I’m home when a crying Lexie shows up at my door.
I hear the doorbell and immediately growl. Not like an animal but close to it. I wasn’t expecting anyone so I was really annoyed by the doorbell. I open up the door to find Lexie. I take her arm and lead her in. I had no idea why she was crying or why she came here. I hadn’t seen her cry since that day. But I wasn’t going to let her cry here like this, I needed to figure out what the hell happened.
Lexie and I became friends over the past few months. Well, we were friends before, but we’re much closer now. I knew a lot about her and I worried about her a lot. Her life hadn’t been easy and seeing her like this was pretty sad. She’d been doing well in the past few months. I sit with her on the couch.
“Lexie, what’s wrong?” I ask.
She doesn’t reply she only cried harder.
“Lexie please tell me what happened. Is it your dad? Collin? um, Peyton?” I ask.
She lifts her head up and looks at me with really red eyes.
“How could he?!I-I loved him.” she says breaking down again.
So this was about Peyton. I was actually stunned to hear that. I always knew she and Peyton really care about each other, but she said love. It was obvious she was heartbroken. Now, what had this idiot done? I only know him through Mason and he was a nutcase himself. Im sure Peyton was worse. I didn’t think he was bad enough to actually hurt Lexie. She was head over heels for him.
I knew Mason from childhood. I’m two years older than him but most of us went to the same school, there’s not a lot in our small town. Mason was always with Peyton though, that I remember. I hadn’t been around much in the past few years.
“Lexie please tell me what happened,” I ask her nicely.
I let her cry on my shoulder for a while I knew she was hurt. When she finally stopped she could barely get the words out.
“He- he cheated on me. At some party with fricken Brooke” she said trembling.
At that moment I kind of hated Peyton. He had hurt Lexie so badly, she was in soo much pain I thought she’d have a heart attack. I took her to my room and laid her on my bed and got her a blanket. She had walked here in a skirt and it was still a bit cold outside.
I got her water because I knew she’d be dehydrated from all the crying. She thanked me for the water and remained silent. She had this I think numb face now, her eyes looked tired and sad. it was terrible. Peyton knew all she’d gone through, I didn’t think he’d be capable of something like this. Isat on the bed and talked to her.
“Lexie..I know you’re hurting and this may seem bad now bu-“I start to say.
“No, all my life I’ve been hurting and Peyton, he just made all that pain feel like nothing and this pain feel like bricks landing on you,” she said.
“Lexie I need you to promise me something,” I say
She stares at me
“You have to promise me you won’t self-harm,” I say.
I’d seen the scar on her wrist a while ago, I didn’t remember seeing it the day i’d met her. I wait for her response and it takes a while but she nods. I let her fall asleep in my bed, I took the couch. It was fine I didn’t mind. She was too upset for me to take her home especially knowing Peyton was going to be there.
My phone goes off a few hours later and it’s Mason
Mason: Hey do you know where Peyton is? He’s not answering my texts.
Tristan: What are you worrying about Peyton for? Lexie’s the one who’s been here crying her eyes out.
Mason: Wait, what ?! What happened?
Tristan: Your buddy Peyton cheated on her and she’s taking it pretty hard.
Mason: Dude Peyton never went home! His sister Hailey called me asking for him but I havent
seen him either. I have a bad feeling about this, we need to find him. Who knows what he’ll do now.
Earlier I’d lost my girlfriend and now my sense of direction. I had no idea where I was. After Lexie left I just started wandering around thinking. Thinking what I could’ve possibly done to deserve this?
All I wanted was to make her happy and what did I do? I end up hurting her, I broke her fragile heart, I was just another jerk in her eyes, and I never wanted to be that. Why did I have to go to that stupid party?! I should’ve stayed home and taken care of her, I felt rain start to fall on me. I guess the sky was crying for me because I couldn’t even manage tears right now.
I found a big log thing from a fallen tree and sat under it. I was going to wait the rain out but then where was I going to go? I couldn’t go home, I didn’t want to be looked at and I didn’t want to see Lexie, I didn’t want to see her cry anymore. The wind was picking up and I put my arms inside my shirt, it was getting colder by the minute.
I made myself comfortable under the log and started thinking about Lexie. She wasn’t going to forgive me. There was nothing I could do to make her take me back. I’d lost her. Memories flashed through my mind as I laid on my side. I remembered the first group session she went to and how she had to hold my hand to get her story out. I remembered how she said she was only doing well because I was by her side.
I remembered how happy she got on valentines day, id given her this giant teddy bear with the voice recording in it. Every time she squeezed her she heard my voice saying a different compliment. I remembered and remembered and every memory cut me deep until I felt numb. A few tears ran down my face and I fell asleep after a while.
Damn it how was I going to tell Lexie that Peyton was missing. I know he broke her heart and she’s hurting but she still cares, she loved him, she said it herself. She woke again around midnight now I had to tell her.
“Lexie I have to tell you something,“I say.
She nodded for me to continue.
“Um, Peyton never went home today,” I say softly.
Her eyes got wider and she sat with her head in her hands and knees up to her chest. She looked like she was having trouble processing everything. Then I saw the tears come out of her eyes, poor thing.
“I don’t even know how to feel anymore. What if he’s hurt?” She says.
She grabbed her hair this time at the thought. Incredible after breaking her heart she still worried about him. I saw her try to get some words out but she couldn’t she started shaking and breathing really hard.
She wrapped her arms around herself as if to steady herself. She was having a panic attack.
“Lexie, Lexie” I took her hand in mine.
This was bad it was literally too much for her. She became short of breath and grabbed at her hair and I grabbed her wrists to stop her. I didn’t want her pulling her hair. She was getting paler and then she passed out. I caught her before she fell. Peyton was going to pay for this. Her body was reacting to the situation because she couldn’t deal with it, it was all too much. She couldn’t control her breathing, she’s probably never had a panic attack. It feels like you’re dying.
I decided to take her to a hospital just to make sure she was going to be okay. I was worried a lot now I thought she was going to have a heart attack or do something dumb. I drive her to the hospital, she’s passed out in the back seat. When we arrive I pick her up and carry her in. This was my friend and now twice I was saving her. It felt terrible honestly.
The nurse immediately finds a room for her. She was even more pale now than before. The doctor said basically what had happened was something traumatic must’ve triggered the panic attack. She couldnt handle it so her body shut down. My phone goes off.
Mason: I still can’t find him.
Tristan: I’m at hospital with lexie.
Mason: what? why? what happened?
Tristan: When I told her about Peyton she had a panic attack and then passed out. that son of a bitch is going to pay when I find him.
Mason: Damn it! I feel terrible she doesn’t deserve this. But Peyton neither. quit threatening him.
Tristan: If he cared about her this wouldn’t be happening.
The more I thought about it the more it pissed me off. Peyton was just another jock. Playing with the boys on the field and playing with the girls. He didn’t care about her. He cheated on her after knowing how damaged she was. He broke her heart and now she was in the hospital. Damn it Peyton!
The night was cold id slept in the forest. That’s great I deserve to get hypothermia and freeze out here, thought as I awakened to the silent forest, woods whatever this place was called. I thought about where I could go and then I remembered I had a buddy who lived not too far from the city. Just outside of it actually.
I found the road somehow and got a cab. The car driver commented on me smelling like id slept outside but I just shrugged it off. We arrive a bit away from the city. I paid the cab driver though he would’ve given me the ride for free since he was dying to get me out if his cab. I didn’t exactly smell great right now and being trapped in the backseat made me realize just how bad the smell was.
I walk down a road for a bit until I arrive at my friend’s place. He had a cabin out here because he hated the city. I was invited to crash here if I ever needed to. I knock on the door.
“Coming,” said a hungover voice.
Nate opened the door in his boxers, great.
“Dude put some clothes on,” I said doing a little handshake we came up with in summer camp.
“Dude, you reak, ” he said half laughing half covering his nose.
“Yeah sorry about that man, can I crash here for a while?” I asked.
“Yeah, sure now go shower,” he says pushing me towards it.
I shower and he throws some clothes at me. Glad we were the same size.
“Thanks,” I tell him.
We go to the living room which is stupid comfy and he brings me a beer and one for himself.
“What’s up, man? You look terrible and it’s been a while” he asks me.
“Yeah, it has,” I said ignoring his question.
“Tell me what happened man” I look up at him in. “I can tell, you look wrecked,” he says taking a gulp of his beer.
“My girlfriend,” I said staring down at mine.
Okay so I’m underage drinking again, honestly, nobody cares in this town.
“That’s right um, Lexie you told me about her last time we spoke. How are things with her?” He asks impatiently. he just wanted to get to the point.
“Terrible man, she left me. I broke her heart” I said.
Nate looked at me in worry. Then his eyebrows got close together and he frowned.
“Why did she leave? What did you do?” He asks.
"I was drunk at a party for the team and this girl grabbed me while I was drunk. I was so gone that I thought it was Lexi and we made out. Mason and I agreed not to tell her but the girl and her friend told her. I had to come clean, she ran away from me” I say.
He was stunned and looked at me in pity. He had a girlfriend once she wasn’t kind and smart just very obnoxious. But he still cared about her. Ever since they ended he doesn’t date much, he knew my pain. I’d dated a girl before too, she was just like his girl at the time.
“Dude she hates me, I broke her heart, I lost her” I said.
Nate placed his hand on my shoulder.
“I’ve never seen you cry before but it looks to me like she broke you” he told me the truth.
“You need to tell her the whole story” he continued “but not yet. Not until you can get yourself together dude” he says.
I smiled at him a small one, I was wrecked and I was hurt. He knew me well. I was worried about her most of all though. Where had she run off to? And was she okay? Was she self-harming? Was she eating? My mind was having all these thoughts and I decided I needed some sleep. But not before I called my mom’s job and left her a message.
In the message for my mom I asked her to make sure Lexie was eating, I figured id have to give her a few days before I talked to her.
Nate had two spare rooms so I stayed in one. All my worrying was taking a toll on me. I looked at myself in the mirror before I went to bed. I looked terrible. My phone was dead and I had no charger so now I was out of touch with everyone. I went downstairs and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. I’m 19 but it’s fine I was used to drinking. The beer had numbed me a bit, well numbed me more than I already was.