I stood in Alecs large vast office on shaky feet. The green gown still sticking me like a second skin thanks to the sweat that was helping to plaster the material to my body.
The sound of Alec ushering the last of his guests out of his place could be heard from where I was at.
The the sound of his feet walking up the stairs created a tight hot coil of fear and anxiousness. I was nervous, really, really nervous.
We were supposed to be past all of this and yet here we were, again. He was having to give me explanation after explanation only hours after going public with our relationship.
The door swung open and I looked up into the eyes of the man I loved.
He looked stressed and irritation flared in his steel gray eyes, he stepped forward and it wasn’t until he was inches away from my body that I was able to read the shame written across his face.
“Tell me” I demanded keeping my hands clenched at my sides.
The air in the small room became suffocating with a thick stressful tension. My chest tightened and a build up of dark emotions settled in my chest.
“You’re not an extra Cass, you’re so much more, you need to know that” he said scrubbing a hand down his face, “I haven’t lived my life like a monk, I’ve had fun, there have been a lot of women, I won’t lie to you about that” he shifted on his feet, “Before you and I got together, there wasn’t just One or two women, I had three or four that were constantly in and out of my bed, sometimes all together. But they meant nothing, they were a simple easy lay. When we made love in my parents basement for the first time, that was it for me. I mean besides the Sarah issue, all the other woman were gone the moment you stepped foot into my life.”
I licked my dry lips, doubt and unease floated around me.
“Who’s Trish Green?” I asked.
Alec tensed, his eyes narrowing, “Who told you about her?” He questioned darkly.
His response only brought forth more questions.
“She’s an ex lover.” He said finally after I refused to say anymore.
I knew that already, “well I talked to her” I said intertwining my hands in front of me, “She said I was just a flavor of the month and that you kept her around for when you were done with the other women” I tried and failed to keep the harshness out of my voice. I was so pissed off.
He waved his hand in a dismissive gesture, “forget about her” he said as if she would simply vanish into thin air.
Heat rose from my neck into my face, I pointed a finger at him, “No, I will not forget about her! Would you have even told me about any of this if it hadn’t been brought up?!”
A dark clouded glint passed across his eyes as he gritted his teeth, “this has nothing to do with you!” He shouted.
I took a step back, hurt coursing through my body, “actually, it does. If we’re together it has everything to do with me.” I took a deep calming breath, someone in this argument had to stay calm and I knew it wasn’t going to be him, “look I know your past obviously has a lot of black marks but I’d rather hear about them from you then to find out from someone else later on.”
He stared at me, his silence was deafening.
This night had turned out to be a disaster. A complete and utter disaster.
I’d been nervous about his other life, and despite his protests saying i had no reason to be, I now knew that to be false.
We were going to start a family soon, how many more of his secrets would come up to bite me in the butt? How many other women would be waiting in the shadows to tell me how great of a lay he was?
I frowned and my eyes shifted towards the door, I was supposed to stay the night tonight, our first night together in his place. But with the doubts lingering, all I wanted to do was go home, slide into bed and sleep in my own bed at my own house.
I let out a long tired sigh and shifted on my feet, the heels were hurting my feet, they ached and I’m sure there would be blisters, “Obviously you need time to think about what you really want. Everything’s been fine up until now.”
I kept telling myself I had to quit running away, but this time I felt it was necessary. I wasn’t exactly running anyways.
I turned on my heel and made it out the door before I felt his hand wrap around my wrist , haulting my steps. I turned my head and met his conflicted expression.
“How are we ever going to make this work if you can’t trust me” he said.
“It’s never going to work if you can’t give me straight, truthful answers! Why is that so difficult?” I said completely unembarrassed that I had stomped my foot like a kid throwing a tantrum.
“Cass...ugh Jesus, look I’m sorry ok. This is all new to me”
“What is?” I asked turning fully to face him.
He let go of my wrist and flung his arms out in an exaggerated manner, “All of this, the entire relationship. I’ve never done a real, true relationship before” he said heavily.
I shook my head, exceedingly frustrated with just about everything at the moment, “I can’t walk you through this Axel, I have another person besides myself to think of. If you truly love me, being with me should come natural to you but if it’s truly a struggle then...” I trailed off. Then unspoken separation laying thickly between us.
I’ve held on for more than most would but every relationship is an equal one hundred, one hundred effort. You either both put it all in or there’s no reason to continue. I realized I’d made a mistake, just a month or so ago, I did exactly as I was preaching about. I put everything in to be with Alec and even though his predicament was complicated he hadn’t given me half the amount of effort i deserved.
So how much longer was I willing to hold on?
Alec shook his head and scowled at me. My defenses came up and I had a feeling something nasty was going to come out of his mouth.
My body tensed and I waited.
“So, you want to know everything?” He asked surprising me. I found myself nodding.
“Fine, but you’re not going to like it”
“I’d rather you tell me something I don’t want to hear than hide it from me and have me find out later” I replied slightly hinting at what had happened earlier tonight.
His hand found mine and her interlaced our fingers. A swarm of butterflies flapped their wings, brushing the insides of my stomach. He tugged me down the hallway past a couple door until we came to the very last door at the end of the hall.
Pulling open the door he ushered me inside the darkened room and I hesitantly put one foot in front of the other, hoping I didn’t knock into something.
With a flip of a switch the room brightened and I was left to gaze around his dark classic bedroom. The walls were a dark heavy gray, the bed was two sizes to big for one person. The thick white comforter looked like it could warm even the coldest person in seconds. A thick heavy fur skinned black hung at the bottom of the bed. Two black nightstands sat on either side, a simple lamp and alarm sitting on the right hand side.
The room was cleaner than I’d expected.
Two medium sized canvases hung on the walls, simple black and white drawings were painted like an ink blob test.
The entire room smelt of Alec’s spicy cologne.
“Take a seat” he seat nodding his head towards the well made bed.
I pursed my lips, now that i knew he was a man whore, did I really want to sit on a bed where so many other women had laid naked on?
I’m sure everything had been clean but still...
“I uh, I think I’ll stand” I said, the heels I’d chosen were really starting to dig into the sensitive flesh on my ankles and my toes felt like they were being sawed off from being crammed in.
He ran a hand down his face before coming to stand in front of me, I was surprised and nervous as he dropped to his knees. His hands gripped my ankle and slipped my foot from the shoe, repeating the with the second one.
I couldn’t hold the soft thankful sigh that slipped past my lips.
“You’re pregnant you shouldn’t be wearing heels” he said.
I shrugged, “I thought the situation and the dress, called for them. I’ve learned my lesson, trust me I won’t be wearing them again. At least while I’m pregnant”
I watched as his head was now eye level with my stomach. His eyes moved across the flat silk and a warm loving flashed in his eyes. He leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss on my stomach.
My heart hammered thickly against my chest and my palms became sweaty.
He rose to his feet and grabbed my hand once more, leading me towards the bed.
Again I hesitated.
“Cas, nobody has been in this bed for months. I mean except for myself. There has been no other woman in this bed since the night we made love in my parents basement”
I nodded feeling a tad better about the situation. I took a seat and almost moaned in relief as the pressure of holding myself up was taken off of my feet.
I could feel how swollen they were.
“Scoot back” he said.
I did and waited while he took up the spot I had been. I watched as he pulled my feet onto his lap and began a slow and soft massage on my feet. My body gave way and I relaxed into the mattress, letting him tend to me.
“I met Trish a few months after I moved here. As I worked my way up the ladder at S&S corp. Trish was there as a friend at first. As I became friends with the higher ups, things began to change. I obtained VIP access to all and any clubs I wanted, women fawned over me. And I know what you’re thinking, yes girls have always been at my side but here, in the city, they’re different. They flaunt everything and I was so easily drawn in. These women were willing to fuck me even knowing I was fucking other women. They didn’t care. About three years ago, i came home after a charity banquet with another woman on my arm. When I walked in, Trish was waiting for me, naked as the day she was born. We fucked and from then on, she was someone who stuck around.”
I laid back on the bed and blinked up at the ceiling taking in what he’d said. This viper woman was going to be a major problem, i could see it already.
I wet my chapped lips trying to push down the feeling of despair that had come from his story.
I rubbed my hands down my face and pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes.
God, this was so messed up. Every part of our being together was just one big mess. The big question that had lingered for months was, would this ever be fixed?
“Alec....” I trailed off again. I didn’t know what to say.
“I’m sorry Cass. I’ve been saying that way more lately than any other point in time in my life but I truly mean it. This is my fault. I’ve made shitty decisions without caring how they’d eventually affect me in the future” he said as he placed my feet down.
The soreness was gone, the puffiness was nonexistent.
“Thank you” I said softly wiggling my toes.
He climbed over me, the heat from his body searing through his clothes and wrapping around me.
“You’re welcome” he leaning down to hover his lips over mine, his breath fanned across my face smelling of a small amount of alcohol , “Cass” he said, my name rolling off his tongue sending shivers of delight across my body.
“Yes” I tried not to sound as breathless as I felt.
“Can I kiss you?”
The question hung in the air and I couldn’t see a reason why not. He may not have cleared the air completely but he’d given me enough to feel more comfortable and less untrusting.
I didn’t answer him, instead I leaned up and pressed my lips to his.