I was in George’s place today, but today was different. Very different.
I followed George back to his apartment after work. It had been around seven thirty when we got back, and around ten at night when we finished watching a few episodes of a series on Netflix. I took a shower, and George went in after me. When he was gone, I had wanted to change into clothes but a part of me decided to forget about that and do what I’ve been wanting to do for a while. I put my towel away and climbed up to George’s bed, sitting at the edge completely naked as I waited for him to finish showering. I was flustered, my face was red, and from time to time I wanted to climb back down and get into clothes. I resisted the voice inside my head that was telling me a looked disgusting, and that what I wanted to do was a bad idea.
I reminded myself that this wasn’t about romance. I didn’t need a sexy pose, or some rose petals. This was about being comfortable in my own skin around George, and the sneering thought at the back of my mind was wrong.
I took in a deep breath, trying my best not to freak out and put on some clothes before George could see me naked. I was sitting on his bed, swinging my legs as I looked down on at the carpet from above. Sometimes I would feel bile rise in my throat, but I was able to stop myself from puking. Why was George taking so long in the bathroom? It was as if he knew I was sitting on his bed, butt-naked, and he didn’t want to look at me—
I shook my head, trying to get the thoughts out of my head. Don’t freak out. I told myself, gripping the skin of my thigh with enough force to make me wince. I suddenly felt like what I was doing was stupid, and all I wanted to do was climb down the bed and get into my night clothes before George could see me.
“Hey—” George said, pausing as I looked over at him. He blinked at me before looking away. “I’m sorry, were you changing?” he asked, running a hand through his wet hair. My heart was beating. He looked so nice with his hair slicked down around his face, and I envied the way he was completely confident with his body. George wasn’t a six-pack god or anything. He had a little belly fat and freckled skin, but I liked it, so it didn’t matter. George had his green towel wrapped around his torso and seemed to be deciding if he should head back to the bathroom, or if he should just turn and face the wall while he waited for me to change into my clothes.
“I wasn’t changing,” I said, bringing my feet up to the bed before hugging my knees to myself. I was starting to feel skittish. “I’m going to bed like this,” I explained, hoping that he would understand what I was trying to do. George looked up after a while. He was still having a hard time looking straight at me, so his eyes kept darting to the curtains at the side. My lips felt dry, so I licked them, wondering if he was nervous or if he just didn’t want to look at me.
“George, I’m not expecting anything special, if that’s what you’re worried about. I just want you to change and come and lie down with me like normal,” I said, hoping my voice wasn’t cracked and shaky. Maybe I sounded immature and demanding? I don’t know... I just really wanted things to go well. George finally looked at me properly. His eyes held mine and I watched him dry himself before hanging the towel on the hook nailed to the bathroom door. He walked over to the bunk bed, still naked, and a small smile took form on my lips. I took in deep breaths, playing with my fingers as I watched him take a hold of the ladder’s sides, before he started to climb up.
This was a lot easier when he was standing far away. I thought to myself as he got closer. Closing my eyes, I tried to calm down. The world wasn’t going to end. George saw me naked and I didn’t combust into ashes. What in the world was I still worried about, even?
My train of thought was interrupted when I felt cold hands on my shoulder. They didn’t stay there for too long. They glided to my face, and I felt the tip of fingers touching my lips lightly. I opened my eyes, looking up at George who was now giving me a lopsided smile.
“You’re nervous,” he said. It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.
I nodded. “Y-yeah,” I mumbled, looking down between us because his gaze was too intense, but I looked up again, not wanting to look at our genitals instead. I was naked in front of George. We were both naked.
“Hey,” George said, making me blink before focusing my full attention on him. His hands move to run down my back before moving to take a hold of my hands. “You look amazing, yeah?” George said, and I smiled, chuckling a bit before leaning into his chest.
“You think so?” I asked, my voice small and a little shaky. I think my whole body was shaking in some way. I really couldn’t say still, and despite my laughing, I was still very nervous.
“I know so,” George said, pulling me away from his chest before giving me a smile. I loved the way his eyes softened when he looked at me. He wasn’t lying just to make me happy. He meant it. He really meant it, and that made my stomach churn with emotion. I was happy, so happy that I started to feel my eyes water up.
“Oliver?” George asked, his voice filled with concern when I started sniffling. I groaned, cleaning my eyes with the base of my palm. “Are you alright?”
’Yeah,” I said, giving him a smile. “I was just — I don’t know — overwhelmed?” I said in a small laugh, and George nodded before pulling me into a hug. We stayed like that for a while before George pulled away to climb up the bed because his legs were getting tired and he might have tripped over at any second. I cuddled up to him as he pulled the covers over us, and a small hum vibrated in my chest as George pressed a kiss to my forehead. It was warm even though we were both naked, more maybe it was the heat from our breaths as we started kissing.
A moan left my lips when George pulled his lips away. “Is this fine?” he asked, reaching to move his hand from my chest to my back until his hand was sitting on my butt cheek. My face was hitting up, but I managed a ‘yes’ and a small nod. George hummed, kissing my forehead as he kept touching me. A little between my thighs but not too high up, my hips, my chest. All while he could stare at my skin. If felt odd, scary, yet exciting all at the same time. All the while I watched to see if my biggest fear would be realized, but he never pulled away in confusion or disgust. He didn’t look conflicted at all. His eyes had the same shine they had since he started touching me.
“Oliver,” George called, catching my attention. “If I—” he paused, his brows knitting into an awkward look. He seemed to be wondering if he should ask me something. I looked down at his hand, noticing how it was nesting between my legs but not high enough for me to freak out.
“I’m still a little conscious about there,” I said honestly, hoping that the information I was giving him was in line with what he was trying to ask me. “But you can touch me behind. I don’t mind that,” I explained, watching as George smiled again, kissing me on the lips a bit before moving his hand to the location I was more comfortable with.
“George,” I started, feeling my stomach tie up with knots as he kept touching me. His eyes flickered to meet mine, and I held his gaze before cuddling up to him more. We were pressed against each other now, and I didn’t care if it was a little uncomfortable and maybe scary to have him so close to me without clothes on. “I like you a lot. You know that, right?” I asked, watching as an expression I’ve seen a few times before ran through his eyes.
He opened his mouth, but he didn’t say anything. A sigh left his lips as he looked down, wrapping me up in his arms as our legs tried their best not to get tangled up with each other’s legs. “Do you love me though?” he asked, and I would have lodged out of the bed if we weren’t a human pretzel at the moment.
“It’s okay if you don’t. I guess I’m expecting too much,” he muttered, loosening his grip on me when he noticed I was a little shock and need some space. “I’ve liked you for a long time,” he admitted, staring at me as I stared back. “Since you started working at the store, but, you know, you liked someone else,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “And I never thought I really had a chance so I...” he trailed before sighing again. He didn’t seem to know how to express his feelings into words, and I could relate to that. I became a babbling mess whenever I had to tell George something important.
“Yeah,” I said, licking my lips. My face was warm, and I almost couldn’t get the next set out words out of my mouth. “I love you,” I said in a low voice, and the room went piercing silent apart from the sound of the creaking fan above. I stared at George who seemed to be holding his breath. My brow shot up when I noticed that he was blinking back. Did he want to cry?
“You’re not just saying that, right?” he asked, letting out a nervous chuckle as he reached out to rub his eyes. “Damn it, why am I crying?” he asked no one in particular as he let go of his eyes and smiled at me.
“I mean it,” I said, sucking in my bottom lip as I looked at him. He’s been the best thing that has ever happened to me in a long while. I’m not sure why I didn’t see him the way I do now months ago. He was a great person, with a patient soul and a big heart. I couldn’t ask for anything else in boyfriend.
He let out a little gasp, scooting closer before holding on to my face and leaning in for a kiss. He pushed his tongue against my lips, and I opened my mouth, kissing him with all the passion in my body. Our legs got tangled up again, and my hands were buried in his hair as George’s hands clawed my back. The kiss was hot, warm, and passionate. I loved kissing George, and I think I’m slowly starting to realize how deep my attraction and affection towards him were.
I loved him so much. It felt nice having my affection for him develop over time. It was easier to accept and less overwhelming than the fickle crushes I had for other people. It felt wonderful, and I hoped our relationship lasted. I couldn’t imagine myself without him.