I couldn't believe it was already our six month mark of being married. Our honeymoon had been exactly what I had always dreamed. Alec has a knack for making my dreams come true.
The start of our relationship had been rocky and not under the best circumstances but it had blossomed. We had struggled to work through our issues but we did it, that in no way meant we were going to come across anymore issues it just means we learned to communicate better and work together.
I felt settled. At ease. It was nice.
I stood in the two car cobble driveway where my vehicle sat next to Alec's. I rocked forward on my feet and couldn't believe we had finally picked and bought our first home together. Out of all of the houses we had viewed, this one had always been my favorite.
It was the light blue cape cod style home, it was near picture perfect with white shutters and beautiful rose trimmed bushes lining the front of the house. A short slightly curved cobble stone walkway went from the driveway to the pristine white front door.
The inside held four bedrooms, two and a half bathrooms, a large kitchen and dining and a good size living room. It was pretty perfect.
The front door opened and Alec poked his head out, he scanned the front yard before he focused his eyes on me and smiled, "Are you going to stand out there all evening or are you going to come in for dinner?" He asked with a chuckle.
I shook my head and walked inside.
"Surprise!" A series of voices yelled as people popped out from behind every knock and cranny.
I jumped back slightly and hit the door. My hand flew to my chest and my eyes went wide.
Friends and family were watching me, giant smiles on their faces.
I let out a nervous laugh and forced a slightly uncomfortable and slightly startled smile as i stepped away from the door.
Alec was grinning from ear to ear. "Happy birthday" he said coming closer to kiss my cheek lightly.
"They nearly scared me death" I said still forcing a smile and whispering.
He chucked and wrapped his around around my back and tugged me forward, "Relax darling, you survived"
I scowled playfully at his joking manner but inside I was beaming with happiness. Alec had gone above and beyond. Balloons were everywhere, a huge banner was hung above the entry way between the living room and dining room. There was a server walking around taking and retrieving drink orders from a bartender that was mixing drinks outside on our back patio bar.
Someone turned the music up and guests came forward to wish me a happy birthday.
All the while my eyes continued to stray towards Alec. The man who had turned my life around, the man who continued to support me and my decisions.
How had I gotten so lucky?
My mother stepped through the crowd and suddenly my body was pulled forward into a tight hug. My father followed behind her, engulfing is both in his arms.
"Happy birthday dear" my mother said.
My father kissed the side of my head and pulled away with a smile as he freed my mother and I. "Happy birthday"
I smiled at them , "Thank you both. I'm glad you could make it"
My mother scoffed, "We wouldn't miss it, besides we're not the ones who are hard to get ahold of now a days"
I glanced apologetically at both of them, "I'm sorry, the shop has been doing really well and Alec and I have been attending more of his work functions" I felt really bad. We hadn't attended a Sunday dinner and almost a month. Things had just been so busy lately. "And on top of everything I think I've picked up a stomach bug, I haven't been feeling the best the last week"
I had been slightly queasy and sometimes light headed. I hoped it wouldn't last to long.
My father nodded his head in understanding "Its alright, we can always make up for it. Come by this Sunday, you and Alec and we'll make a day of it" he suggested, he glanced around before spotting a man nearby "Oh look there's Todd I better go say hello" he said before leaving my mother and I.
My mother stared at me, I could see her mind working behind her leveled look.
"Cassandra how long have you been feeling sick?" She finally asked stepping closer to me.
I shrugged, "About a week"
She leaned a bit closer so only I could hear her, "And when was your last cycle?"
I blinked at her, I didn't understand what she was asking.
"My cycle?" I questioned softly just as someone came up to wish me a happy birthday before walking off and leaving us once more.
My mother gripped her glass and urged me to answer, "Your monthly cycle"
Then it dawned on me what she was referring to. Leave it to my mother to not shout out the word period in front of a room full of guests. "Oh you mean my period?" I asked and grinned as she squirmed.
Her lips puckered with disapproval and she glanced around quickly to see if anyone had heard me. "Cassandra quit it."
"Mother it's 2019, there are worse things being said in this room I guarantee it"
She shook her head and lowered her voice once more "well?"
I had to think it over. I actually couldn't remember getting it last month, or the month before that or even the one before that. I was so swamped at work and trying to keep up appearances with Alec that I simple hadn't taken much of a notice.
Time seemed to still and I could feel myself feeling lighter and lighter. A sudden wave of fear and distress coursed across my body like a rain of cold water.
Was I pregnant again?
I just stood there staring blankly at the wall behind where my mother stood. The memories of holding our dead child replaying in the back of my mind.
I couldn't go through that again. Losing our baby had put a giant hole in my heart and I wasn't so sure I could survive another shot.
Small hands gripped my shoulders and shook my gently. My vision came into focus and I stared into a pair of worried eyes. My mother gripped me tight.
"I could be" I said even though she hadn't actually asked if I was or not. My voice was light, barley a whisper.
I couldn't grasp the fact that I might be pregnant again.
"You need to find out for sure so you can take precautions and so your doctor can keep a close eye on you" there was an underlying tone of sadness in her voice, she had also lost her first and only grandchild.
I nodded my head and swallowed thickly as it felt like my throat was closing.
"Would you like me to go get a test?" She asked already searching her small purse for her keys. She didn't wait for a response, she walked past me and left.
I stood there for some time , simple frozen. I wasn't sure I wanted to move. My eyes scanned the crowd until I spotted his familiar blonde head. He stood with his parents, smiling and talking.
If I told him before I even truly knew it could cause a commotion for nothing. It was better if I waited until I knew for certain.
"Where did your mother go?" My father asked suddenly reappearing at my side.
I jumped and my heart leapt into my throat, "you scared me"
He chuckled, "You look like you've seen a ghost"
"You have no idea" I muttered to softly for him to hear. I forced a smile and shrugged, "Not at all and to answer your question, mom went to the store, she said she forgot something for me"
Of course he didn't question it. He really had no reason to. "Oh alright" and he turned and molded back into the crowded living room.
I stepped further into the house and went straight into our bedroom and made a B line for our bathroom. I paced the tiled floor for what felt like forever before a light knock on the door stopped me in my tracks.
"It's me" my mother said.
I pulled the door open and she stood there holding her purse tight to her chest. She unzipped it and pulled out a double plastic bagged pregnancy test.
"Why did you double bag it?" I asked.
"I didn't want anyone to see it and start talking"
I forced a laugh "mom we're married"
"Yes and that still doesn't keep this small town from talking" she argued.
"Well what about who you bought it from?" The cashier was bound to have recognized her.
She looked proud of herself when she replied "Freddy was working the register, I gave him a twenty to keep his mouth shut"
I positively gaped at her.
She shrugged as if bribing someone was an everyday thing for her and maybe in this town it was.
I took the test in my hands and she closed the door leaving me alone.
My hands were shaking and my stomach as in a tight knot. I had never felt more sick with distress in my entire life.
I finished up and placed the test on the counter. I took extra long to was my hands and made sure they were as dry as a bone before glancing down at the small piece of plastic.
A small half faded plus sign was displayed.
I wasn't sure whether I wanted to laugh with joy or cry with pain.
I opened the door, tears brimmed my eyes. My mother was sitting on the edge of our bed and the second she saw the look on my face she rushed towards me and held me close. I cried softly in her arms, I was so afraid of losing this baby already.
"It will be ok Cassandra"
"What's going on?" Alec's voice rang through the room. I couldn't bear to look at him, I buried myself in my mother's shoulders. The light squeak of the floorboards told me he'd moved closer.
My mother was crying to. She sniffled and pulled back so I couldn't use her as a shield. Smiling tenderly at me, she said "You two need to discuss this and be there for each other" with that she left the room.
Alec immediately came to me, he wrapped his arms around me and the tears fell harder. I didn't want to lose his baby again, I didn't want to be the sole reason we couldn't have a child.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
I took in a large shuttering breath and leaned back slightly with his arms still around me. He looked confused and I couldn't blame him. He had no idea why his wife was in hysterics.
"Cas?" He questioned.
I hesitated a few more seconds before slowly saying "I'm pregnant"
"W-what?" His eyes searched my face for any sign of an untruth.
I wiped my eyes and nodded, "I'm pregnant" it was a little easier to get out the second time.
Alec looked as scared as I felt. The color slowly drained from his face before he pulled me tight against him. We stood in our bedroom clinging to each other tightly.
"Are you ok?" He asked after awhile.
"I'm so scared" I admitted.
"Me too" he replied and then he kissed the side of my head lovingly and with gentle care set me back from him so he could catch my eyes, "But it'll be ok"
I shook my head, "You don't know that."
"I promise it'll be ok Cas. I'll be here by your side the entire time, we will just take it slow and easy. We will call the doctor and set up and appointment to get you checked out and go from there." He cupped my face in his hands and my shoulders dropped as I relaxed slightly, "It will be ok"
I felt a little better and as I slowly touched my palm to my stomach I gained a little hope.