This is it
My fears had made the pregnancy difficult. Alec was always by my side constantly reassuring me, helping me, and helping guide us both along.
I think everyone around us were just as cautious as we were. They had been just as afraid. Whenever Brian visited he had insisted on checking my vitals and the babies heartbeat for himself.
I caught myself smiling at the memory and held our daughter a little closer to my heart. The cool summer breeze ruffled her small strip of dark hair. She smacked her lips together and wiggled closer to my skin.
The afternoon sun bathed us both as we sat with our families. Alec sat next to us on the blanket that we'd placed on the grass a good distance away from the playground. The park was filled with people, it was the perfect day to picnic and just be out and about, which was exactly what we were doing.
My mother had made the lunches, simple sub sandwich's and chips. Alec's mother supplied the drinks, juice and water. She sat across from us on her own blanket with her husband who was currently engaged in a conversation with my father who sat next to my mother on their own blanket next to us.
"Motherhood becomes you Cassandra" Alec's mother said watching my daughter and I closely.
I smiled at her softly, "Thank you" the compliment was very much needed. Motherhood was difficult, especially being a new mother. Long nights of feeding and crying, rocking back and forth hoping she would shut her eyes for just a bit to let me sleep. Sometimes the simplest tasks became the most difficult especially when Alec was at work and I had to manage on my own. It was exhausting but it was well worth it.
I tucked a dark strand of hair behind my ear and smiled down at the bundle in my arms.
"Well I think Alec has really stepped up to the plate." My mother said leaning back on one arm, her ankle length light blue skirt fluttering slightly. Her white button up short sleeve blouse billowing softly in the wind.
I nodded in agreement. Alec had come a long way.
Mrs Swade also nodded and took of a sip from her water bottle, "I had always pictured my son marrying and having a family of his own, however I won't lie. A few years ago I didn't think this would ever happen, he was to wild and set on his bachelor ways. I can happily say he's past it and has embraced being a husband and father"
"Do you ladies have to talk about me as if I'm not here?" Alec said pinching my side.
Our mothers laughed and shrugged. It was just simply what parents did, they talked around their children despite them being in the vicinity.
I leaned over and gave him a small kiss on the cheek.
Alec's blue eyes held this look, it was deep and passionate, it was a look that he had given me from the beginning. Despite us being married and settling down he hadn't lost it, he continued to give me this look of pure love and need. It took my breath away and always reminded me that I was loved.
"Let me hold my grand baby" my mother urged holding her arms out towards my daughter.
I sat up and leaned forward gently passing her into my mother's awaiting arms. Immediately her grandmothers dotted on her.
Alec and I watched on as both of our mothers cooed over our little girl. Our beautiful Lillian.
Alec stood up first and stretched slightly before offering his hand to me.
"Where are we going?" I asked before grabbing it and slowly coming to a stand.
"For a walk" he said before leaning down and scooping the blanket from the ground up and into his arms. He held my hand tight before looking at both of our mothers, "We will be back in a bit. Try not to suffocate her to much" he said and laughed as both of them scoffed at him.
We took a small path away from everyone, away from the playground and other people picnicking.
He led us further back until we eventually veered away from the path and slipped into the tree line. M
"Are you planning to murder me?" I asked giving him a playful look.
He grinned and shrugged, "Maybe"
"Then you'll be left to raise Lillian all by yourself"
"That's only if they don't catch me" he said just as we stepped out of the trees once more. He'd brought us to a small secluded area, the small open area of grass opened up and looked out at the lake. I had forgotten all about this place. Alec, Sarah and I use to come back here to drink and swim when we were in high school. It was our spot.
"I can't believe you remembered this place" I said letting go of his hand and walking forward to the edge of the ground where it dipped off into the lake. The surrounding area was vast and curvy. The suns rays shined down, the water reflected its bright light. It was quiet and serene.
"Of course I remembered, this was our spot. How could I forget this place? This was where we all took our first drink together and where we all went skinny dipping. It was where we all camped out at after prom and where I would often find you or Sarah crying after one of your horrible breakups" he explained as he layed he blanket down and came to stand behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight back against him.
Birds chirped and the soft sound of the water moving lulled me into a sense of calm.
"This is where I first fell in love with you" he said placing a soft kiss on my neck. I shivered and bit back a sigh of pleasure.
"What do you mean?" I asked surprised.
"Just before sophomore year, you and your family had gone on vacation for most of the summer. I had been out of my mind with Bordem since you'd left. Sarah had been so busy with summer school I was usually on my own. I came to this spot a lot while you were gone, just staring out at the lake, thinking of all the possibilities of what would happen after we graduated in a few years. I didn't know you were back in town, so I came here to enjoy the peace again and there you were. You had changed so much. Your hair had gotten longer, your body leaner and yet somehow more full, more woman like. You were sitting in the grass, writing in your journal. There was just something about you in that moment, that I knew I wanted you and not in a way a friend should. My heart felt heavier and all I wanted to do was hold you tight and never let you go. I loved you from that moment on."
I turned in his arms, completely taken aback, "But you never said anything. You never even gave any indication that you wanted to be more than friends"
That look that I loved so much, that look that told me he loved me appeared in his eyes before he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. I kissed him back, melting in his arms, completely letting myself go.
I would never get tired of being in his arms. I would never get tired of kissing this man.
"Because that was my secret" he said.
"Do you think things would have turned out for better or for worse if we had gotten together sooner?" I asked laying my head on his chest.
"I'm not sure" he replied.
"We went about it all wrong though and you know we did"
He nodded, "We did"
"We had sex behind our best friends back. We held so many secrets."
"So many sins and lies" he finished in agreeance.
I was thankful it was over. We no longer had to hide anything from anyone. We had been naive but our attraction and desire to be together had pushed us to betray our friendship and relationships. We had fought so hard to get to where we are now.
"I wouldn't take it back" he said kissing the top of my head. "I finally got everything I wanted"
It was cheesy but I loved it. Alec wasn't the type of guy to express himself this way but for me, he did just that.
"I love you so much" I said placing a kiss on his chest and hugging him a little tighter.
He squeezed back, "I love you too"
This is it. This is the life I had wanted and now had. I was in love with my best friend and I wouldn't change any of it.