We talked today on the phone. And boy it didn’t go well. We screamed and shouted at each other. You blamed me for ruining this relationship and I didn’t agree. It’s probably exactly what has happened, but I feel wronged. This is not me. But they say if someone says you have hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.
It hurt to know that you felt suffocated with me. How could you? We didn’t stay together, you were busy, you took out time for me, and you gave me everything without me asking. Still you say I was the one to suffocate you. I was happy no doubt, you going out of your way and making me happy and make me feel loved, but I didn’t force you. I didn’t ask for more. You told me one day not to expect from you, time and attention. I agreed to it, I shouldn’t have, yet I agreed because I wanted you in my life no matter the conditions.
In fact I feel I didn’t do much in this relationship, still you say I tortured you? It hurts me. Hurts me so much to hear all this coming from you.
I know you don’t mean any of it. It’s your anger. And you are as much hurt as I am from this break up. But you shouldn’t put all the blame on me. I loved you with everything I had. And God knows I still do.
Maybe, maybe you are right. I was a lot difficult to deal with. And I completely depended on you because for once I had someone to lean on to. You were such a happy and polite man. And you loved me so fiercely. All the plans we made of the future together. Best year of my life.
Until now. Everything has come to an end. The future is so blurred. I can’t see clearly and I am so confused.
I am scared. The ride’s over and now am scared. How stupid.
I keep listening to Calum Scott now a days. Man he makes me cry even more. I will send you his song. Irrespective of you talking to me or not. If I can write letters to you every day, why not send you songs too.
Songs really were the major connector between us didn’t it? Letting each other know our unspoken emotions with songs. That reminds me, I wrote a poem for you. Also, you remember I gave you a whole book of my poems as a gift? You liked reading my poems. Anyways, here it is.
Do you think I will ever stop loving you?
When old songs still remind me of you.
Every line holding a promise for the future,
A wish, a hope.
Holding memories in those melodies.
From the time i listened to it together.
Do you think I will ever stop missing you?
When every song you sent,
Remains still in my playlist,
And I don't want to skip them.
They remind me of a time,
We were deeply in love,
With no fights to hold us back.
Like every other night,
I will lay in my bed tonight,
Waiting for sleep to take me over to a place,
Where you still love me,
While singing these songs,
Songs of our love.
There it is.
It’s been two days and am already missing you badly. And I am so unsure of this future now. Our future too, if there ever is one. How much ever longer you stayed, I think I would still feel that it was too soon for you to leave.
It’s hard to accept this babe. Oh how I miss calling you that. I just don’t seem to stop crying. Nothing interests me anymore. Nothing takes my mind of you.
I know I don’t have to start now to forget you. I can wallow. But you know this feeling too. And it’s not good. And I want to get over it.
I miss you. So much.
Yours once upon a time,