Sara sat on the far side of the room, watching as her sister fell asleep with her head on their father’s hospital bed.
Two years, five months and twenty-one days: that’s how long her father had been dying.
He out-lived what the doctors expected, but to her it only seemed to drag out the pain, for all three of them.
It was coming, and she dreaded it.
Last month he had been confined to his bed, too sick to stand on his own. His oxygen machine now permanently helping him breath.
She wasn’t sure how Sam could be sleeping. The room was filled with noises: the beep on the heart rate monitor, the humming of the oxygen concentrater, the small puffs from the machine with each raspy breathe he took. It was the sound of the wet cough that bothered her most, even in his sleep his lungs were fighting.
She never wanted to die like this. She wanted a swift death, not slow and painful and drawn out. If she ever got cancer, she wouldn’t let herself get this far.
Sara pushed herself out of the uncomfortable chair that had been making her butt numb for the last four hours. Not that she cared, it was nothing compared to the numbing slowly spreading in her heart.
Softly closing the door behind her, she headed for the second floor.
In the back of her mind her heart protested as she turned left and not right at the top of the stairs. She was too numb to care about her heart, she needed to numb her mind, numb the pain that her heart seemed to be okay with.
She wasn’t surprised that a female’s scent was coming from her destination. Not that she cared what the reason was. She just wanted to stop thinking.
The door opened before she even knocked, a worried look on the face of the occupant.
“Princess,” he greeted her, just like every night. When she didn’t answer he sighed. “Not in a talking mood, I see.”
“Have I ever been?” It was a rhetorical question that they both knew the answer to. No, she never came to chat.
She stepped into the room when he stepped aside, letting her into his den. It smelled of him, the warm scent comforting her. The slight hint of the female didn’t bother her, it was clear she wasn’t here long, if in the room at all.
“You know why I came, Jay.” another rhetorical statement.
He sighed and moved to the chest at the foot of the bed, pulling the chain from his neck he unlocked and flipped the lid up.
“Ya know, it worries me that this is the only reason you visit me.” He reached into the trunk, pulling out a small bag of green capsules.
“You know it’s not.” She smirked, the Bane wasn’t she only thing she came here for.
“As much as I love pleasing you, Princess, I am worried about you.” She snatched the bag he held out to her. Without a pause, she retrieved on of the herb filled pills and popped in into her mouth.
“I come here to be with you, my best friend.” She said, moving closer to him, her hands softly connecting with his chest.
“You came to get high and get off.” He rolled his eyes, yet his arms circled her, pulling her flush against him.
“I came here because I need you.” She whimpered, tears coming to her eyes as she felt it coming, the rejection.
His warm hand cupped her cheek, dark eyes looking deep into her’s.
“I should have never let it go this far.” His thumb brushed her cheek. “I love you, Princess, and you know I will do anything for you.”
“I know, Jay, I love you too.” He only shook his head. He knew it wasn’t the same. He loved her in the way a male loves a female, she loved him the way a friend loves a friend. He doubted she even understood how he felt and he blamed himself for allowing his emotions to push him over the line of more than friends.
“Jay?” She asked as he drifted with his thoughts. When their eyes met she smiled, lifting herself onto her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his.
His body reacted, he knew what she wanted and dispite the moral debate he seemed to have every night, h knew he was going to give it to her.
He knew she didn’t return his feelings, but for now he would comfort her, help her through the pain in any way he could.
Sara sighed into the kiss, it was warm and familiar, just like the male that held her.
Deep down she knew it was wrong to ask this of him, it blurred their friendship in ways she didn’t want to think about. Jay was her best friend, they had known each other since before kindergarten. He had been there for everything, comforted her when she lost her mother, when her first boyfriend dumped her because she wouldn’t have sex with him. He knew everything about her.
He slowly lead her to the bed, cautiously stepping with her as she retreated back. When her knees hit the edge of the mattress she broke from the kiss before crawling onto the bed.
Jay gulped, slipping into the bed next to her. Molding his lips with her’s he layed her back, on the bed. He really wished this was more than the one-sided relationship that it was.
He slipped his had into her waistband, his hand curving to cup her before plunging a finger into her. She moaned, moving against him. He moved his thumb against her sweet spot, knowing exactly how she liked it.
Breaking the kiss, he pressed his eyes closed as he pleased her, focusing on only her. It was hard enough feeling her, hearing each gasp and moan she made, he couldn’t watch, it was too much. He knew she wanted comfort, not him, not a love.