Who We Are: College

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A Breakthrough

Kevin rose from his bed once again. He felt exhausted, he wasn’t sleeping well. For nearly the last month, Kevin was torn in a ruthless war: him vs himself. He hated it, not because of his personal conflict, but because he had pushed the most important person to him away. Edd was not talking to him, not even seeing him. For the last months… their lives were separate, again.

The last month had been a rather peculiar one to say the least. The cold fronts coming to a sudden halt, the ground warming consistently at a fast pace, days moving from 6° to 28°. People were getting sick, the city was going nuts – unable to take proper measures- and the whole surface was covered with moist and melting clumps of snow and puddles. Spring was just around the corner.

Kevin just couldn’t understand what was going on. Not with the weather, he couldn’t give a damn about the weather. He couldn’t understand what was this sensation, this…pain, that gnawed at him. He felt…different, incomplete. He felt… as if he wasn’t being himself. Why? Kevin kept remembering Edd’s last words.

<< What if i were gay?>>

Kevin sighed as he slouched on the edge of his bed. He was exhausted, he was… alone. He raised his gaze to the now empty bed of his roommate, their closet mostly empty since Lyon had taken a lot of his clothes and his stuff was each time he came back, less and less. Was he leaving him? Was everybody moving on with their lives? Except him. Stuck… he felt stuck. As if he couldn’t go anywhere, he couldn’t move on.

He stood up and moved to his roommate’s bed, passing a hand over the neatly folded sheets. Kevin smiled as he missed his friend, he would visit him today. He hated seeing her… but he needed… company. Kevin knew of what Lyon was doing… he was against it… but he also couldn’t. Kevin noticed a piece of paper on Lyon’s desk. The short moments Lyon came back, he was always just thinking and looking terribly worried. Recently, however he had come back much happier, as if he had accomplished something. Kevin understood why now, and he smiled.

1. Get her sober [DONE]

2. Make her smile [DONE]

3. Make her leave the apartment [DONE]

4. Give her an amazing day [DONE]

5. Make her paint again [DONE]

6. Get to know her

7. Fall in love…maybe

Kevin: Definetly like him

Kevin placed the sheet back in its place, the point seven was his favorite, it was written recently in his perfect and almost girly handwriting. He envied him, but he also admired him… he wished him the best.

Kevin sighed and moved to his bath. He had already missed his day’s classes, but he would not stay to sulk in his room. At least… not yet. As he began to undress he took a look back to his bedroom. Memories…

Edd sighed as he stretched his body, he had been sitting for a couple of hours now. He hadn’t made much progress…as usual. He hated it… as usual. For nearly a month he had worked his butt off to try and finish his project… with little success. He wasn’t surprised though, the human mind wasn’t called an “enigma” for no reason. It was also why he had gained so much fame and support. He had created and backed a theory, desired for years, on how to effectively and accurately determine our character and possible reactions under certain circumstances. He smiled every time he thought about it… the potential his project had towards human life. But he hated it… it was his burden.

As his phone vibrated Edd yelped, nearly falling backwards from his chair. He felt himself up, trying to find his device. As he managed to find it, under his coat, he saw the screen with a photo of Marie staring at him from the other side of a table, dreamy and love-struck. Edd smiled but quickly frowned. He… regretted ending things that way. Was she ok? He took the call.

Edd: Marie?

Marie: Hey!

Her tone was cheerful, a surprise to Edd, he had expected her to still be sulking about… what happened. Not that he thought she was weak or anything. But… well. He and Marie had a long, troublesome and passionate history. He had been her obsession (of sorts), she had sacrificed so much for him. Then again… she was a tough girl, life could hit her with as many blows it wanted and she’d be ok. She had to live the death of her mother, traveled the world alone, manage fame at a young age… she had lived a lot.

Marie: You aren’t hearing me again… aren’t you.

Edd: u-um, wha-wha. Come again?

A stressed and exasperated sigh comes from the other end of the call. He had spaced out again, lost in his own thoughts. Maybe it WAS actually his fault that they didn’t match up… that she felt their relationship… lacking.

Marie: Edd?

Edd: I’m here.

Marie: Holy fuck, again?! Are you busy?!

Edd: No, no, no I’m terribly sorry. I swear, i’m listening to you.

She was angry.

Marie: How are you? Are you ok? Did you become a walking computer?

Edd: That’s still not possible with current tech…

Marie: I’m killing you when I see you.

Edd laughed.

Marie: Dead seri…Hey!

Edd heard as Marie’s voice seemed to move away, her squeals and screams audible as she protested to somebody to give her her phone back. He was confused.

???: Waddup Double D.

Edd: Lyon?

Lyon: Aww, you can distinguish my voice.

Edd chuckled as he heard him separate the phone a bit, thumps audible as a small quarrel is heard, a squeal comes through the phone, followed by playful laughs and protests.

Lyon: Sorry about that, had to control a small kitten.

Edd couldn’t answer as everything was…so bizarre to him. Lyon and Marie…where they? No… but… really?

Lyon: So, listen up. We thought we’d ask you out to go eat.

Edd: Umm, don’t worry, I’m really…

Lyon: You’ve been in that damn lab of yours for nearly a month. You need your Vitamin D.

Edd chuckled, it was a nerdy comment even for him.

Edd: I know, I know but… I just… fit here.

Lyon: We make you feel weird?

Edd: No no no… I mean…

Lyon: This conversation is being recorded.

Edd laughed. He was an idiot.

Edd: Lyon, I just… really want to finish this project.

Lyon: Dude, we all have stuff we want to finish, but hanging out with friends is good too!

Edd: I… I don’t know… I mean…

Lyon: Is it about Kevin?

A scoff is heard from the other end, followed by squeals. It was most definitely weird for him to find Lyon and Marie being so close. Were they a couple? Them? Lyon was almost polarizing opposite to him…on most stuff at least. Still, he had to focus on the subject at hand.

Edd: No…well…

He doubted.

Lyon: Edd, come on, let’s all go out to it. Clear your head a bit, get some fresh air.

Edd sighed, it was probably for the best.

Edd: Fine…

Lyon: Excellent.

Marie: See you soon!

Edd chuckled as Marie chuckled back through the call, they… maybe they could patch things up. As friends.

As the call ended Lyon sighed, watching Marie sitting on top of him, staring into the black screen. She had a curling grin, but she was filled with doubt and worry.

Marie: Why didn’t…

Lyon: He’d have said no.

Marie sighed, facing him, her face frowning and Lyon frowned back. They were both worried, but… when Lyon found Kevin just slouching and sulking around in their dorm room, he knew something had happened. He had then told Marie, some bizarre reason inside of him demanding he shared more with her. It was a new feeling… something…not like desire. He remembered the last milestone he had written on his “plan”.

He had and had not lied to her since he started caring for her. Checking up on her, feeding her, cleaning her mess, it was all out of pity- something quite common in him. If someone he knew began to fall down a hole of despair or losing all purpose in life, he’d just barge into their life. He did so with Kevin last thanksgiving, meeting the wonderful Cul. But… this time, as he spent more time near her, he didn’t wish to just… help her… he wanted to know her. She was fascinating, an enigma, someone who seemed to live and move in a space between reality and her own world. She was… the happiest, giddiest, most interesting and amazing person he had met. And she always found a way to make him smile.

This tough, aggressive, feminine, sexy and cool girl had reached his “cold” heart (according to others). Maybe… maybe he’d actually settle down… stop fooling around. Maybe…yeah.

Marie kicked his knee, now slouching on the other arm of the sofa, Lyon groans.

Lyon: What?

Marie: You didn’t hear me!

Lyon: No, sorry.

Marie begins kicking him to which Lyon quickly moves, trying to dodge her firm and solid kicks at his abdomen, arms and some even aimed at his head and groin. He gets on top of her, pinning her arms down, straddling her. She shrieks and quickly begins to giggle as the initially aggressive reaction turns into horse play. They laugh.

Lyon: Ok, tough girl, what did you say?

Marie: I’ll never…

She shrieks as Lyon frees a single hand to tickle her.

Lyon: You sure?

Marie: I said you should’ve told him, you asshole!

The mood turns serious quickly as Lyon gets off her and off the couch, rubbing the back of his neck.

Lyon: I don’t know… i… They need to talk things out.

Marie: You treat them as if they were a cou…

Marie sighs after the epiphany.

Marie: Right…

Lyon: I supposed you KNEW, since you were…literally beside him DAY and NIGHT.

Marie: Oh, I’m not that…

Lyon simply stares at her at which she stares back, squinting her eyes in defiance. She soon flings a pillow at him, which he catches. They chuckle a bit.

Marie: So…what’s your plan.

Lyon: Dunno, make them talk. We’ll just be…the bridge… their common ground.

Marie sighs.

Marie: I hope it works.

Lyon: Yeah… me…

A pillow hits him on the back of his head as he saw out the window to the brownish-green the landscape had become as mud made itself common by the melting snow. He turns around at a Marie who had just cheered in silence at her success. She stares at him innocently and Lyon laughs as he slowly moves toward her. She shrieks and dashes away to the next sofa, throwing more pillows his way. They laugh as their usual horse playing makes them always get closer, learning and sharing.

Edd walked distracted down World Avenue. As he passed each shop, he didn’t turn to look at the inside, the menu’s special, the displays, anything. He simply sighed as he thought about his work, about his sudden self-conscious sexuality… and Kevin. He wasn’t…mad. He was… disappointed. He felt foolish, falling for his childhood tormenter. As far as he knew, it had all been nothing but a game for Kevin. Then again… that didn’t really make sense. Or was his mind making up everything that happened? His head hurt.

Edd bumped against a tall individual, lost in his own train of thought.

Edd and Kevin: Sorr…

As they both looked at who they had bumped with, they quickly averted their gaze in shame.

Kevin: H-hey Double D.

Edd: H-hi… Kevin.

Edd’s heart ached a bit at his presence, but he wouldn’t let him see it. He took a deep breath and put on a smile.

Edd: It’s quite a surprise to find you here.

Kevin: Why you say that? I’ve been fine, going out and stuff, just living life… you know, just being me.

Edd frowned, he could see through him. It was… endearing, but weird. Edd didn’t quite understand why Kevin was being so nervous.

Edd: Yeah…. Well, I’m glad to hear that.

Silence filled in.

Kevin: Umm, so…how have you been?

Edd: Well… a bit busy and tense.

Kevin: Stuck with your work again?

Edd: Is it that obvious?

Kevin: Nah, I just know you that well.

They both chuckle nervously, grimacing at the comment… it hit too close to home for both boys. Silence crept up on them once again.

Edd: So… what are you doing? Or… going?

Kevin: Oh, umm I talked with Lyon earlier. Been missing the asshole a bit since he isn’t coming back home for a while… thought I’d see him today.

Edd: Aww, that’s so… Wait, are you seeing him right now?!

Kevin: Why so surprised? It’s not like I care about him or I’m worried, pfft. I don’t care, it’s not like I’m lonely or anything. I just called him and we were going to meet here.

Kevin points at the sign over their head with the image of a Lobster with a Chef hat. It was a popular seafood restaurant, one he had eaten before with Marie and Eddy… and where he had also agreed to meet Lyon and Marie. Edd chuckled in surprise as he lifted a hand to his mouth, covering it.

Kevin: What?

Edd: Nothing, nothing… well… I also agreed to see him here… and… someone else.

Kevin: Someone else? Is he like trying to hook you up with someone?

Edd stares at him in disbelief.

Kevin: Don’t look at me like that. It makes me feel stupid.

Edd: Aww, I’m sorry, but no… as far as I know.

Edd stretched a hand toward Kevin’s cheek to comfort him, but he stopped himself, withdrawing it to his chest.

Edd: I think it’s actually… Marie.

Kevin scoffs and Edd giggles.

Edd: Seriously?

Kevin: I don’t like her!

Edd: Well, again, you’ll just have to.

Kevin: Like hell I’ll… AH!

Kevin turns around, anger in his eyes as he was about to pick a fight with whoever had just slapped the back of his head. However, he quickly bit his tongue and tried to stay in control as a smirking Lyon shook his head at him. They were late… and Edd could pretty much know why.

Lyon: Let me stop you right there you dumbass.

Marie: Sorry… i…

Edd: Took too long to get dressed, don’t worry.

Marie: that’s not fair! I don’t take too long!

Lyon and Edd: Right.

Marie punches Lyon on the arm who grimaces and quickly begins laughing as Marie pouts. It doesn’t last long as Marie smiles and extends a rather nervous hand at Edd.

Marie: Hey Edd.

She grins nervously as her gorgeous and chic style seemed always to be perfect for every occasion. Making things worse, nature seemed to love her as the sun shone on her usual exposed left side, a natural and stunning beauty. Edd chuckles and simply leans forward to give her a cordial hug. Marie however stops him, hands on his chest, her eyes closed.

Marie: No… sorry…

Edd quickly withdraws and grabs one of her hands, shaking it. He understood that much.

Edd: No… I’m sorry. Too soon I suppose.

Marie: Very, heh.

She begins to rub her arm, a nervous habit on her. She quickly giggles though as Lyon pokes her side and she replies rather feminine and girlishly at him with a swat. It was a big change on her…and it made Edd glad.

After saying “hi” to each other and a couple more teasing towards Marie’s inability to be on time- which Lyon firmly believed she had a profound hate toward being on time and always seemed to sabotage his attempts- and Kevin – as usual- the group proceeded to enter the restaurant. As Marie took Lyon’s arm, Edd smiled as he found them to be an actual couple. They… got along well, accepted each other, teased and joked each other about their flaws and bad habits (in a good way), seemed to support each other. Lyon… he gave Marie everything he couldn’t… at least that was his opinion.

Kevin: I can’t believe him.

Edd swerved his head in surprise as beside him walked Kevin. He had actually almost forgotten he had been invited with them… or was he the invited one? Kevin DID say HE had called Lyon, while HE himself had been called by Lyon. But, which happened first? As Edd’s mind drifted away in a question treading along “What came first, the chicken or the egg?” Kevin stared at him. He tugged at the tip of the beanie. Edd yelped in surprised as Kevin chuckled, he knew him well.

Edd: Don’t. Do. That.

Edd slapped his arm angrily as he pulled his beanie down in protest. Despite growing up, despite time, despite everything, he still had that pet peeve and habit. His beanie was and would always be his weak point. Kevin laughed at his weak slaps, but not letting him know.

Kevin: Sorry, you just tend to lose yourself in your own thoughts

Edd: Yeah… heard it’s a bad habit.

Edd frowned, actually hating himself for such a horrible thing. Kevin pushes him playfully, they were at their table and Edd simply looks at him skeptically. What was he thinking?

Together on the table, the couple, Kevin and Edd ordered their drinks and meal accordingly. Edd and Marie were the subject for a while as they both changed their minds a couple of times before choosing a plate. Kevin and Lyon simply exchanged glances and chuckles as they waited for the waiter to leave. Once he left, the teasing began as jokes and teases were fired between them as they all exchanged remarks. They were soon all laughing and interrupting, becoming noisy as they rose their voices over each other. They seemed like the best of friends. The subjects slowly moved between them, Lyon and Marie being the favorite topic… especially since they both said they were “friends” while still exchanging glances and snickering. Kevin and Edd didn’t believe them one bit.

However, the subject was dropped quite quickly when Kevin’s turn came around as he went monosyllable on most questions. It wasn’t surprising, though Edd and Marie were annoyed to a large extent and took a lot of Edd’s pressure and tolerance to make him talk… in protest, obviously. Kevin talked about his… boring days and schedule as he tried to… embellish his sulking. Kevin was… doing nothing besides training harder and barely paying attention in class as he usually overslept studying and… suffering from insomnia.

It was bizarre and surreal to Edd. Marie had managed to move on, Lyon had found someone to settle down with (according to stories of both boys and their “night outs”) and Kevin was… vulnerable? The world had gone insane for all Edd could understand. Yet… he couldn’t help but smile and look at them with weary and tired eyes. His mind worked itself back to his theories and work… still incomplete. It wasn’t that he wasn’t paying attention, his mind simply questioned how viable his proposition was.

Lyon: Edd?

A sudden kick on the leg which made him cringe and bend over the table quickly called him back, an annoyed Marie looking at him.

Edd: I’m terribly sorry.

Kevin: Dozing off as ever.

Edd: N-no it’s not that…I-It’s just…

Lyon: What? Some girl got under your skin?

Marie: Or something on your mind? Is it work again?

Kevin: Pro’lly nothin’, Double D spends his days in his lab.

Lyon and Marie: True…

The giggle as Edd has drifted away in his own thoughts once more, yet… he had heard the initial question “what’s new, Double D?”.

Lyon: Dude, Double D, we DO want to know…

Edd: I’m gay…

The group went mute silent quite suddenly as everyone stared at him. Shocked.

Kevin: What?

Edd: I mean…

Edd, feeling his cheeks burn up, drops his head, hiding his face as he mubbles.

Edd: I think I am… at least.

The abrupt screech of a chair being pushed startles him as Lyon had stood up and hugged him. Edd didn’t know what was happening as Marie, a bit teary eyed, simply smiled at him. He could read her… for the most part. Pain, anger, happiness, understanding… it was… as if everything now made sense to her. He couldn’t quite get it though… he simply… stated a fact. The doubt had crept on him for a long time, since he became his own test subject. However, if he would accept this… possibility of his sexuality as a true statement, then… he knew what his theory was missing. It was a relief.

The moment was short lived. A second screech startles them all as Kevin simply gets up and begins to storm out of the restaurant. Lyon grabs his arm firmly as Kevin slaps it off. They stare at each other: cold determination on Lyon’s eyes as he still held Edd with one arm and anger (eyes watery) in Kevin’s.

Marie: What the fuck is your problem?!

Marie was the one to raise her voice as she stands up and faces him. Kevin grits his teeth and proceeds to walk.

Edd: Kevin…

Marie: What’s his problem?

Lyon: Turmoil…

His voice was almost a mutter, one Marie caught and simply looked at Edd, she swallowed. Why? Edd felt confused, he WAS confused, yet… something in him wanted him to go after him.

Lyon: Come on, I’ll cancel his…

Edd: Let me go after him.

Marie drops her gaze and moves back to her seat, her face rather serious.

Lyon: Umm, dude, I don’t think it’ll make a difference. He’s… pretty stubborn you know?

Edd: So? I space out a lot… I think he’ll hear me out…

Lyon: Still… Edd…

Edd didn’t listen as he moved out of Lyon’s arm and ran after Kevin, forgetting his jacket.

Marie: It’s ok… let him…

Lyon sighs.

Lyon: Never thought he’d figure it out…

Marie: Yeah… kinda makes sense.

Her tone was regretful, hurt and Lyon caught on to it. He simply smiled as he moved behind her, hugging her. Marie gasps and then giggles, placing a hand over his on her middle section.

Marie: I’m okay.

Lyon: Tough girl… but…

Marie: I hate you can do that…

Lyon: What? I like watching.

Marie: Only watching?

She teases and Lyon giggles as he kisses her cheek, moving to his sit beside her once more.

Lyon: I know it hurts. It’s still… soon.

Marie drops her gaze, regret once again filling her as… their relationship was always treading a grey and awkward line since she… she still wasn’t ready. She at least knew the truth now… she had been right. Her worst fear. It hurt deep in her heart.

A soft hand is placed on her cheek and Marie opens her eyes, something moist was on her cheeks.

Marie: What?

Lyon: I don’t like it when you cry…

Marie: I’m not…

Lyon took out a handkerchief from his back pocket and had proceeded to wipe her cheeks. A gentleman… she felt worse. Lyon giggled as he stared at her and simply pulled her close in a tight embrace.

Lyon: I’m here.

Marie: I know…

Marie closes her eyes, taking a deep breath.

Marie: I know…

Kevin walked out into the chilly night, tugging at the collar of his jacket as he grit his teeth and fists inside his pockets. He wasn’t angry at anyone… not really. Just himself. He hated being… stuck. He felt stuck, not being able to move forward, nor even fall backwards. Then again, you can’t go back in life. He hated not being able to face his fears, to choke against them. He had been in much more pressure during basketball tournaments, never choked a shot, always fought to the last drop of sweat… yet, he couldn’t face this fear.

Edd: Kevin!

The cry behind him made him turn around, his anger loosening a bit. He could never be angry with him. He could lash out and say or be mean… but he always regretted it. He was an emotional individual… and he hated it. He kept walking.

Edd: K-kevin.

A falling noise and cry, followed by a groan made him turn around immediately as Edd got to his knees, shivering. Kevin ran to him.

Kevin: You dumbass, you’ll catch a cold.

Edd: Least of my worries.

He shivers, teeth clattering.

Edd: It’s really cold

Kevin: No shit…

Edd: Rude.

Kevin: You should go back.

Edd: Come back with me… tell me what got you so angry. Is it me?

Kevin: Dude, not now.

Edd: Yes now! You are my… friend, I’m worried. You’ve been weird ever since I said… THAT that day. Do you… hate me? Me being… gay?

Kevin: No, I just don’t want to talk about it.

Edd: WHY?!

His cry was distressed. Kevin looked at his friend in the eyes. They were truly pained and filled with worry. He was making him suffer, he hated himself for it. Kevin averted his gaze and simply helped him up.

Kevin: None of your business.

The words pierced Edd, a burning and searing pain. Kevin kept avoiding him, why?

Edd: Why are you so mean with me?

Kevin gritted his teeth as they slowly walked back, the cold body of Edd pressed at his side. A soft whimper catches Kevin’s ears. Edd shed a couple tears.

Kevin: Don’t do that.

Edd: Well, I’m terribly sorry but emotions are part of being human!

Kevin: they are stupid.

Edd: they make you who you are!

Kevin: No they don’t! They are stupid things that make us suffer!

Edd: That is only because you are stubborn and don’t express them! If you weren’t so afraid to admit what you feel, you’d be happier.

Kevin let go of Edd and simply stared at him, his eyes bewildered.

Edd: I-I’m sorry.

Kevin: happier? What I feel? Afraid? What the fuck do you know about any of that?! You are a nerd who stays all day away from people! Your only friends are us, you have never socialized in your life.

Edd: That’s not fair.

Kevin: Fair? You think it’s fair to sit by and watch everyone pass me by? You think that’s nice? To know I have no future? You’ve never had to worry about anything! You simply do and act as you please, as if everything is just an experiment. What are we to you? What am I to you? You think you can just play with my emotions, poke hear and there and see what happens?

Edd: Kevin…

Kevin: Shut up! You don’t know shit Edd, you don’t know what my life is. How my parents were, how I was raised. You feel bad because you never spent time with your parents? You have no idea the hell my home was. The shit they said and how they treated me or others. Ask Lyon how friendly my parents are. I wish I was as strong as you guys, to say what I feel. But I can’t, I just fucking can’t because I am too fucking afraid, because I know my family would kill me if I did. They’d just look at their queer and gay son with hate and disappointment, as if I was some sort of abomination. So you just shut up and don’t…

A loud slap echoes in the silent cold night as Edd, teary eyed shook his hand in pain as a teary eyed Kevin had been stripped from words.

Edd: I-I’m sorry… no. You know what… I’m not, Kevin. You have always bullied me and treated me like.. like.. trash. It’s not nice and I won’t let you do it again. Just-just to show you are a man?

Edd walked up to him, grabbing him from the jacket.

Edd: You are no idiot Kevin. You should not be afraid. You have friends and people who care for you. I care for you. I want you to be happy. We can help you… if you let us.

Kevin: You cant.

Edd: Well, I can damn try. I love you that much.

Kevin stared blankly, rosy cheek where he had been slapped, at Edd. They were both blushing, dumbfounded both at the sudden open declarations and heart to heart they had a few moments ago. Kevin broke the tense air with a laugh.

Edd: W-what?

Edd cried, crimson blush on his face as he let go of his friend.

Kevin: You cursed.

Edd looked at him in disbelief and began to laugh.

Edd: You… IDIOT!

The boys laughed for a while until Edd began to cough. His furry jacket placed over his shoulder.

Lyon: Now that was a heartwarming scene.

Marie: And weird.

Lyon and Marie stood out of the restaurant, Lyon’s hands on Edd’s shoulder- he had returned his jacket to him.

Kevin: H-how long.

Marie: Long enough.

Marie hugged Kevin, arms around his neck.

Kevin: Yo, what the…

Marie: I hate you. But… I guess we are friends.

She smiled, letting go of him, pushing him. The boys laugh as Lyon places an arm around Marie’s hips and motions everyone inside. Dinner was waiting.

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