With a new vase of white roses on the living room table, I feel a lot better about the whole situation knowing that so many people are here for me. I mean, I knew that before but to actually see everyone in person just warmed my heart. It gave me the kind of pep in my step that I needed to regain myself.
After a few more days of just building myself up, I decide to head back to work on Monday. I wake up, shower, and slip into a navy blue sundress with a thin black sweater. I put my hair into a nice slick bun and actually put the effort in to do my makeup. When I come out of the room, Ethan’s coffee cup pauses just before reaching his mouth.
“Mm, I don’t think I look that special.” I laugh, coming around the kitchen counter to fix myself some breakfast.
“No, you look gorgeous, babe.” He smiles, coming up behind me as I pour a bowl of cereal. I feel him kiss the side of my face and my cheeks warm.
It quickly makes me realized that since before the loss of our baby was the last time we were actually intimate with each other. Ethan’s been so busy giving me my space that we’ve hardly even slept in the same bed. I appreciate him giving me the time I needed to recover, but I need to focus on my relationship with my fiance. We’re still getting married and in the future, we’re still going to have a family. I don’t want to be too sad that I lose sight of the love I have for him.
After just laughing and talking in the kitchen over cereal and coffee, we both head out to work. On the way there, Ethan holds my hand and if he isn’t holding my hand, it’s resting on my thigh. Every few moments he rubs over my skin as if he’s making sure that I know he’s there. It’s the reassurance I need right now.
When we arrive at the office, everyone greets me instantly. Even people I never talked to tell me good morning. I’ve never felt this kind of energy in the office, but Ethan says that everyone really wanted to welcome me back warmly. In the back of my head, I can picture Ethan glaring at them off and telling them to be nice to me. I know he didn’t do that, but it’s funny to think about.
I get to my desk and there are piles of piles of things that haven’t been touched. On a normal day, one would be so overwhelmed by this much work, but I’m actually happy about it. I need to get back to my normal routine because before getting pregnant, working made me happy. Hell, I damn near begged for this job so I’m not going to lose my motivation and drive. One by one, I make it through each file and piece of mail. I navigate my way through each email that hasn’t been opened by Ethan. The only ones he has opened are the ones that involve important work meetings.
By the 200th email, my fingers and eyes are a little tired. Taking a deep breath, I pick up my cell phone and text Anna to see what she’s doing. However, before I can hit send, my office door opens and she comes waltzing in with two bags of lunch.
“I hope you don’t mind. I got you a grilled chicken salad with a lemon water.” She sits the bags down and pulls a chair up to my desk.
“No, that sounds great. I was just texting you about lunch.”
“Yeah, when Ethan told me you were returning to work, I knew I wanted to get you lunch. I’m sorry I didn’t stop by this morning. I was swamped with work from the days I was off. Remind me to thank Ethan for giving me some extra off days.”
“He gave you the off days so you could stay home with me. He wanted to make sure someone was taking care of me while he was here. I’m sure there’s nothing to thank. You helped me a lot, Anna. I appreciate it a lot. I know I had my mother, but it’s just not the same. You know me a little better than she does so you really understood what I needed. Thank you for that.” I smile and see tears come to Anna’s eyes. She quickly blinks them away as she’s opening her salad.
“It’s really not a problem. I know people say that it’s hard to imagine what pain someone is going through but they really don’t. Well, I actually can imagine because I went through the same thing. I just never told anyone.” She shrugs as if she’s just talking about the weather or something.
“What do you mean you went through the same thing?”
“When I was 20 I got pregnant. I was so excited, but my boyfriend wasn’t. Well, one night after a fight, I was driving home in a nasty storm and ended up swerving off the side of the road. I didn’t think I was hurt or anything, but the next morning, I miscarried.”
“Why’d you never tell anyone?”
“Well, I knew no one would be happy about finding out I was pregnant since I was so young so I kept everything to myself. The only person who knows if my ex. I see him occasionally, but we don’t speak.” She shrugs and all I want to do is hug her, but I feel like she’s already made peace with it and doesn’t need consoling.
“I’m sorry you went through that. It sucks.”
“Tell me about it.”
We quickly change the subject to something a little lighter. As we’re talking, I can almost read her mind. She’s dying to ask about the club but is too afraid to bring it up. I understand though. I mean it’s the place where my miscarriage happened. I suspect she thinks I have ill feelings towards the place, but I don’t. However, I haven’t brought it up either. I haven’t really even thought about it too much, but getting back into the swing of things means getting back into my regular hobbies. The club is my regular hobby. I love that place and I love going there with Ethan and Anna. However, I think I’m going to wait to talk about it with Ethan tonight over dinner. I want his opinion before saying anything to Anna.
After lunch, I get back to work which includes two meetings with Ethan and mailing off papers for Ethan. By the end of the say, I manage to clear most of my desk and answer most of the emails. It makes me proud that I got back in the saddle with a clear head. I genuinely had a good day. I didn’t think I was going to have a shitty day, but I didn’t think it would be this easy to get back to my life.
When it’s almost time to go home, Ethan comes out of his office with his things.
“Ready to go home, babe.”
“Yes.” I say as I shut off my computer.
“Good. How was your first day back?”
“Really good. So much work.” I laugh.
“You did great, baby. So what do you want for dinner?”
“Pizza and wine.” I smile up at him and he shakes his head.
“I can definitely work that out for you.”
“Good and I want to talk to you about something.”
“Going back to the club this weekend. I want to go.”
My step halts a bit, not expecting that answer from Ethan. When I’m about to question him about his answer, he stops and turns to me with the most serious expression.
“We’re quiting the club.”