Two month’s later
Life had gotten worse. I went to school but I had no contact with Lexie. I had to keep away from her. I rode my bike from school to Nate’s house every day. My parents were fine with me staying there. They knew how hard it was to be in the city where I could run into Lexie. Hailey just stayed with my grandma on weekdays. They were also okay with Lexie staying with Tristan, she visited often my mom says.
I ate lunch every day with the guys, they messed around and laughed a lot like always but it was to kill the awkwardness. I was the awkwardness. I rejected every girl who spoke to me they were all trying to go out with me. I didn’t go to any parties I didn’t say much and I was angry all the time. I let Mason take control of the team because I clearly couldn’t. They were doing fine without me anyway.
As I sit with the boys I watch Lexie in the corner. She didn’t have a clear view of me so it was no problem. She ate with some girl with green ends in her hair. I had seen her before but she wasn’t very social. I was glad she found a friend but I was more concerned with if she ate. She did but small bites and she never finished. Almost all her food remained on her tray sadly. I wish she would actually finish what small things she ate.
She didn’t sit with me in any class. She refused to make contact even if it was passing the ball in gym. She hated me and I deserved it. I began drinking more often and I barely slept.
How could I sleep when I had lost her. I had cuts all down my arm, Nate doesn’t know and if he found out he’d probably kick my ass. His hate for Lexie would just grow though.
The worse I got the more he started to hate Lexie. If she was the cause of my sadness and agony he hated her that’s how he explained it to me anyways.
I tried getting Mason to help me get her back but he said it was best to leave the situation alone. It was hopeless. I got home today and sat on the bed in my room. I sat there and stared at my hands. My hands would never be able to hold her, wipe her tears, or hold her hand.
I got up after what seemed like hours of thinking. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried. I cried it all out then I took my blade and began. A cut for every day I was without her. 56 Days... the first one was the deepest for the pain I’d caused her. After the first one I got used to the pain more.
A few minutes later I couldn’t feel the first one anymore, everything just started getting darker but in the distance, I could hear a voice.
“Peyton, Peyton open up! Peyton?”
Lexie had been staying with me for a little more than two months now and I loved it. I got her to eat a bit more, but I knew she barely ate at school. We also we watched movies she talked to me about everything. I had already finished school so sadly I couldn’t go with her and watch out for her but she managed.
She had also made a new friend there which was great considering she wasn’t so social. They ate lunch together away from Peyton. As for my feelings for Lexie, they still existed but I didn’t let them out. Her getting better was more important.
I’d been invited to a party at my buddy’s house for his little brother’s team and I wanted to take Lexie along with me. It’d be chill not too much craziness.
“Hey, Lexie you wanna go somewhere with me?” I ask.
“Um sure? Where to? “She asks grinning.
“Well, there’s this-”
My phone interrupts me with a text.
Mason: Peyton tried to kill himself. He’s in the hospital. You have to bring Lexie we have to figure this out and help both of them. He doesn’t want to live without her and she doesn’t look too great either.
I pretended not to see the text and told my mind it was nothing. Would I bring Lexie to Peyton? NO WAY IN HELL. He had done too much, seeing him like this would only hurt her more.
I’m in the hospital with Mason due to Peyton. This is Lexie’s fault! The poor guy came home and cut himself too deep. It’s her fault she didn’t give him a chance to explain himself. Mason texted Tristan asking him to bring her here but it’s been 3hrs and still nothing. Peyton lost a lot of blood and passed out, thankfully he didn’t die. The doctor said he’d be out for a while.
While there I asked Mason about Peyton in school. I was doing my college stuff online so I didn’t get to be with him all day. here’s how our conversation went.
Me: Does he make any contact with her?
Mason: No she won’t go near him.
Me: Does he eat much?
Mason: Somewhat I can tell he’s always watching her making sure she’s eating.
Me: Did you know about him cutting?
Me: Okay whose this Tristan guy shes staying with?
Mason: A friend of ours, he actually saved her from Collin at the group home.
The last part I knew nothing of so I asked for more and learned the whole story. Apparently, at this group home, her roommate tried to rape her
and the next morning attempted to actually do it.
but this Tristan dude she’s staying with stopped him and carried her out.
It made sense now why she’d be staying with him, he was a friend and knew what she went through somewhat. My only issue now is that she wasn’t here. Mason didn’t text Lexie he texted Tristan and I had a bad feeling about this.
The nurse interrupts my thoughts to tell me Peyton’s up. I go in first then Mason. Since I brought him here I got a glimpse of what Peyton felt like. When he’d passed out he had blood all down his arm with many many cuts but the saddest part was his t-shirt. It was soaked in tears, he was hurting and it was killing him.
I walk in and I take a look at Peyton in the hospital bed. His arm had been bandaged up and he looked terrible honestly. His eyes were pretty red and his hair looked a mess. He turned his head away from me when I entered. I knew he was ashamed. He had been depressed once and would self-harm. He told me about it and Mason helped him through it but this was more serious. I don’t think Peyton had the will to live anymore.
I was pissed at his actions and even more pissed at Lexie but I did what any good friend would do. I walked over to the bed sat and hugged him. He was of course in shock. But he understood that I was worried about him and it hurt seeing him this way. He put his head in his hands shamefully.
“...I’m sorry man,” he said sadly.
“Peyton although I’m not exactly ecstatic with what you did I kinda get it. You love her but you cant keep blaming yourself. I know how you feel but now my job is to get her to come back to you..” I said.
He gave me a sad smile.
“That’s nice and all Nate but she hates me, she won’t come back,” he said sadly, his voice was hoarse.
Tristan invited me to a party. I wasn’t too sure about if I should go but he insisted he said it’d be a calm party. We’d go next Friday. It sounded fine, I needed some fun in my life he said. Tristan was really kind to me this past month.
I stayed with him and he’d have food ready for us every day when I got home, he’d make me laugh a lot and after our kiss well it wasn’t awkward anymore really. I liked being around him and just being home.His mom worked late and was okay with me staying there with him. I went to school but it was strange for me and even harder now that I was almost alone all the time.
I made no contact with Peyton. In fact, I avoided him I didn’t sit with him at lunch either but I could feel him watching me. I ate lunch with my new friend Becca she was pretty with gorgeous brown eyes and green tips at the end of her hair.
We had met in the bathroom a few weeks ago. Layla and Brooke were making fun of her calling her fat, in reality, she was very slim. She couldn’t reply at all she was just standing there taking it. I did something strange though, I grabbed her hand and walked out with her.
She thanked me afterward, kind of shocked. I felt bad for her they were bullying her, she was very antisocial and didn’t really have any friends. As I learned more about her I realized she was cool into the same music as me we both liked forensics and hated Layla and Brooke. She even knew about Peyton and I. Well no shock there the whole school knew, everyone knew. Thankfully she avoided the subject.
The next day Tristan asked me to stay home and take a day off. No way id refuse that. I texted Becca telling her id be home today. Tristan and I are in the attic, it was nice up there he had it set up all comfy with couches pillows and games and a mini-fridge. We started coming up here a few weeks ago, it was like his man cave He pulls out a scrabble board and we start. My first word is let, then his word is me. I smile little words always lead to larger words with him. I put down lamb and he puts down babe and chuckles. He has some giant word in his mind I just know it.
I put down “wassup” a few words later and he laughs.
“Hey that’s not a real word,” he says.
I laugh ” yes it is” I say.
“Well it is but that’s not how you spell it,” he says.
“Soo” I say.
He moves over on the couch and tickles me.
“Invalid word,” he says while tickling me.
I get away from him but he still has a hand trying to grab me. I take a step back and I end up tripping over a pillow. I fall backward and he’s trying to catch me but ends up falling with me. He falls on top of me and were face to face.
I feel the blush spread through my face as I see what position we’ve landed in. I try to get some words out but I cant. He moves slowly closer to me and he kisses me. I don’t pull away or push him away. I close my eyes and enjoy it. I can feel his lips making a smile through our kiss.
He moves his arms around so he’s gripping my hip with one hand and touching my face with the other. He softly caresses my skin, my eyes are still closed as I can’t believe what’s happening. He giggles softly at this one of those boy giggles. I feel him lean down again.
We kiss and this time I kiss back. Softly we kiss as he moves his hand down to take hold of mine. His grip on my hip gets tighter as the kiss deepens. Why were his kisses so filling? I was hungry for his lips, I craved them the way they craved me. They made me feel wanted. He stops too soon leaving me wanting more.
“You can open your eyes now,” he says giggling.
I open them and look at him he was still on top of me, I blushed and he noticed our position too. he gets up and lifts me up and sits me on the couch.
“Lexie,” he says taking my hand in his.
“Y-yes ” I reply.
He moves closer to me and looks at me with these eyes. His deep blue eyes they made me I don’t think I have a word for this emotion. I leaned in and kissed him. As our kiss continues he lifts me into his lap and plays with my hair. We stop to breathe and I hear him say something that shocks me.
“Lexie will you please be mine?” he says, asking me to be his.
Asking me was a big mistake. All those emotions from that day came back. I felt Peyton break my heart all over again and I felt the stabbing in my heart.I looked at Tristan and everything came out.
“Why would you want someone like me as your girlfriend? I don’t look like other girls. I don’t speak much, you saw what happened to me at that home” I said as tears ran down my face.
He looked hurt, the face he made when I said that was so sad. He pulled me in for a hug and he held me as I caught my breath. id said a lot and now I was panicking.
"youre so wrong" he finally said.
I look up at him in disbelief.
“You are the most beautiful girl in the world. You’ve been through a lot yeah but you’re strong. You’re still here, I swear to protect you to never hurt you or use you. Please, give me a chance," he asks.