(Ch. 18) Depression
I tried to open my eyes slowly making my vision to go blur due to the bright light in this room. I was hoping for a terrible headache but it wasn't that bad, my head was feeling a bit heavy but it was bearable. I adjusted my vision to the brightness of the room and opened my eyes.
I turned my head to see a man sleeping beside me. Not any man but Edan, my boss. My mind froze for a second on what was he doing here in my house and in my room? And how he got here? Before I could wake him up and question him, I turned around to see that I wasn't in my room but it was a large room painted in grey and brown colour. The bed on which I was lying was way too comfortable to be my own. My eyes widened as realization dawn on me. Then that means, it was... It was Edan's?
Oh my god! What happened yesterday? How did I get here?
I tried to get up but I was pinned down to the matress of the bed by Edan's arm. I gently lifted it and placed it beside his sleeping body. I got myself to sit straight. I turned my head to see a glass of water and some pills.
I guess that's why I was feeling well. But, did he take care of me? He does not seem like that kind of fellow to look after one.
I turned my head towards Edan. He was sleeping peacefully as a stray lock fell on his forehead. My eyes trailed from his eyes to his nose and then to his those thin lips, which were slightly parted as he was sleeping peacefully. Unknowingly my hand moved forward and brushed that stray lock. A smile on my lips and for some unknown reason, I was feeling good today.
What exactly happened yesterday? I tried to remember. I closed my eyes, trying my best to remember. I couldn't remember well, the memory was all blurry. Blurry visions of me going to club with my friends was coming in my mind. I was in the club and then... then, I think I saw someone. I went out, I think, and then someone came. But who? The face of that someone was not clear. "Who was he?" I tried my hard to remember who was he and then that face came flashing in my mind.
Suddenly all memories of last night came alive, those dragging by Den and then that hard brutal kiss, that slap and then saved by Edan. All memories were alive now. My breathing sped up as sweat beads started to form on my forehead.
"You're awake," a voice came and I jolted. I turned my head to see Edan smiling beside me.
"Y-Yes," I said quietly. I was still in shock and embarrassed as well. My actions yesterday were not of mine. I was never this irresponsible - not after that incident that broke me four years ago.
Why I drank last night? That was so so stupid of me. I should have acted strong rather than acting like an idiot. I now remember all the things, all the scenes that played last night. Me being dragged by Den, me getting saved by Edan and then the words which I said to Edan, how I stopped him from leaving me. Why I even stopped him? He must have taken me as some desperate woman. I was a complete idiot.
"Emma?" His voice called me but I was too embarrassed to look at him, in his eyes. He had seen a side of me which I had kept hidden from everyone. I have always acted strong and now I just made a huge mistake.
"Are you regretting your last night decision," he asked as he sat up but my eyes not looking at him. They were fixed on my hands resting in my lap.
"I... I am sorry," I replied. I was really sorry for troubling him this much. Although he helped me and saved me and I felt so safe around him but this was wrong, this all was wrong. I was thankful to him, I truly was but I can't allow my heart to do the same mistake it did four years ago. He acted all nice and caring last night and I felt happy. He saved me like a knight in shining armour, saved me from that beast. But these all are just stories, you just have to wait until these knights turn into beasts.
"Sorry? For what?" His voice getting angrier.
"You," I paused and composed myself. "You should have dropped me at my house, you shouldn't have brought me here,"
I didn't want to spend much time with him. It was highly inappropriate for a boss and his assistant to hang around and yet I had slept with him. Nothing happened but this was wrong. What will people say? They will think me like a whore who was after his money. I had read many stories about that, heard many gossips and I don't like how people point their fingers at others without knowing the real them.
"Why I wouldn't have? I couldn't just leave you alone. You were in a really bad condition and in no way, I was going to leave you alone. No way in hell!" His voice getting angrier and my heart just felt a bit happy hearing someone care for me but in the same moment a pain engulfed me. This was just an illusion made by my own mind.
He stood up from the bed and this time I looked at him. He started pacing around the room trying to calm his nerves down. His hands clenched and unclenched as he raked his hands in his thick black hair and muttered something under his breath.
"What is wrong with you Emma? Why couldn't you just trust me? Did I hurt you? Did I make you cry? Are you afraid of me? I couldn't seem to get you," he threw a fist in the air and then groaned. "The more I try to know you the more you back away. Damn it, Emma! Damn it! Why are you like this? I'm not trying to fuck you here. I'm just trying to be friends," his voice laced with anger, his eyes staring at me. "Can't you just give me a chance?"
He questioned and I bit my lip and sighed, not saying anything.
"Thanks for everything but I need to go," I simply said those words and nothing more. I couldn't just answer him. I was terrible at these friend type relationships with guys. Den always yelled at me that our relationship was not working because of me. Back at that time, whenever we would fight, he'd say I was to blame. At one time, he used to say I was his everything and then the other time, he hated me. I knew that for me love, happy endings don't exist at all, and I don't want to make other's life hell too. I could never find peace, never find love. They were all stories, but this is the reality. We have to face it.
Edan seemed a good person, a well-established independent person. He was every women's dream guy and he could get every girl he wants but I wasn't the one for him. I don't want to start from friendship and end it like the last time. Besides who would like to be with me. I don't want my cursed fate to destroy his too. I need to go.
All these thoughts made my head pound harder and all I wanted was to get out of here now. Those each and every single word said by Den were playing vividly in my mind.
"Hello, I am Den. Can I be your friend?"
"Can I call you Emy? It sounds cute."
"Emy, you look cute when you blush."
"Emy, you are beautiful."
"You are my everything. I love you."
"Emy, be my girlfriend."
His words were playing in my mind again and again, his smiling face right before my eyes.
No! Stop! I closed my eyes and tried to stop these memories coming to live again. It all started from this, a friendship and ended badly.
"I... I need to go, this was a big mistake," I whispered and tried to catch my fast breathing, "We can never be friends," I said and with that, I stood up ready to leave. But as I did, my head started spinning and my vision started to blur. My head pounding with an unbearable pain and then the room around me started to spin as I held onto the bedside table to steady myself. My body lose balance as everything went black.
I was hoping she might have given me a chance. I thought I had won her trust but I was wrong. It was true that I just wanted her for just one night, I know I just wanted to win this fight. I wanted to show her that she would also end up for me like every other women. But now I felt something that I hadn't felt before. I don't know what it was.
I was fuming with anger right now. Last night I thought we could start as friends but now she was regretting her decision.
Dammit! She was just so damn stubborn.
I was staring at her after yelling and was expecting an apology from her or something like 'I was kidding Edan' but no, I was so wrong. Instead, she said, "I need to go, this was a big mistake."
What the fucking crap!
She stood up ready to leave but remain there stood, her hand held the side table as her eyes started to roll back.
"Emma!" I shouted and ran towards her before she collapsed on the floor. I caught her but she was unconscious. I shook her, tapped her face but no, she didn't even move.
"Emma! Emma!" I called her but to no avail. The anger in me got replaced by a fear. I had never felt like this before, it felt like I was about to lose something most precious, most valuable, and, I didn't want to lose it.
"Emma, wake up," I sprayed some water on her face but she didn't even flinch. My heart was beating faster with an unkown fear. A fear which I never felt before.
I called the doctor and put her gently on the bed still holding her hand and calling her name. But she wasn't responding or even moving. Her breathing was low and her body felt cold. "Emma, please be okay," I whispered calling her name. I was so worried for her.
After about fifteen minutes, the doctor arrived finally. These fifteen minutes felt like a long day. A day of terror and fear.
"Here. " I directed the doctor towards the bed. He examined her and check on her blood pressure and pulse rate. He then opened her eyes and examined them by torch.
"What's wrong?" I asked as I was so worried about her.
"She's too weak and her health is not good too. I think there is something troubling her. Does she pass out often?" The doctor questioned and I didn't know what to answer. I don't know anything about Emma. I don't even know why she passed out or what was the reason behind it.
I don't know.
"Don't know." I shook my head as the doctor nodded, and started to think.
"The possible reason behind her sudden pass out could be some stress or she's thinking about something so deeply. She could have faced a trauma in past which is still affecting her. I think something has affected her mind really bad and this has affected her health too."
"Yes, something from her past. I am not sure as I haven't seen the patient's past medical records. But usually, sudden unconsciousness happens when you haven't rested well or haven't been eating well or it could be something that triggered the bad memories that made her pass out."
"Is it serious?" I questioned.
"Well, it can be, depending on how long this happens. If she remains continuously in that condition, I mean under continuous stress, then this might affect her brain as well. Depression, stress isn't a good thing if it lasts longer. It could cause your brain to malfunction," he explained.
"When will she wake up?"
"I think in a few hours. She should rest. I think she has been stressing about something quite lately. I'll give her some vitamins." The doctor said and prescribed some medicines. I gave him a nod and with that, he left. I looked at her sleeping stature. Her face pale and her breathing calm.
She had been working so hard on those projects that we wanted. I even told her to rest a bit but no, she didn't listen at all. I bet she had put all-nighters and worked really hard, and aside from that, I didn't know she had something else troubling her. She suffered from a lot, I guess, and I couldn't even understand her.
I sat beside Emma and held her hand as I looked at her sleeping. She looked so peaceful, so beautiful.
"What are you doing to me, Emma? Why are you making me feel strange? Why I feel like you are important to me? Why am I feeling these strange things? Why did I feel like my whole world is shattered to pieces just seeing you like this? What are you hiding from me?" I sighed as I gently kissed her on the forehead.
How was I going to find the answers to these questions? To whom should I talk. Was I ill or something? Why can't I seem to get her out of my mind?
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