Sex, Secrets, Sins and Lies

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Numb

The rest of the day was long. The lies continued to build and I was beginning to feel the full weight of them.

Why was I so stupid?

Why couldn’t I just be one of those people where confessing came easy to them?

My pride simply wouldn’t let me. If only it were that simple.

Brian was gazing at me all day, he was excited about the date I hadn’t realized I’d agreed to.
I knew my parents would love him and It would get a rise out of Alec.

I was in deep shit.

I was just walking out of the shop, the order was finally complete, when my phone rang.

“Hello?” I knew I sounded grumpy.

“Hey Cassy!” Sarah screeched from the other end, “girls night?” I guess it couldn’t hurt right?

“Sure” I pulled the phone away from my ear as she squealed, “I’m headed home now do you want me to pick you up or?”

“I’ll meet you at your place, Alec can drop me off right hun?”

I had to grit my teeth and bit hard on my lip as she called him endearments. Of course he was there with her, he was hers.

A mumble response in the background before Sarah replied “can’t wait!” Then she hung up.

Fuck.

I shouldn’t be allowed to make choices anymore.

It wasn’t long before I pulled into the driveway and walked into the house. I stopped short at the fragrance of my favorite flowers flowed around me. On the small kitchen table sat twenty four roses, twelve were pink and twelve were white. I couldn’t wipe the grin from my face as I walked over and inhaled their beautiful scent.

A small white card was placed between two prongs on a plastic clear card holder.
“One day I’ll be there when you wake up”

My palms went clammy and my stomach turned. I began to feel the build up of tears and had to force it down. I couldn’t cry now, not with Sarah coming over. She’d give me a never ending stream of questions that I couldn’t and didn’t want to answer.

A pair of headlights flashed across the dark living room and I practically skipped to the door, looking out the small glass window within the door I watched as Alec got out from his car and opened Sarah’s door.

I shouldn’t watch, but I couldn’t seem to tear myself away.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him, he pulled her close and kissed her full on the mouth even I could see the kiss was deep and meaningful.

He loves her.

But I knew that, it just hurts seeing it up close.

I opened the front door and smiled at Sarah, I couldn’t look at him though.
“Hey girl!” She grabbed her purse from the car and strode through the door.

“Cassandra can I talk to you for a minute?” I hated and loved how much of an effect his voice had on me. Nodding softly I looked at Sarah as she made herself at home, turning on the lights, the tv and roaming through my various amounts of movies.

“Be right back ”

“Ok”

I closed the door behind me and walked across the front lawn and stood before him. He was tense and I almost took a step back at the lack of emotion in his eyes.

“Thank you for the flowers” I said trying to lighten the mood. He nodded in response, my throat began to swell. I knew what he was about to say, tears began to build behind my eyes.

“We’re done Cassandra”

My whole world fell apart, I couldn’t breath, tears clouded my vision and I felt sick. He didn’t say that, he couldn’t. He loves me.

But he loves her more, a voice whispered.

“W-why” I choked out.

His eyes gave away nothing, he didn’t respond at all, he simply strode to the drivers side of his car, got in and without one single glance he drove away.

I almost dropped to my knees but the thought of Sarah watching stopped me.

My mind was numb and blank.

The whole night she raved about Alec and her new job and the big move that was four weeks away.

I sat there still as stone smiling weakly trying my best to put on a happy facade.
When she finally left hours later I crawled into bed and lost it.

Tears ran down my cheeks soaking into my pillow, the area beside me that still smelt like him teased me and only made me cry harder.

Why would he do this to me?!

We could never go back to being best friends, this was it.

My large comforter was wrapped around me encasing me like a taco and I fell asleep with a clogged nose and fresh tears still streaking from my face.





I called in sick the next two days. I couldn’t face anybody. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t even close my eyes without seeing those emotionless eyes as he walked away. Sarah had come by yesterday with soup and a get well card. She was always so sweet.

She told me Alec was acting different, she said he’d been around her more and was more touchy feely. I toned her out after that, I couldn’t listen anymore. To hear that he was doing better with her chipped another piece of my broken heart off.

The third day I was surprised at a knock on the door.

Dressed simple pajamas, purple and blue checkered shorts and a black tank top I wrapped myself in a soft blanket and trudged my way to the front door.

Brian stood on the other side holding a stack of movies and more soup.

I wasn’t sure I could eat anymore soup, but the gesture was sweet.

Smiling softly for the first time in two days I opened the door wider and let him in.
“You look like shit” he commented his eyes roaming me from head to toe, “and yet your still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen”
I blushed and wished to god that I could feel something for him.

My heart was stupid, it made stupid decisions... such as who it chose to beat for.

“Thanks” i said sarcastically.

“Mom said you sounded terrible on the phone, I thought you didn’t want to come in because I asked you out and you felt awkward” he chuckled nervously while palming the back of his neck.

“Brian I would have come in regardless of it being awkward but...”

“But... you don’t feel that way towards me” he finished eyeing me sadly.

I let out the breath I’d been holding, “Yea, I’m so sorry, I wish I could I really do your really great”

“So what prompted you to agree to go on a date with me?” Luckily he didn’t seem mad,at least not yet. He seemed curious.

“Well i was kind of distracted, the guy I liked happened to pull up as we were talking and he took one look at us and got mad. I didn’t really hear your proposal for the date I just agreed to whatever you’d said because I felt bad for not listening to you”

“Oh” he said sinking down onto the couch, hesitantly I sat beside him.

“I’m sorry Brian”

“It’s ok, I’ve kind of always had this impression you’ve seen me only as a friend” he was taking this really well.

“Yea sorta” I said picking a piece of fake lint off the couch.

“So your not sick then?” He asked, he seemed relaxed no longer nervous.

“No, just heartbroken” I laughed humorlessly casting my eyes to the flowers that still sat on my table. I couldn’t bear to throw them out.

His eyes followed mine and he frowned.
“Those from him?” He asked nodding towards my roses.

“Yea” I murmured.

“It’s not going to do you any good with them staring at you as a reminder” he said.

" I know I just can’t stand to part with them yet”

He stood up suddenly and looked down at me before holding out his hand, ” let’s get out of here we’ll get dinner and come back watch a movie and by the end of the night maybe I can convince you to toss them”

That wouldn’t be such a bad idea would it?

Agreeing, I took his hand and stood, “ok but-”

“This is not a date” he said reading my mind, “just two friends having dinner, I swear scoots honor” he even held up the boy scot sign with his hand. I laughed, feeling a little better.

“Ok let me get dressed”

I opted for my red sun dress and white flats, i brushed my hair and let it flow behind me in waves.

I walked out into the living room and Brian’s eyes nearly fell from their sockets, he whistled softly “wow you look amazing”

“Thank you” I grinned, “so where are we going?”

“How’s Charlie’s sound?” He asked opening the front door for me as I grabbed my purse.

“Perfect” I was ready for some good steak. They always cooked it to perfection.

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