I call a taxi to take me to the group home. I say I’m there visiting Collin to the lady at the front and she tells me he’s in the locker room probably because he’s about to go swimming. The idiots working here were unaware of what he had done. I walk there and find the jerk by a locker. I grab him by the neck and he flinches.
“Get off me man” he says.
“You think it’s fun to rape girls?! You think it’s fun to rape innocent girls and hurt them?!” I yell at him.
He stares at me with a smirk.
“You tried to rape my girlfriend you fucking piece of shitt!” I punch him in the face.
“You’re her man huh. I had fun with her all night. She was unconscious of course but I still had fu-” I swing before he can finish.
He hadn’t raped her, but while she was unconscious who knows what he had done.I punched him in the gut and he dropped to his knees. Then I punched him in the face a few more times. Okay about 20 more times. I dragged his almost unconscious ass to the pool and dip his head in until he realizes what’s happening.
“Don’t you ever in your fucking miserable life put your hands on my girlfriend. Don’t you ever rape or even try to another girl because if you ever do I’ll be here. And next time I’ll end your miserable life.” I told him.
I said all this while dipping his head in and out of the water. I left him coughing up blood by the pool and left. I called another taxi and it took me home. I thank Mason and Tristan for taking her home and they leave.
I walk upstairs to her room and see her curled up in a little ball crying. I climb into bed with her and wrap my arms around her.
“Lexie,” I say intertwining my hand with hers.
“I won’t hurt you ever. You didn’t deserve any of this and I’m sorry you have to deal with it, I’ll always be here if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or talk to.” I kissed her cheek.
“Peyton... I feel disgusting.. he”she started crying.
“He didn’t rape you, but he did touch you while you were unconscious” I continued, she cried even harder.
“I knew he had done something, I felt sick waking up,” She says through tears.
Hearing this makes me hold her tighter. I let her cry into my shirt. She felt disgusted with herself. She was in pain and she was hurting really badly. I sit up and take her hand so she sits up too. I look her in the eyes, hers are filled with tears. But right now I’m trying to hold back mine, I feel so useless.
“Lexie.. I think you are beautiful and strong. You make me smile and make me lose my mind over you. I beat the crap out of Collin. No man will ever get away with hurting you” I say her eyes widening when she hears that.
He deserved it. I kiss her on the cheek and take her in my arms again as she falls asleep. I held her all night. I had to get better I had to be able to protect her, that’s twice i’d failed at keeping her safe.
I woke up the next morning in my bed in Peyton’s house. He had his arms around me and was happily dreaming. His hair was in his face, he looked so cute sleeping. I turned over and hug him. It was Tuesday. I didn’t want to go to school, it’d be torture
“Hey beautiful” he said in his rough sleepy voice.
I tried smiling back but I couldn’t I was sad and I was hurt. Peyton moved me closer to him and hugged me tightly. I breathed deeply into his chest, I felt helpless and disgusting. I got up after a while to shower. I left Peyton in bed he kept smiling at me trying to make me smile or cheer up but it was barely working.
I sat on the toilet and cried a little. Why was my life so terrible? Why did everything happen to me? My head hurt so much I just wanted it all to end.I got off the toilet to brush my teeth, my toothbrush was in the cabinet behind the mirror. I open it and I see my answer.
One after another. I take one and drag it down my hip. Then I drag it across my wrist. I didn’t even feel it, everything just went black it was like being asleep.
“Lexie! Lexie! Please open your eyes! Lexie please! ”
I can hear his voice but I’m too busy being sucked into this pit if darkness to respond.
I’m in bed waiting for Lexie to come out the shower when I hear a loud thump. I immediately rush to the door of the bathroom and knock.
“Lexie is everything okay? What was that sound?” I ask, no reply.
“Lexie?” I ask
I pushed the door open and see her on the ground.
“Lexie! Lexie! Please open your eyes! Lexie please” I say as I take her into my arms.
She still had a heartbeat she hadn’t cut deep enough, I breathed in relief. I cleaned the blood pouring out of her cut and wrapped it. She had blood on her hip two I could see it through her pj’s.
I lifted her shirt up and almost cried at what I saw. She had cut the word “useless” on her hip going down. I cleaned her up and placed her on my bed. She’d be awake in a little while. I showered and dressed then waited for her to awaken. I couldn’t take her to a hospital, too many questions and they m,ight take her away again.
It hurt me to see her this way. It hurt me that she would do that to herself. I started thinking about a way to help as tears threaten to fall down my face the more I thought about it. She’d been abused and now the group home incident. I couldn’t even make her feel better. I took her hand in mine and kissed it.
“I’m sorry I’m terrible and can’t help you with anything” I apologized.
“Peyton you’re wrong, you do help me a lot. you’re not the problem here I am” I hear her say.
“Then w-why”?” My voice broke.
“Why did you do this to yourself, am I not good enough?” I ask
She turned away from me. I turned and looked her in the eyes, she cried, she hurt just like I did she was in pain and she couldn’t handle this.
“I’ll be better I promise I’ll"I start.
“Peyton, you’re perfect. You’re not the problem, I am. my whole existence is, pain just follows me. I don’t want to live anymore” she says.
I think she broke my heart.
I see Peyton’s facial expression change drastically. I hadn’t seen that look on him, but it resembled my face not too long ago. He let’s go of my hand and walks into the bathroom. When he comes out his wrist is bleeding.
“What did you do?” I ask, afraid.
“Lexie this isn’t new to me. I used to cut I went through some really bad depression, Mason stopped me. When you hurt I hurt too. When you tell me you don’t want to live it gives me less reason to stay here” he says.
Now my heart was broken.
I got up and walked over to him. I kissed him. I kissed him like I’d never kissed anyone before. He looked back at me in shock. Then he took my hand in his and kissed me back. Then he kissed my forehead.
“I don’t want you to end your life Lexie. You make me laugh, you understand me. I feel like a failure for not being able to protect you, damn it I’m supposed to protect you I’m your boyfriend” he says.
I gripped his hand tighter. Hegave himself so much responsibility even though we havent been together for long. Why would he do this to himself?
“You couldn’t have protected me Peyton. I don’t blame you. You protect me in other ways, you just saved my life again. You’re not a failure you’re my hero and I never wanna leave your side ” I say.
I didn’t know Peyton had dealt with depression, he seemed so perfect. How could someone so perfect go through something like that. What bugged me the most is that he used to self harm. I was so hurt and dealing with my crap that I forgot I had someone who cared about me. I was hurting him. And thats the last thing I wanted to do.