(Ch. 32) All Messed Up
I couldn't put my mind at ease after hearing those words from his mouth as my mind was swirling with all those crazy thoughts and all those unanswered questions.
Was it really a dream? Or a reality? Did Edan confess to me? Or was it my mind playing tricks on me? If he did then why me? Out of all those beautiful girls why me?
I was not even that worthy...
I need to find answers to all these unspoken questions. I wanted to know why me? Out of all those girls, why me? Or was he just playing with me?
I looked at my watch as it was showing 6:00 am. I haven’t slept even for a bit. And how could I? Especially after hearing the most unexpected thing ever. But still, my heart beats fast by only remembering him.
Emma accept it that you like him.
Yes. I do like him.
No. You are in love...
Love? No! I can’t be in love. I just can’t... It’s impossible...
No! It’s possible Emma. Admit it you love him...
I don’t know. I was confused... I was afraid of falling in love again. What if I ended up again like that? What if he is only playing with me? What if I am only his time pass? What if?
What will I do then? I don’t think that I could afford another heartbreak. It will shatter me into pieces and this time I won’t be able to get up again. I want to know what that was all about. His confession? His words? His love? His care?
I need to know...
I picked up my phone and called Edan but he didn’t pick up. I tried almost 10 times but still no answer.
Where was he? Why wasn’t he picking up?
I looked at the time.
He must be sleeping, Emma. For God sake... It’s only 6:30 and moreover today is Sunday. So give up a little.
Why was he not answering me? I was going mad as hell right now. I was going to get crazy... Aah!
My head was pounding so badly, I want to talk to him. Changing into my jeans and putting on a coat, I decided to head towards his place to get those answers. I took my phone, my purse and went to the bus station. In the meanwhile, I kept on calling him but no answer.
Where the hell was he!
After half an hour drive, I entered the building and went to the elevator. I pressed the button for his penthouse and it opened on the top floor and my mind wondered how?
Wasn’t there any security?
The lift door opened and there was the answer to my question, Maria was standing there.
“Hello, dear.” She greeted me politely.
“Hi. Did you-”
“Yes. I opened it for you. I had seen you enter the building through the cameras.” She said politely, smiling at me. She was so nice.
“Do you know where is Edan? I want to ask him something really important.” I asked her politely.
“I think that sir is in his bedroom.”
“Oh! Thank you.” I smiled and headed towards his room. I opened it and peek inside. The lights were off and it was dark. I bit my lower lip and wondered.
Should I go in?
Well, why did you come here in the first place?
Deciding to go in, I opened the door wider and went in. I headed towards the king size bed, beside the bed was his phone which showed 20 missed calls and I bet they were all from me. I looked at Edan sleeping peacefully.
He was sleeping, half naked. His torso covered with the duvet. He looked so peaceful and cute. I touched his hair loving how soft they were. In an instant, my hand was caught by his before I could draw back and my eyes got wider. With other hand, Edan turned on the side lamp as I looked into his eyes. They looked so weary, so tired. It seemed that he hasn’t also slept from last night.
Was he thinking about me?
My heart started racing at once and my cheeks heat up by just this mere thought.
“I-I am s-sorry, for waking you up.” I averted my eyes and apologized. His hand still holding mine as he inter-crossed his fingers in mine and a chill ran down my spine.
“I wasn’t sleeping.” He said in a raspy voice.
“Are you okay?” By his voice, I knew he wasn’t fine as his eyes were clearly showing it.
“Yes. Just a little tired.” His hoarse voice proved it.
I placed my hand on his forehead and my doubt was right. He was suffering from fever and his horse voice proved that he had a sore throat as well. His face was pale as his breathing shallow.
“Edan! You are suffering from fever?” My voice filled with concern.
“No! I’m fine.” He lied still panting as he started coughing.
“Liar! You have a temperature. Have you taken any Advil?”
For God’s sake, he was not well but he was pretending that he was alright.
“I’m fine. I don’t need any.”
“Stay here.” I ran down the stairs to search for Maria.
“Have Edan eaten anything?” I asked politely.
“No, in fact, he hasn’t taken anything from last night. The master told me not to come in his room. He said he’ll call me when needed.” She said making me frown at his behavior.
He was sick but still, he was acting strong. He was acting like he don’t need anyone. Why doesn’t he care for himself? Why was he hurting himself? I felt bad for him.
“Is there any chicken soup?” I asked whilst looking through the kitchen cabinets.
“Yes! I think there is a packet in the lower shelf.”
I looked through them and there I found it. Now to find something to make the soup in it but where do I find it? There were at least 30 cabins in this kitchen and I don’t know where could I find a pot. I had been here just for once and I don’t know this kitchen well.
“Ma’am leave it. I’ll make it.” Maria said politely.
“Oh! Thanks for your help. Here you go.” I handed the packet to her.
“Is there any Advil?”
“Yeah, I think it’s in the master’s room.”
After it was done, I took the bowl of chicken soup in his room and placed it on the side table. I turned on the side lamp and looked at him.
“Edan? Are you awake?” I asked softly.
“Yes. I am,” he said with a hoarse voice.
“You should eat something. Here’s some soup. Sit up.”
“No, I don’t want to eat.” He turned his face on the other side.
“Edan! Stop acting like a child and eat it.” I ordered.
If he wants to get through his fever, he has to eat something and take medicine.
“I don’t want to.” He groan making me huff in anger.
Still being stubborn. Gosh, Edan!
“Edan, please you have to eat it or you won’t get through this fever.” I shook him gently.
“Edan, please for me.”
He turned his head and sit up finally. He was looking straight towards the wall in front. I placed the tray of the bowl on his lap and told him to start eating.
“Here you go.” I said.
“Feed me.” He whispered looking at me as my heart skipped a beat.
Did I hear it right? Feed him! No, I can’t.
“Edan, stop kidding and start eating your soup,” I said with my heart beating fast.
“Feed me or else I’m not eating.” He gave his final order and looked away.
“OK, I’ll call Maria. Wait.” I turned around to call Maria but my hand was caught by his warm one. My heart started racing as my cheeks warm up and my stomach made a flip.
"You feed me, Emma.” He said emphasizing on you and my eyes widen.
I can’t do that. My hands will start trembling and I won’t be able to hold the spoon. I will become nervous and might also break the bowl.
“No! Edan, please.” I pleaded so that he don’t force me too.
“OK! I’m not eating then.” He was being a jerk and I wanna groan in frustration.
Was he a baby or a kid!
Emma! Do it, for him.
“Fine.” I muttered surrendering. A smile crept across his lips and he pulled me closer gently. I held the spoon in my hand and start feeding him. All this time his eyes settled on me as I tried my best to control my trembling hand. After finishing the soup I gave him Advil.
“Now, you should take some rest. Sleep for some time.” I said softly.
“I can’t.” He whispered and I bit my inner cheek.
What did he mean he can’t?
“I haven’t been able to sleep since last night, since I dropped you at your house, ” he said looking in my eyes and I averted them.
“Emma! I can’t seem to get you out of my mind. You have haunted my mind.” He at once pulled me closer by holding my hand and I fell on him. He shifted to the other side and placed me beside him as my brain was trying to function this all.
What was he doing?
“Edan? What are-”
“Emma! Please. I cannot come to ease without having you around. If you want me to take rest then stay with me. Please, Emma.” He drew me closer and nuzzled in my hairs. His warm, strong arms encircled my tiny body. His warmth and cologne making me feel secure and my heart clenching.
The truth was Edan, it’s not me who brings you to ease but It’s you who makes me feel calm, who makes me feel secure, who makes me feel nervous, who makes me feel like I am special.
Edan, why are you making it difficult for me?
I am falling for you Edan. I’m falling in love with you and now I don’t know how to stop myself.
My feelings, my emotions were getting out of my control. I tried my best to not fall for him but I failed. My emotions were a mess now and all those questions making me confuse.
Why Edan? Why are you doing this to me? I don’t even know if you’re serious or not. I don’t know how will I stand another heartbreak.
“I love you, Emma.” Edan said nuzzling deeper into my hair and tightened his grip on me.
My heart started beating faster at the speed of 360. My cheeks warmed up as I felt heat radiating out of my body. It was the first time I had heard such thing from him and this time I wasn’t asleep, I was wide awake as my bottom lip quivered.
Edan! why you have fallen for this unlucky girl? Why me out of all? I cannot give you the happiness you deserve...I know in the end your life would be a hell too because of my cursed fate. You shouldn’t have let me in your life...
You shouldn’t have...
The tears escaped my eyes and I couldn’t do anything but to cry on my fate, on my past, for my love, and for my stubborn heart.
Who admits that it had fallen for someone and now I may once again end up shattered and this time I am afraid that my cursed fate might darken his too...