(Ch. 21) Mistake
I don't know what just happened and how it happened. I couldn't seem to function at all. What was going on and why was it happening? This was so strange. This was not suppose to happen, this was suppose to never happen. Then why?
Edan had taken me by surprise and now his lips were on mine. My mind was blank, my heart was numb and my legs were shaking. This was nothing like the kisses that I shared with Den. This was damn different. It was a whole different feeling, a whole new thing and this was not good. I need to stop it.
I tried to push him away but he held me closer, his hand on my waist, his hold firm as his body pressing against mine. I need to break free. I thought as I applied some force on his chest but he didn't move a bit. My legs trembling making it hard for me to stand up and I was pretty sure if it wasn't for Edan holding me, I wouldn't be standing right now. He bit my lower lip and I tried my best not to moan. He asked me for the entry but I kept my mouth shut.
This all was wrong. But, why it felt different?
"Damn it, Emma! Kiss me." He whispered while parting away for milliseconds before his lips were on mine again.
He squeezed my butt and this made me gasped. He took this as an opportunity and gain entry into my mouth and there I couldn't control it. Closing my eyes, I kissed him back with a different emotion, a strange feeling. I could feel his smile against my lips. My hands moved towards his black hairs and I pulled them. I had never been kissed like this before. It was so amazing. I felt so amazing.
He drew back and started kissing my jawline, my ear while his one hand on my thigh and other on my waist.
"Say my name," Edan said before his lips were on mine again.
Say his name? No! I need to stop it.
I tried my best to stop this but my body not listening to me as my lips rolled his name on his own record.
"E-Edan," I whispered as my lips moving on its own. I had never felt this way before, even not during my first kiss. I felt like he had drugged me.
Damn it! What the hell! It's so damn wrong.
Edan drew back and rest his forehead on mine. We both panting heavily. My eyes staring into his ocean ones.
God! Why do I love them?
"E-Edan," I whispered trying to talk but he put his finger on my lips shushing me. He held my cheek gently and looked into my eyes. There was something different in them which I couldn't comprehend. It was a new feeling, some mysterious thing.
"That was the best kiss I ever had," he whispered, "you don't know from how long I wanted to do this. For how long I wanted to kiss those red lips," he said kissing my lips again as I inhaled a deep breath.
"Emma, You're mine and only mine." His eyes looking deeply in mine. "No one can have you. I mean it Emma. No one," he said. His grip getting stronger around me and I don't know why but I was loving this thing. The more I wanted to deny it, the more I was loving it. I loved that kiss. I loved how Edan made me feel.
Emma! Come back to your senses! You can't do this. You have to let it go. This was a mistake. A Big Mistake. He's a player and no way in hell he will ever fall in love with you. You're a nobody and he's a somebody. You're nothing Emma, nothing. Keep that in mind.
My conscience reminded me as I pushed Edan away and he looked at me with shocked eyes.
I can't have you. You can't have me.
"E-Emma?" He started.
"That was a mistake," I cut his sentence holding back my tears. His expression changed from surprised one to an angry one.
"That was a mistake? A mistake?" He scoffed in anger. "A mistake? Damn!" He balled his hand into a fist and bang it on the table making me flinch.
"How can you say that Emma? God!" he threw a fist in air, getting frustrated. "Emma! This was the best kiss I ever had, and now you're saying that it was a mistake. A DAMN Mistake! Damn it, Emma. Damn it." He yelled, his eyes getting angrier.
I knew I had hurt him, I knew this was wrong, I knew he was hurt but this all was for the best. I have to stop this before its too late, before I was deeply in love, before I fall for him hard.
"Look Edan. I-" I paused trying to come up with words. "I'm sorry. I.... just can't," I tried to explain to him as he stepped forward and held me by my shoulders. His eyes looking deeply in mine as if to search whether I was telling the truth or just a lie.
"Why? Why can't you? Why Emma? Can't you see I have feelings for you?" His voice getting a bit lower. "These damn feelings and they... they are getting stronger each day," his voice becoming a mere whisper.
My heart skipped a beat at his words and for a moment I wanted to try this whatever I was feeling. I wanted to say that I want to stay, I want to try. I want to feel new things with him. I want to explore my own feelings with him but, I was a coward, I was not strong. I was afraid that I might fall in love again.
His help, his care for me and how he rescued me from Den, made my heart grow soft for him. I started to like him a bit. He is a good guy and I know that but to turn that liking to love is something I didn't wish it to happen. I don't want to make his life a hell as well and I don't want to turn this liking to love. It'll only hurt me. It'll only hurt him. I will end up just like last time and this time, it will broke me till end.
"Please! I," my voice getting lower. "Edan! You deserve better. " With a last glance towards him, I went out of the office. I placed my hand over my mouth to muffle my cries. I didn't miss the hurt that was showing clearly in his eyes and this hurt me.
I'm sorry Edan, but I can't fall in love again... You don't know what I had been through Edan. You can't find what you're looking for, in me. I cannot make you happy.
I went straight to the washroom and cried all my emotions out.
"I'm so sorry Edan. So sorry. I just can't... I can't."
A mistake? A damn mistake? How could she say that? I had never felt this way before.
Emma why were you doing this to me? Why? From the first day, I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to make her mine but she rejected me, she played strong, acted strong and that made me want her more.
How could she do that? Now when my feelings were taking the lead, she called it a mistake. She was the only girl who got the nerve to reject me, and I was falling hard for her and I have to stop it.
I thought by kissing her, everything will be over but no damn! I was wrong, these feelings got even stronger and now I want more.
I want her... She was mine and only mine. Emma! I am going to get you. I am gonna make you fall for me. I'll get you and then you will be mine. I know there is something stopping you from falling for me and I am going to find it and crush it. And I may know the right person to talk about it.
I pulled out my phone and dialed the number. After three rings the person finally picked up.
"Hello, Mr. James?"
"It's me Edan," I replied.
"Oh yes. Edan! What can I do for you?" He sounded pleased.
"There is something I want to ask you about," I said as my mind playing her words. Her every word deeply hurting me.
"What you want to ask?" He inquired politely and by his voice, I can sense some fear.
"Not on the phone. I'll meet you in 2 hours. It's very important."
"Okay. I hope everything's fine." His voice laced with worry as I sighed assuring him everything was fine.
But for me, nothing was fine now.
"I'll see you then." With that, I hung up.
I went to my car and starting the engine, drove as fast as I could and after one hour of drive, I was in front of Emma's house. I knocked on the door and it got opened by Mrs. James.
"Edan! What a surprise?" She hugged me and I was glad. At least her parents were nice to me.
"Well, Mrs. James sorry for the disturbance," I started as she smiled. Her facial features, her smile, her grey eyes. They all were just like Emma.
My heart clenched on remembering Emma and her hurtful words.
"Call me Rebecca," her mom said with her smile as I simply nodded.
"Rebecca! I came here to meet Mr. James." I replied seriously.
"Everything okay?" She said worriedly and as I was going to assure her, I heard his voice.
"Edan you have arrived." I looked behind Rebecca to see Mr. James standing there.
"Come in dear." He said and I went in along with her. He led me to a small door that led to his office as I sat on the sofa while Mr. James and Rebecca sat on the couch in front of me.
"You said there was something important?" He asked and I nodded.
"I want to know about Emma's past." I came straight to the point as there was no use of beating about the bush. They looked at each other surprised then looked at me. "What happened?"
"The thing is I have. I-I have these strange feelings for Emma and I have told her. But she rejected me saying she's not good for me. She says she can't do that. I mean, she can't do what? I don't know what's her problem and why she behaves that way? I guessed there might be something troubling her so," I paused. "I came here. You're her parents and you know her. I thought that you could help me to win her heart." I told them the reason for me being here.
"My poor baby," her mother controlled her sobs by placing a hand on her mouth. "She still thinks that it's all her fault, James." She sobbed while Mr. James comforted her.
"What's her fault?" I questioned getting curious to know her past.
"Look Edan. We appreciate your feelings and we want Emma to be happy. We believe in you and we will support you. But, believe me, it's not our place to tell you that," he paused and sighed. "It's her," he said referring to Emma as I sighed.
"She won't tell me. Maybe you can give me some hint or something?" I pleaded.
I need to know. Even if it's little!
He thought for a minute and nodded, agreeing on telling me. "I'm going to tell you something but promise me you won't tell Emma about it."
"I promise," I assured him, ready to hear about her troubles.
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