We ate at a Pizza Hut just a little distance away from the trains. I wasn’t going back to the residence. I was spending the night with George today. Maxwell kept talking as he devoured food, and I kept sending Xander apologetic looks anytime he got teased by his boyfriend.
“You’re published now, aren’t you?” I asked, remembering that he had turned a few of his mother’s comic books into novels. He smiled at me, nodding his head as he sat up straight on his seat.
“Yeah, the books are doing really well—”
“Really well? Jesus Christ, Xander, they’re best sellers!” Maxwell said, cutting his boyfriend off. He was grinning from ear to ear. He seemed very proud of Xander, and it was nice to see that the two of them still had a very close relationship.
“Hey,” Maxwell said, turning his attention to George who was going through his phone. George blinked before looking straight at Maxwell who was giving him a big grin. “I don’t really know you, so I was wondering if we could talk for a bit,” Maxwell said, scooting further into the booth so that he was a lot closer to George. They were sitting across from each other, while I was sitting across from Xander. George rose a bow at the redhead. He looked confused, but still amused and curious. They started talking, and I couldn’t keep up with their conversation, so I turned my full attention to Xander.
“You know, anyone looking at you would think you still had a crush on Maxwell,” I whispered, resting my elbows on the table, and making sure that I didn’t touch any spilled ketchup as I leaned in. I smiled at my former roommate, watching as his face got a light pink color on his cheeks and nose as his green eyes darted about the place. You would have thought that finally getting with the person you liked would help the jumpy feeling you got in your stomach, but it looked like it had gotten ten times worse with Xander. I could relate, the feelings I had for George grew with the time we spent together.
“Well, Maxwell’s special.” A chuckle vibrated through my chest, and I had to hold my mouth not to draw attention for the tables around. Maxwell just sat there with a small frown on his face. I doubted that Xander meant to imply that Maxwell was special to him (because, of course, he was.) I felt he was referring to the fact that the dude wouldn’t stop teasing him — loudly — and in public. It was peculiar at times, but for the most part, it was endearing.
“So, you and George. How’s it going?” Xander asked, speaking up when I got my laughter under control. I bit down on my lip, turning the can of soda I had between my fingers as I thought of what to say.
I shrugged. “They’re great,” I said, watching as Xander stared at me.
“I don’t like Advik, Xander,” I said, irritation staining my tone. I get that he was trying to look out for me since I surprised him by telling him I no longer had feelings for Advik. I guess it was a quick transition, and Xander was still having a hard time understanding how I got over him so fast. Personally, I feel a big part of it was that I didn’t like Advik as much as I felt I did. I guess when I started falling for George, I started understanding what loving someone felt like, and those feelings weren’t like any of the ones I had for Advik. I had a crush on him. A huge crush. I was infatuated with him, but I didn’t love him.
“Okay,” Xander said, nodding his head before picking up a slice of pizza. When we were done eating Xander and Maxwell had to go back to the hall parking lot since Maxwell left his car there. I walked hand in hand with George, moving to snake my arm with his after a while as I listened to him go on about not wanting to go to work tomorrow. I didn’t mind. I loved listening to him talk. I loved everything about him.
Our relationship was young, but I could see us doing many things together. I wanted to move in with him someday, I wanted to meet his family, get that cat he had been talking about adopting — there were so many other minor things with him that would make stating the whole list take forever. My face warmed up when my mind wandered to sex. I was getting a lot more comfortable with George. Being naked around him wasn’t a problem anymore, and I let him touch me a lot more intimately than I had ever thought would be possible with my dysphoria.
I think while thinking about things I squeezed George’s arm a little too tightly because he paused what he was saying to look at me. I blinked, looking down at the floor as we continued to walk, and he never asked me why I had gripped him so hard.
On the train, we sat next to each other in silence, and when we got to his place, we still hadn’t said anything to each other. George did this weird thing where he just let me be or kept silent when he knew I was thinking over something. He knew I had something on my mind, and I wanted to share what it was with him, but anytime I opened my mouth my words just seemed to run away. Stay calm. I told myself, taking a deep breath as we walked into his room. George started taking his clothes off almost immediately, and I got the courage to say what was on my mind.
“Let’s go all the way today.” My voice had come out fast and choked, and I doubted the fact that George even heard me, but he stopped what he was doing, turning to me with wide eyes. I licked my lips, playing with the hem of my sweater. “I want us to go all the way today,” I explained, walking forward until I was standing right in front of him. “Please?” I asked, my voice small and a bit nervous. George looked down at me, still wide-eyed and shocked. It took a while, but he got over it and soon a smile was on his face instead. He brought his hands up, cupping my face before closing the distance between our lips. I closed my eyes, accepting his kiss as his hand moved to hold the small of my back.
He pulled away, still smiling. “After we shower,” he simply said, and I nodded, red-faced.
We took a shower together, it’s only something we’ve been doing for a few days, but I liked it. There was something about the way he touched me that made my skin feel hot even though we had a shower of water beating our skin as we kissed.
The burning sensation didn’t go away when we got out form the shower. Things just became hotter as dried our bodies and climbed up to the bed together. There was tension between us, and only a little space between us since George’s bed was so small. I took in a breath of air when George scooted closer, playing his hand on my bum as he gave my forehead small kisses.
“It’ll be alright.” Were the last words he said before moving to press up against me, kissing me all so hard that it took my breath away and couldn’t keep up with the pace at which he was touching and feeling me. I appreciated that he wasn’t giving me the chance to freak out, and it was nice only being able to only focus on the ripples of pleasure, and the light shivers I was getting.
A gasp left my lips when I felt a light pain. I stiffened up, shuddering as I continued to hold on to George as he stayed still. Our breaths were fanning each other’s faces, and I could hear my heart beating in my ears. It took a while to compute that he was inside me. That we had done it. That we were going all the way.
“Does it feel alright now?”
“Y-yeah,” I stuttered as my eyes filled up with tears. It seemed silly to be so happy about something so small to a lot of people, but it had taken me a long while to be this open with George. It was a step in the right direction in the journey of my self-acceptance, and I was happy I could share it with him. He started moving, and soon I had lost myself in the act. Just letting myself be wrapped in his senses. His smell, his touch — his everything. I held to him, and he held on to me, knowing deep down that I would never let him go.
The last year and a half had been chaotic and messy, but things were finally going my way, and I was going to hold on to everything good that had come my way within the last few months — the push for my career, my friends, and my boyfriend — everything. Starting now, I was deciding to write my own happiness.
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