Defining Us (Book 2 of Discovering Me Series)

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Chapter 68: Vagabond - MisterWives

$Ryan$

My rendezvous with Elle resulted in zero repercussions. Both of our STD tests came back negative as did her pregnancy test. It was nerve-wrecking, but it was a horrifying situation that I knew I could get through with my best friend. We vowed to put everything behind us after we learned we were in the clear on all fronts. But as hard as I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about the night I spent with her. It took days for all of the detailed pieces to come together in my mind, but I once it clicked, I had a mental movie reel of how we translated our fiery back and forth into actions. I was curious as to what would it be like if we were sober. Yes, I wanted her body, but we did have an emotional connection. Previous feelings began to creep up again.


I took a seat beside Elle in the auditorium and propped my legs up on the seat in front of me.

“What color is my pocket square going to be?”

“What?” She stopped texting and looked at me.

“For prom.”

“I’m going with Nick. I thought you knew.”

“No. Did he ask you?” I lowered my voice.

“No, I asked him.” She resumed texting.

“Why?” My voice was harsher than I intended.

“There’s a curiosity I’m not willing to explore. It’d be even more tempting on prom night.”

“Your loss. I will look good.” I joked to suppress my disappointment.

“Glad I won’t be dealing with that this year.” She rebutted.

“You’ll miss it.”

“Nope. I pity your back up plan.”

“I like me. We’ll have fun together.”

“You’re not going to try to find another date? What a waste. You’re a fun date. You know, when you’re not being terrible.”

“Stag will be a good look; it’ll get me back to my roots.”

“Are you open to taking someone home?”

“If it happens, it happens.” I studied her face.

“Hey, you’ve gotta go out with a bang – literally.”

Her believable apathy stung.

“You get me.” I lied.

Internally, my mood was affected, but I tried my hardest not to let it show. The person best at reading me hadn’t allowed herself to do it since our mistake. I hadn’t been able to feel much of anything since Rae’s accident. My time with Elle made me do it. The reason why was a mystery. It could have very easily been because I was drunk. That bothered me more than anything. I couldn’t do it alone.

“How’s your sister?” Misha was beside me in the lunch line.

“She’s getting better everyday. Thanks for asking.” I truly appreciated the gesture.

“I’ve been curious for months, but I didn’t know if it was okay to talk to you.”

“What made you think you couldn’t?” I spooned macaroni onto my plate.

“We didn’t end on the best of terms.” She progressed in line as I did.

“I don’t hold grudges. They’re pointless.”

“I didn’t know that about you.”

“It’s not something that comes up in conversation.”

“I was your girlfriend for four months. You’d think I would’ve at least picked up on it.”

“Easy to overlook.” I walked away in the natural lull of the conversation.

I compiled a complete lunch and sat down at my usual table.

“I saw you talking to Misha. She had interest in her eyes.” Elle was upbeat as she pried.

“Not looking for a lady. I’ve got co-eds in my future.” I winked with a smirk. It took all my power to act hard enough to pull off carefree playfulness.

“You are disgusting.”

“Eh, I am what I am.” I stabbed my fork into my food.

“Not exactly true.” Milo was very subtle with his correction.

“I don’t have control over this anymore.” I ate and kept my eyes on my plate to act as though our conversation was not happening.

“Rae?”

“Nope.”

“Misha?”

I scoffed. “Oh yeah.” I muttered sarcastically.

“I was planning on bailing on class this afternoon. Not feeling it. You should join.”

“Iz coming?”

“No. They’re discussing a book she liked in English today. I didn’t read it. I don’t want to risk be called on to talk about it.”

“I’m game. Why’d you even come to lunch?”

“She’s here.” He looked at Izzie, who was talking to Elle.

“I still can’t believe you’re locked in and out with it.”

“When you know, you know.”

We played video games upon arriving at our suite. We didn’t talk about anything other than the game. It was a nice break.

“What’s going on between you and Elle?”

“What are you talking about?” My elbows were on my knees as I concentrated on pressing the correct sequence of buttons on the controller in my hands.

“She chose you over Iz the other day.”

I was relieved to know for sure he knew nothing about what happened. “I got to her first. She was drunk and wanted to chill, not talk.”

“Are you being straight with me?”

I felt him looking at me. “As an arrow.” I was unable to cave.

“More horseshoe judging by your distractedness.”

“I’m not distracted.”

He blew up my tank in response.

“We slept together the night we got trashed.”

There was a pause as he got over his initial shock. “Are you interested in her again?”

“I don’t know. My head’s pretty messed up at the moment.”

“Best advice: back off. Both of you are too dinged up to take on something like this.”

“Guess you’re right. It’s more a twinge than an aching desire.” I lied.

“Good. It’ll be easier for you to actually listen.”

I mentally dropped the topic of Elle completely. “Do you think talking to someone, like a counselor or whatever, helped when you were going through your thing?”

“I’d say so overall. It took me a while to want to cooperate and talk, but it felt pretty good when I did. Objectiveness is nice every once in a while.”

“My mom’s been mentioning it a lot. It could be good, I guess.”

“Well, if your mother said it…”

I pushed him.

He pushed me back. “For trying to lie to me.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, like you’d walk right up to me and say you have been too worried to feel anything else.”

“No, but you’d get enough out of me to piece it together eventually.”

I seized his base camp. “Cheering me up was a bad move on your part.”

“Rather have you kick my ass than lose yourself. I need my wingman.”

“Selfish bastard.”

“You’re one to talk.”

He enabled me to create my first genuine smirk of the day.

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