Just the thought of her name sends shiver to my skin and I can’t help myself but curse her. I have planned on taking revenge. I hate her so much that I wanted her out of my system, out of my mind.
Three years. It has been three years and yet the wound is still fresh. I still feel the pain she caused me. Meeting her is one of the worst things that happened in my life and up until now, I still wonder why my brother has chosen her over me. She made me feel unloved, worthless that I had to leave, technically run away from home, from my brother who was my only source of hope, who was the only one that I got since both our parents died in a car accident.
But everything changed since he met Liz.
And I don’t think anyone would believe her story. She is so cunning that she made my brother believe all her lies, in all her stories that I don’t think will ever exist in reality but it did in her own world. In her fantasies that she turned into a reality.
How they met was extraordinary that it seemed like a fairy tale. You know the Cinderella- type of story? She was like a damsel in distress that needed a prince to rescue her and it was my brother who came at the right time. My brother was not just a prince charming, but a fairy godmother who gave in to all her every whim.
She said she couldn’t help but buy things that will make her happy because all her life, she was lonely, she could not afford anything special for her herself, she grew up poor with nothing in her pocket but since she got her job after finishing a vocational course and she was be able to buy bags and shoes, she felt freedom- the joy of being able to buy something for herself. Her being extravagant though made her indebted because of all her credit card obligations and to hide from them, she had to dye her hair in blonde to escape but before she could totally run away, she had to rob a random guy withdrawing his money from an Automated Teller Machine.
Some policemen came and saw the incident and she was accidentally shot by a bullet while she tried to escape, and the guy whom she robbed brought her to the hospital and ended up marrying her. Who would have thought that it would happen? No one in their right mind would do that. That man was no other than my brother and standing on his grave now, I just can’t help but blame Liz for everything. She has changed my brother that every night we would fight and hurt each other. He wanted to protect his damsel. He wanted to be the prince charming. I thought if I would continue living with them, the more that he would hate me for hating his wife that I left and I didn’t know that I’d come back seeing him six feet under the ground.
“Migz, is that you?” Today is my brother’s birthday. How could I be stupid enough to think that she will not visit my brother’s grave and not see her here? Well, she inherited all of my brother’s money. Why does she even care? I hate to see her face. I hate to see how her lips curved into a beautiful smile, her eyes glisten with joy. I hate it. I just hate it.
“It’s Miguel for you Liz.” I smirked and combed my hand through my hair. She should know that until now, she is not welcome, that even if she married my brother, to me, she is nothing, but a woman who has used her body to get what she wanted, marrying a guy five years older than her.
“Yeah. Miguel. I’m glad you came back. I tried everything to look for you and tell you about how Stanley was doing then but I couldn’t trace you. You blocked us in your Facebook account and changed your mobile number.”
“There is no use of telling me about the past. I have forgotten about it. I have been trying to forget about it. My brother chose you over me. That’s crazy but here I am, grieving for him. I thought I’d be able to just let it pass. I tried for three months but I couldn’t. This is your entire fault Liz. You have ruined us. You are just after your own good. You could have left. You could have just... ”
“Again, and again, I’m sorry Miguel. I don’t know how I can help you heal. I am trying to heal myself. I am... but.. I...”
The moment Liz started crying, there was a strong urge to touch her, to pull her in my arms and tell her that it’s going to be okay. I don’t know. Perhaps, she is really good at this; making men weak, making men want her. Making men want to protect her. Cunning. Very cunning.
“Liz, that won’t work. Stop crying.”
“I’m... I’m...I .. cant.. I cant... breathe...”
“Liz, wait, what happened? Liz!”
Liz is four months pregnant with my brother’s baby and watching her sleep in peace brings a mixture of joy. Perhaps because I know that the baby is safe. That inside her body is my brother’s child whom I can take care of. I might have left my brother but I have promised myself that I will not leave my nephew and once she gives birth, I will take her son and make her feel what I felt. Make her feel the pain, the loneliness. “No. Stanley. No. Not this time. No Stanley. No.” I was startled when from her peaceful sleep, she started crying and she sounded so scared of my brother. She sounded helpless.
“Liz... Liz, what’s wrong? Liz?” I was not able to control the urge to hold her hand and tried to wake her up but it was of no use. What could be happening to her?
“Please, please don’t take my baby away. No. Please. Don’t.”
“Liz, wake up. Liz, your baby is safe. Liz.”
“No... Stanley... No!!!”
“It’s gonna be okay Liz. Your baby is safe. Your baby is safe.” I pulled Liz close to me until finally she stopped crying and has gone back to her sleep.
What could have happened?
“Good morning Miguel. Thank you for bringing me to the hospital yesterday and sorry I was so tired and I just woke up but breakfast is ready. May I get in?”
I have been thinking about Liz since last night when we got home from the hospital. We were just silent on our way back. I’ve been meaning on asking her about her dream but opted not to. My heart is telling me to talk to her but my mind says otherwise. Who knows? This may just be part of another plot to trick me just like what she did to my older brother. “Sure. Please get in.”
“Hi! I don’t know what you like but back then I would see you eating a lot of bacons so here you go. Eat and tell me once you’re done so I can get back the tray.” I was taken aback with her smile. I don’t know what just happened but I feel that my heart has softened to her. I remembered her dream, that dream that made me want to take care of her and her baby.
“What did my brother do to you?” Where did that come from? My brother is the kindest person in the world. He is not capable of hurting anyone.
“Huh? Your brother? He... he.. he. Had loved me. He had loved me.”
“I saw scars and marks on your wrists in the hospital? Why do you have such?”
“Miguel, I have to go. Call me once you’re done. ”
“No. You won’t leave until you tell me.” I said in an authoritative voice and pulled her beside me. “Now tell me.”
She was hesitant at first but then...
“Your brother is lovable. Stanley is perfect. He has saved me from.. from my debts and even if we have met in an unexpected place, you know that we have loved each other right? But every time he found out that we’re having a baby.. he.. he would.... ask me to.. to abort. I was so down to the point of trying to take my own life.” Liz said in between sobs.
“He.. he had been possessive of me. He wanted nothing that could separate us and he thought having babies would mean distraction. He didn’t want a family. He didn’t... I’m sorry. I’m sorry Miguel. That night when... when he wanted to take this baby again, I... I fought for the life inside my body. I fought for the baby. I...I... took your brother’s life and saved this child. I didn’t want to lose another one. I’ve already lost four. I brought him in the hospital. I didn’t want him dead but...” Liz broke down in tears.
I don’t know what to do. I wanted to comfort her but at the same time, I hated her for taking my brother’s life. I also hated my brother for being so selfish. For allowing love to control him. Too much love brings no good. Love should bring healing, should bring joy and not things like this.
“Don’t worry. I’ve made up my mind. I’ll just give birth to my baby and surrender.”
Matthew 11:28-30 “... Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
My hand found its way to Liz’s hand as we left the church, both of us were smiling, both with renewed hearts after accepting Jesus in our hearts and surrendering our struggles, acknowledging that we can’t do anything without Him.
That day when Liz broke in tears and told me everything that my brother did, I had broken down the walls I built around myself. I have felt in my heart that I should be man enough to forgive her and to help her and my nephew start anew. At first I thought it was because of the guilt, the responsibility that I am the brother of the guy Liz married. I thought I just pity her but I was wrong.
Living with Liz every day has made me realized that I can’t imagine living a life without her. Now I know why my brother has loved her so much. She is capable of melting even the toughest and the strongest wall I have built. She got through me, without pretensions, without expecting anything in return.
And before she gave birth, I have finally accepted that I have fallen in love with the woman I have hated for so long
I don’t want your smile.
I hate what you make me feel
But I’m giving in.
Yes, I have given in and I don’t have regrets at all.
Just thinking about her name sends shivers to my skin.
I have loved her. I love her. And I will always love her. “Miguel, can we have ice cream?”
“Liz, its Migz to you.” I pulled her close to me and kissed her forehead.
“Yeah. Migz. Can we have ice cream please?” We both smiled and felt each other’s heartbeat. Hoping that by God’s grace, we will both walk in light and soon I’ll bring her to church and exchange our vows to forevermore.
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