Chapter 15 – The Baby
I had met up with Pierre who unlocked Logan’s house for me - his idea - not mine. I had doubts about this plan but I pushed them aside and I waited on the veranda for Logan to arrive home. This particular spot held such strong memories, both good and bad and my fear had well and truly set in.
Was I crazy to think that after so long he had not taken up another damsel, that he would not throw me out the moment he saw me? I had hurt him, left him and now, I carried a child, his child, a child we had not discussed nor planned and I had chosen to selfishly keep so I always had a reminder of him.
I had decided on a long floor length, blue, backless dress - best to cover my belly - and stood with my back to the open veranda glass doors, when he came home and flicked on the light he would find me. The plan seemed simple enough, apart from the volcano of nerves that erupted from my stomach and the fact that I felt like bursting into tears at any moment from my continuous ramblings of different ways Logan would reject me in my head.
He was who I truly loved, honestly cherished but was so afraid to be with. I twisted my fingers nervously and palmed my forehead, pacing back and forth as I perspired from my armpits.
Shit, I am nervous.
The past had boiled down to this infinitesimal moment that gushed like panic waves across my body. I gazed up at the moon, calling for calm as my heart pounded like a bass drum at a rave party. Fanning myself as the heat from my flush rose, when I heard the click of the front door and I swear my heart almost fell out my butt.
I couldn’t see him but I could hear him, he sighed heavily as he threw his keys onto the bench. His shoes tapping lightly on the tiled floor as he headed for the light switch and flicks it on, immediately lighting up the open doors - there was no turning back now.
“What the fuck?” He gasps, “Arabella?” I tilt my head to the side to acknowledge him. “What are you doing here?” He growls with deep hurt and anger in his tone causing shivers up my spine, “answer me?” He snaps, his temper rising.
My palm goes straight to my forehead as I tremble, sound stripped from my throat as I struggled to find it, tears threatening to spill out my hazel eyes.
“You come here to what?... break me more?” His words were full of displeasure as I bit my lips together to stop a sob from escaping. “You are nothing to me anymore. Leave and don’t ever come back.”
My chest collapses of its own accord and tears flowed like rain as sobs are drawn from my broken heart. He didn’t want me, not anymore, I understood, I did, I had hurt him beyond repair but I had to tell him. He had saved me from my darkness and despair, he shone my world with light, he had to know it was not just an affair for me, it meant so much more, he meant more.
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry. I love you,” I cried out as I moved sideways to the veranda stairs, careful not to expose the main reason for my being here. It was stupid but I needed to know he wanted me for me before I revealed my belly.
“What did you say?” He halted me in my tracks. “Arabella? What did you say?”
“It doesn’t matter Logan, I hurt you and no amount of apologies can heal the scars I have left,” I go to move.
“Stop.” I hear him kick the chair in frustration, next second his hot breath fans the back of my neck. “What did you say?”
“I-I’m sorry,” escaped me, strained and high pitched.
“After that,” his commanded with absolution.
“I-I love you.” A pained cry escaped my chest while I struggle to breathe.
I felt him drop to his knees behind me as his heated palms touch my yearning body - half on my bottom, half on my hips.
“You can’t say that unless you mean it.” His lips pressed against the back of my fabric covered thigh, “I looked for you, I mourned you and you never came back.”
“I’m sorry,” I whimpered, “I couldn’t be with you when I was so messed up. I had to end things properly with Caleb, our divorce had to be finished, I had to be clear of him.”
Logan’s lips found their way to my tailbone, just above my crack as he brushed softly against my skin, expelling an involuntary shudder at the connection whilst he moved his way up my spine, slowly and softly. My chest heaving, struggling to comprehend the feeling of him or the desire that pooled at my core.
“I’ve missed you,” he kisses, “I’ve waited for you,” he kisses again. “Where have you been?” He presses lightly in between my shoulder blades, running his fingertips along my spine. His lips enclosing around my earlobe, “I still love you.”
A moan escapes through my now completely dry lips.
“I bet your pussy is wet right now?” He whispers into the nape of my neck, “your beautiful body always responded so well to my touch,” his purrs hypnotically.
Sliding his hands around to grasp my breasts, palming and kneading, my head swirling in desire until realising what is growing at the front. I’m pulled from my lust haze to wide awake and alert. “Your delicious breasts feel bigger...” he chuckles. “New bra?” He caresses my shoulder, this was the moment, my admission would make or break us.
“No,” I whispered softly, “new baby.”
Everything stops - stops beating - stops moving. Time freezes in place, not even the ocean could be heard as it crashes onto the shore. His body tenses as deafening silence surround us, my heart pumping so hard, I feel like I’m about to have a stroke.
“What?” He grips my shoulders and spins me around, his golden orbs bulging from their sockets as they fall upon my rounded belly.
Nothing but him and his shocked expression can be seen in front of me. My body trembled with anticipation. He said he still loved me, he said he missed me but will he want me now?
“L-Logan…” my teeth chatter and eyes blur with tears.
“How long?” He questions with a hoarse rasp.
“You’ve known for six months?” He steps away from me, my bottom lip and chin quiver.
“What? No, just three. I even came to your driveway more than once but couldn’t walk in.”
He steps back further from me, stumbling on the balcony furniture behind him.
“L-Logan?” Sobbing furiously, I try to wipe the cruel tears streaming down my flushed cheeks, I reach for him, desperate to be in his arms.
“No Arabella… no.” His hand outstretched towards me.
I can’t hold back anymore, it was futile, he didn’t want me. I grabbed my handbag from the side rail and I spin on my heels, running down the side veranda stairs as fast as I can, up the sand dunes, losing my heels in the process. Dammit, I loved those shoes. Heading across the front pavement as my chest burned with rejection.
“Arabella?” My head snaps to my right as Pierre mirrors my frightened, distraught and heartbroken face. “No!” He shouts as the champagne falls from his grip, smashing on the ground.
I continued my run, clicking unlock on the car keys, jumping in. Slamming it into reverse before I drove forward, up the street - leaving behind my entire world.
I couldn’t believe I had lost - again.
“No… no… no… she can’t be pregnant with my child?” It had been six months since we had been together - surely it was Caleb’s, she had left me for him and then disappeared along with my heart and soul.
“What the fuck have you done?” A very pissed but surprised Pierre comes waltzing in, slamming my front door behind him.
“You should be happy… I should never have gotten involved with her.” I slam my fist down on the wooden outdoor table.
“You are a fool,” Pierre curses. “She told me everything, she swore she still loved you, she was adamant that she carried your child, your only child,” his words held such strong conviction and truth.
“It doesn’t matter, she still killed your wife, she still left me and she still chose to hide away from it all - she is dead to me.” I stomped to the fridge, beer is what I need to numb this pain inside.
“You don’t think I haven’t agonized over that night for the past almost seven years? They both drifted, they both connected in the middle of the road, they both died that night. You heard the story same as I. She lost the lives of her unborn children and I lost my beloved wife but for how long do we all have to suffer? She never lets her soul break from punishment, she lives daily with torment and guilt, dead from never allowing any happiness…”
“Enough,” I growled as pain slammed into my broken chest.
“Nnnnoooo!” Pierre slaps his palm onto the countertop. “You have been a right asshole since she left - which I understood, your heart broke but it also meant you were absolutely ruthless in business and it worked in our favour. Inside that emotionally broken woman beats the heart of your child, the only child you have, and you threw her away. Tell me, would you be bending her over right now with your shaft buried deep in her cunt if she weren’t pregnant?”
I was so confused, I couldn’t understand what my fear was? “Yes,” was the only answer I could give him. It was the truth. I did want her until I saw her belly and now I’m standing here being schooled by the biggest ‘playa’ out because he once knew how it felt to be in love, to be a husband and a father.
“Then you don’t deserve her or that baby. I’m the one that lost my wife, don’t use her as an excuse for you to push Arabella away.” Pierre spun on his heels and left me.
The one woman that had held my attention since the start - my affection, my soul - the one woman who had broken me sexually for all others, unable to enjoy the company of another again, has just walked out and I let her go. I was a fool. A sad empty shell and there was no coming back from this.