(Ch. 33) All I'm asking is More Time
I love you, Emma.
I love you.
I cannot come to ease without having you around.
I cannot get you out of mind.
Those words said by Edan kept on ringing in my mind. During that night when I stayed there, when he said those words. I thought it was a dream. A beautiful dream though...
But with that dream, it also became my greatest fear. I was afraid. I was afraid that what if it’ll become a reality? What if Edan really confesses to me? What will I do then? And that fear did become true. It became a reality.
A reality that no one could deny now. Not even me. No matter how hard I tried to forget him, how hard I tried to not think about him but in the end, I failed. Always ended up by remembering his heart twisting words, his breath-taking blue eyes and his million dollars smile. The way his one look makes me go weak in my knees, the way his every word made my heart beats faster.
I was confused now. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to even say.
Hell! I don’t even know how to react...
I don’t know how to face Edan after that. What if he asks me about my feelings for him? I don’t think I can answer that. My feelings for him were all messed up. It was a mess!
Oh God! Where I had gotten myself into?
Right now, I don’t even know in what kind of emotions I was entrapped...
I don’t know what to do now. Should I cry? Should I cry on my luck? Should I cry about my feelings? Or should I be angry?
Angry on Edan... Angry on him to make my heart ache again because of these feelings. After four years... After those heartbreaking years, I finally was able to move on with my life.
I vowed to myself, made a promise to myself not to fall for a guy again, not to get entrapped in the shit game of love. But here I was; again falling for a guy, again feeling those overwhelmed feelings which I once experienced four years ago. Now, I was getting tired of all these. I was getting tired of all these shitty feelings. I wanted to have a break from these feelings.
I don’t know what to do... I just want to cry...
When I woke up at noon, I found my bed empty. Looked like Emma left when I was still asleep. A wave of disappointment hit me. I was disappointed to see the side of the bed beside me empty. Today in the morning I again confessed my feelings to her. For the first time I confessed to her that night, it was an amazing night. We danced and for the first time I saw a hint of calmness and mixed emotions on her face.
I still remember her expression when we danced. At first, she was shocked but as soon as she was enveloped in my embrace, her muscles relaxed. She became calm and a wave of relief flooded through her face.
When she placed her head on my chest; I felt my muscles getting tense, my body becoming warm, my heart accelerated and when I saw her in that charity gala. I had to keep back the urge to kiss her senselessly.
My blood boiled at the thought of her with another man. At the stage during the auction, she was pretty nervous. She was caught off guard. I had never felt this strange feeling, never ever felt such thing in my entire life which I felt at that time. The time at which that old bastard Charles Brown tried to take Emma, at that time I knew that my feelings couldn’t be suppressed anymore.
No one has ever affected me like this. I had never given a damn about the women with whom I used to spend the nights and here I was caring for a woman. A woman who had taken my breath away. A woman whom I was afraid to let go, a woman whose mere presence makes my heart go wild. I tried to suppress my feelings, tried to hide them but I failed and in the end, I surrendered myself in front of my feelings.
Love! A strange word. A small but a strong word. A word with only four letters but its meaning greater than everything.
Love! I had never thought in my wildest dreams that one day I’ll be saying those words to a woman. To me, word love never existed. To me, to love someone looked really impossible. I thought I wouldn’t find love. I never thought that I would say I love you to anyone. I used to laugh at my friends when they would talk about their love life. To me, it was only a game. To fuck a girl and then leave her. In my dictionary, the word care and love never existed.
But then she came. She changed my life entirely. It’s true that at first, I just wanted to get in her pants and nothing more. I just wanted to show her that she is no different than other women, that she’ll end up for me like them. I wanted to show her that I was right, that I’ll win but instead she won.
In a month she got me wrapped up in her finger which I would have never imagined happening. My feelings for her took a turn and changed to something called love.
She just got me out of my control with at least no effort. I was still confused that how come I fell in love with a woman? How come I fell for a woman?
It sounded surreal but one thing was clear now. I loves the way she makes me feel, I loves the way she acts strong. No women in my entire life had challenged me like Emma. She was confident, even though she may be nervous from inside but from outside, she always proved herself as a challenger, a challenger ready to take any challenge.
She was an interesting person. She had different sides. At one time she is all feisty, and another time, a totally sweet and loving person, a kind and caring person and now I will be exploring her every side slowly and slowly.
She hasn’t said anything since I confessed to her. I don’t even know if she feels the same way or not. It’s okay if she doesn’t feel that way because no matter what, I wasn’t going to surrender. I was going to fight for her, for us. I was going to try my best to make her feel the same things.
I will teach her how to love. Even if I have to start it from the scratch. Maybe she had a bad experience in love, maybe she was afraid to fall for it again. But me being the stubborn jerk I am, I will make Emma experience such love which she’ll never forget. I’ll take her pain away, I’ll take her heartache away, I’ll make it sure that the only heartache she experience is of happiness.
I’ll make her mine, even if I have to take it slowly. I’ll make her believe in love, I’ll make her believe in herself, in us. I’ll take slow and steady steps and in the end, she will be my Emma.
The ring of my phone broke my trance. Without lookin’ the ID, I picked up.
“Yes. It’s me.” I replied curtly.
“I’m Lious.” A serious manly voice replied.
“Miss James’s bodyguard. You hired me.” He informed.
Aah... Lious. I remember.
“Any problem?” I asked seriously.
“Miss James had refused to take any security. She said she needs her own privacy and told me that she had talked to you about this. So, boss now I’m free. Where is my next duty?” He reported making me pinch my nose in frustration.
What the hell Emma? She said that? She is so darn stubborn... Why can’t she understand that it’s for her own safety? That woman...
“I’ll tell you later.” With that, I hung up and groaned in frustration.
I need to talk to Emma.
I groaned when I heard my phone rang. Without even glancing at the screen, I answered the call. Looks like while crying, I went in a deep sleep. Still remembering those blue eyes...
“Hello...” I said with a yawn.
“EMMA!” An angry voice startled me and I sat up straight on my bed on recognizing the voice.
Am I dreaming? Is it a dream? Or I’m dreaming of him?
“Emma! What have you done?” His voice still angry and I pinched my cheek and it hurts.
Nope! Not a dream.
“What?” My sleep just vanished and now I was fully awake.
“What did you say to Lious?” His voice furious as I bit my tongue.
Oh no, he knows...
“I-I...” I started but then stopped not knowing what to say.
“Emma! You know that it’s for your own safety.” Edan argued and I pursed my lips in a thin line.
I know it’s for my own safety. But still...
“I’m hiring Lious again.” He ordered making my mouth hung open.
“But Edan! I don’t need one. I-”
“That’s final Emma!” He snapped not even listening to me making me mad at him. My temper started to rise.
How could he? It’s my life. Who is he to do that?
“I hate you Edan. Hate you! You’re so...so...so...”
I grunted not knowing what to say and huffed in anger.
How could he?
“So handsome? So sexy? So hot?” Edan replied with a chuckle and my cheeks warmed up.
How his words affect me...
“Yay! Dream on. I hate you. How could you?” I frowned.
“Don’t worry Love. You will love me sooner or later till then remember it, I Love You and it’s for your own safety.” He said those three words again making my breathing abnormal.
Those words, they make my heart beat faster with mixed emotions, with something I can’t define.
Edan’s making it difficult for me...
Without saying anything further, I disconnected the call. I need to get rid of these stupid feelings. In the end, they will just hurt me. I don’t believe in these feelings.
Den also used to say those words every day. He also used to show me his love. I believed in him, I believed in love then but I ended up being a broken mess. I wasn’t able to get over it. But after 1 year, with the help of my parents, I was able to get up. I vowed to myself to never fall for this love games.
But... Emma! You know Edan is not like him. He cares for you in real. Accept it.
An inner voice of mine argued with me. Maybe he’s not like Den. Maybe he cares for me. Maybe he really loves me.
But still... It’s hard to believe. I have only known him for a month. I need more time to think about this. I need a break from this. I need more time. Time... That’s all I’m asking.
Right now, I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know.
I heard a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I replied. After thinking about him for a whole day, thinking about these stupid feelings of mine for a day. I decided in the end that I need time. I cannot give him any response yet...
“Emma? Are you okay? You haven’t eaten anything since morning. Are you ill?” Kate said as she sat on my bed.
“No, not at all. I’m alright. I’m feeling great. I kind of overslept and wasn’t in a mood to eat something but now I’m starving. So what you have made today?” I said trying to cheer up our mood little. I had just taken a shower, it really helped me to get a little relax and calm.
“I had made pot roast. But since Violet is coming for a sleepover, I’m going to order some pizza.”
“That’s great.” I smiled.
I heard our doorbell and looked like she was here.
“I think she’s here,” Kate said and went to open our door and I followed her. I was already in my PJ’s.
Violet hugged me. “How are you?”
“I’m great. You tell me. Everything’s okay with Kev?” I said while winking.
Violet and Kevin were together now. Its been a week now and I was glad that both of my friends had found the love of their life. Kate and Violet were both happy and I just hopes that they don’t have to face what I had faced.
Violet’s cheek warmed up and a deep red color crept on her cheeks.
“Well, I think there is something you haven’t told uussss....” Kate grinned.
“Definitely something... Hm?” I smiled and elbowed Violet gently.
“Okay. Okay. I’ll tell but first, can we eat something? I’m starvin’.” She complained as we laughed and went to the couch.
Kate ordered a large pizza with extra topping and after half an hour we got our pizza. We laughed, teased each other and cracked some jokes. I really enjoyed our girls time.
We decided to watch movies. After watching at least 3 movies. We decided to play a game. We were in mood for sleep. We all settled in playing truth and dare.
The first turn was mine. Great...
“So Emma, truth or dare?” They asked in unison.
“Truth. I’m not going to do any crazy dare of yours.”
It’s true. I know very well that what type of crazy dare they could give me. After all, they were my crazy girlfriends, the continuous chatterboxes and I love them as they are.
“Uuuh... Truth? We had planned a really good dare for you. Emma, choose dare.” Kate said and Violet nodded with a glint of mischief in her eyes.
I nodded a big no. I wasn’t going to go for a dare.
“Fine. Now answer this question truthfully.” Violet said with a smirk and my instincts warned me.
Oh, No. Emma! Looks like you are trapped.
“Do you” she paused for a minute looking straight into my eyes and I was having this strange feeling that something bad was gonna come.
“Do you like Mr. Wilton?” She asked smirking and my breath stuck up. My heart sped up as my cheeks started radiating heat out of them.
“I don’t know. I haven’t met him. He’s Edan’s father, right?” I tried to play innocent but deep down I was drowning in nervousness.
Oh god! Help me!
“No. Silly! I didn’t mean that. I mean do you like Edan?” Violet said while cocking an eyebrow.
“I’m pretty sure, the answer is no. A big NO. She hates him. She really hates his guts.” Kate replied for me and my muscles relaxed.
Thank God! You are a life saver Kate.
I sighed in relief but this relief didn’t last for more than 1 minute.
“I’m not asking you, Kai. Emma! tell me. I want a clear answer.” Violet smirked and looked at me waiting for my answer.
Hell!!! I don’t even know what to say. Damn it. Why I always end up being entrapped?
When I took more time to reply, Kate looked at me suspiciously.
“Emma? Answer? Oh my! I’m starting to think otherwise.” Kate said. Her eyes looking at me wide open as she drew closer and her mouth hung open.
“Exactly.” Violet crossed her arms and smiled showing her teeth.
“Emma? Answer the question truthfully.” Kate said.
My heart beating faster. My cheeks warming up. My hands started shaking.
What should I say? Should I tell them I hate him? But then that would be a lie. I don’t wanna lie but... What should I do?