Chapter 13 – The Twins
~*~*~ FLASHBACK ~*~*~
“Morning my beautiful wife,” in strolled Caleb dressed in beige slacks and a charcoal coloured jumper. His blonde hair slicked back with a bright smile on his face while my stomach paid homage to a porcelain god.
“Fuck you and your happiness Caleb.” He chuckled enthusiastically.
“Now, now. The doctor said the sicker you are, the healthier the baby is,” he pulled back my hair.
“Right, that’s because you… *Blerg* are not going… *Blerg* through this.”
“Well, you need to hurry up, we have a doctor’s appointment today.” He exited as I stuck my finger up at him with my head still in the toilet.
“Well, let’s see your baby hey?” The doctor squirts clear liquid onto my belly. “Now, from your paperwork, you should be around about 12 weeks.” She moves the transducer probe then gasps with shock, “oh… oh… oh,” her entire body shifted around delightedly, while she turned the heartbeat sound up.
“That’s your babies’ hearts,” she beamed with delight.
“What? Babies?” we both spat out, shocked.
“Yes two, see here’s one head and here’s the other,” she pointed as our eyes grew wider.
“Two Ella, two for us,” Caleb jumped excitedly.
“You’re late.” Caleb barked at me as I walk through the door with red puffy eyes and a pink nose.
“What are you going to do Caleb, destroy me? No need, you already did that.” Sarcasm drips from my tongue as years worth of hurt boiled to the surface.
“How long?” He snaps.
“How long what?” I move to the room I had been painting a while ago and open the closet.
“How long have you been fucking him?” I freeze, my hands begin to shake as fury takes over.
“Where are the boxes?!” My temper flairs at the twins missing packages. How dare he move their stuff?
“How long have you been fucking him?!”
“How long have you been fucking everybody else, Caleb? Where are the boxes?!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
“You think I’m stupid, you will never get those boxes.” His tone low and dangerous, what? He hasn’t hurt me enough? Punished me every single chance he’s gotten?
“Why would you do that? Haven’t you punished me enough?”
“How long have you been fucking him?”
“Does it matter really? I’ve watched you stroll in here many times with lipstick on your collar, matted hair, drunk out of your damn mind, why would you care?” I seethe.
“Just answer the damn question,” he spits back through gritted teeth.
I fall to the floor in defeat, he knew I was only here for their stuff. I had no intention of ever being with him again and had no idea why he was so furious. He hated me, he couldn’t bear to touch me, the murderer and the one that stole his family… Truth was, after all this time I still didn’t know where everything went wrong? We had gone to counselling after I got out of rehab and we seem to be getting back on track, then about three years ago, it all went pear-shaped again and we couldn’t dig our way back. Once upon a time, there was so much love, now there’s just shattered unfixable pieces.
“Two months, not long.” Caleb slumps down the wall in the hall.
“Where are our wedding photos?”
I begin to laugh, “in the wardrobe.”
“Why are you laughing?”
“I took them down about six months ago and you only just noticed.”
“Really?” He blows the air roughly through his teeth creating a soft whistle, “I’ve been seeing other women for about three years.”
It hurt to hear him finally confirm it, up until two months ago I held hope that our hearts would find a way back to each other.
“I guess, I always knew,” subtle tears roll down my cheeks and I wipe them away with my fingers.
“I’m tired of being angry,” he admitted. It was refreshing to hear it.
“It’s time for us to end this, properly. Up until a few months ago, I prayed you would come back, you would find a way to love me again but you can’t and I can’t live like this anymore.”
“I wanted you to hurt, hurt as much as I hurt.”
“Caleb, I do.” I crawled on my knees to sit in front of him as his forearms rest on top of his knees. “I have suffered every day for six years and I will suffer every day for the rest of my life.”
Brokeness leaks from Caleb’s eyes, “when I saw you today I lost it, I knew I’d pushed you too far, that you’d finally taken all you could handle.”
“Why couldn’t you just talk to me? I was always here, waiting and waiting for you.”
“I couldn’t, I just couldn’t.”
“I’m so sorry we lost them, I’m so sorry it was my fault. That night I lost everything, that night I lost you.” I lay down sideways in the hall and cried into the floor.
“I’m sorry we can’t fix this,” he says as he lies down next to me. “I had no right to get jealous today, I guess I just wanted to treat you as bad as I feel inside.”
“It doesn’t matter now, I left him… Logan, and the other guy who was there today at lunch? Turns out, it was his wife that died in the other car, so he fired me. Now, I have no husband, no boyfriend and no job, but I deserve this.”
“Don’t Caleb okay, it is what it is.”
“What are we going to do about the house?”
“Sell it, everything. We can’t carry on living a lie, it’s not fair on either of us.” I reach up to put my hand on Caleb’s cheek, “I loved you more than life.”
“I know, I did too once.” He holds my hand in place as our eyes roam each other. We hadn’t looked and I mean really looked at each other in years, he was a stranger I once knew and I was the murderer that stole his happiness.
“What happened to us?”
“I couldn’t forgive you.”
“I can’t forgive myself,” I admitted.
We lay there both lost in our own thoughts, silently weeping on the floor. We had loved like fire burning through the bush but just as bright and heated, in the blink of an eye, it had died and neither of us knew how to pull ourselves back together. In one night more than just our worlds had shattered and now I knew the face of the woman’s husband and I couldn’t repair his heart. Much like ours, it was broken beyond repair and no amount of time could heal the scars that were ingrained deep within. Life was cruel, they had dealt us all a pretty shitty hand but I deserved this. Despite all the hatred and venomous words, Caleb was a good man underneath and for all of Pierre’s playboy antics, he was a broken man that just needed to be loved. Rolling to my side, I looked at my once husband.
“Are you happy Caleb?”
“No, are you?” He huffs.
“No, I haven’t been since October 3rd.”
“Pretty shitty cards, huh?” He confirms my thought precisely.
“I want you to be happy, you deserve it. Let’s get everything together tomorrow…”
“Today,” he interrupts.
“It’s passed midnight Ella.” He lifts his watch.
“Oh… Today then, we’ll split it, put what we need to on the market and then, I want you to find someone to love. Someone who makes you happy and can give you the family to deserve.”
“You were always far too nice.”
I wave off his remark, “who gets the twins stuff?”
Silence and anxiousness roll between us while we think.
“Why don’t we bury the ashes where we can both visit, the other things we can share?”
“Sounds perfect,” I confirm, Jesus, why didn’t we do this years ago?
“What are you going to do?” He asks. I think somewhere deep down Caleb still cares, even if he doesn’t admit it.
“I have absolutely no idea.”