He stands there, eyes hooded, staring at me as he waits for me to say something, anything. Sitting at the edge of my bed, I rest my palms on my sheets, tightening my grip whenever I felt my hands get too sweaty, which was more often than I would have liked.
I cross my ankles and catch his eyes on my legs, which are bare from my super short pajama shorts. I did not think my outfit through. I am wearing a pink pair of shorts and a blue cami tank top. I’ve taken off my necklace in the time that it took for him to get here, thinking that it’d be best to store that memory of Damon away if I had made my decision.
“You called me Kent,” he states with a hint of hope in his eyes, “on the phone. Why did you call me that?”
“Should I not call you that?” I don’t mean to sound cold, but I’m not even sure what I should do right now. Do I run to him or should I reevaluate the situation?
I’ve been in difficult situations before and my head has always gotten me out of them. But this… feels different. Like a war has started inside of me and no matter what one side decides, the other counters with stronger power, though highly irrational. How do I disagree with my heart?
“No,” he says shyly as he sits down and stares at our toes, which touch only slightly. He sighs, “I just don’t want to get my hopes up.”
I open the drawer of my bedside table and pick up the small flash drive. I toss it over to him and he catches it with his eyes wide. He studies it, and after seeing the label in the back, his eyes meet mine.
“Did you know? About Pam? About that night?” I could feel the strain on my voice as I try to overcome my own indignation.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I choke on a sob that escapes my throat and I suddenly feel two streams tracing down my face.
He gets up and sits beside me, taking my hand, which had rested lifelessly on my lap. I can’t help but feel comforted by the warmth of his palm as it rested on top of mine.
“It doesn’t matter. I already hurt you.”
I feel the anger hit my eyes as I glared at him. I pull my hand away and face him, ready to set things straight and let it all out. “But it wasn’t you! It was Pam! And all this time I blamed you for something you clearly had no choice in and I-”
I become dizzy as I start to hyperventilate. The tears won’t stop coming and I let him pull me into a warm embrace. I inhale his presence and suddenly, all is well in the world. I pull back to look at him again, only to find tears in his eyes. My heart melts for those warm chocolate eyes that I’ve missed so much. I lean in and brush my lips onto his for a moment, as if to test the waters.
But as soon as we get a taste of each other, it was basic instinct to cannonball. Our lips crash into each other and I grow bothered that I can’t be closer to him. My fingers grip the hair on his back as he holds my face, fingers tangled in my tousled locks.
I push him onto his back as we continue moving our lips in a comfortable rhythm. He moves one of his hands from my hair to my hip, and as soon as I lower myself onto him, I could feel him hard, underneath me. My knees on either side of his hips, I press my chest against his, feeling his warmth radiate throughout my body until he wraps his arms around my waist to roll us over.
He’s on top of me now, and we continue pulling each other closer, but we’re never close enough. My hands reach around him and claw into his back, underneath his shirt.
“Lane,” he grunts as he leaves trails of kisses along my neck.
I wrap my legs around his hips and pull him down closer to me until I can feel his hardness pressed against me. The mere thought of it sends shockwaves through my body as soft moans escape my lips. He presses his lips back onto mine and I feel my own chest rise and fall.
Surely, the temptation would have driven him crazy by now. I’m going mad wondering how we’ve managed to keep our clothes on for this long.
We pull away from each other and he gazes down at me, panting. He falls to my side, but wraps his arms around me, pulling my head onto his chest.
“I’m yours, Lane. Only yours, always yours,” he whispers.
“Mine,” I say blissfully as I slip into slumber. I feel his arms tighten around me and deep inside, I know my heart is in good hands.
Winter break passed by rather quickly, with Silas by my side. Since his parents were always gone, I found myself spending more and more time at his place when we weren’t whispering to each other at my place in the middle of the night.
I hung out several times with Damon, but only when Vinh and Scarlett are around, and also only when Silas could be elsewhere. I know that it was fair ground between them when I made my choice, but I knew there’d still be some sort of tension between them.
I had my first real Christmas dinner this year with Silas and his family. Even Dylan came back briefly for the dinner and presents.
“You know, I’ve never seen him like this,” Dylan leaned in to tell me. We were sitting in the living room, sipping on warm apple cider while watching a christmas movie. The fireplace was on, although I found it ridiculous to need a fireplace in Southern California.
“Like he’s in love,” he answered with a grin, “And don’t worry. My parents like you. They’re just a little disappointed that he didn’t choose Pam, but I’m sure they’ll figure out that she’s a disgusting bitch.”
I gave him a surprised look, with a hint of confusion.
“She tried to have sex with me,” he shrugged, shuddering at the thought, and I had to hold back my look of amusement as Silas came back with my refill of apple cider.
My mom had to work that day, but she promised to make a nice meal for the holiday and asked if I would invite my boyfriend. That was when I had to explain to her that Damon was no longer my boyfriend. She demanded that I tell her the whole story and when I did, she scoffed and brushed it off because according to her, she had way more guys going after her when she was my age.
She fell in love with Silas in an instant because he offered to help wash the dishes first thing as he arrived. After that, she’s pretty much learned all his favorite foods that fell within her abilities. It’s safe to say that our fridge is stocked with eggs.
Pretty soon, it was time to get ready for school again, and I found it hard not to wonder how to deal with Pam once I see her at school. Nat had said that she had something planned for me, but how will I know how to defend myself when it comes up?
I decide to push the thought from my mind and instead focus on what to wear my first day back.
“Hey, Tammy,” I hear Scar call for me so I turn around. She jogs up to me with a book in her arms. “How was break?”
“Hey, Scar,” I give her a warm smile, “break was great. How was it for you? And where’s Vinh? Aren’t you two attached by the hips?”
“He’s in the bathroom. I told him to meet me at your locker,” she explains with a mild smile, “I slept for most of break so I couldn’t remember even if I tried.”
We laugh and continue to walk down the hall until I spot the principal, Mr. Higgins, in front of my locker. Next to him is the custodian, cutting my lock with a bolt cutter. I run up to them and see their eyes widen at the sight of me.
“Tam? This is your locker, right?” Mr. Higgins waits for my nod. “I’m sorry but I’ve received a call saying that you have a large amount of drugs in your locker.”
“W-What?” I stutter and try to keep my legs straight.
The lock gives in and breaks open. As the custodian pulls open the locker, I feel my heart leap out of my chest. I breathe heavily, panicked, as I stare at an empty locker, filled with books, but nothing else. The custodian searches the locker and Mr. Higgins tilts his head back and forth to look into it at different angles.
Finally, he finds nothing and turns to Higgins to shake his head.
“Tam, I should still take you to the office and have a talk with you. Please come with me.”
We walk silently to the front office, and as the warm air hits me inside, I spot in the seats outside his office. There, sitting beside each other, are Nat and Damon. Nat has a smug face on her, while Damon seems a bit uneasy, but relaxed for the most part.
Nat sees me and flashes me a devious smile.
I try not to think of the worst right now, but it kind of looks bad.
And things were just getting better…