She had searched for him for one hour or so, yet she could not have found him anywhere, not at the party as she had presumed he would have been there, thought she had not asked any of their friends. She then had gone to the few bars around the cottage and still had been no avail.
Desperate, she finally returned to the cabin where they were staying. She unlocked the main door and no one and not even a thing welcomed her. It was obvious Draven was not around the cabin.
She took a deep remorse sigh since she really did not know where or how to find him.
Had he gone back to the city and left her alone here? How to check if he really had gone? Would she ever have a chance to talk to him again? There were all the questions that crossed her minds as she was standing in the darkness of the room. But the most important question she asked to herself was, would he ever give her a chance to explain?
“Shit…” She muttered under her breath before she went to corner to switch on the light.
The room was scrupulously clean, polished though there were traces of his presence such as his scent, his laughter, his kisses, his seduction or were they only her imagination?
She took another deep breath and contemplated if she should check to his room.
Should I? She thought grimly as she was staring at the closed door of one of the rooms. What if I find out that he’s not there?
Flooded by emotions as chaotic as a stormy sky, Rainie took her steps to come closer to the room. Pausing, she looked apprehensively at the closed door and prayed that she was doing the right thing. Suddenly she felt peculiar, her heart racing for some moments before hesitated, she lifted her hand, ready to knock the door.
Suddenly the door was opened but not from the one she was just about to knock.
Instead it was the main door that swung opened.
Rainie swiveled around and then she was staring into his face, his dear, handsome face.
And he was staring at her, blankly. As though he did not know who she was. Or as though he did not want to know who she was? Had he really decided to wash his hands of her?
“Draven…” Her voice spoke his name eloquently. “I was just about to knock to your room.”
However it seemed Draven did not hear her. He did not reply as if he were in his own world and not standing, staring at her with those tantalizing beautiful eyes.
“Draven…” She breathed, could hardly get his name pass her dry lips. “Um, can we talk please? I need to…”
“Explain?” He said. His voice strangled and his blank expression vanished. “What’s to explain?”
Rainie was not aware her face had drained of color. She knew that she deserved this question from his lips and the way his cold reply, yet she needed to explain but she did not know how to begin.
She shook her head helplessly before she gathered every ounce of courage and told him huskily. “I know you don’t want to hear but, still I owe you…” She shrugged and smiled nervously. “I owe you an apology also.”
“You know, apologize is the lasting on my mind, Rainie.” He stated coldly, at the same time, he avoided her eyes as placed the card key on the nearest table.
Rainie clasped both her hands and felt her skin tightening in reaction of his statement. “Still, I need to apologize and explain to you about…” She paused temporarily. “About me and Jason.”
He breathed in a gritty undertone. “Like I said, what’s the need to explain?”
Rainie sighed, defeated. His response left her floundering. She gulped before she began to speak. “Still I need you to hear my explanation.”
A smile parted his lips. “Ah, of course you want to explain.” He said scornfully. “You’ll have at your disposal a very convincing explanation. Very good one, too. You really don’t care other people’s feeling and honestly, Rainie, I expect that you’ll explain to me that your ex fiancé, what shall it be? That he’s still in love you? A former lover that you’re still carrying a flame? Who knows? Since it was quite obvious you still have feeling for him. Your feeling revealed it when Chloe told us about Jason might break the engagement. And, Rainie, that night you didn’t deny or admit about your feeling…” He paused fractionally. “Tonight it showed.”
Rainie stared at him. Her eyes distended. She understood that he was livid, honestly she had foreseen his reaction but what she had envisaged was totally different when she was hearing it directly. He had judged her of being machinating heartless woman. “Draven, it’s not like that.” The word was scarcely audible.
“Isn’t it?” His eyebrows rose quizzically. “What else do you want to explain, Rain? The vision was quite…” He paused and for a moment his expressionless façade mask cracked, showing a brief of pain more than anger. But it was only a brief. Because when he blinked it had gone. “The vision was so clear.”
Rainie closed her eyes, solidify her emotion not to cry though teardrops already threatened to fall anytime. She needed him to listen even for one last time. She did not care if he would not accept it. At least she needed to tell him. And crying would not help at this point of time.
Then, Draven was looking straight at her. There was a trace of odd hesitant in his fathomless eyes, though eventually he gave a slight wary nod that might or might not have significant agreement. “Fine.” He said and took his steps to move closer to her. “Let’s hear it.”
Rainie nodded and motioned towards the sofa. “Can we sit down, please?” She muttered barely audible.
Draven did not reply though he did not object either as he was approaching the nearest sofa.
Rainie waited for him to take a seat before she began. “Draven…”
“Aren’t you going to sit down also?”
Her legs behaved like sticks, without the ability to bend though she forced herself to follow his suit. “Yes, sure.” She said and finally sat across him, just like a convict facing the judge. A deep inner quivered slivered through her frame. He skin heated as she forced her head up to encounter that intent tawny eyes.
“So, let’s hear it.”
“What happened between me and Jason, it wasn’t what you’re thinking…” She pressed her lips together, since she was unable to formulate the words, without showing off her feeling towards him. She inhaled a deep breath before she continued. “I was just about to push him when you came. I didn’t want him to kiss me. I despised what he’s done. I didn’t know how much you saw but I swore, I tried to stop him. He came to me when I needed to take my time alone.”
Draven locked his gaze with long intense look. His dazzling dark eyes scrutinized on her oblique face. “Why did he do that? How did he know that you’re there?”
“I don’t know.” She replied and breathed sharply. Her eyes flashed, showing the whirlpool of hell of her emotion. “And honestly, I didn’t care. All I know that I was confused.”
Draven nodded, though she did not really see if, he finally understood or not.
“He took an advantage while I was there.” She continued to explain. “I guess he thought, that there was still something going on between us. And when I said I didn’t want him anymore, he lost his control and started to pull me and kissed me.”
“Fuck!” An expletive broke from him.
Rainie winced. She had never heard him cursing like that. Before she admitted the truth. “You’re right, even Chloe is right, Jason is a conceited man. I was blind not to see it before, but I really see it. Though I’ve to see through that situation.” Rainie’s voice lashed like a whip. Thinking about herself wasting time and tears just being with him, really made her mad.
“Did he want to or have intention to come back to you?” He spelt out each word and demanded. As he kept his eyes bored into Rainie’s.
“Yes.” She honestly replied a little bit unsteady, her chin lifting. “He wanted to keep me also, apparently.” She gave a rueful smile.
“What a condescending bastard!” He murmured under his breath. Then he looked at her. There was something different now in his eyes. “Alright, now it’s clear about him…” He paused temporarily. “Is there anything more you want to say?”
“Well, now you’ve explained I want to know is there anything else you want to tell me?”
Rainie bit her lips, suddenly hating herself for her cowardice. Heck, since when she never had felt coward when he was around her?
“I…” She stammered. “I don’t think so.” She lied and stared at him helplessly.
“Correct me if I’m wrong but I’ve a gut a feeling that there is more you need to say.” Draven persisted grimly.
She wondered how to fob him off and made some lame excuse but she knew she needed to do this. For her own sake.
“I know that Jason was a mistake, coming here to attend was a mistake for me though I realized it too late. I shouldn’t have brought you into this scheme or scenario about avenging him by using you…”
“Using me?” The dark eyes were granite-hard. “I thought we have discussed it, Rainie. I agreed with this kind arrangement….”
“Yes but we just a little bit carried away, didn’t we?” Her eyes flashed and showed the whirlpool of hell of her emotion. “I mean, the gifts, the intimate moments we shared… they were wonderful, Draven but it’s not real… Once we leave this place, we’ll return to our lives…She paused taking her breath. “Our different lives in which we don’t fit in to each other….”
“That’s nonsense.” He interrupted icily. “And you know it.” He was looking straight at her yet she could not determine what he was thinking. “I thought we could get along very fine.”
“Draven, we want different things.” She argued miserably.
“What do you want, Rainie?” He asked, gradually standing up from the sofa before he was dropping down into athletic genuflected in front of her, holding her hands. “Do tell me what do you want from me. Because honestly, you haven’t told me what do you want from me… from us. Then after that we’ll see where this things between us go, hmmm?”
Her throat felt dry. Her brown eyes stared at him. For a moment no one was talking. However she needed to make it quick to end this. Rainie eventually averted her gaze and once she managed to avoid his charm or the warmth of his hands, she released his grip and stood up before she began to speak. “I don’t know what I want, Draven. But I know, just like you said earlier, and you’re right about it. I think we just end this tonight.”
Draven who had stood up also, now was standing in front of her. His body was very still, very controlled. “Then, why did you need to explain?”
“Because I don’t want you to misunderstand. You’ve been kind to me, Draven and you deserve my apology for the situation that I didn’t even expect it.”
“Yes, you’ve explained but I don’t need your apology. You know I don’t want that. I thought…” He stopped abruptly.
“What?” She asked faintly.
He waved an impatient hand. “Never mind. Not now. This is not about me. It’s about you. So what has put us back to square one? Is not about Jason, I know that now. I need to know what went so wrong so suddenly when you left me in the middle of your dance without even giving me the courtesy to explain about it?”
“I… I told you from the beginning that we’re different…”
“Stop saying that, Rainie. We both know that we’re not so different after all. I want you and you want me too.” He interrupted with magnificent arrogance.
Rainie took two steps away from him, and turned her back facing him now. She did want to hurt him, she told herself frantically, but at least it was only his pride and his ego that would dent a bit. But it was not as if he loved her or anything like that. In few weeks, a few days even, she would be replaced. He might even meet someone who could supplant his lost love.
She then ignored the blinding pain, that thought brought in its wake. Her voice was hollow as she finally said. “You know it’s not true. All I want this weekend. We had a great time.” She inhaled and turned her body around to face him again. “I admitted and like I said I got carried away, but beyond this weekend, I don’t want to do anything with you.”
His gaze sharpened, she knew her reply to his statement was not what he had hoped for.
And she hated it.
She hated to lie to him about her feeling. But he never said something that she needed to hear. She wanted him to say that he loved her, not just wanted her only.
“You don’t want to do anything with me…” He muttered softly. There was a trace of disappointment in his tone, but Rainie chose to ignore it.
And she immediately took off the earrings, unclasped the necklace and the bracelet that Draven had given her hours ago. “I don’t deserve these.” She said and her hand was trembling when she stretched out all the beautiful sparkling jewelries in her palm.
For a moment he only stared at her then to her palm blankly. “What do you want me to do with them?” He asked finally.
“I… I don’t know…”
Draven still looked at her and now she saw anger coloring the clear dark eyes. It was in his voice when he spoke, the tone grim. “Seriously, what the hell you want me to do with those things? Can you just say ‘thank you’ and accept them, like any women…” he paused then shook his head. “No, of course not… you’re not like any woman, right Rainie?” He asked then he continued when she did not answer him. “I don’t know what the hell has been playing in your mind. Broken hearted, any woman or anyone can have it, it’s just a matter of how you get up and replace it. A lot of people can get through this but you’re selfish for not letting other people helps you. I’ve been there done that. And I don’t want you to be like me. But no one can change your mind unless you want to change.”
“Draven,” It was a strangled sound. “Please, just take them. I couldn’t have these things. I don’t deserve them.”
There was an unnerving silence vibrating with frightening intensity and for one awful moment was close to begging him to say what she wanted him to say, to admitting she had fallen for him more than she had thought possible, that he was everything she had ever wanted in a man. A dread halted her. She had this feeling before. It was like déjà vu when Jason had walked out from her life. She did not want the same turbulent of emotion like before.
“You keep them.” He said tonelessly. “Keep them as your reminder how precious you’re actually in someone eyes, but even the brightest diamonds could not make you see how precious you are, then there’s no point that I insist to tell you otherwise.”
Rainie squeezed her palm tightly. “Draven…”
“We’ll go early tomorrow back to the city.”
“Draven, you don’t have to return to the city with me, I can…”
“For fuck’s sake, Rainie. For once just do and don’t fight.” He said angrily then turned on his heel and strode across to his room door, opening it without looking back and slammed it.
Rainie was still standing still in the middle of the room and she knew the moment he had slammed that door, she finally succeeded and anticipated the anger, though the pain she was experiencing now was really excruciating more than she had thought so.
It’s for the best for your heart, Rainie. It’s better now than later on. He doesn’t love you. He won’t stay for forever for you. This time if you let him to be in your life, would be worse than when you broke up with Jason…
And with that determine thoughts she retreated to her room with a tears started falling down from her eyes.