‘Draven is in love with you…. Draven is in love with you….’
Chloe’s those six words repeated in her head when she had changed to her pajamas and now was crawling into bed. It was obvious that her equilibrium was still unstable. It had been unstable since the moment Chloe had mentioned opened her mouth and informed her few hours ago.
Is he really in love with me?
Rainie shook her head.
No it can’t be. Draven can’t be in love with me. Could a virile and magnetic man like him fall in love with insignificant girl like me. Well, yes, he might like me… but not love. Rainie told herself for the umpteenth time as she snuggled under the crisp duvet.
‘A man who cares about his woman, won’t do such a thing. He wouldn’t ignore her. He would fight for her no matter what. Sometimes being away like Draven does right now, it’s to give you time to think what you want. It doesn’t mean he would give up on you.’
Rainie pulled the duvet up round her ears and determinedly shut her eyes. Though it did not help the jumbled maelstrom of her thoughts about what Chloe had said and particularly about Draven.
Suddenly she felt emotionally and mentally exhausted thinking about endless post mortems of every word spoken in Draven’s voice and every nuance in his gesture.
And he was perfect. Not because of his look and his wealth. It was beyond those two things. He was perfect man who understood her. He understood the feeling of losing a person. And in his case, it was worse. He had lost a person he had loved by suicide.
Rainie tossed the duvet and rose up from her bed. Another speech and advice that had come from Chloe struck her and in which created her for being like a fool more than she had been all this time of her life.
‘I bet for my last breath that he just wanted you to come to him this time. He’s been the one who came to you either for rescuing your pride sake or just simply asking you to have dinner. Why don’t you take a turn?’
Should she really be the one to make the move?
She leered her eyes to the clock on her night table. It showed nine thirty in the evening.
She musing for some time at the edge of her bed, trying to work out exactly what she supposed to say to him but nothing remarkably brilliant word could form in her head.
Should I call him at this time? She pondered. Her lips parted as she slowly exhaled.
She wanted to talk to him. She knew very well that Draven had avoided her and perhaps there was an element of truth of what Chloe had said earlier.
It was her turn to talk to him. And really talk to him not just some lame excuse just like the last time at the cottage before they had parted.
A shadow fell across her pretty face. But what if he no longer wanted her? And all Chloe had said only been her assumption?
Yet a temptation to find out orbited endlessly in her mind. Her stomach churned. It was not just a question of whether Draven wanted her still. It was also the question of whether she really should go and confront him that. She needed to talk to him. She wanted to know the truth.
Gathering her strength, she searched Draven’s number on her mobile phone. Her heart thumped so hard it hurt when it started to ring and each ring seemed like a forever but then his voice, intense and smoky rich came over the line.
It was a recorded message.
‘This is Draven Knight, sorry I can’t take the call right now, please leave the message. Thank you.’
For a moment, Rainie’s voice froze, then she forced herself speak though her voice sounded strangulated. “Hi, Draven, it’s…It’s Rainie here. I need to talk to you. I just want to say…Umm… I just want to say I’m sorry. And can you please forgive me? I understand if you can’t and you have the right.” She took a deep breath. Her heart was thumping like a hammer. She then retraced incoherently. “I mean, I hope you still give me one more chance to apologize and…”
The beep told her that her time was up and she stared at her mobile phone stupidly before she put it aside on her side table.
Rainie screwed her eyes shut in mortification.
Shit, she had sound like a demented halfwit speaking like that on the recorded message. Would he get the message soon? And what if he chose to ignore it.
Well, I would. She thoughts as her eyes kept on staring at her mobile phone, half hoping that he would call and end her tormented misery heart with one shot of answer.
But her mobile phone did not ring.
Hell with it. I’m going to his place!
She stood up from her bed and paced to her wardrobe. She changed her pajamas into dark jeans and maroon color sweater. She then inspected herself in the mirror and was not really satisfied with what she saw, she retreated to her wardrobe and picked her lucky beige color shawl.
Once again she saw her reflection in the mirror and now somehow she gained the confidence.
“I hope it works its charm.” She pulled a face at herself and turned away to take her mobile phone and put it inside her bag as it was very important right now, just in case Draven would call.
She then collected her black winter coat and walked out from her apartment, without making so much noise.
Rainie rammed the lift button hurriedly because did want Chloe to know though eventually she would find out, yet at least for now, Rainie did not need to explain anything to her.
The winter blowing wind welcomed her once she was outside her apartment building. For a moment hesitation returned. But she willed her heart. She had to see him.
Sighing she took her steps forwards. It should not be difficult to flag down the taxi at this time. The difficult part was to come to his place knowing that she did not know what to do.
A yellow taxi came towards her as stood on the roadside. Rainie hailed down, waving not so eager though it seemed her hand did it automatically.
“Where would like to go miss?” A taxi driver, in his late fifties stared at her from mirror.
“Forty-two Lex avenue please.” Rainie replied briefly and being answered by a small nod before the taxi driver started to maneuver the wheel.
She felt the evening shadows were long and a soft scented darkness enveloped the world outside the taxi. The road was not so busy with traffic. As a matter of fact it was almost empty. Apparently, tonight when a sudden dropped temperature in the city stroke, most people were too lazy to go out unless they had something important thing to do.
Like she was, Rainie thought as she automatically coiled back into the corner of the seat. She placed her hand onto her forehead, shutting her eyes, immediately the jumbled maelstrom of her thoughts returning suddenly.
Did she really make an impulse reaction, only after what Chloe had said to her.
Oh, of course she was dying to know the truth and perhaps that was the reason why she was now inside in this taxi and riding for her life… Well, her love life, per se.
But if, only if, Chloe was correct with her instinct, when Draven had started to like her? Why he had never showed his feeling to her? As matter of fact, Draven had been displaying his mood that he had disliked her. He’d barely spoken to her or showed any slightest interest.
Until the moments their friends had asked Draven to be her date. Perhaps, he had given her some clues, however he had never really showed it until the first night they had gone out together on Jason’s engagement day.
Rainie recalled. It had been before that night. He had showed that he cared for her.
Oh God, she growled desperately. Why she had not even seen that?
Now was it too late? Had it been too late for her? Obviously she was late in everything. She had been late to realize her feeling towards him, she had been the last person who had known Draven’s feeling while Chloe had noticed it or perhaps everybody had noticed except her.
It did not matter. All that mattered now was she wanted him to know how her feeling towards him. It did not matter if he already forgot about his feeling. She just wanted him to know hers. She owed him that much.
The next question was, how she would amend this situation? She really tried to compose few lines of confession when she would see him soon. And yet so far none of them were sophisticated enough. And furthermore, what if Draven would not give her a chance?
She fished her mobile phone inside her bag. And saw there was still no message or any miscalled from Draven.
Sighing heavily she dropped her mobile phone back inside the bag and once again, stared blankly outside the window.
She thought many scenarios what would happen when she showed up at his door and then suddenly became mute. Because that would happen in most cases actually. Plus, she needed to consider his expression. What would he do? What would he say? She really pondered.
“We’re here, Miss.” The taxi driver’s voice woke her up from her reverie. Rainie opened her eyes and found that she was indeed already outside Draven’s apartment building.
Thanking the driver, Rainie gave him the taxi fare before she stepped out the taxi cab. The fragrance of winter air welcomed her. The sky was velvet, pierced with stars and flooded with pale moonlight, praying that everything would turn out as she expected. A sense of whispering stillness pervaded the night, quite enchanting actually as the sound of the car faded away.
But still her feet seemed to glue to the ground, her head lifted as saw an owl hooted in the woods surrounding his magnificent apartment complex, the elemental sound comforting in a forever kind of way. In all the shock and drama of recent weeks, the agonizing pain she had felt at losing her former fiancé so unexpectedly and then she had heard the news about Jason’s new engagement with different woman and then the hurt of watching Draven’s back when he had left before she had realized she had fallen for him until now right this minute after she had heard Chloe had told her that Draven had loved her
And here she was, standing in the freezing night only to find out, only wanted to find the answer. Did she really make the right decision coming here? What if after all her turbulences thoughts, Draven was not at home? Or if he was, he would not see her? So far he had not returned her call.
Biting her lips nervously and flooded by emotions as chaotic as a turbulent day, Rainie started to walk to the main entrance. Then she halted and she stood, unmoved. Her heart was racing.
She took few of deep breaths for some moments before she started to walk in.
It was now or never, she hardened her self-control. Even if Draven would not see her later on, at least she tried. Or at least she would know the answer tonight whether it was too late or not to save this feeling. The sooner, the better she found out.
Going to see him tonight, actually reminded her to go to the dentist. She realized that would be excruciating to take away the pain and yet she needed to get it done for once before the pain was getting deeper and become uncontrollably eating her alive.
This pain of finding the truth would be hundreds times more painful or contradictive rewarding. Black or white. That was all… nothing in between.
She crossed the huge, marble-floored lobby of his apartment. Honestly she did not really remember how it looked-like. Well of course the first and the last time she had come here had been drunk and only sobered with a tremendous hangover the next day.
Now since she was nothing like that, the lobby was quite intimidating. The huge chandelier hung above the center of the hall was enough to illuminate the whole city. The gleaming gilded stairs trail were enough to blind even the blind man.
Gathering every ounce of courage, Rainie approached crescent-shape front desk officer who was thankfully seemed to look kind enough as he greeted her politely.
“Good evening, Miss. How may I help you?”
“Hi…” She said nervously. “I would like to go to apartment of Mr. Knight, please?”
“Mr. Knight?” The male receptionist who was wearing a beige uniform asked her.
Rainie nodded. “Yes. Mr. Draven Knight. Could you please ring his unit whether he’s at home?”
A smile formed on his face. “Certainly Miss, please wait for a moment.” He said, picking up the telephone and pressed the numbers he seemed memorizing it thoroughly.
Her stomach was somersaulted and she involuntarily put her hands on it as she barely heard the waiting tone on the line. She shut her eyes tightly and prayed that she did not even know what she should pray for…
“Hello…” His deep voice came subtly in the other side. Though it was subtle, she could hear him speaking and somehow it brought a huge flood of feeling swept through her. She opened her eyes, staring at the man in front of her.
“Good evening Mr. Knight, there’s someone wants to see you. She’s here now.” The receptionist gave her a quick look before his hearing concentration returned to Draven’s voice again.
“Ah, yes Sir…” He nodded then returned his eyes to her again. “Excuse me, Miss, may I know your name please?”
Rainie swallowed somehow she was afraid to mention her name. She was scared what if Draven did not want to see her once she told the receptionist her name?
“Miss, your name please?” He repeated gently.
“Rainie.” She swallowed apprehensively. “My name’s Rainie Yang.”
The receptionist nodded. “It’s Miss Yang, Sir.” He then informed.
Then there was an eerie silence like world had been anticipating the big giant of mirror was ready to crash. And her hope that Draven would see her was getting lesser by any second. She was almost sure that he would not acknowledge her… he would not…
“Please, send her up…” Suddenly Draven said and immediately her heart seemed being dropped like a hot coal. She had anticipated his rejection but his acceptance really shocked her to the core.
“Certainly, Sir.” The receptionist then hung up the telephone and tilted his head slightly to her. “Please Miss Yang, follow me. I’ll show you the lift.” He said still placing his polite smile to her and before ushered her to the nearest lift bank.
He pulled a white blank card from his pocket before he pressed it to the card reader. Automatically the lift door opened. He then pressed the penthouse button floor for her.
Well, clearly there’s no turning back right now, she immersed before slowly taking her step to go to the vault.
“Have a nice evening, Miss.” He said courteously
“Yes, you too.” Rainie managed to reply and gave him a smile for one last time as the door closed separating her and the man who had been kind enough to assist her.
Once she began to travel upward, inside her, she felt upside down. The knot of tension in her abdomen was getting tighter. Her heartbeat pumped erratically. She was not aware her face had drained of color. Her brain had stopped functioning. Beads of sweat appeared from her forehead despite the fact the vault temperature was quite cold.
“I can do this… I can do this…” She said her own mantra repeatedly. “I can do this…”
The lift reached the destination. It took few moments before the lift door opened, which gave her a second’s warning.
She was getting more panicky that she had ever felt. “I can do this… I can…”
Then she was staring into his face. His dear, dear face. And he was staring back at her with his brilliant dark smoldering eyes. His arms folded on his broad chest as his powerful body leaned indolently on the side of the wall. However there was nothing idle about him. His unshaven, rugged face was far of being lazy. It was intense and God… he was absolutely, irrevocably so handsome with his dark sweater and his faded jeans. However thought he looked so devastating in his casual gear, he also looked formidable.
For a moment she was frozen before she murmured in a fright as she immediately pressing the down button neurotically. “Oh boy, I can’t do this…”
However Draven was quick as a Flash Gordon. His hand immediately took her wrist. “It’s too late to back off right now, Rain.” He then pulled her from the bank before she was successfully landed in his embrace and she could feel her chest tighten.
Part of her almost screamed in joy to be in his arms again but another part of her was petrified since it was not the passionate hug she had used to feel when he had hold her in the past.
It was almost rigorous type of grasp.
The lift door finally closed behind them and now there was no escape for her. In between his powerful grip and the closed door behind, she had no hope to run away.
For a moment longer he said nothing, just let his dark, unreadable gaze rest on her. And the way Draven looked at her made her feel a chill seep through her.
“Let’s talk inside.” He interrupted. His voice was as she had never heard it before. He then steadied her wobbly feet before he released her with such a wintry, cold attitude as he turned around. However he did not let go of her hand. He was literally dragging her to his unit.
“Draven…” Rainie tugged his hand lightly. Her voice was a faint.
He stopped dead before slowly he turned around. His expression was suddenly saturnine “You want to talk in the corridor?” He asked.
“I…” She stammered. A dismayed filled her. “I mean I…” Her voice trailed off. A hollowness begun to form in her stomach.
Seriously this was not good sign. She had made a huge mistake by coming here. Chloe was wrong. Draven did not love her. He detested her.
“You want to humiliate me with your rejection again as you did in the cottage and make it to a public display this time?” His eyes as he spoke were glitteringly dark. “Is that what you want to do now, Miss Yang?”
Rainie’s face went to blanch as his questions really had hit home. “Draven, I want to say something and I need you to know…”
A smile parted his lips. “Ah… now you want to say something else.” He stated scornfully. “What do you want to say now? What makes you think that you can barge here and demand me to listen over something another one of your bitter and cold explanation…” He paused fractionally. “Okay, so let’s hear it. What do you want to say? Do you want to explain again and at the same time you want to see me in flesh that I’m okay with what you have said weeks ago? Do you want to know with your own eyes if my world turns up side down after your cold rejection? That I want to shoot anyone that cross me every time I remember how you and Jason kissed?”
Rainie stared at him. Her eyes distended. She understood that he was livid, honestly she had foreseen his reaction but what she had envisaged was totally different when she was hearing it directly. He had judged her of being machinating heartless woman. “Draven I thought I’ve explained about Jason.” The word was scarcely audible.
“You thought?” His eyebrows rose quizzically. Draven dropped her hand and gave a light, careless shrug. “Yes perhaps. But, still the vision was quite…” He paused and for a moment his expressionless façade mask cracked, showing a brief of pain more than anger. But it was only a brief. Because when he blinked it had gone. “The vision was so clear.”
She dragged air into her ragged lungs tearingly. With a defeated, deflated air she opened her eyes and began to speak. “Draven I know you’re still angry with me. I know that you don’t want to hear any explanation from me after my behavior that night. And although I’ve explained about Jason, still the impact stays. And I’m ridden with guilt not only about Jason but also about what I said to you…”
“What the hell? Another apology?” Draven echoed annihilating. “How many time do I have to tell you that, Rain, apology is the last thing I expect from you.”
Heaviness crushed her. So there was no chance at all for her. It was futile to come here, to save whatever they left off. Or was it something that left off between them? Should she really ask him the truth about his feeling? Or what he was showing was really his true feeling?
Slowly she nodded. It seemed the only thing to do. That and keep herself upright, keep herself together. She knew Jason hurt her, but it was hundreds times painful for losing all of her chances being with Draven. If really Draven had the feeling towards her.
Jason could not have destroyed her but Draven did. All the part of her body was falling apart, fracturing. Tiny hairline cracks she had felt earlier had become widening, breaking open, shattering her into a thousand pieces.
Rainie tried to smile, but the effort resulted in a mere trembling of her mouth. Swallowing back a sob, she squared her shoulders. “I guess, you’re right.” She said eventually. “And I should not come here. I’ve known it from the beginning actually. So there’s nothing left to say.” Abruptly she turned around, intent on doing it while the strength of her conviction remained strong.
“Where are you going?”
Rainie stopped. A frisson of tension passed through her fingers clutched her bag like a lifeline. She kept telling herself she needed to leave his place soon, very soon, yet her control vanished when it came to him.
“Are you really not going to explain to me at all? The reason why you came here? You will just leave?” His footsteps on the linoleum floor giving her a sign that he was approaching her. Her back stiffened.
Rainie turned, she tilted her head as if she had been puzzled by his questions. “You said it very clear you don’t want to hear anything from me and what do I want to say to you.” The sadness crept into her eyes. “I made mistakes and I understand that you don’t want to see me anymore…”
“But now you just want to walk away without even giving me a clue.” He hastily interrupted. He ventured her with the ironic gleam in his eyes.
Rainie sighed. Really, part of her, she thought she deserved to be treated this way but being confused with his attitude was a different type of treatment. “Look, Draven….” She began, somehow she started being irritated. “I really don’t know what you want from me. You obviously stated that you don’t want to hear either of my explanation and my apology, so what’s the point I’m being here? I knew my mistakes. But even a guilty person should be given a chance to explain to reason out why they make their mistakes. While you…” She faltered trying hard not to feel the pain that was already excruciating enough to kill her. “While you already become a judge and a prosecutor at the same time.”
For a while Draven was stunned and flabbergasted. He did not say a word and a creepy stillness ticked by another minute before he finally said. “Yes I guess you’re right.” He stated, thrusting both of his hands inside the pants pockets. “I’m sorry for my outburst.” He added with a gentler, more control tone. “I was just so angry. How couldn’t not be angry when you suddenly walked out from the ballroom without any explanation and the next thing I found, I was seeing you with him and the worst part was when you said that we got nothing in common.”
“Yes!” She finally snapped. “I know that! You don’t have to remind me how I treated you so bad while you were nothing but a perfect gentleman.” Her eyes now flashed like whirlpool of hell, mirroring her emotion. “I’m so sorry.” She ushered her threatened tears impatiently in her eyes. “I tried to call you but you did not answer my call…”
“A call?” His brow wrinkled but the piercing dark eyes were burning into hers.
“I called your mobile phone earlier.”
“I let my phone silence while it’s charged.” She watched him taking a deep breath. “What did you want to say, Rain?” He asked softly. His eyes lasered her, drilling their force through her soul, they searched another truth there. The truth she was scarcely to reveal even to herself.
Rainie bit her lips before she begun. “Like I said I owe you, yes another apologize but there’s more than just apologize about what I said that night.”
“What’s more than just apologize, Rain?” He asked again watching her closely.
“It’s…” Rainie gulped, playing the end of her coat’s sleeves and twisted her head away to the empty hall without really seeing it, before she gave a stifled answer. “I want to tell you that I’ve become a liar that night…” She faltered, failing to make a complete confession. As a matter of fact it only made her sink slowly deeper inside to see those beautiful orbs of his.
“You’ve become liar? What do you mean?” He demanded, his stunning dark feature stamped with gravity, while is eye were impenetrable. “Did you lie to me that actually you still love Jason?”
“No…” Rainie swiftly shook her head. His face was blurring. “For Pete’s sake no!”
God! Why should she cry now?
Rainie felt the tears successfully well up in her eyes, well and spill like diamonds. Her face constricted.
“Rain…” He whispered and was holding her hands again in instant, this time with such gentleness she had used to know. “Rain, please tell me? Please for once, don’t hold back what you want to say.” The warmth of his fingers enclosed hers. His dark eyes encouraged her to tell him the truth.
“I lie that we got nothing in common…” She stammered incoherently. “I lie about I don’t want to do anything with you.” She inhaled for a second before she continued. “And I just want to say that I realized that I fell for you that night.”
Did you enjoy my ongoing story so far? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, Ulfha Olivia UlyaWrite a Review