was now bath in the reddish glow of the setting sun, I could see yachts sailing on the bed of the sea, I won’t mind getting in one of those I muse. Beauty like this makes you forget all your worries and for once just think nothing in that busy brain of yours and relish and dissolve yourself in the exquisite beauty before you.
I was pulled back from my trance-like state fully intoxicated by the view before me by the ringing of my cell phone. I went into my room and picked up the phone which was lying on the bedside table, it was Jemi, I answered the call and sat on the bed.
“So have you settled in properly,” asked Jemi with her normal chirpy voice.
“Yes I did, I was just enjoying the view from my room, it is so beautiful Jemi, I wish you were here.”
“Is it? Oh me too, its okay there is always next time. You can send me the pics through whats app, for now, let me be satisfied with that,” said Jemi laughing.
“Yes sure I will, I think I’ll just order room service, eat early dinner and retire to bed and get up before the sunrise, I want to enjoy the view from my room and start exploring the place tomorrow.”
“That sounds nice, you do that, anyway I got to go, Ell, you take care and have lots of fun okay, remember my advice woman”, she said those last words in a playful tone. Oh, I know what she meant by remembering her advice.
I snorted,“I don’t know what advice you are talking about, but yes I’m planning on having a good time. I’ll be sending you the Pictures and you too take care. Bye Jemi,“I hung up the phone and realized it was quarter to eight so decided on ordering dinner.
Once I was done with dinner,
I took a long shower leisurely and got ready for bed, set the alarm for 4 o’clock on my phone and decided to read the half-finished book I brought to pass the time on the plane, it was “to Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee,it was my second reading, its one of my favorite book. My eyes started becoming heavy in an hour of reading. So I switched off the bedside table lamp on my right and drifted off to hours of sweet slumber and much-needed rest for tomorrow’s full packed adventure around the island.